Unwilling (Book One of the Compelled Trilogy 1) (18 page)

Wind whistled through the trees, telling stories as they whisked through the branches of the many things they had seen in their millions of years of travel. Rowan tried to focus on the fleeting tales but the more she tried it seemed the harder sleep tugged her eyes down, relaxing her body, until at last she stopped fighting, and slumbered…

“Elias!” Rowan exclaimed surprised, staring wide eyed at her brother standing before her, dressed entirely in white, making his black hair stand out in contrast.

“Rowan, my sister, I’m so glad you have come to join me.” Elias replied steadily, his face beaming as they reunited.

“Of course”, she replied, “why would I not?”

“That baker’s trash!” Elias spit, anger erupting from him abruptly. “He kept me from you to long Rowan. He distracted you, kept you from my side. He was unwilling to share and for us to be Gods; we must make sure you are distracted no longer.” He smiled again, but it did not reach his eyes, which remained cold and distant.

“Whatever you wish, my Moval. My Tal.” Rowan recited, and then frowned. The words had slipped out unbidden, slithering out of her lips unasked and her chest filled with uneasiness.

Elias signaled someone Rowan could not see and a man dressed in shiny armor, the helm of his visor pulled low so she could not see his face, though she felt like she knew him, dragged a bloodied and bruised body by chains out of the shadows. He threw the captive in front of him and the second man fell to the floor, landing on his knees with a thud.

He lifted his head and Rowan noted that Jace looked smaller than he usually did. For some reason she knew that should bother her, that something was wrong, but she felt oddly calm, like she was floating on a hazy cloud. Rowan frowned, the corners of her vision fuzzy and she blinked. 

“Rowan!” He gasped when he saw her. “Please Rowan, I love you!” It made her sad to see him reduced to begging, Rowan thought it was beneath him.

“You know what you must do.” Her brother urged, handing her a long, heavy sword. She frowned as she stepped toward Jace, hesitantly looking back at her brother. “Shockel loviled ser Moval. Shockel loviled Tal.” He said, nodding his head, his eyebrows arched, staring at her expectantly.

“Is this real?” Rowan asked, trying to clear the fog that was swimming around her head making her dizzy.

“As real as you want it to be. Do it Rowan, do it for me.” Elias told her. He looked so much older than she remembered.

Her brother wished for her to murder the man she loved, to prove her loyalty to him. He was all the family she had left in the world. Her last protector. She raised the great sword above her head.

Jace looked up at her, his green eyes shining. “I love you Rowan.”

“No you don’t.” She answered him sadly, “you can’t.” And she swung the weighty sword down on his neck, not looking away from him as his head clunked down to the floor, blood seeping from it to stain the white marble floors.

“Welcome back my sister, I have missed you.” Elias laughed in her mind; a horrible sound that she cringed away from as he folded her in an embrace…

Rowan bolted upright, gasping for breath, sweat beading on her forehead. Her heart raced as she urged her lungs to suck in the cool night air. She felt nauseas and willed herself to not be sick.

Rowan stood, trying to shake the dream from her thoughts and walked to the dying fire that had been left unattended while the group slept. Rowan stoked the red embers, sitting on the cold dirt of the forest floor. As she poked at the red coals with a slim branch, a shadow sidled up behind her, silently. Rowan so lost she was in her thoughts, did not hear him looming just behind her.

“You miss him?” A deep voice said behind her, their accent sliding smoothly through the noiseless night.

Rowan reeled, dropping her stick. A scream rose in her throat as her stomach dropped out but when she saw only Chev she relaxed, smiling at her skittishness. Chev half blended in with the night, his dark skin merging with the shadows, the whites of his eyes unusually stark in the night. “Miss who?” She responded though they both knew she was only playing the fool.

“There is a legend,” Chev said, coming to sit beside her. He stared pensively at the fire, watching the flames lick higher, trying to catch the air with its heated fingers. Rowan held her breath, not probing him, knowing he would speak when he was ready to. Or he would remain silent. “It was many years ago and it says that a rich man once loved a woman so much he left all the luxuries he had to wed her, since his father did not approve, living in a life of poverty, though they were happy together. They lived many happy years together until at last they conceived a child, which they had wanted so terribly. It is said that the wife died in childbirth, but the babe was born healthy and screaming.” He sounded dismal, a bitter expression crossing his features. “But without the mother and without money to pay a wet nurse the babe starved, passing not even a week after the mother.”

Rowan grabbed up the stick she had dropped and once again poked at the blaze, causing a log to tumble over, sending sparks of red and orange at their shins.

Chev rubbed the tattoos he had on his arm absentmindedly, staring into the flickering fire as though he could get lost in it. “It is said that the man then became very rich, having so much money he didn’t know what to do with it, hoping that if he became rich enough, he could forget that his wife and child had died because he had been to poor for medicine or milk to save them. He wasted his riches on fine silks and treasures and castles in every land in Varisin, trying to find a way to replace the gaping hole that was in his chest left by his wife and child but…” He trailed off, his brows low over his eyes
. But he would have given it all up to have them back
. Rowan finished in her thoughts.

“What happened to him?’ Rowan asked softly.

“Nothing. Nothing happened to him. He gave up his riches a second time and wandered Varisin, waiting to die and be reunited with his family.”

“What were their names? The wife and child?” Rowan asked, unsure of why she wanted to know.

“Camille, and Tara.” Chev answered. “Do you miss him?” Chev asked her a second time.

“Every day.” Rowan replied instantly. “He’s the only family I have left.”

Chev studied her a moment then shook his head, as if he did not approve of her answer, as though she had disappointed him. She started to tell him that Elias was not the monster that had murdered the old couple but Chev stood and with a final glance at the fire, disappeared back into the shadows.

Rowan wondered what she could have said to offend him
. He had been talking of Elias, hadn’t he?
Rowan’s thoughts were tumultuous, rumbling around inside her head like a storm cloud.

She reflected on her dream,
well nightmare
, and wondered if it was really one or the other. Elias, or Jace, and if it really came down to it, was it really a choice at all? Elias was her brother, her blood. He had sat up late telling her stories when she couldn’t sleep, had squeezed her hand when mother came. He killed the spiders that found their way into the house because their many legs frightened her. He had made some mistakes, huge ones. But he WAS the only family she had left.

And Jace was, well she didn’t really know WHAT Jace was to her. Only that she felt empty now that he was gone, as if the best parts of her had disappeared and she was but a walking shell, hallow, now that he was gone. She felt a deep hole where his presence had once been in her life, more so than perhaps when Elias had abandoned her.

Rowan left the fire to die and made her way back to her makeshift bed. Her thoughts heavy as she laid down, laying awake for hours, her thoughts jumbled and confused, sleep finally reclaiming her in the wee hours of the morning.

                                          ҉              ҉              ҉

The warm sunlight streamed through the branches into her eyes, forcing her awake. Birds trilled and squirrels chased each other up tree trunks, their tiny paws scratching the thick bark. The camp was already vibrant with the sounds of the site being cleared, the men talking and whispering with each other as they finished their breakfasts, or rolled up their blankets.

Rowan smiled, looking instinctively for Jace before remembering that he was gone and she felt so desperately miserable for a second she thought her heart might stop beating and she would die right there. But she was just being dramatic and when the crushing, suffocating, sadness dulled to a mildly crushing numbness she gathered her things, wrapping her food and clothes in her blankets then wrapping her blankets up in the twine that she always carried to hold her things together. She shouldered her pack, picking her way to where the group had gathered around the now stamped out fire with tiny tendrils of smoke trying to escape the would be forgotten embers.

The group hushed as she approached; most looked down, their eyes darting between the various types of dirt on the ground. Some looked up, as if trying to see the sky through the dense canopy of branches and thick leaves.

“What?” Rowan asked, breaking the awkward silence.

Pickard stepped forward, he cleared his throat, grimaced, but remained silent.

“What?” Rowan repeated again softer.

“Well I, we-“ Pickard stuttered, unsure of his words. Rowan wondered what horrible thing they could say to her to make them all flutter so.

“We want to go back for Jace.” Jonquil threw out, then looked down, hunching his shoulders as if to hide the fact that he had spoken at all.

“No.” Rowan replied simply, shaking her head. The men went into an uproar then, finding their voices, apparently.

“I disagree!” Pickard shouted.

“In my day we-“ Vordis started, his voice wobbling.

“We can’t just leave him!” Barton yelled, throwing his hands out as if to indicate an absent Jace.

“-didn’t leave our people.” Vordis finished, nodding his head slowly.

“Jace wants to be here, anyone can see that!” Jonquil said, looking intently at a tree just to the right of Rowan.

“We heard you arguing the other night, and you’re wrong.” Pickard said, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “You’re foolish for sending him off, Rowan.” He finished quietly, his body going still.

“Let’s go back and get him!” Mills shouted enthusiastically, the other men’s voices dying so his rang out loudly, a bird shrieked above them and flew off, sending a shower of leaves onto the ground.

Galamee and Chev were the only ones that remained silent.

“I can’t do that.” Rowan said softly, lowering her blue eyes. The men looked at her wordlessly, watching the inner struggle within her. Out of the corner of her eye Rowan could see Chev watching her with a curious expression on his face, leaning against a tree and eating an apple, “If you all heard the other night, then you know why I can’t do that.” They studied her, she could tell they all had something to say, but no one spoke.

They broke apart then, ambling off in different directions, finishing the breakdown of the camp. Rowan pursed her lips, a sour taste in her mouth and an even heavier heart then she thought possible.

They made good time that day. Hardly any words were exchanged and when they finally stopped, the sun was low, casting various shades of red, orange, and pink across the sky. It made the world look like it danced in wild fire. Rowan looked at it for the longest time, trying to commit the beautiful image to memory. Maybe someday she would ask Elias to paint her a sunset.

After the fire was built and the meager stew prepared they all sat around the flickering light together. Though things still did not feel normal, they had travelled so far that day and were too tired to hold onto their grudge any longer. They all wordlessly decided to set aside their resentment and enjoy the meal together.

“The bear was a good six feet tall, black as sin and he was snarling at me,” Pickard was saying. He was telling the story for the 100
th
time, though everyone stared at him with rapt attention as if it were his first, “he came at me claws extended, ready to attack, but I stood-“

“HOW DARE YOU!” A voice boomed in the darkness. A shadow figure emerged from the trees, barreling toward them, full of rage. “HOW DARE YOU!” He yelled again. Rowan stood, shocked, her heart leaping at what she thought had been impossible.

Rowan smiled like a fool as Jace hurtled to stand in front of her. His hair was a mess, flinging every which way and a twig stuck out of one side. His clothes were filthy, and his pants were torn at the knee on the right side. He had the look of a wild beast skipping in his eyes and he sucked in air as though he had been sprinting, his shirt was soaked in the front from sweat.

“I tell you I love you and you pack up and leave me the first chance you-“

Rowan threw her arms around his neck. Pressing herself close to him, a complete impulse, but one that felt so natural, so right, like eating when you were hungry or yawning when you were tired. Jace’s heart hammered in his chest and hers sped up to match it, their hearts dancing together, familiar, like one belonged to the other, two pieces of the same whole.

Jace stood there stunned for a minute before embracing her, smashing her body to his and burying his head in her throat. She could hardly breathe he was holding her so tight but she hardly cared. She only knew that he had come back and she only realized now that she would do anything it took to never be without him again.