Unraveled (23 page)

I finally
let out a soft laugh at his insistence and gingerly ease up by his uninjured side.
His arm instantly wraps around me and I look up and meet his gaze. “Why did you
leave work? For all you knew, I was really sick.”

“I had a bad
feeling. I'm glad I listened to it.”

“Me too.”

Things were
hectic thereafter. As soon as the media got wind of the story, we had reporters
camped out in the street. With Tate being a cop, it was easy to keep them at
bay. Even though I'd had a hand in the robbery that took one of their own, the
police department supported Tate, and in turn—me.

To make a
long story short, I was charged with accessory and there was a formal hearing.
Bryant shared with the court my abusive past with my aunt and uncle, my
self-mutilation addiction, my drug use with Cole and the abuse I suffered at
Cole's hand. The last was easy to prove since my brother had gone behind my
back at the time and secretly documented the incident himself. He'd even taken
pictures of my battered face and ribs while I'd been sedated on those strong
pain killers Marley had suggested I take.

Bryant had
me looking like an already messed up teenage girl when I'd moved here (which
was true, I admit) and that I'd been suffering from the effects of past abuse
when I'd been seduced into the wrong crowd. All my past secrets became public
record but if it helped my case, I was now okay with the world knowing.

With no
prior offenses, the judge was more lenient than I expected. I was ordered to
rehab and after that I would have five hundred hours of community service and
would be on probation for two years. There was a part of me that felt guilty
that I'd gotten off so easy while the other part of me is relieved. I don't
think I could have survived prison.

It's now a
relief to me that everything is out in the open. There are no more secrets to
hide. Do I wish things had turned out differently? Yes. Do I regret meeting
Cole? In some ways. But in reality, he taught me all about the kind of person I
didn't want to be. He made me look at myself and realize that the twisted girl
he desired, was not the girl I wanted to be.

I want to be
the girl that pulls her life together. I want to be the girl that moves
forward, regardless of her past mistakes.

Tate puts
his truck in park and I swear my heart is going to beat its way out of my
chest. I lean forward in my seat and gaze out through the windshield at the
tall formidable building we are parked in front of. The architecture actually
resembled a hotel rather than a rehabilitation center. The landscaping is full
of green grass and shrubbery with a few flowers scattered around, giving the
building a welcoming appearance. As I bite my lip and study what would become
my home for however many months was needed, I feel nervous flutters in my
stomach.

Okay, so
maybe it doesn't look as bad as I thought it would, but I had yet to step
through those glass doors under the overhang.

Tate glances
at me from where I sit between him and Noah. “Remember, this place has a small
pond and a garden on the property. When you need the escape, go for a walk.”

I nod.

A hand
gently squeezes my shoulder and I turn and look at Noah. His eyes are
reassuring before he opens his car door and climbs out.

Since Tate
is climbing out as well, I have no choice but to get out of the car and face
the future ahead of me. Once my feet touch the blacktop, my body turns and I
stare at the building before me with a measure of uncertainty. This was a fear
of mine that I was about to face. I
knew
I needed it and quite frankly,
I didn't have a choice in it since it was court ordered. But I've decided I
want to walk in there on my own rather than feeling forced into it. I need to
find a way to embrace this new chapter in my life and know that it will make me
a better person in the end.

Tate walks
over to stand beside me and I glance at him. “I love you and just remember that
we are only two hours away. You may be alone at the facility but you aren't
truly alone,” he says firmly.

A smile
curves my lips. I couldn't have asked for a more supportive brother and through
this whole ordeal, he's been right there, never faltering when things turned
difficult.

Noah sets my
suitcase down near me and pulls me into his arms. I hug him tightly, never
wanting to let him go. As I press my cheek against his chest, I inhale deeply,
savoring his masculine scent. He didn't know it yet, but I'd stolen one of his
shirts out of his hamper and packed it away. Yeah, it was kind of gross to
bring a man's dirty shirt with you, but considering his cologne scent was all
over it, I knew it would bring me comfort when the days were tough.

I pull back
and look at him almost anxiously. “I'm nervous.”

“Don't be.
They aren't here to hurt you, they are here to help.”

I nod.

He tucks a strand
of my hair behind my ear, his eyes tender. “When you get the chance, write us
letters on the days we can't come to visit. Let us know how you're doing.”

“Okay.”

He holds my
gaze steadily. “I'm not going anywhere, Blayre. I'll be waiting for you. I love
you.”

“I love you,
too,” I whisper as I say the words for the very first time ever. I had yet to
even return the words to my own brother.

Noah's brown
eyes widen slightly and then he grins hugely before he pulls me up against his
chest and kisses me senseless. I'm eager to return it since this is the last
time I will likely get to do this until I am released from the rehabilitation
center.

Tate clears
his throat with irritation from behind us. “C'mon, keep it PG-13 around me.
You've got a life time to do that shit.”

I can't help
but laugh as I pull back and gaze up at Noah. Tate was right. I had a life time
ahead of me. All I had to do was reach out and take it. I also knew Noah would
still be there when I leave this place. We'd had a long talk earlier and once
I'm done with rehab, we were going to slow things down and do it right. That
meant real dates and doing normal things boyfriends and girlfriends do.

I'm looking
forward to it.

My gaze
skitters to Tate and he nods at me, letting me know it's time to take that last
step and move forward with my life. With a soft sigh, I back away from Noah and
pick up my suitcase. My head turns and I stare at the glass doors nervously
where I can see a sharply dressed woman standing there, waiting for me.

Neither Tate
nor Noah say anything. It is up to me to walk up to those doors and finally
take control of my life. I glance back at them and swallow the lump in my
throat. “Thank you for never giving up on me.”

“You're not
alone anymore, sis. We're here to stay,” Tate says simply.

Slowly, I
smile before I turn and begin to walk towards the glass doors, my suitcase
rolling over cracks on the cement as I finally face one of my biggest fears. I
pause near the door and take a deep breath before reaching out to pull it open.

The court
may have ordered me to come here, but I was now willingly walking through the
doors—ready and willing to embrace my new life. It was time to leave the past
where it belongs.

In the past.

Today is
a new day. It's another day at rehab of course, but every day brings me one
step closer to my new life out in the real world. It's been over three months
since I walked through the front doors of this building.

Dr.
Kinney thinks I have maybe four more weeks to go before I am officially
released. Of course, that all depends on my progress. It's been a very long
three months and the beginning was pretty tough.

As of
today, it has been seven weeks since I tried to harm myself. I've come a long
ways since the days I couldn't go a week without feeling the rush of cutting or
harming. Group therapy and one on one counseling with Dr. Kinney has really
helped. In the beginning I hated it and pissed off a lot of people with my
mouthiness. But now...I feel like I can finally breathe. Everything that was
once twisted up inside me has begun to unravel. I am finally getting a grasp on
my addiction and therapy is helping me deal with the years of abuse I suffered
at the hands of my aunt and uncle. The very thing that used to scare me about
therapy, has helped me begin to become the person that I eventually want to be.

I am
excited when the day comes and I leave rehab behind. I haven't seen my brother
or Noah since they dropped me off three months ago. That has been my decision,
not Dr. Kinney's or the staff. I've realized now that I need to do this
completely on my own. Of course, the first four weeks of not having a choice in
the matter helped. Dr. Kinney felt it was better for my mental state if I had
no contact whatsoever with my brother and Noah.

Yeah,
that didn't go over real well at the time and I'm quite sure Tate gave the
facility hell. After the four weeks were up, I started writing letters to them
and denied any requests for visitation. If I could go the first four weeks
without them, then I could finish out my rehabilitation on my own. Like it
should be.

Besides,
writing has been cathartic for me. In letters, I feel freer to share my
thoughts with them. I miss them, but I know that they'll be standing right
outside when I step out those doors when I leave.

I look
forward to going home. I have every intention of getting my GED through on-line
courses. I am going to graduate high school and after that...who knows. I'm
going to take it one day at a time.

Would my
life be perfect once I'm out of rehab? Far from it. There were going to be
setbacks and Dr. Kinney warned me of this. That's the reality of life. There
will be days I crave the rush of cutting when I feel overwhelmed. Will I
succumb? No. I may have years ahead of me of counseling, but I am going to beat
this addiction.

For the
first time in my life, I have a future to look forward to and I won't let
anything stand in my way.

I would like
to thank Jess Fuchs for allowing me to showcase her poetry and quotes in the
Twisted series. She also graciously agreed to appear on both book covers.

I would also
like to thank Jennifer Knoll, who is my critique partner and editor. I
appreciate the time you've put into my books and the feedback and advice you
have given me. Without you, there probably would not be a Twisted series!

To those of
you who supported me from day one up to the day I published these books, thank
you! You know who you are.

Lastly, a
huge thanks goes out to those of you who took a chance on a new author and
followed Blayre's journey. I hope you enjoyed her story.

Dani
Matthews