Until Harry (26 page)

“There is nothing to explain,” I said honestly. “You and Drew are dating, you have on and off for years, so it’s not a surprise that you would eventually get together for good and start a family.”

It shouldn’t have been a surprise, but it bloody well was.

“It wasn’t planned,” Kale blurted out.

That didn’t matter. Drew was carrying Kale’s baby whether it was what they wanted or not, and that was absolute fact. Another fact was that I needed to get away. I needed to get far, far away.

“I’m going to walk to my uncle’s house,” I said, turning away from him. “I need to walk.”

“Lane!” Kale called out, the pain in his voice audible as I walked away from him.

Thankfully he didn’t follow me, but I felt eyes on me as I walked from the hospital to my uncle’s house, and I knew Kale and Lochlan were following in the car to make sure I got to my uncle’s house safely. It didn’t surprise me.

Lavender is dead,
a cruel voice in my head reminded me.

My best friend, and the only person who knew every single one of my secrets, was gone. My confidante and partner in crime was no more. She was the one person in the entire world I could talk to about
anything
. I could act any kind of way around her, and she’d never judge me; she’d just laugh and join in with whatever craziness I was doing.

I never knew how much I loved her until I saw her lifeless body on that steel bed. I didn’t even know if she knew how much I loved and appreciated her, and that without her I would have gone off the rails even more than I had already.

I took my phone out of my pocket, and I didn’t know why, but I dialled her number and placed it to my ear. It didn‘t ring out; instead it went straight to her voicemail.

“This is Lavender, and there is a great chance that I saw your call but let it go to voicemail because I hate talking over the phone. What you should do now is text me. None of that leave your name and number bullshit – just shoot me a text and I’ll hit you up. Latersss!”

I laughed as a beep sounded, indicating my message was
recording
.

“I swear your voicemail is
still
the stupidest thing I have ever heard, but I love it, and I love you, Lav.” I swallowed. “Do you know where I just was? In the morgue, looking at you on a bed in a cold room. I’m really hoping you’re going to text me and tell me that you just pulled off the most epic and evilest prank of all time. I really hope you do that because I don’t want you to be gone. You can’t be gone, do you hear me? We have too much to do. We have to finish college and go to Ibiza, do you remember? We said we were going to go there and have fun after we were done with school. So you can’t be gone, we made plans and you can’t break plans like those. You just can’t . . . Please text me, Lav. I won’t even be angry at such a horrible prank. I swear on my life I won’t shout at you.
I
pr
omise
.”

I neared my uncle’s house and frowned as I squeezed my phone.

“Text me later, I love you.”

I hung up just as I arrived at my uncle’s house, and used a key he gave me years ago to let myself in. I stood in the hallway of his house, and even though something horrible had just happened,
I f
elt safe.

“Uncle Harry?” I called out.

“In the kitchen, darling,” came his reply.

I walked into the kitchen and found him at the kitchen table, a cup of fresh tea in front of him, and one on a coaster for me. “Your
brother called ahead,” my uncle said, answering my unspoken
question
.

I nodded and sat at the kitchen table, and took a sip of my tea.

“I’m so sorry about Lavender, Lane.”

I didn’t reply to him for a long time, but when I did, I felt like dying myself. “I’ve never had someone close to me die,” I whispered to my uncle. “I know Aunt Teresa died, and I’m sad she is gone, but I was only twelve when that happened. I didn’t understand then, but I understand now. Lavender is really gone, Uncle Harry, and she isn’t coming back.”

I broke down when my uncle’s arms came around me. I cried the tears that hadn’t come in the hospital when I saw Lavender or her family, or when Kale told me Drew was pregnant with his baby.

“Kale,” I sniffled. “He is going to be a dad. He and Drew are having a baby.”

I heard my uncle mumble, “Fuck.”

It mirrored exactly what I was thinking.

“What are you thinking?” my uncle asked me.

“I want to leave here,” I whispered.

My uncle frowned down at me. “Darling, I don’t think leaving is the best thing for you—”

“My best friend just died, and Kale and Drew are having a baby,” I said, cutting him off. “I can’t be here to watch him have a family with someone else. I don’t have Lavender to help me get though that. I need to get away from here, from him. I think it will help me finally get over him.”

“Lane—”

“I can’t be here anymore, Uncle Harry,” I cried. “I can’t do it anymore.”

I felt my uncle’s gaze on me. “Do you really want to move away?” he asked.

I nodded. “It hurts too much being here; it’s killing me.”

“Then do what you feel is right for you, sweetheart,” he said after a lengthy silence.

I wasn’t surprised by his support; I knew he’d give it to me.

I sniffled. “I’m scared.”

“It’s something new and unknown; of course it’s scary, but that doesn’t mean it’ll be impossible. People move all the time. You aren’t the first and you won’t be the last.”

I wiped my face with the back of my hands.

“Everyone will think I’m crazy.”

My uncle sighed. “They’ll be hurt and will probably say things they don’t mean out of worry for you, but they won’t hate you. You’re precious to all of us, Lane.”

I hoped he was right.

“I don’t know where to start or how to start the process of
moving
.”

My uncle asked, “Where are you thinking of going?”

Far, far away.

“I’ve been to New York with Mum and Nanny. I thought it was great there.”

My uncle just stared at me. “America, Lane? Really?”

“I need distance,” I whispered. “I
need
it.”

He nodded his head and hugged me once more.

We got down to it then. With the help of my uncle, I found somewhere in New York to rent that, from the pictures, looked to be a complete dive for a price I could afford. I could
finish my online clas
ses from anywhere in the world, so that was in my corner.

I tried to refuse money from my uncle, but he gave me enough for my first six months’ rent, and he also bought me a one-way ticket to New York. He made me promise to start accepting editorial work because even though I wasn’t qualified to call myself an editor yet, he said I was good enough to edit anything that was given to me. He said he’d always known I’d work somewhere in the literary field because of my love for books and that I’d be damn good at my job. He even promised to set up a website for me because he said freelance editors needed to have something professional to engage clients. Once I agreed, he applied for an ESTA visa for me; it meant I could stay in the States for ninety days before I had to leave. As soon as I got over there, though, I would apply right away for a work visa to extend my stay.

In the space of three hours after I cemented my decision to move away, we arranged everything, and it was set that I would fly out after Lavender’s funeral. I overheard in the hospital waiting room that her funeral was in four days’ time, so it left me virtually no time to break the news to my family that I was leaving. I knew the conversation would be bad, but my mind was made up. I had to leave. Staying in York just wasn’t something I could do.

I was about to tell my family that I was moving away, and even though I had my uncle in my corner, I was still scared
shitless
.
I l
eaned against the kitchen counter while my family sat aroun
d the table. My un
cle was leaning against the wall opposite me, with his arms folded across his chest. They all waited for me to speak.

“Lavender’s gone and she is never going to come back to me.” I sat, looking down at the floor. “And I haven’t even begun to fully comprehend that yet. She only died three days ago, and nothing feels real to me. I’m expecting her to text me or walk into my room.”

“Darlin’,” my nanny murmured.

I bit down on my lower lip. “I want you all to listen to me clearly when I say what I have to say. It’s important, okay?”

I looked up and found each person nodding.

“I love Kale,” I breathed.

My brothers shared a look, and so did my parents before their gaze refocused on me.

“You love Kale?” My father blinked.

“I always have,” I said, nodding.

My mother played with her fingers. “Are you
in
love with him?” she asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

My father set his jaw. “And him? Does he love you?”

I shook my head. “Not in that way. He doesn’t even know that I love him. I’ve never told him.”

“Why not?” Layton asked.

Where to begin?
my mind grumbled.

“Because everyone has gone on and on about how much of a brother and sister we are to one another, when I’ve never thought of him like that. Not since I was little.”

My mother paled. “I didn’t . . . I didn’t know it was love,” she blurted out. “I thought it was a crush.”

I frowned at her. “It’s not your fault, Mum. I’ve kept how I felt about Kale to myself. Only Lavender and Uncle Harry kn
ew how I felt
about him, but they were both sworn to secrecy by me.”

My father cut his eyes to my uncle and glared at him, hard. It surprised me because I had never even seen my dad and uncle argue.

“Stop, Dad,” I chastised. “I made him swear not to tell.”

My father cut his eyes to mine. “Something is going on here, something bigger than Lavender and Kale. What is it? Tell m
e. Now.”

Bloody hell,
I thought.
Does anything get by him?

I rubbed my face with my hands. “I can’t be here anymore,”
I sa
id, swallowing nervously. “Lavender is gone, and Kale . . . he and Drew are having a baby.”

“What?” my brothers gasped in unison.

“Drew is
pregnant
?” Lochlan asked.

I nodded.

“Oh, honey,” my nanny frowned.

“I can’t stay here and watch them have a family. I can’t stay here without Lavender. I need to get away.”

My father set his jaw. “Like on a holiday?”

I shook my head. “No, Dad, not like a holiday.”

Things were silent for a moment until Layton said, “You want to move away?”

I nodded.

“To where?” he asked.

It’s now or never,
I told myself.

“To New York.”

Silence.

“Can you repeat that?” my father said, his voice dangerousl
y low.

I swallowed. “I’m moving to New York.”

My father’s face turned a shade of red I had never seen before. He flicked his eyes to where my uncle stood, and he glared. “What the fuck is this?” he asked.

My uncle’s shoulders sagged. “She can’t be here anymore, Tom. She needs to get away and clear her head.”

“So go down to the country for a spa weekend or something,” my father bellowed when he looked back to me. “You are
not
moving to America. No fucking way.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I’m twenty, Dad. I don’t need your permission.”

“Don’t throw that in his face,” Layton snapped at me. “You aren’t thinking clearly; you can’t—”

I cut my brother off: “I can’t
ever
think clearly here, Layton.
I ne
ed to leave and figure myself out.”

“Have you forgotten what happened to you last year?” he raged. “You could have died, and now you want to up and leave the country on your own? That’s fucking selfish of you. You can’t do that t
o us.”

I pushed my hair out of my face. “I’m not trying to hurt anyone, Layton, but this is my decision.”

“It’s a shitty fucking one!” he bellowed, surprising all of us.

Layton was not one to fight; he was usually the peacekeeper, but not today. Today he was furious, and I was his target.

“I’m sorry you feel that way,” I said calmly.

Lochlan growled. “You aren’t moving to America.”

I set my jaw. “Yes, I am. It’s all arranged.”

“What?” my mother whispered.

I looked at her and hated that I saw tears in her eyes. “I’m leaving tomorrow afternoon after Lavender’s funeral.”

“What?”
everyone screamed.

I jumped and tried to think of something to calm everyone, but there was nothing I could say that would change the situation.

“Lane,” Nanny shouted, getting my attention. “You cannot up and leave the country. You’re distraught over losin’ Lavender and about Kale startin’ a family, but this isn’t the right move, sweetheart.”

“Staying here isn’t an option,” I replied. “I need distance. I need space. I need time.”