Until Tomorrow (9 page)

Katie leaned forward. “Okay. First, I should tell you that
Todd and I got into a big discussion on the plane. We talked about how he and I are more the outdoorsy type. We were talking about camping, and he said he wasn't sure you would want to do much roughing it on this trip. I told him he didn't have to worry, that you could handle anything we threw at you.”

“Guess I proved you both wrong, didn't I?”

“Don't worry about it,” Katie said. “Todd and I talked about it yesterday while we were washing our clothes and you were in the bathtub.”

“You and Todd talked about me again?”

Katie swished the air in front of Christy with her hand as if to brush away any misunderstandings Christy might be formulating. “I told him we should be sensitive to you and try not to do anything that would push you over the edge. He said you were probably still stressed from school and working at the orphanage and everything. We both know it's been a difficult term for you.”

“Well, you know what? I don't know if I appreciate your analyzing me whenever I'm not around.”

“It was no big deal, Christy. I think you should be glad that Todd feels comfortable enough to talk with me about you.”

Christy wasn't sure she agreed with that. She sipped her bubbly water and reluctantly listened as Katie continued.

“Can I just say that I think you have way too many expectations of yourself, of me, and of Todd for this trip? Either that, or you're living too much in the past.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“If you think about it, Christy, you could be having some kind of weird flashbacks to our trip to England, but this is nothing like that trip.”

“You're right. It isn't.” Christy felt certain this trip couldn't be compared in any way to that one. In England they were
with a group on a short-term missions project. At the beginning of the trip, Christy had been dating Todd's best friend, Doug, because Todd was long gone from her life. Or so she thought at the time. Christy had ended up seeing that she and Doug were incompatible but how perfect her friend Tracy was for him. Christy broke up with Doug during the first week of the trip, and now, a year and a half later, Doug and Tracy were married.

“I don't see how the two trips compare at all,” Christy said.

“That's my point exactly,” Katie said. “This is a completely different trip, and all the circumstances are new. You shouldn't allow yourself subconsciously to make any comparisons to the challenging stuff that happened to you on that trip and think it's all going to happen to you again just because you're in Europe with your friends.”

Christy didn't follow Katie's thinking until she delivered her last line, which was a zinger. “I mean, it's not like you and Todd are going to break up on this trip or anything.”

The dining car door slid open, and Todd entered with Marcos behind him. “I went back to get the tour book, and I talked Marcos into joining us so we could a make a plan for the next few days.”

Marcos slid into the booth next to Christy. Katie scooted over, and Todd sat next to her.

Christy felt her heart pounding so hard it throbbed in her ears. Katie's words bounced off the inside of her head with each pound of her heart. “
It's not like you and Todd are going to break up on this trip or anything
.”

All the odd little pieces began to fit together. Todd had been happy to see Christy at the train station and had given her a sweet hello kiss, but since then he had barely touched her. Except for when they sat close by the campfire.

Todd didn't agree that I was his girlfriend in front of Antonio's
father. Why? Has he realized we're an uncomplimentary match? He loves roughing it, and I fall apart when it starts to rain
.

Christy remembered how, during the England trip, she had seen clearly that she realized she and Doug weren't a good match. She wondered if Todd had made that same discovery about her.

Is he just waiting for the right time to tell me? Knowing Todd, he wouldn't break up with me for good unless he was convinced God was telling him to
. . . . Christy's mind raced through a number of facts. Todd was nearly finished with college. He had only a few more credits to go, and they both were planning to attend Rancho Corona in the fall. A year from now, Todd would be graduated and twenty-four years old. That was old enough by anyone's standards to be married.

But where is it written that he has to marry me? I was the girlfriend of his teen years. He's a man now. Definitely. Facial hair and everything. He can have any woman he wants. Why wouldn't he marry someone more outdoorsy and easygoing like he is? Someone who is fun to be around and a good friend. Someone like
. . .

Christy's heart pounded wildly, deafening all her senses as she stared across the table at her red-haired best friend.

Someone like . . . Katie
.

7

Christy felt numb all the way to Rome. As the others in the dining car talked and planned, she barely responded. When the group discussed going straight to Naples and skipping Florence, Christy merely nodded in agreement.

Everything inside her felt shaken by the thought that Katie could be a better match for Todd than Christy was, just as Tracy was a better match for Doug than Christy. When the earthquake inside her stopped, all the pieces were in places they didn't belong. She scrambled emotionally to pick up whatever wasn't shattered and to find a safe place to store her feelings in her heart.

Why would Todd have kissed me at the train station in Basel if he's been thinking about our breaking up?

Then she remembered his words after she said she didn't want to cry. “
And I told myself I wouldn't kiss you.” That's what Todd said. He didn't want to kiss me. He's probably waiting until the end of this trip before he tells me it's over between us
.

In her numbed state, Christy thought of the water fight between Todd and Katie. The way they had bent their heads close together over the chessboard. The way he knew where to squeeze her knee. Was it possible something was going on
between them right under her nose, but she hadn't read the signs?

The four of them ate lunch. Christy didn't taste a bite. They returned to their first-class compartment, and she sat like a blob while the rest of them discussed the sights they should see, which included some of the museums and churches Christy had marked in the tour book. It was what Christy had wanted all along; they were making a plan, and they were working together as a team. Yet Christy was with them in body only. She kept watching Todd and Katie for any further signs of special interest in each other.

At the train station in Rome, Marcos directed them to the track for their next train. Katie tugged on his arm and said, “Marcos, I want you to come to Naples with us.” She tilted her head and gave him a smile. “It won't be the same without you.”

“Okay, why not?” Marcos said. “I'll ride the train with you to Naples, and when you go on to Capri, I will take a train back to Rome.”

Christy thought Marcos might change his mind when they found out the first-class section on that train was booked. But he didn't. Instead, the four of them ended up in second class, which was radically different. They stood part of the way until Marcos found two seats in a different compartment.

The seats turned out to be more like twelve inches of open space. At Marcos's insistence, Christy and Katie wedged their way into the space while the guys stood in the walkway. The woman next to Christy held in her lap a large straw basket that smelled of garlic. The basket slumped onto Christy's lap as the woman slept. As the close smell of perspiration and garlic grew in intensity, Christy drew in little breaths with her hand over her nose. No one else in the compartment suggested opening the window. Everyone seemed content. Finally,
Christy couldn't take it any longer. She rose and told Katie she needed to get some fresh air.

“I'm right behind you,” Katie said.

The guys followed them to an open window in the wobbly train's hallway. Katie was the first to burst out laughing. “Whoa! What were you trying to do, Marcos, cure us of ever wanting to travel on a train again?”

“This is why it is better to pay more for first class,” Marcos said.

“How much farther is it?” Todd asked. “I don't mind standing here if you guys don't.”

“The conductor may tell us to move, but until he does, we can stay,” Marcos said. He checked his watch. “I would say we should be in Napoli in less than an hour. This is a direct train. That means two hours exactly from Roma to Napoli.”

Christy stood next to her luggage with her arms folded on top of the open window frame. The rush of warm afternoon air helped to clear her thoughts. Todd was standing right beside her. If he wanted to, he could easily put his arm around her. Or lean his head next to hers and whisper something sweet.

But he didn't. He stood back just slightly so they weren't touching. His attention was on Katie. She was busy plying Marcos for useful Italian phrases, and Todd was repeating them along with her. Marcos seemed to enjoy the role of tutor in their tight quarters. He also seemed to enjoy Katie.

Christy thought back on how Marcos had pretty much ignored Katie that morning. Now Katie had two ardent admirers, and Christy felt heartsick.

Relationships have to be two ways. Todd wouldn't be interested in Katie unless she let him know she was interested in him. And she is, isn't she? Maybe that's why she's being so cute with Marcos now. Maybe she's trying to make Todd realize how wonderful she is
.

Christy watched. At that moment, with her tumbled spirit
in agony, she found it easy to imagine anything.

It was one thing for you to go out with Rick after I did, Katie, but at least you waited until after I'd broken up with him
.

She ran her thumb across her gold Forever bracelet. When Todd had given it to her on New Year's Eve almost five years ago, he had said it meant that whatever happened in the future, they would be friends forever.

Is this about to become part of the “whatever”? Are we going to finally tell each other we're just friends? A year and a half from now will Katie and Todd be married like Doug and Tracy are?

Christy would never have expected herself to feel so overwhelmed. Katie was right about one thing she had said in the dining car: It had been a difficult school term for Christy. Her notes home had been cheerful, and almost all her diary entries had been positive. But that was because she only wrote when she felt good.

During most of the past ten months she had gone to classes, given all she had emotionally to the needy children at the orphanage, and returned to her dorm room, where she fell asleep while doing classwork.

That's one of the reasons her Saturday morning trek to the Konditorei had become so important to her. It was her way of treating herself for making it through another week without collapsing.

Christy wondered if part of what she had been feeling the past few days was the result of so many stressful months and such a rigid schedule. She didn't remember how to relax and have fun. She didn't know how to be anybody's girlfriend. Maybe Katie was right, that Christy's expectations of herself and her friends were too high. Maybe she had only imagined the invisible canopy of peace when Todd arrived. Maybe this relationship was never meant to be anything more than what it was right now. If that was true, Christy had to know now, not at the end of the trip.

“Todd,” Christy heard herself say, touching him lightly on the shoulder. He turned, and she said, “Could I talk to you for a few minutes?”

“Sure.” He leaned against the windowsill with his back toward Katie and Marcos.

Christy felt awkward. She hadn't thought this through. “I guess what I meant was, could you and I go to another part of the train to talk for a few minutes?”

“Sure.” Todd picked up his pack and slung it over his shoulder. “Hey, Marcos, Katie, we're going to the next train car for a while. Where should we meet in case we get separated when the train stops?”

Marcos gave Todd instructions, saying that they needed to go right to the bus that would take them to the harbor. At the harbor they would purchase their tickets for the hydrofoil, not the boat, to Capri because the hydrofoil was twice as fast. He emphasized to all of them that Naples wasn't the best city for tourists and that they should watch their belongings carefully.

“Got it,” Todd said. “When we get off the train we wait for each other.”

Marcos added one more bit of instruction. “When you get to Capri, go to the Villa Paradiso. A friend of my father owns it. Be sure to tell him you know the son of Carlo Savini. He will give you a good price.”

“Thanks,” Todd said. He and Christy made their way through the train with their bulky travel bags. It seemed they wouldn't be able to find any open corners anywhere. They were about to give up and go back to where they had left Katie and Marcos, but then, in the very last train car, they found a corner in the passageway.