(Un)wise (8 page)

He looked up at me with mixed emotions on his face.  First, he appeared happy about my suggestion, then a little disheartened.

He finished the cake in another bite and took a drink of water from one of the bottles he purchased.  “Do you think you’ll sleep that long again?”

“I honestly don’t know.  I don’t feel tired yet, but I can feel another dream calling me.”

He leaned back and studied me for a moment.  “What do you dream about?  And I don’t mean you dying.  Sometimes, the dreams don’t seem to disturb you so much.”

“If it’s not of death, it’s about a lady.  I think of her as the Taupe Lady because of the color of the gown she always wears.”

“Who is she?”

“I don’t know, but from how the people dress in the dreams, I get the feeling she’s always been here.  Even in my really old dreams, she shows up.  She seems like she cares but never really does anything to help me.  I mean, she says things that sound like cryptic advice; but if she can show up whenever she wants, why doesn’t she show up when I really need her?  Why doesn’t she step in and stop some of the bad stuff from happening?”

“Maybe she can’t,” he suggested quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“My kind has rules to follow and laws to obey.  Our laws can’t be broken even if we wanted to break them.  What if she has rules and laws too?”

I thought about it for a moment.  “What do you mean you can’t break them?”

He sighed and shook his head at me.  “Sometimes you seem to know so much about what I am.  How did you learn about my kind?”

“My dreams,” I answered honestly.

“That’s not possible,” he said.

“Okay, then how do I know?”  He looked at me with a suitably shocked expression, and I continued.  “This is what I’ve figured out.  There are dog-men out there that can shift between their dog form and man form.”

“I prefer to think of myself as more of a wolf.  It’s more dignified.”

Rolling my eyes, I continued.  “They want me and the few women like me for some reason that I haven’t yet figured out.  We are reborn every one thousand years.  There seems to be a period of time within each cycle that we can be reborn several times.  Almost every time I’m found, they end up killing me after making me Claim and mate with one of their own.”  I didn’t mention the dreams where I killed myself.

“Almost every time?” he asked tilting his head as his focus intensified.

“Twice I’ve dreamt of one of your kind trying to
help
me.  I still died both times in the end, but someone did try.”  I thought about those dreams.  I’d willingly gone along with their plans to help me and still died.  I refused to die again or to go along with someone else’s plans in this life.  I needed to try something different.  But what?  Maybe that’s what the Taupe Lady meant by every death has a purpose.  They all give me a chance to learn.

He quietly threw away the empty wrappers.  I could see his mind turning over what I’d shared.

“Let’s get some more food,” I said.  Seriously, he’d eaten just about everything on his own.

He nodded and walked beside me on our second trip to the gas station.

*    *    *    *

When we got back, I went into the bathroom to change.  We’d both been quiet on the walk.  I’d mostly debated with myself.  Now that he knew I wanted to Claim him in order to avoid a forced Claiming, perhaps he would be reasonable.  But seeing his troubled expression after I’d acknowledged I had still died when someone tried to help me had me reconsidering.  He truly did seem to want to help me; and if he thought Claiming him would end up getting me killed, I didn’t think he’d go for it. Fine.  I just needed to convince him that I cared about him and get him to let me Claim him that way.  He would eventually forgive me for the deception.  I was sure of it.

I stepped out of the bathroom and saw him sitting in the chair, still deep in thought.  I wanted to roll my eyes but managed to suppress the urge.  I did that a lot I realized.  I suppressed urges and feelings because I knew he was too aware of me.  It was a habit already.  But maybe my reactions to him were the key to all of this.  I’d witnessed his reaction to me, but did he really know my reaction to him?  In past lives, they’d used it as a means to control me.  But I knew better now.  I could let the physical reactions show without letting the emotional attraction grow.

Focusing on the flutter I felt every time I looked at him, I let the feeling fill me.  The rightness of him, which I usually stomped on with imaginary steel-toed boots, lifted its well-trodden head.  My heart somersaulted and stuttered heavily.

Luke’s head jerked up in surprise.  As he looked at me, a blush spread across my cheeks.

“Would you mind lying down with me?  I think you’re right.  I do seem to sleep better with you.”

I didn’t miss his quick glance at the door.  Frowning, I watched him slowly get to his feet.  He looked reluctant.

“Is something wrong?” I asked, truly confused.  Was I acting too nice again?  Maybe letting him hear my heart stutter hadn’t been a good move.

“I, uh, think you should try to sleep on your own for a bit,” he muttered.

“I just told you that I—” I rubbed my face and cut off my sharp words.  Affection.  Show him you care, not that he annoys the crap out of you, I reminded myself.  “Okay, fine,” I agreed with barely suppressed agitation.

He walked out the door, closing it softly behind him.

Annoyed, I marched to the bed.  I wasn’t tired, but a dream called.  Better to give into it on a bed than try to keep it at bay.

As soon as the blankets covered me, my eyes closed and another past pulled me down.

Perhaps it was still my emotions from before succumbing to the dream, but I felt angry.  Rage-filled really.  I wanted to rip someone’s head off with my own two hands and shove it up their...

“She’s awake,” a man sighed.

“Thank the skies,” someone said contentedly.  “I thought that last cut might have gone too deep.”

I looked down at myself.  I lay naked on a pile of blood-covered straw.  A cut ran along one of my lower ribs.  The glistening blood indicated its newness.  I felt the pain, but the rage overshadowed it.  I focused on the men crouched over me who eyed me with peaceful detachment, and I drew more emotion from them.  Every bit of anger, resentment, prejudice, fear...anything and everything other than an unresisting peace.  My wrath grew.  Blood started seeping from my various wounds as if my emotion filled me so much that I had no room to spare for the precious liquid.  Soon their eyes began to close.  Blood poured from me.  Rage consumed me as my last breath drifted from my body in a furious cry.

I woke sitting up wide-eyed and panting.  Anger shook my body.  A growl started growing until it was a shout of rage.  When I realized it came from me, I clamped my mouth shut.

“I’m sorry, Bethi,” Luke whispered as he stood up from the chair.  He peeled off his shirt and slid under the covers with me.

I barely noticed.  I wanted to hurt someone.  My hands shook with the need.

“Lay down,” he coaxed, leaning on an elbow.

Turning to look down at him, I struggled with my urge to punch him in the face.  He’d watched me suffer through that dream just as those men had watched one of my sisters bleed out.

“Let go of the dream,” he said.  His hazel eyes met mine steadily.  “I’m here.  I won’t leave you.  Ever.”  He reached up, wrapped an arm around me, and gently tugged me toward him.  “I’m sorry.”  His lips pressed against my forehead.

The swell of anger began to recede slightly.  The leftover emotions from that dream frightened me.  Shaking, I laid my head on his chest.

His fingers ran over my hair, soothing me until the shaking stopped and my eyes drifted closed.  I didn’t want to sleep ever again.  I wanted to stay awake and live forever.

The room was dark when I woke and for a few seconds I thought a dream still held me.  Then Luke’s fingers shifted in my hair.  I sighed against his skin.

“Had enough?” he whispered.

“I guess so,” I said lifting my head.  He had a nice chest.  Warm.  Firm.  Warm.  I started smiling stupidly and reminded myself to cut it out.  I needed to convince him of my affection, not myself.  “Thanks,” I mumbled turning away from his perceptive gaze.  Even in the dark, I knew he’d probably caught my grin.

Flipping back the covers, I escaped to the bathroom.  When I emerged dressed, everything was already packed and waiting.

“Think you can manage to stay awake for a while?”

I nodded.  The only pull I felt was my attraction to him.  I walked with him to the office to check out.  When we stood beside the bike, I remembered his comment about arranging for a car.

“No car yet?” I asked settling behind him.

“I told my contact we stopped along the way.  We’re still set to meet.”  He twisted in his seat to look at me.  “Are you trying to tell me you’re tired already?”

I shook my head with a smile.  He’d sounded almost panicked.  I wrapped my arms around him after he tightened the strap on the bag.  He wasn’t taking any chances.

*    *    *    *

We rode through the remainder of the night and watched the sun rise.  We stopped for a quick bite then continued, taking breaks often to stretch and walk so I didn’t get tired.  Before the sun started hugging the horizon, I could feel the tug of dreams again.

“I think we need to stop for the night,” I said tapping his shoulder.

He nodded and sped up.  “We’re almost there.”

We passed a sketchy looking roadside motel in the middle of nowhere to stop at a nicer small place in the next town.  By then, the dreams clung to me like water, coating me with a lethargy that gave me the head bobbles.

“Come on, luv,” Luke said lifting the strap and wrapping an arm around me so I wouldn’t fall off.  “Let’s get you to bed.”

His phrase made me giggle and he scowled in response.

All the rooms started to look the same to me.  I closed myself into the bathroom no longer caring.  When I emerged, I didn’t look for Luke.  The bed called to me.  I fell face-first into the mattress and a nightmare of one of our pasts.

A man knelt unflinchingly before another. The long grey hair hanging over his strong shoulders gave him a regal look.  Two sets of hands kept him on his knees.  He paid them little attention as his eyes held mine.  I stood to the side, held captive by someone I couldn’t see.  The tip of something sharp pressed into the pulse in my neck.

“Tell the Elders,” a man wearing a rough tunic and coarsely woven trousers demanded.  He towered before the kneeling man.  The ones holding the prisoner sank their nails into the man’s flesh at their leader’s words.  “Tell your leaders we have them all.”

I knew the leader lied.  He did not have all of my sisters.  But he did have me and four others, and I could see where the last one waited; her spark wasn’t far away.

“If you have them all, why do I need to tell the Elders?” the kneeling man questioned calmly.

“Do as I say or she dies.”  The leader waved his hand in my direction.

The captive threw his head back and laughed.  A growl rose from the man behind me.  No one else made a sound.

“You laugh?” Instead of looking angry, the leader appeared curious.

“You are still trying so hard,” the captive said with a pitying smile.  “The fight you started is coming.  I have told my people you have her, but we know you will not kill her.  Not until the balance is turned toward your favor.”  The man met my eyes, and I caught a glint of deep sorrow reflected back at me.  “But they won’t give you what you want.  They’ve discovered their purpose and will die protecting us.”

I didn’t understand everything the captive said.  What purpose?  But I did understand the rest of his message.  Help would not come in time.  I needed to choose.  With a sob, I pressed into the sharp object resting on my neck.  It pierced my skin with very little pain.  My captor grunted in surprise.  I quickly twisted around causing irreparable damage.  As I collapsed to my knees, the severed head of the man who’d warned me tumbled past.  A horrible cry went up through the gathered men, but it didn’t drown out their leaders words.

“She will be reborn.  There is still time in this cycle.  If we fail again, we will kill their Elders so they won’t remember in time for the next cycle!”  He kicked the head as he spoke.

My heartbeat slowed, and a chill crept along my skin.

The bed dipped as Luke lay next to me.  He pulled me into his arms, and I rested my head on his bare chest registering his comfort before sinking into normal dreams.  Dreams where I went to school, forgot my locker combination and my pants.

*    *    *    *

A low growl pulled me from my sleep.  But, it was Luke shoving my head onto a pillow that really woke me.

The mattress bounced as he flew from the bed. I opened my eyes to the sound of splintering wood and bolted upright, blinking stupidly.  A large shape filled the demolished doorway.  Luke had already almost completely phased into his wolf form and rushed toward the beast coming through the door.

They met with a heavy thud and grappled for each other’s throats just inside our room.  Vicious snarls and growls filled the air as they both went back on their hind legs.  I sat there frozen and gap-jawed watching the fight play out while my chest felt too small for my hammering heart.

The larger one used its weight to push Luke back, unbalancing him.  As he fell, he darted in with his sharp teeth.  I didn’t see if he made contact.  A rustle of noise and a shadow of movement from the corner of my eye had me turning in time to watch two shapes fly through the room’s wide window.

Still shaking from the first one’s arrival, I didn’t think, just acted.  I rolled from the bed toward the fighting pair and closer to Luke.  The newcomers landed crouched on the floor at the foot of the bed while I landed hard on my hip beside the bed.  Luke pivoted to face the two newcomers.  The original wolf who had struggled with Luke saw me and reached for me.  I scrambled away, barely managed to avoid his searching fingers, and bumped into the nightstand as Luke yanked him back.

A yip-howl rent the air. Luke had sunk his teeth into his opponent’s right eye.  I gagged by reflex and quickly looked away.  No time for that!

Snagging the lamp from the table, I held it by the chord and threw it like a mace.  Luke lunged at the third attacker while the second batted away my attempt at a weapon.  The lamp shattered, and I grabbed a shard of jagged ceramic before wedged myself under the bed.  There wasn’t much room; the weight of the bed pressed down on me.  I inched to the head of the bed where the nightstands created an additional barrier, giving me more protection.

Above me, the snarls increased, and I tried to curl into a ball—as much as the space would allow—to make my legs and arms harder to grab. 
Please don’t let him die. 
Huddled there, I stared at the fake wood grain of the nightstand trying to quiet my harsh breathing so I could hear.  My hand tightened around the shard.  I didn’t want to use it.  A grunt of pain preceded several more yips.  I didn’t want to do this again. Then, silence fell.  I stifled the urge to cry as I waited.  One heartbeat.  Two.  No one tried to pull me from under the bed.

I stayed curled up but lifted my head for just a peek.  A pair of eyes stared back at me.  I jumped hard enough to hit my head on the bed frame and almost curled back up.  The eyes didn’t blink...  Trembling, I struggled to pull in a breath.  The man’s cheek lay pressed against the carpet, his body relaxed.  Dead
.
It wasn’t Luke.  I needed to know.  Quietly, I uncurled myself.  I didn’t completely stretch out.  Rather, I extended my arms and legs just enough to shift my weight without emerging from under the bed.  Three half-formed wolf bodies littered the floor.  Whispers of sound invaded the room as their bodies shifted on the carpet, their dog forms slowly receding to show the men beneath.  I didn’t recognize any of them.

Relief washed over me and I rested my head on the floor, closing my eyes.  Luke hadn’t died.

Small noises continued to sound around me while I struggled to regain control of my breathing and my limbs.  It took several minutes after the last rustle of movement to register the complete silence.  Where was Luke?  Was he hurt?  Like an idiot, I’d stayed cowering under the bed instead of checking right away.

I lifted my head and frowned at the vacant spot before me.  The lifeless eyes were gone.  So was the body attached to them.

Creeping from beneath the bed, I surveyed the room.  No bodies, no lamp pieces, no glass.  No blood.  How was there no blood?

The sheets were rumpled and twisted from my quick escape.  The curtains, fluttering outward, drew my attention.  I edged toward the window and looked at all the glass and lamp pieces scattered artfully on the ground.

Frowning, I turned back to the room.  Where had Luke gone?  We needed to move fast.  I looked down at myself.  I wore a long sleeved top and sleep pants.  The cold penetrating the room finally penetrated my thoughts.  I couldn’t go outside like this.  I grabbed the bag and dashed to the bathroom.  If Luke wasn’t back when I stepped out of the bathroom, I promised myself that I would leave without him.

I flew through changing, and when I stepped out, Luke sat waiting on the edge of the bed, his expression filled with concern.  I wanted to fly at him and throw myself in his arms but held myself back.

That was twice now that they found us.  A heaviness settled over me.  Was there really only one outcome for me?  Hopelessness blanketed my desperation to find an answer where I didn’t die.

“Are you all right?” he asked softly, standing.

When he walked toward me, I flinched involuntarily.  Apparently, I wasn’t all right.  Seeing, hearing, and knowing he’d killed five men shook me.  It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate his defense.  I did.  But knowing that my life had once again started the death cycle broke me down inside.  Two wolves finding us I could try to pass off as a fluke, to deny the inevitability of my death, and to tease myself with maybes.  Maybe Luke, one of the good guys, could help me.  Maybe I would live this time.  Five wasn’t a fluke.  Those maybes were a fool’s dream.  I just needed to come to grips with my fate.  I would die.  Horribly.

He stopped advancing and eyed me sadly.

“It will be okay, Bethi.  I left money and an explanation with the manager for the broken window.  We should go.”

I nodded numbly and watched him pick up the duffle bag.  He held a hand out toward me, but I ignored it and walked through the door.  My hope to stop the dreams didn’t matter anymore.  The countdown to the end had started.

*    *    *    *

Sitting once again on the back of the bike, the scenery rushed passed.  I didn’t see any of it.  I didn’t remember getting on the bike.  The sight of a gouged eye blinded me to all of it. Instead, I dwelled on the dead of this life and past lives.  The loud sound of the battering wind faded as the ticking of the countdown deafened me.  I stayed locked behind Luke, feeling him turning occasionally, but not hearing him, not seeing him until he pulled to the shoulder and cut the engine.

“Bethi?” he said turning to look at me.  “I am sorry about this morning.  Those were not typical challenges.  They did not back down.  I had no choice.”

Challenge?  I blinked at him trying to bring myself back.  I remembered the fights from past lives where two wolves fought for the right to their mate.  He thought he was fighting for his right to me?  Part of me wanted to cry because he hadn’t really believed me, or put together what I’d been telling him.  Another part wanted to cry because his interest, or lack thereof, was pointless.

“Don’t be sorry,” I said flatly.  “It wasn’t a challenge.  There will be more wolves.  They will come until I choose, or I die.”

Luke opened his mouth to say something more but stopped after searching my hopeless gaze.  He turned around, told me to hold on tight, and took off from the shoulder.  We flew, and this time the tearing wind reminded me I wasn’t dead yet.

*    *    *    *

Woods and a cloud-laden sky brought an early twilight.  The wind picked up as I stood in stunned immobility.  On the ground, a man lay gasping.  The gurgling wet noise of his inhale told me he wouldn’t live long.  I stumbled backward and tripped over another prone form.

Something ran past me too fast to see clearly.  Not far away another member of our party cried out and then fell silent.  I didn’t run.  Turning in a circle, I tried identifying who darted around me within the shadows.

A voice, directly behind me, stilled my movement and sent shivers racing over my skin. “So beautiful.”  A hand stroked my hair.  Fear made my heart race.

“Do you still doubt me?” a familiar voice called.

I turned to watch my group’s leader emerge from the shadows completely unharmed.

“You were right,” the man behind me agreed.

I stared at the approaching man with dawning horror.  “You betrayed your people,” I gasped looking again at the bodies lying nearby.

“Not my people,” the man I thought I knew growled.  “My people do not run from a fight, not even to spare a single life.”