Unspoken (21 page)

There was some other time that I broke down crying when I heard a random Katy Perry song at work and some other time when I tried to organize the pantry at my place and remembered all the times we had assaulted that pantry as teenagers and all the times we’d taken the time to explore our bodies in there.

Jackson was indeed in every step I gave but I was improving in the way that every day that it passed it hurt a little less. It mattered, a lot, but it didn’t send me on the floor crying like a hopeless fool.

It was on day 45 that Alexa came into the kitchen while I was in the middle of a baking session. Cupcakes, of course. I hadn’t been able to bake anything else since he left, since I made him leave.

“Marion,” she said taking an earphone out of my ear “someone’s looking for you,” she said with a wide smile. I didn’t know what smiles were anymore. They seemed so alien to me. I think I gave pretty fake smiles to everyone around me.

“Who?” I said with my eyes glued to the chocolate frosting I was applying to my red velvet cupcake.

“Go out and see for yourself,” she seemed excited

“Whoever it is, tell them I am busy,” I actually took the damn cupcake and gave a big bite off of it. I had no idea how it was that I hadn’t doubled my weight in the past 45 days with the amount of cupcakes I was eating. Maybe it was that I ONLY ate cupcakes.

“Really? You are sending me away?” I turned around to find Leonard leaning against the kitchen door. He wasn’t wearing a suit, he wasn’t on his way to work. I felt a ghost of a smile appear on my face.

“Go,” said Alexa taking the cupcake out of my hands and wiping my mouth with my own apron. It seemed that I had frosting in my face. It was common for me those days.

“C’mon, babe, let’s take a walk,” he said extending his hand to me. I grabbed it and left the bakery with him.

“Where are we going?” I asked him. I felt so small.

“The beach,” he showed me a bag “Alexa made us lunch,” he smiled and I nodded. I just hoped Alexa wasn’t expecting me to go back to Leonard because that wouldn’t happen. I was never, ever, going to be in a relationship again.

“Here,” he said as he placed the food Alexa had packed on a cloth in the sand. It was mid-Frebruary and the wind was still mean as fuck but Leonard had brought my jacket with him and a couple of blankets in case we needed them.

“What are you having?” he asked as I looked at everything that was in front of me. I immediately lounged for the cupcakes that Alexa had sent. I guess we had too many.

“Cupcakes,” he nodded and grabbed some grapes “wine?” he asked me and I nodded. “So, are you preparing already for the national contest?” He asked as he poured the wine.

“I don’t think I’m doing that anymore,” I shook my head. It was obvious that I could bake cupcakes I just didn’t feel like doing it.

“Hmm I see, Jackson leaves and you stop
living
,” I looked at surprised “Alexa told me,” he said smiling.

“What did she tell you?” I asked confused. Did he know that I had been in love with Jackson the whole time I was with him?

“Everything,” he said cutting some cheese and placing them on crackers.

“Everything?” was he angry?

“I came looking for you the day after the ball,” one of the thousands of pieces of my broken heart reacted to that, the memory, the pain “you weren’t here and she was worried about you. She told me everything,” I just nodded.

“It didn’t surprised me one bit,” he said smiling at me.

“It didn’t,” what was I suppose to do. I wasn’t a very talkative person anyomore in the first place.

“I agree with Alexa, you should let Jackson explain himself,” I shook my head.
No, that’d hurt too much
“but if you don’t want to I respect that,” good. I nodded.

“However, Marion,” he looked stern and ready to give me a lecture “you don’t get to check out. You have a life, you’ve worked half of your life towards this and all of a sudden you decide that you are done trying?” he seemed offended by it all “worst of all, you check out because a decision you made? That’s the worst kind of cowardice I’ve seen,” wow. I’m sure my eyes are wide as plates.

“Why do you care?” I shrugged.

“I care, Marion, we are friends aren’t we?”

“Yes, we are,” I said looking down at my playful hands on my lap.

“Then,” he raised my face with his finger “grab your balls, make an effort, go on,” He was right I was doing this all to myself and I was a fucking pussy for allowing this.

“Yes,” I said with resolution,

“Good,” he put a piece of cheese in his mouth.

“Aren’t you mad that I had all those feelings for him while being with you?” I was curious and felt guilty as hell.

“No,” he stared at the ocean, “not really,” he shrugged “I knew he was in love with you, I knew that you felt something for him, he was especial for you,” he finally looked at me “I just wish you were together,” It was my turn to stare at the ocean.

“Would you have sex with me?” I asked out of nowhere. I was dying to feel something, anything.

“No,” what?

“Really?” I turned to look at him amused by his answer “you are rejecting me?”

“If I ever have sex with you, Marion, and believe me I would love to because we were really good at that, I have to be sure that you are out of this funk and that you’ve come to terms with the fact that Jackson is gone,” he grabbed my hand “I don’t want to be an excuse for you to forget what you are going through now,”

“Ok,” I said nodding.

“Ok,” he repeated.

The day 45 was the day that I stopped counting the days and was the day that I looked forward to something. The contest. I prepped for it by doing tons of different designs that would work with the different categories I would enter. I didn’t need practice on making cupcakes since I had made approximately a thousand of them in the past.

To my utter surprise Leonard took a couple of free days to help with the preparations but mostly with the paperwork that I hadn’t prepared to enter the contest. Since it was a bit more formal than a fair contest there were a few arrangement that needed to be made. I had practically two weeks to get everything ready and Leonard took that part off of my shoulders. It was quite refreshing to have him as a friend and it was great the time we spent talking about everything. I was thankful that having a quasi-relationship hadn’t gotten in the way of having a friendship.

There were several categories that I had to enter in order to be in the run for the cupcake shop price. I chose three of the must enter categories and one of the optional ones. Each category had to have at least 3 different cupcakes and the optional category could have just the one. I had to make at least 10 cupcakes in each category for the judges and some extra ones for the attendants. In total I had to make at least one hundred cupcakes and if I hadn’t been so in touch with my cupcake maker I would be worried but I wasn’t. I could do it.

“are you nervous?” asked Alexa as she helped me to make frosting.

“A little,” I said cutting some fondant. I has closed the bakery to the public for the day because I needed the help of everyone I knew if I wanted to finish the cupcakes for the next day.

“You’ve won every contest you’ve enter,” said Connor as he prepared cupcake holders. On of the broken heart pieces reacted to that. Jackson had planned the whole cupcake tour.

“I know, this is more professional though,” I shrugged and every one went on giving me a pep talk and assuring me that I was going to win. I was thankful that everyone was helping me to get there. Everyone but Lauren and Leonard. Laure spend more time eating the ingredients and Leonard was working but he was meeting us all the day after.

At the end of the day I contemplated my creations. There they were one hundred cupcakes. All it took 18 hours and 5 people working to get there. I couldn’t help but feel something tugging at my chest. Jackson wasn’t here and it all seemed so pointless without him. I knew I had made myself understand that life went on but I had also accepted that Jackson would always be with me because he was a part of me.

I took a second look at the cupcakes and silently hoped that Connor would send the pictures to Jackson. I knew were in touch, I knew Connor let him know about everything. Connor had tried to talk about Jackson but I always said no. I truly hoped he got to see the end result of what he began. It was only fair.

I double checked everything was protected and ready for the next day and went home. I needed to rest because it was going to be a long day.

“Ok, stop, stop,” Alexa said to me “You need to breath,” she said holding my hands. We were finally at the fucking park where the contest was being held. The weather was getting warmer and I guess everyone thought that a park was the perfect place to held the contest. It wasn’t there was still wind and it was blowing everything on the tables. I was so thankful that Connor had all kinds of construction materials because of his job and was able to bring, in short notice, a tent for my stand.

“I’m sorry,” I said trying to breath “it’s just…” I said looking around “have you seen the other cupcakes?” I raised my eyebrows.

“yes,” said Alexa who was already in the
Bake it off!
attire we’d made. White shirt, black pants and our brand new aprons with
Bake it off!
written in them, of course they had a cute cupcake “and I still think you have big chance of winning this thing,”

“You think?” I asked.

“Yes, now get to work,” she slapped me in the ass and I went on to decorate the tables where I was presenting the cupcakes.

The first important category I entered was alcoholic cucpcakes, go figure. The first one was a Mojito Cupcake. Pretty simple looking, white bread, white frosting and a peppermint leave on top. The taste of it was nothing but simple.

The second cupcake in this category was Mimosa cupcake. Classy looking cupcake, white bread, white frosting and a tiny piece of dehydrated orange.

Third cupcake was Strawberry Margarita Cupcake. White bread, pink frosting and a slice of strawberry and lime.

They all looked classy and a bit simple because the main attraction was the flavor. We had all ended up with a buzz after baking those.

The second important category I entered where candy cupcakes. The cupcakes were so colorful and I was pretty proud of them.

The first was Cotton Candy Cupcake. White bread, Rainbow frosting in pastel colors and on the very top some miniature cotton candy in a stick.

Second cupcake was Candy Corn Cupcake. Brown bread, orange, yellow and white frosting. They actually looked like candy corn.

Third. Reese’s cupcakes. Chocolate bread. Peanut Butter frosting, chocolate sprinkles and reese’s butter cup at the top with frosting on it. It looked beautifully fattening.

The last important category I entered was the most difficult one: Gourmet Cupcakes.

First cupcake was White Chocolate Raspberry Champagne. It sounded complicated, it was but quite subtle to the taste. It was all white with a golden wrap. Extremely elegant.

Second. Greek Yoghurt Chocolate Fudge. Again complicated but amazing tasting. All chocolate. No extra detail just the cupcake and frosting.

Third. Chocolate Peppermint Cupcakes. Chocolate bread, white frosting with chocolate syrup on it and miniature chocolate macaroon in it.

I placed all the cards describing the cupcakes and it’s category. Leaving at the very end of the table the optional one. It wasn’t important, really but I’ve made it for personal reasons. The people began to fill the place and my anxiety was reaching new levels.

“You are ready,” Leonard told me holding my hands “no matter the results you need to know that you are brave enough to go on with your life even though you’d decided it was over,” I nod and hug him

“thank you so much, Leonard,” He just smiled and left me to take a deep breaths before facing the judges. Leonard and Connor were on PR mode giving flyers for Bake it off! while Alexa, Lauren and me were dressed in our aprons behind the tables. Alexa and Lauren talking to the attendants while I waited for the judges.

It wasn’t long until we saw a tiny cluster of people walking as a group. The judges. Ten of them. Ready to taste my cupcakes. I felt that all the blood was drained from my body but I still got the bull by the balls and plastered one of my fake smiles on my face.

Each and every judge tasted a piece of every cupcake on every category. They all made uhhs and ahhs and their fair share of raised eyebrows but that was that. As soon as they left I grabbed a margarita cupcake and stuffed it in my mouth to calm the anxiety. The results would be given at the end of the day.

After the judges finished judging the attendants were allowed to taste the cupcakes and that’s when the real hard work began. The stands with people entering the important categories, like mine, were the crowded ones. There was a long line and I couldn’t even look up from the table as I just listened to people asking for the cupcake they wanted. I had the brilliant idea of packing their cupcakes on a tiny to go box and that made like longer than we needed. But it looked pretty and might give me clients later.