Unstoppable (Fierce) (20 page)

My eyes flew wide. “What?”

She placed the now empty bowl on the night stand before she showed me the scars cut into her arms and legs, bared by the baby doll pajamas she wore. The low light hid them well, but she knew every single one by heart and pointed them out to me. She even lifted her top to show me the lines against her tummy.

These were all scars she could easily hide with clothes. I had the sneaking suspicion that if she had stripped naked in front of me, I could see the extent of the damage.

“Why did you cut yourself, Shelby?”

She shrugged. “Sometimes things hurt so much in here,” she said as she pointed to her chest, “that it is a relief to feel pain elsewhere. Like hitting your hand with a hammer to forget stubbing your toe. At least, that’s what they tried to tell me in the hospital.”

Her red-rimmed eyes met mine. “I just felt so ugly, Jay. I wanted to make myself as ugly as I felt.”

I placed my own bowl on the other nightstand. She was crying in earnest by the time I pulled her into my arms. “You’re not ugly, Shelby. You’re one of the most beautiful women I know.”

She nodded. “That’s the problem,” she wailed. “I don’t want to be beautiful. Beautiful hurts, Jordi.”

It made me think about being a beautiful child… and how that had attracted Shane. “I know,” I said, and took her into my confidence as well. “I wasn’t always fat. I was a thin child… until my dad’s best friend forced himself on me.”

Her eyes widened. “What?”

I told her the whole sordid tale, including the ill-fated camping trip where my father had been killed by my abuser in self-defense. I told her what I had told Jace months before, how I thought it was my fault, and how I felt so ugly and tarnished on the inside I used an ugly exterior to protect myself – and the world around me – from ever getting close again.

Shelby sobbed softly into her hands. Finally she managed through tears, “That’s what happened to me.”

It took a few minutes for her to calm down and explain. “My Aunt Hollis lives in this big house on the lake, and I used to love to go visit her every summer
when I was a kid. She always had a revolving door of rich husbands, but her third husband, Brock, was an artist who stayed home most days. He gave me attention, you know? He made me feel special. He would listen when I talked and he always asked questions about my life and my school and my friends. He told me I was beautiful and perfect, and I wanted so desperately to believe it. I was thirteen and I was still fighting off baby fat that seemed to get worse as I filled out. Everyone used to try and get me to lose weight…especially my dad. Brock told me my curves were beautiful and womanly, and that they were all just jealous or intimidated. That’s why I didn’t turn him away when he kissed me that first time. I knew it was wrong, Jordi, especially when he wanted to do more. But I didn’t feel like I could stop him. I thought he wouldn’t love me anymore if I said no… and I really wanted someone to love me.”

I grabbed her hands in mine.
“Oh, Shelby.”

“It happened the first time when
Aunt Hollis was off doing some charity event for the local hospital, and then after that he’d sneak into my room after she’d go to bed at night.” With another soft wail she confessed, “I’m not a virgin, Jordi. I lied about everything. I let him seduce me.”

“He didn’t seduce you,” I corrected. “He raped you.”

She shook her head. “No, it was never anything like that. I never even said no.”

“You were a kid,” I said. “He was an adult.”

“It doesn’t matter,” she said with a wave of her hand, and I knew she wasn’t ready to hear the truth. She already had her truth, even though it had cost her so much already. “He was gone by that following summer. He cheated on Aunt Hollis with some model he had hired and Hollis kicked him to the curb. That’s when I knew I was just one of the things he used, and all his words were nothing but lies to get what he wanted, just like any other boy. After that I swore I’d be perfect. I’d lose weight like Daddy wanted. I’d go to church like Mama wanted. I’d forget all about that summer and just start over. That was the year I did the lemon water detox the first time. I lost so much weight that Daddy finally told me I was budding into a beautiful young woman. Only I knew the truth. I was a fraud. I wasn’t a pure, Christian girl. I was just a whore wearing a mask.”

“Shelby,” I admonished softly. “You’re not a whore. If you had told your family the truth, they probably would have prosecuted him.”

She shook her head. “When Kendra told them she was pregnant, Daddy nearly disowned her. You should have heard the things he said to her.”

I could only imagine. I wanted to tell her that he was just a small-minded asshole, but this was her daddy, and the man whose home I stayed in. “Well, you’re not a whore,” I repeated.
“Even if you did have sex consensually. He was an asshole for using you. You don’t have to shoulder the blame just because you’re the girl.”

“Thanks,” she said, though far from convinced. “You’re the first person I ever told this to,” she said, gripping my hands in hers. “I wanted to tell Jace but I couldn’t stand if he thought I was damaged goods just because I wasn’t a virgin. A
fter all, Amy was his first and only,” she added.

“How do you know that?” I asked.

“He told me about their relationship when we were living back at the mansion. He told me that she was his first. And as far as I know he hasn’t been with anyone else. He’s a southern gentleman. He doesn’t collect notches on his bedpost, even with hordes of groupies throwing themselves at him night after night.”

I nodded. “He is a good man,” I agreed. “That’s why I know he wouldn’t have judged you.” He hadn’t judged me when I confessed my deep, dark secret. Instead, he had helped me see that I wasn’t to blame for my father’s death, which is what I had believed since the age of six. “A real friend doesn’t judge,” was all I said to Shelby. “They understand and they help you through.”

She gave me a grateful smile. “I’m so glad you’re my friend, Jay,” she said. She reached for a hug and I held her close, even though I felt like an enormous shit for all the lies I still harbored. Long after she returned to her bedroom, I lay awake, tossing and turning with all the new information I had been given. She had taken me into her trust. It made the weight of my guilt even heavier.

The next day I met up with Andy at the arena.
On her hip bounced a cheerful baby with dark eyes and dark curls. Renata Carnevale was eight months old and making fans right and left with her big smile and irresistible dimples. Her biggest fan was her father, Vanni, who shut down rehearsal just so he could jump off stage and grab his wife and his daughter into a powerful bear hug.

It made me happy just to be in their midst.

They, likewise, adopted me. After rehearsals they would not take no for an answer to join them at Andy’s grandmother’s house for dinner.

Unlike the Goddard residence, Lydia Foster’s home was modest. But it was tidy and well-loved, from the garden out back to the flowerbed in the front. The petite older woman
with silver hair and a blinding smile took me into a hug from the moment we met, declaring herself my biggest fan.

“I watched every show, honey,” she informed me as she walked me arm and arm into the house. “I voted every week.” She leaned closer, “I know Shelby is the hometown girl, but I was Team Jordi all the way.”

I laughed. “Thank you, Mrs. Foster.”

“It’s Grandma Lydia to you,” she corrected. “I hope you’re hungry,” she said as she led me to her kitchen table. It was another southern feast, this time with fried chicken piled high on a platter next to a big, heaping bowl of mashed potatoes.
“Don’t you be shy,” she instructed as everyone took their place. “No one leaves my table hungry. And you look like you’ve been wasting away.”

I shrugged away the compliment. “The camera adds ten pounds, or so they say.”

“Nonsense,” Lydia sniffed. “There’s nothing wrong with a little meat on our bones. Isn’t that right, Vanni?”

“The first time I came here, she fed me till my stomach bulged,” Vanni informed me with a big smile. “She even made me eat a piece of cake to top it all off.”

“Well, it was your birthday,” Lydia said. “Who doesn’t eat cake on their birthday? Honestly.”

“Best birthday ever,” he grinned
before giving Andy a knowing little wink that made her blush.

Lydia said a little prayer before we dug in.
It didn’t have the pomp and circumstance of Coy Goddard’s prayer. It was more a friendly chit-chat with her neighbor. After that she wanted to know everything about the tour. She filled my plate for me, with generous portions that I knew I should have denied but it looked so good. And I will still feeling deprived from the night before. I pigged out while Vanni regaled Lydia and Andy with tales from the road.

Lydia turned to me. “
How’s your back, hon?” she asked. “I heard you hurt yourself some weeks back.”

“Much better,” I said. “I think I can take over
my songs by Chicago.”

“Why
Chicago?” Vanni wanted to know. “I thought Maggie said you could resume your performances by this weekend.”

I shr
ugged. “Nashville is Shelby’s hometown. I want her to have the spotlight while we’re here.”

Vanni gave me a big smile. “You’re a great friend, Jordi.”

I shrugged it off. I didn’t feel like a good friend. I felt like a louse. Giving her my set seemed like the very least I could do.

Being with Andy, Vanni,
Renata and Lydia did help though. Lydia made Vanni and I perform for her, using her antique piano. After that I held Renata until she fell asleep in my arms, the warm, cuddly body tucked up on my shoulder.

I watched how Andy and Vanni related to each other, in perfect rhythm. She sat next to him, his arm curled possessively around her shoulder, as if she were a part of him. They shared intimate looks and private jokes, and there was just something magical that passed between them. His love for her was evident every time his eyes fell over her, and she seemed so sated with complete joy.

I envied them so.

They all wanted me to stay with them for the night, but I wanted to get back to Shelby. After the revelations from the night before, I wanted to be with my friend to stand strong against her formidable father.

Now I understood why she invited me to stay.

Lydia finally relented, but only after I had a piece o
f her hummingbird cake, bursting with pecans, pineapple and spices, and topped with a decadent cream cheese frosting. I gained about two pounds just looking at it, but Lydia Foster did not take no for an answer. “It’s not her birthday,” Andy chided lovingly.

“It’s somebody’s birthday somewhere,” her feisty grandmother retorted.

After that she made sure we traded contact information so that she could send me care packages. “Can’t have you getting too skinny,” she winked. By the time I walked out the door I felt as though I finally had a grandma of my very own.

T
he surprise was on me when the hired car dropped me off at the Goddard homestead. To my dismay Eddie had joined the festivities, flown in by special request as a surprise to me, courtesy of Shelby, and had joined Shelby’s family for dinner.

“I didn’t want you to lose any time with your husband because of me,” she explained.

“You’re a sweetheart,” Eddie told her as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “I miss my Jordi when she’s gone.”

He made sure Jace was looking on as he bent to kiss me on the mouth.

“So what are your plans for the future, Eddie?” Coy wanted to know. “I personally don’t know if I could allow my wife to support me.”

Eddie rolled right along with the punches. “Well, this isn’t a long-term situation,” Eddie assured. “She’s going to have her time in the sun while it lasts, but we plan on moving back to settle in Iowa.” He turned to me. “Near our families,” he added as his eyes dared me to defy him.

“Family is good,” Coy agreed. “The cornerstone of society. We have to do whatever we can to protect it. You will be having children, I assume.”

Eddie grinned. “As many as the good Lord gives us,” he confirmed.
“Once Jordi tackles her weight problem, of course. That way she’s as healthy as she can be, and the babies are healthier, too.”

I felt the blood rush to my face as I sat there. I couldn’t even look at Jace, but I suspected he was biting back any retort.

“You’re a smart man,” Coy replied. “I’m glad at least someone has their priorities in order.”

I’m sitting right here
, I thought to myself.

“I would think the main priority is a happy mother,” Jace interjected.

Coy leveled a gaze on Jace, increasingly annoyed this vet he had previously respected was squandering all his good will. “A healthy mother is a happy mother,” he said. He then looked at me. “You’re not happy like this, are you?”

Now?
Not even remotely
, I thought to myself. “There are definitely some things I would like to change,” I said as I glanced over at Eddie. “Once this tour is over I’m planning on dumping a lot of dead weight.”

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jace suppress a grin.