Until Harry (25 page)

Layton was right. But could I handle coming home and going back to being just friends with Kale? I didn’t have the answer.

“I’m scared,” I whispered.

My father hunkered down in front of me and pushed loose strands of hair out of my face. “You have to be brave, kid.”

I nodded.

“Can you really see yourself goin’ back ta New York knowin’ everythin’ ye now know?” Nanny asked me.

I envisioned myself going back to New York and falling back into my usual routine while knowing Kale was back home, needing support. I thought about how I’d never receive a phone call, email or Skype invite from my uncle again, and how I’d be on my own whenever I missed him. I wondered if I could deal with only speaking to my family on the phone or over Skype when I felt so loved and supported in their presence. I asked myself one very important question:
Can you go back to feeling hollow and numb?

“No,” I said aloud, answering Nanny’s question, and my own.

My family looked at me, and I saw the hope in their eyes.

“What are you saying, Lane?” my father asked. “Be blunt.”

“I can’t go back – I don’t
want
to go back,” I said, and I knew that when I spoke those words, I truly meant them.

“Lane,” my mother whispered, tears filling her aqua-blue eyes.

I pressed on before the emotion of my decision hit me. “I’m staying here,” I said, and felt the weight of the world fall off my shoulders. “Harry’s house will be my house. I’m moving back here for good. I’m done with being away from you all. Uncle Harry’s passing has shown me that this is where I belong. With you all.
I b
elong at home.”

Multiple arms came around me, and I heard little whimpers of joy and relief that I knew came from my mother. I made sure to hug each of my family members and assured them I was dead serious.
I w
as moving back home.

Holy. Shit.

Roman.
His handsome face was the first to enter my mind.
I di
dn’t know why the urge to speak to him was so great, but it was. There was so much that I had to tell him, and I suddenly couldn’t wait to talk to him.

“Roman,” I breathed when my family released me. “This is all a lot to take in, and I want to talk to my friend.”

“You can use the office next door,” Jeffery offered as he stood up from his desk.

I thanked Jeffery and walked into a large adjoining room that had a few boxes stacked on top of one another. I wasted no time in taking out my phone and dialling Roman’s number.

He answered on the fifth ring.

“Hello?” His voice sounded huskier than usual, and it was then that I remembered it was very early in New York City.

“Sorry, Ro.” I winced. “I forgot about the time difference.
I di
dn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s fine,” he assured me after a long yawn. “I’m glad you called. Are you okay?” I was about to answer, when he suddenly inhaled
sharply. “Shit, sorry,” he breathed. “You just buried your uncle.
O
f
c
ourse
you aren’t okay.”

I sat on a lone chair next to the window across the room. “I’m as well as can be expected, but I didn’t call you to talk about that because I’ll just cry, and I’m so fed up with crying.”

“What did you call about then?” he quizzed.

“I don’t know where to begin,” I said on a groan.

“From the beginning?” Roman suggested. “That’s as good a place as any to start.”

“Kale’s son, Kaden,” I blurted out. “He died when he was ten months old, from cancer.”

“Oh, my
God
.”

“I know.” I swallowed a lump that had formed in my throat. “And Kale made sure I didn’t know about it because he didn’t want me to come home unless it was my choice.”

“Holy shit!”

“Right?” I breathed. “
And
I just found out that my uncle died of a heart condition that he hid from me. I just found out about it. Like Kale, he didn’t want me coming home unless it was my choice.”

“Lane, fucking hell, that is
insane
!” Roman stated. “I thought my family was the only one with deep dark secrets, but yours takes the cake.”

I nodded in agreement. “But on a lighter note . . .”

“Girl, what?” Roman gushed.

“Lochlan is
engage
d
!”

Roman sucked in a huge amount of air. “I’m fucking
devastated
!”

I couldn’t help but giggle. Roman announced his attraction to my brothers when he saw a photo of them on my phone and declared he was only my friend so he could one day meet them.

“The plot thickens,” I said, “because he is engaged to
Ally Day
.”

Silence.

“
Please
tell me there is more than one Ally Day in your town.”

I snorted. “Not that I know of.”

“Dude!”

“I know, I bloody
know
,” I said with a shake of my head. “She told me she was sorry for every mean thing she had ever said to me. I forgave her, but it will be a long time before I can shoot the shit with her, you know?”

“Totally,” Roman quickly said. “I’m proud of you for forgiving her in the first place. I know how much she and that Anna bitch messed with your self-esteem.”

“I’m just happy Layton isn’t secretly dating Anna. I would have exploded altogether.”

Roman laughed, which made me smile. “Are things okay with your family?” he asked.

“They are. I sorted things with my family. We’re all very good.”

“I’m so happy to hear that, babe. I know how much they mean to you and how much it hurt that you rarely spoke.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “That sucked arse.”

Roman chuckled, then said, “Are things with Kale any better?”

My shoulders sagged. “Yes and no.”

“Bitch, explain that,” Roman demanded. “I want to know
everything
.”

“He doesn’t hate me like I feared. He has spoken to me, joked with me, and he took care of me on the day of my uncle’s funeral. He was, as usual, his perfect caring self, but there is an emptiness in him, Ro. I see it in his eyes. I know that sounds crazy, but I can see the difference in them.”

“His son died. I don’t think that kind of pain will ever go away; it will just get easier to bear over time.”

I rubbed my face with my free hand.

“It feels like I’ve been home years instead of just four days.”
I ex
haled. “I’ve learned so much, and it’s draining.”

“Do you feel any better with your newfound knowledge?”
Roman asked.

“Yes and no. It hurt to learn about Kaden and my uncle’s condition, but if I hadn’t been left in the dark, I don’t think I’d have made the decision I did.”

“What decision?” Roman quizzed.

Tell him,
my mind urged.

“I’m staying, Ro,” I whispered.

He cleared his throat. “I had a feeling you would.”

I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at it for a moment. Roman had never given me any inkling that he thought I would ever return to York, so his admission stunned me a little.

“Can you repeat that?” I asked, my eyes wide, when I placed the phone back against my ear.

Roman chuckled. “You’ve been away from home for six years, and while you think you’re pretty good at hiding your feelings,
I ca
n
see
how much you miss your family when you talk about them. Throw in your uncle dying and finding out your best friend’s kid died . . . there’s no way you’re leaving your family – or Kale. You’re home.”

My throat was tight with emotion.

“I just want you to know that I’d have been lost without y
ou. I love y
ou with all of my heart – well, with what’s left of it anyway.”

Roman sniffled. “Shut up. Stop talking like we’re never going to see each other again. We’ll talk all the time on the phone and Skype.”

I nodded even though he couldn’t see me.

“Will you stay in your parents’ house?” Roman asked.

Uncle Harry’s will,
I reminded myself.

“Actually,” I chuckled, “my uncle has sorted my living arrangements for me.”

Roman gasped almost instantly. “You got his house?”

“He left me
everything
,” I emphasised. “His house, his money, his possessions. Everything.”

“Oh, my God,” Roman breathed. “I love your uncle so much for taking care of you.”

I swallowed. “He is still looking out for me.”

“He always will,” Roman stated.

I smiled. “He is sneaky, though. I inherit everything on a condition written in a letter he left me. I haven’t read it yet, but I can only imagine what he wants me to do.”

“Lane, you’ve been in York for four fucking days! How could all this have happened in four days?”

“You know what, Ro?” I laughed. “I’ve been asking myself that exact same question.”

Roman and I laughed and talked for a few more minutes. He assured me he would pack up my apartment and reminded m
e t
o email my landlord about my moving out. When it came time t
o s
ay goodbye, I felt so much better about everything. Roman was a true friend and would be the only thing I would miss about New York.

When we hung up, I re-entered Jeffery’s office. My family and Jeffery were chatting, but when my father spotted me, he crossed the room and stood before me.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

I nodded and gave him a hug. “I’m good, thanks, Dad.”

I pulled back from my father and looked to Jeffery when he called my name. He had a brown envelope extended in my direction. “Here is the letter from your uncle.”

With a shaking hand, I took the letter and thanked Jeffery.
I s
tared down at the envelope and then excused myself from the room so I could go to the bathroom. I suddenly felt a little nauseated – the excitement had got to my nerves – and wanted to be near a toilet in case I threw up. After I splashed my face with water and took a few deep breaths, I entered an empty stall and sat on the closed toilet seat. With quivering hands, I opened the letter my uncle had written to me. I took a couple more deep breaths before I began to read.

Lane,

If you’re reading this letter, it means I’m with my Teresa. Please don’t be sad for me. Know that I’m out of pain and with my love. I’m happy. I’m sorry I never told you about my condition. I didn’t want you to worry or come home out of concern for me. I don’t know exactly when I’m going to kick it, but if the signs my body is showing are anything to go by, I think it will be soon.

Being thousands of miles away hasn’t fixed anything. You need to come home and get some closure. I know that you’re stubborn, though, and only something drastic will bring you home. I think it will be my funeral.

I’ve watched Kale over the last few years, and I’m just going to say it: that man loves you, kid. His face lights up when I talk about you and what you’ve been up to in New York. You make his day, even when you’re not here. I know very well that you still love him too; you wouldn’t be running away if you didn’t.

No more excuses from you, sweetheart. I’ve made sure that when I’m gone you’ll want for nothing. You’ll just have to come home and fix things with Kale. I don’t know what the outcome will be, I don’t know if things will turn out the way you both want them to, but you need to talk. You know what talk I mean.

Take care of yourself, trust yourself, love yourself as much as I love you and be happy. You deserve it, darling. I’ll see you later.

All my love,

Uncle Harry xx

Tears blurred my vision as I reread my uncle’s letter over and over. I missed him so much it hurt, but I also wanted to whack him around the head for being such a sneaky shite. I laughed as I cried.

I folded his letter up and put it into my bag for safekeeping. After I exited the stall, I splashed some more cold water onto my face. I dried myself off as I glanced at myself in the mirror. As I stared at the woman looking back at me, I was happy to find that I was starting to recognise her again. I wasn’t a stranger to myself anymore.

I left the bathroom feeling drained, but good. My uncle had single-handedly secured my financial future and given me a beautiful home in the process. I was truly blessed.

I re-entered Jeffery’s office to find that my family had left.
I si
gned the papers to start the process of my inheritance.

“Hey,” Lochlan called out to me when I walked down the hallway of the office building in the direction of the exit. “Everyone has gone back to Mum and Dad’s. I told them I’d bring you home. Are you okay?”

I nodded. “I am – I just feel very overwhelmed. He’s left everything to me with the condition that Kale and I talk.”

“He did?” Lochlan laughed. “That sneaky son of a bitch.”

I guffawed. “You can say that again.”

“Are you ready to go?” my brother asked me.

I nodded but placed my hand on his arm. “Can you drop me off somewhere first?”

Lochlan raised an eyebrow. “Sure, where do you want to go?”

“I need to go and clear my head. This is a lot to process.”

My brother frowned and gave my shoulder a squeeze. “Where will you go to do that?”

I smiled and looked up at the sky when we walked out of the solicitor’s office. “To see Lavender, of course.”

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Six years ago (twenty years old)

L
ane,” my father shouted up the stairs, “can you come down here for a minute?”

I sighed and looked up to the ceiling.

“Can it wait?” I asked, irritated that he was interrupting me. “I’m meeting Lavender at the cinema in twenty minutes, and I’m not ready yet. She’ll kill me if I’m late.”

I think she knew I’d be late; it’s probably why she was ignoring my calls and texts. She wanted to tell me off in person. I snorted to myself but stopped when my father replied.

“We need to talk. Right now.”

Something was wrong, I could hear it in the tone of his voice. Without a second thought, I walked out of my room and headed downstairs and into the sitting room, where I found my parents.
I w
as surprised to see my brothers and Kale there too. Ev
eryone was on th
eir feet, staring at me, and trepidation filled the room.

“Is it Nanny?” I asked, my heart in my throat.

My mother shook her head. “No, darling.”

“Uncle Harry?” I pressed, noticing he wasn’t in the room either.

My mother shook her head once more, but this time her eyes glazed over with tears.

“Tell me,” I almost shouted with panic.

My mother burst into tears and couldn’t speak around her sobs, so I looked to my father, who was frowning deeply at me. “Sit down, honey.”

“I don’t want to sit down,” I argued.

Kale, who was standing behind my father, came to my side and put his hand on my back, nudging my body to move towards the sofa, where I caved and sat down.

“Okay, I’m sitting down. Now tell me what’s wrong.”

My father blew out a saddened breath. “It’s Lavender,” he said, his eyes locked on mine.

My mind went blank then, and any logical form of thinking went out the window. “What’s Lavender?” I asked dumbly.

My father looked positively gutted. “She was driving home from work today,” he said on a sorrowful sigh, “and got into an accident.”

I felt my stomach churn.

“Lavender was in a car accident?” I asked, sounding surprisingly calm.

I felt as if my voice was on a speakerphone, because it suddenly sounded robotic and slowed down, like I was tripping on something and was hearing things.

“Yes, sweetheart, she was,” my father replied, his eyes, and everyone else’s, watching me with intent.

I heard my heartbeat as it thudded away. “We have to go to the hospital,” I said, and tried to stand up, but Kale, who was still next to me, placed his hand on my knee, halting my movements.

I looked down to his hand, my eyes drilling holes into it. It was the first time since we had been together that he had touched me in a way that wasn’t a friendly hug or nudge. It made me look at him with fear of what he was going to say next. The despair I saw in his eyes cut me in half.

“No,” I said to him, almost glaring. “She’s okay.”

The muscles in his jaw rolled back and forth, and he stared at me. “I’m so sorry.”

“No!” I said louder. “She’s okay, she’s just in the hospital—”

“Her dad rang your mum, Lane.” Kale cut me off, the hurt he felt for me plastered over his face.

I became aware of everything.

My heartbeat.

The churning in my stomach.

The sweat gathering in the palms of my hands.

“Laney Baby,” he murmured, and lifted his hand to my face. “I’m
so
sorry.”

Shut up,
my mind screamed.

I shook my head. “It’s not true.”

“She died, kid,” he whispered. “Her injuries were too much for her to overcome.”

I gripped onto my stomach when it lurched. “I’m going to be sick,” I muttered.

I felt his arms come around me. One second I was in the sitting room with my family, and the next I was running up the stairs with Kale right on my heels. I made it into the bathroom just in time to vomit into the toilet. Kale was holding my hair back for me with one hand and rubbing my back with the other.

When I was finished, I sat back on my heels and took the tissue Kale offered me. I wiped my mouth, threw the tissue in the toilet and flushed it. I went still then and just repeated what Kale had said about Lavender over and over in my mind.

She died, kid.

“I have to go to the hospital,” I said to Kale without looking at him. “I have to see Lavender.”

Kale helped me to my feet and held onto my arm tightly as we descended the stairs. I walked straight to the front door and opened it, causing a stir behind me.

“Where is she going?” my mother asked, her voice rising an octave.

Kale sighed. “She wants to go to the hospital.”

My mother began to cry again, and I didn’t know why, but it was annoying me, so I walked out of the house and waited by my brother’s car. Lochlan came outside and unlocked the doors, so I got inside and sat in the back seat, buckling my seatbelt.

Both my brother and Kale got into the car, and neither of them spoke to each other, or to me, as Lochlan backed out of the
garden
and drove to the hospital. It was the longest car journey of my life, but in reality it was only a few minutes. When we got there, K
ale came i
nto the hospital with me and did the talking at reception when I just stared at the lady who was asking me stupid questions.

He got permission for us to go to the family room at the back of the hospital near the morgue, and we walked together in silence.

“Say something, Lane,” he pleaded.

I swallowed. “I have to see Lavender.”

We came to a door with “Family Room” printed very clearly on it, and Kale lightly knocked. A few seconds later, a man opened the door, a man with bloodshot, swollen eyes, a man who was
Lavender’s
father.

“Mr Grey,” I whispered when I walked into the family room.

Mrs Grey, who was sitting in the middle of the room, surrounded by some other women, looked up when I entered the room, and when she saw me, she burst into tears and got to her feet. I instantly walked to her and encased her in my arms, holding her body to mine.

“She’s gone, Lane,” she cried into my chest.

My heart squeezed with pain, but for some reason, no tears came.

Not even one.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, and gently swayed her from side t
o si
de.

I sat down next to Mrs Grey and her other family members while Kale hovered by the doorway, watching me with a sad expression. I turned my focus from him to Lavender’s family, and I
listened
as they spoke about what happened to her.

She was driving home from her shift at work, and a drunk driver ran a red light and slammed into the driver’s side of her car, causing a blow to her temple that killed her instantly. My stomach threatened to revolt as I listened to the details that the police passed on to Lavender’s family, so I tried to block them out.

“Mrs Grey,” I said.

She looked at me.

“May I see her?” I asked, praying she wouldn’t deny me.

Her lower lip wobbled as she nodded. “We’ve seen her already, she doesn’t look injured at all.”

I stood up and asked, “Where do I go?”

Kale cleared his throat. “I’ll bring you. I saw a sign pointing to the morgue.”

I hugged Lavender’s parents, said goodbye to her family, then left the room with Kale. We followed signs to the morgue, and when we reached it, I told the man outside the double doors that
I ha
d permission to see Lavender.

I gave him her full name, and he passed the information on to a staff member inside. He told me to wait a few minutes, and then I’d be allowed in when they were ready to show her. I thanked the man and lingered outside with Kale.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked me.

I was never surer of anything in my life.

“I have to see her,” I replied.

He was quiet for a minute or two, and just as he was about to speak, the double doors to the morgue opened, and I was told I could go see Lavender.

“Wait,” Kale said as I began to walk forward.

He grabbed hold of my hand and said, “You don’t want to see her like that, Lane. You think you do, but you don’t.”

I pulled my hand from his. “You don’t know a thing about what I want, Kale. You never have.”

I turned away from him and walked through the doors that led to the morgue. I nodded to the man who allowed me entry, and I followed a different man wearing a long white coat into a very cold room. I hesitated for a few seconds at the entryway of the room, but I walked through the doors. When the sight of my friend lying on a steel bed came into view, I placed my hand against my stomach in silent prayer for it not to spill.

I walked slowly over to Lavender, keeping my eyes on her beautiful face, and not on the white sheet covering her body. When I was next to her I reached out and placed the back of my fingers against her cheek, my heart squeezing with pain when I felt how cold she was. She had died only a few hours ago, but already her body was drained of heat, and it was hard to bear because I knew how much she hated being cold.

“How did you get here, Lav?” I whispered to her.

When she didn’t reply, my lower lip trembled.

I could see the point on her temple where she had been struck. It was discoloured and looked a little dented, like something had crushed into the side of her skull. It was comforting know
ing she had felt no pain
, and she looked like she was sleeping, but my heart knew otherwise. Her cold skin was paler than I had ever seen, and her lips weren’t pink anymore; they were a pasty white colour.

The bruising on her forehead and the rest of her face didn’t look that bad, but logically I knew it was because she was dead, and that meant her body wasn’t working anymore. Her heart wasn’t pumping blood to give a distinct colour to her skin any longer.

I didn’t know how long I stayed with her, but when I kissed her and left the room, I was shivering with the cold. Kale, who was
sitting
on the floor where I’d left him outside of the morgue, jumped to his feet when he saw me return.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

I shook my head but said nothing.

“Darling,” he murmured.

“She’s really dead,” I whispered. “I touched her. She is really cold, her skin is sickly pale and she has no heartbeat. She’s not moving, she’s so still . . . just lying there with a little white sheet over her body.”

“Lane,” Kale sighed, and put his arms around my body, hugging me to him.

It was a weird thought, but I wondered what Drew would do if she knew Kale was with me. She’d probably lay me up in the morgue right next to Lavender.

“Sweetheart,” he murmured, “you’re scaring me. I’ve never seen you so withdrawn before.”

I blinked up at Kale and said, “I don’t feel anything. What’s wrong with me?”

He frowned. “It’s shock, that’s all.”

I felt numb, and I didn’t like not feeling anything. I looked up at Kale then and decided I needed to feel something.
Without
warning, I lifted my face to his and brushed my lips against h
is. For a moment he applie
d a sliver of pressure, but then he brok
e away.

“I can’t, Lane,” he whispered as he pulled back from me. “I’m with Drew.”

I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach, and my chest ached.
I g
ot what I wanted. I didn’t feel numb anymore.

“I know.” I looked down, realising it was a shitty thing I’d just tried to do knowing good and well that he was taken. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he said, his voice low. “Do you want to go home?”

I shook my head. “I want to go see my uncle.”

Kale nodded and exited the hospital with me. He called
Lochlan
on the way out to come and pick us up. We waited outside in
complete
silence. Kale turned to speak to me a couple of times but never got the words out. It got on my last nerve, so after the sixth time he did it, I said, “Just bloody say whatever it is you hav
e to say.”

“Drew, she’s . . . she’s pregnant,” he blurted out.

I stopped breathing.

“She’s having my baby.” He swallowed audibly. “I’m going to be a dad, Lane.”

I felt the blood drain from my face, and in that moment I was thankful I’d already puked today, because otherwise vomit would be covering Kale’s polished-up shoes.

“Lane?” he prompted. “Say something, please?”

I only knew one thing to say that was acceptable.

“Congratulations,” I whispered.

Kale took a step closer to me. “I didn’t want to tell you today of all days, but . . . but with what happened back there between us,
I fe
lt like you should know.”

I let that sink in, then after a moment, I looked up at Kale
’s face.

“How long have you known Drew is pregnant?” I asked.

Kale paled. “A few weeks now.”

I took a step away from him. “A few weeks?”

He tried to close the space between us, but I held my hand up in front of his chest.

“Don’t,” I said, my voice almost a snarl. “Don’t touch me.”

“I’m so sorry. I know how you feel about me, or felt about me, so I know this isn’t what you want to hear,” he divulged. “Hurting you is the last thing I ever want to do.”

I felt like I should be crying, but the tears wouldn’t come.
A fr
esh feeling of numbness rooted itself within me.

“All you seem to do is hurt me, Kale,” I said solemnly.

“I don’t mean to,” he whispered.

I lowered my gaze to the floor. “I need to leave.”

“Lane, please—”

“Kale,” – I cut him off, my voice dropping an octave – “I need to leave. I don’t want to be around you right now, so please, just let me go.”

“I can’t let you go,” he replied, his voice strained.

I didn’t know how to take that, but in that moment, I didn’t care about Kale – or what he had to say.

“Congratulate Drew for me, will you?”

Kale’s breathing picked up. “Lane, please, let me explain—”