Unraveling (26 page)

Jared. Naked. Wet.

My cheeks flamed and I wanted to crawl in a hole. Even before things went sour with Preston, I’d
never
had thoughts like this about him.

Jared opened his dresser door and grabbed some clothes
. He flashed me a knowing smile and headed down the hall to the shower.

I made his bed and got dressed for the day. I’d have to take my shower later, there was no way I could go in there now, after my dirty thoughts.

I could hear Karlie getting ready in her room, so I decided to make breakfast, albeit awkwardly thanks to my cast.

I suddenly stopped on the bottom step.

I’d never read what Jared had written.

I spotted Karlie’s message first.

Feel Better!

Love, Karlie

Below that, I saw what Jared had written and my heart faltered.

Kitte
n
,

Yo
u’
re my worl
d
.

My on
e
.

My onl
y
.

Your scars are my scar
s.
Your pain is my pai
n.
But together we can heal eachothe
r
because love can heal anythin
g
.

-
Jared

Most people probably wouldn’t have been affected by those words, like I was. But I wasn’t most people. I clung to those words like a lifeline.

I finally made it to the kitchen and started breakfast. It took me a little while to locate everything, but not too long since the kitchen was so small.

I
made each of us an egg sandwich and had just finished putting everything on the table when Jared and Karlie came downstairs.

“Something smells delicious,” Jared grinned.
“You didn’t need to make breakfast, Katy.”

“I wanted to,” I said, sitting down next to Karlie.

“This looks delicious,” Karlie said with a smile.

“I was –uh- wondering what your plans for the day were?” I asked Jared.

“I planned to stay here with you,” Jared said. “Dan’s going to be pissed at me for not training but I don’t care. I have to take care of my girl,” he crossed his arms on top of the table and leaned towards me.

Karlie giggled and I sat there like an idiot.

Finally, I mumbled, “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“I know you don’t,” he said, and I nearly drowned in those chocolate eyes. “But I want to take care of you. Is there anything you want to do today?” he asked before taking a huge bite of
his sandwich.

“I need to get a new car. I was hoping to go by the Cadillac dealership,” I sat back, suddenly not very hungry.

“This is really good,” Jared pointed to the sandwich, “and yeah, I can do that. Are you getting the same car?” he asked.

“Yeah, I guess. I’d be happy with a used car, or one not quite as fancy, but if I ever go back home, or run into my mom, she’d notice if I had a different car.” I played with the condensation on the outside my water glass
of water in order to avoid the intense brown eyes boring into me.

“Ah, I see,” Jared, said.

“It sucks having your life ruled by someone else,” I whispered.

“Then why do you let her? She’s not here, Katy. Why do you let her have her claws in you?” Jared tilted his head as he questioned me.

“Fear,” I answered simply.

Fear had steered the course of my life since I was a child. I had always been afraid of my mom. She’d never laid a hand on me… except for the time she’d slapped me when I told her about Preston raping me, but she was a yeller. If something didn’t fit into
her perfect plan, she got loud and blamed her mistakes on someone else, usually me. It sucked being the fall guy, but I’d grown used to it.

I wanted her to love me, so I always did what she told me to. I tried so hard to be perfect, always doing things that made me unhappy, in order to be what she wanted.

My fear of her, of what she’d think of me, had completely changed me as a person. I wasn’t the outgoing, bubbly cheerleader she knew; I was shy, quiet, Katy Spencer. Maybe parts of my old self were a part of me now, but most of them were a lie. Even though I sometimes longed to be that girl again, I knew deep down, that I was better off as I am now.

Despite knowing that I’m better off, something inside me still wanted her approval, her
love
.

I sniffled and Jared said, “Katy?”

I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold the tears back and I took off like a bullet.

I bound up the stairs and into Jared’s room.

I sunk to my knees on the floor and buried my face in my hands while I sobbed.

Strong arms wrapped around me and the scent of
citrus invaded my lungs.

“Please don’t hold me,” I choked. “I don’t deserve to be held.”

“You do, Katy,” he whispered gruffly in my ear. “You deserve everything.”

The fight left me and I fell back into his arms
, against his hard chest.

“What’s going on in that mind of yours?” he asked. “Why are you upset? What did I say? Tell me so I can fix it, kitten.” When he spoke, his lips brushed against my tear stained cheeks.

“The truth is, Jared, that I was broken a long time before Preston raped me,” a sob shuddered through my body.

I felt his lips brush against the side of my cheek. “Katy,” he whispered, at a loss for words.

“I’ve always been her puppet, Jared. How am I supposed to know who I really am?  I wasn’t
really
the girl I was before Preston raped me and I’m not this girl I am now,” I hiccupped.

Jared sat down on the floor and pulled me more fully against him. I tried not to wiggle away.

“Katy,” he said, brushing my hair back. “You are whoever you want to be.”

I shook my head. “But I don’t know
who I want to be.”

“How about you start by just being Katy? Do you think you can do that?” his voice was husky.

I nodded. “I can do that.”

“From this moment on,” his fingers grazed my neck and I jumped, “you aren’t
old Katy
or
new Katy
. You’re just… Katy.”

I pulled out of his arms and stood up. I wrapped my arms around myself and said, “Yeah… just Katy.”

~***~

Jared went back downstairs with Karlie, giving me time to compose myself.

I picked up my phone and saw a missed call from Sharon’s office.

Crap.

I smacked my forehead with my good hand and hit redial.

The person on the other end came on with their standard greeting.

“Hi, this is Katy Spencer. I missed my appointment with Sharon, yesterday,” I paced across the length of Jared’s bedroom.

“Oh, yes. Would you like to reschedule?” the woman asked.

“Do I need to?” I asked, halting my pacing.

“There’s no need, unless you want to,” she said in a pleasant voice. I’m pretty sure she probably went home and practiced it. No one sounded that sweet.

“I’ll just see her next week… but can you tell her that I’m okay and she doesn’t need to worry?” I asked.

“Of course,
” the woman said before I hung up.

I tossed my phone on Jared’s bed and quickly followed suit. I stared up at the smooth white ceiling, looking for any kind of imperfection. I was full of them, but I couldn’t find any on the ceiling.

Preston had been the tipping point, but I’d already been cracking before he raped me, he’s just what shattered me completely.

“Hey,” Jared said softly.

I sat up to see him standing in the doorway. He leaned against the doorjamb, his arms, causing his shirt to tighten over his lean chest.

“You okay?” he asked. “You look like you’re still upset.”

“I’m fine,” I said, lying back down.

I heard his footsteps across the room and then the pressure of the bed going down as he lay next to me.

“What are you looking at?” he asked quizzically.

“The ceiling.”

He chuckled and warm tingles swam through my body at the sound. “I can see that, but why?”

I shrugged. “Looking for answers… something to prove to me that not everything is perfect.”

Jared snorted. “
Nothing
is perfect.” Some time passed before he raised himself up on his elbow to look at me. “What’s with your fixation with perfection? Of all people, you should know that no one is perfect. Perfection, is impossible… although,” he leaned close to me, brushing his thumb across my bottom lip, “these lips come pretty close.”

I let out a nervous laugh and Jared pulled away.

“I guess… most of the time, my life seems to be in constant chaos, while everyone else’s is smooth sailing,” I mumbled.

Jared chuckled. “Nothing, no one, and no life, is perfect, Katy. You k
now that. Everyone has problems but most people never open up about them. They tuck their problems away into neat little boxes and pretend they don’t exist.”

I forgot about the ceiling
and rolled onto my side. I cupped my hands under my head and eyed Jared. “That’s what you do… it’s what I used to do. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to keep pretending it didn’t happen.”

Jared smiled. “Kitten, we both crossed that bridge when we told each other. We stopped filing it away. The truth is out t
here now, between the two of us and that can’t be undone. I had a shitty childhood. You had a shitty childhood. I was raped. You were raped.”

“How are you always so calm about it?” I asked.

Jared shrugged. “I’m older than you and I was younger when it happened. I’ve had a long time to come to terms with it. Not many people know the truth…” He paused, considering something. “Just me, you, and Dan.”

“That’s it?” I had just assumed that Patsy and Holden knew as well.

“Yep,” Jared nodded. “I don’t tell people, because it’s not exactly the kind of thing you tell just anyone,” he rubbed his face. “Dan pried it out of me and I swore him to secrecy. I know it would break Patsy’s heart if she… if she knew the truth. I mean, she knows about the beatings, but not the… other thing. I know Holden could handle the truth, but he doesn’t need to know. As for Karlie, she’s only sixteen and she believes in the good of the world, if I told her the whole truth, it would shatter that image. Knowing that I was abused and that our mother was murdered is enough. She doesn’t need to know what else was done to me.”

“Why tell me? Deal or no deal, you didn’t have to tell me.” I watched his chest rise and fall as he took a deep breath.

“Katy, I’ve told you before. You’re special and I don’t want any lies or demons in the closet, between us. I want everything in our relationship to be based on the truth. I want you to know everything about me. How about we use today to further our ‘get to know’ session? Would that be good?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

He grinned crookedly. “Forget about getting a car today,” he said, hopping up from the bed. “Let’s be spontaneous.”

25

“Where are we going?”
I asked Jared, with a mystified tone to my voice.

“Spontaneity, Katy. I have no idea, that’s the point of this. If we see somewhere we want to stop,
we’ll stop. Until then, we just drive,” he shrugged.

I settled back into the seat and watched the streets flashing by.

“What about Karlie? Will we be back before she gets home?”

Jared rubbed his chin. “Katy, chill, okay? Karlie’s
sixteen years old, she’ll be fine.” He glanced at me and winked.

“Is this like a road trip?”

“No,” he shook his head, “a road trip would mean we’d be gone for a while. This is just for today. We’ll be back home tonight. I’m not kidnapping you,” he peeked over at me. “Stop biting your finger.”

“Sorry, nervous habit,” I blushed, dropping my hand to my lap.

“I’ll add that to the list,” he chuckled, making a right turn.

“What list?” my voice came out all panicky. List for reasons why I was crazy?

He grinned at my reaction. “I’m just filing away things I learn about you.”

“Oh.” That wasn’t so bad.

“Did you ever have a pet growing up?” he asked.

“No,” I snorted. “My mom would have been afraid it might destroy her precious floors. Did you?”

“Dan and Patsy had a dog, it was some kind of mutt, but she was the sweetest thing ever. If you could have a pet, what would it be?” He asked, turning the volume on the radio down.

I thought for a moment. “A cat. I’ve always wanted a little gray c
at. They’re so cute and fluffy.”