Up at the College (26 page)

“Elaine, people still give curls?”

Elaine sighed and nodded in resignation—seemed as if the Jheri curl would never, ever go away. No matter how hard she prayed
for black men who used to be slick 1980s players to be delivered of this affliction, the good Lord just had not answered her
prayer and taken this thorn away.

The song faded and Grady Grey stood before the cameras with such a warm and sincere smile spreading across his face, it almost
made you want to forget that he was standing on TV dressed like the
Starsky and Hutch
character Huggy Bear’s second cousin on his mama’s side.

“Durham, North Carolina, I greet you in the matchless name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I don’t know what the weather
is like for those of you watching this show. But all I can say is that God is so good because He has blessed me with a beautiful
day. I mean it, viewers. Today is gorgeous.

“And let me tell you a lil’ somethin’-somethin’—if you’ve ever been in a place where you can’t see the sky, you’ll never ever
fall short of praising God for a beautiful day again. We have the sick and shut in, and people in jails and prisons around
this great state who would give anything to walk outside and feel the warm rays of the sun bathing their face.”

“He is so flamboyant,” Rochelle said. “But it is the strangest thing. The man is for real when it comes to the Lord, and just
as humble and sweet when you run up on him in Durham.”

“Yeah,” Elaine agreed. “Everybody who meets Grady in person says that he is the sweetest and kindest man they have ever met.”

“Well, that is nothing but the truth,” Miss Hattie Lee chimed in. “I remember Grady being sweet when he was working out of
that shed. He always gave his older customers an extra senior discount, he personally delivered their stuff to their houses,
set up any equipment that required assembly, and would come back and make sure everything was okay from time to time.”

Grady moved to a new part of his set where the chairs were set up talk-show style. He sat down opposite a short, stocky man,
whose arms were so thick and muscular they looked as if they were about to rip the arms of the suit he was wearing in two.

“What does that man have on?” Yvonne asked.

Rochelle, the girls, and her parents kept telling her to watch this show. But she had been too busy, or absorbed in something
important, to come and watch it with them. Now she wished that she’d listened because this thing was getting good.

“A silver lamé three-piece suit with a black satin shirt and tie,” Rochelle answered, mesmerized by the shiny suit and how
the set lights kept bouncing prisms of color off of it.

“Dang, if that sucker don’t look hot,” Elaine said, fanning herself.

“That’s Huge Hotsy, right?” Miss Hattie Lee said.

“Big Dotsy. Dotsy Hamilton,” Rochelle and Elaine said in unison.

“Well how come my baby Grady Grey knows somebody dressed like they ’bout to go to the club in outer space?”

“He was Grady’s cellmate back in prison,” Elaine said. “Dotsy ended up going back to jail and then doing some prison time.
But Grady always kept up with him and didn’t let up on ministering to him until he got saved.”

“Shhh,” Rochelle said. “Big Dotsy is getting ready to give his testimony.”

Elaine turned up the TV.

Big Dotsy, now Elder Dotsy Hamilton, grinned at the camera, pulled out a silver lamé handkerchief, and wiped the glistening
sweat off his bald head before saying, “Now, any of you out there in the viewing audience who has ever been to Jubilee Temple
Holiness Church II has already heard this testimony. So bear with me because the Lord told me this morning that I had to say
this one more time. And I don’t go against what the Lord tells me to do, no matter how small or simple that request might
seem to me. See, I spent a lifetime of cutting the fool and ignoring the Lord, and I am not trying to go back to that craziness.

“People, God has been good to me. I have been delivered and set free of the hold the Devil had on me. I know you can tell
just by looking at me that I used to like reefers, cheap wine, and women who’d let me
hit that
after giving them some Cold Duck and a few good drags off of a joint.

“But worse than that was my need to beat up people and shoot at them. Whew, that thang was some fun. I never took drugs stronger
than reefers ’cause nothing gave me a thrill like starting up my car and running a nig—oops—a man down the street while I
shot at him out of my car window.”

Big Dotsy stopped talking and sat back in the chair and closed his eyes in remembrance of those times. When it appeared as
if he wasn’t going to come back from that memory, Apostle Grady Grey shouted, “GONE ARE THE THINGS OF THE PAST.”

Big Dotsy snapped his eyes opened and continued.

“Now, I want you good people to know that I never ever had a desire to kill anybody. I’ve shot more than my fair share of
folks. But I can stand here today and tell you that not a one of them died or was seriously injured. And by that, I mean none
of my people are in wheelchairs or experiencing a loss of their most important faculties.”

At that point, Linda Grey eased over to Dotsy and slipped him a crumpled piece of paper. He grinned into the camera and said,
“Hol’ up,” and read the note.

“Durham, it looks as if God wants to keep me honest. And I have to confess an oversight. I never killed anybody or put somebody
in a wheelchair. But I did interfere with one brother’s faculties. I was trying to pistol-whip him and he wouldn’t stop hollering
or keep still, and I had to shoot him right near the corner of his mouth.”

Dotsy pointed to the area on his own mouth where the top and bottom lips were connected to the jaw.

“His mouth ain’t never set quite right since that unfortunate incident. And he drools just a tiny bit when he drinks too much,
sees a fine sister with a big booty, or gets excited about something, like winning fifty dollars on a scratch-off lottery
ticket. But he don’t have to worry about money again. ’Cause I went to prison on account of that, when I pleaded guilty so
he could win his insurance case ’cause the hospital didn’t treat him in a timely manner because he was a known thug.”

He started crying, trying to wipe his face dry with that ineffective piece of shiny silver cloth. Finally one of the choir
members ran over and gave him a black facecloth. Dotsy wiped his face and head and fell to his knees.

“Durham, I am a sinner saved by grace. I’ve been the henchman for people who didn’t want to get their hands dirty but needed
some help with folks who were being irreverent towards them. Now, I know you saints out there are wondering why criminals
would be insulted by irreverence. But that ain’t the point. The people they sent me after got hooked up with those people
on their own. And we all know that when you make deals with the Devil, you will have to pay your debt one way or another.”

All of sudden Dotsy got still and quiet like a very important fact had just occurred to him. He stood back up and got right
up on the camera.

“Durham, I just want you to know that even though I am telling you the stuff I used to do in a testimony, there is a whole
lot I don’t recollect anymore. I asked God to cleanse my memory of all details of my former life and my former business associates,
and He answered my prayer. And if you don’t believe me, you can come over to Jubilee Temple II any day and give me a lie-detector
test.”

Apostle Grady Grey ran up to the camera and said, “That ain’t nothing but the truth. We have given Elder Dotsy five of these
tests by three different top-rate companies, and he don’t remember a thing. God has completely healed his mind of the past.”

Dotsy looked relieved at Grady’s revelation, and he said, “I know that I don’t look or act like a regular saved man. But I
want to tell you people that God brought me here to be a testimony to all of the brothers in jail, and brothers out there
acting like they are trying to go to jail. So for you saints who’ve always been blessed with the good sense to act right,
what I’m about to say and do next ain’t for you. Y’all will have to wait until the next broadcast when somebody who fit the
bill for you is on the show.”

Elder Dotsy looked back at the musicians, who started playing a real hot and funky hip-hop beat.

“Girl,” Elaine said, “I’ve heard that tune on the hip-hop station. Or am I just imagining that?”

“Nahh, Elaine,” Rochelle said, while bobbing her head to the beat. “That tune is to one of the rapper Yung Joc’s old songs.”

“You mean the one where he telling the people to meet him at the mall?”

“How do you know about that song, Miss Hattie Lee?” Elaine asked.

“My grandbabies. Shawanda likes to practice her dance routine on that song, and Lil’ Too Too plays and sings it when he comes
by after school to help me with some housework.”

“Lil’ Too Too back in school?” Elaine asked.

“Yeah, he went back when he got off of house arrest for trying to steal those cases of microwave pancakes from Harris Teeter.
You know that baby always did love himself some pancakes. But he is still at Hillside. I know he is not the best student.
But it seems to me like the baby would have been able to get out of high school by now.”

“Well, Miss Hattie Lee,” Rochelle said, “if he doesn’t hurry up, they are going to make him leave anyway. And he’s been in
trouble with the law. Hillside will try and work with you—but not if you too old and acting a fool on top of that. Lil’ Too
Too is what? Nineteen?”

“Twenty,” Miss Hattie Lee answered, a bit embarrassed. She didn’t know what was wrong with Lil’ Too Too. All of his cousins
were doing fine—good grades, working, and a few were in college.

“He better get it together soon,” Elaine said, “because they will make him leave at twenty-one. And Lil’ Too Too doesn’t want
to leave without that diploma. You better talk to him, Miss Hattie Lee.”

By now Elder Dotsy was getting down, doing a smooth combination of a shout and the “lean with it, pop with it” hip-hop dance.
And when it got real good to him, he said, “I wrote this rap for those of you out there who are always getting in some kind
of trouble, and haven’t figured out why you need the Lord and need to get saved. Jesus is coming back, sisters and brothers,
and I want all of y’all out there to be ready to go and meet Him in the sky. So this is for y’all.” He launched into his own
gospel rap version of Yung Joc’s song.

“When you hear the trumpet sound, it’s goin’ down … When Jesus cracks the sky, it’s goin’ down … When you rise up
off the ground, it’s goin’ down … When you meet Him in the air, it’s goin’ down …”

The song was getting good to Elder Dotsy, and he really started getting down. The choir, who up until now had been sitting
quietly on the set, hopped up and started dancing and singing, adding some harmony to the song. It looked as if they were
having the time of their lives. Anybody watching the show who didn’t think that Jesus was somebody they could relate to would
be forced to rethink this assumption.

Apostle Grady Grey and the First Lady came on the camera.

“We are rapidly running out of time,” Grady Grey said. “If any of you want to get saved, you need to invite the Lord Jesus
into your life right now. Today’s broadcast was for our viewers who have trouble with legal matters. And we want you to know
that we have an anointed post-prison ministry, with many success stories. ’Cause I’m here to tell you future saints that you
cannot come out of prison, start over, and make it without Jesus. It won’t happen. God wants you to have life more abundantly.
Give your life over to Jesus right now.”

Three sets of numbers flashed across the screen.

“Our phone counselors are standing by to minister to those of you who want to get saved right now. They are available to pray
with you. And they will work with you to get you to our church, or make a reference to a church that is best suited for your
needs.

“See, we want you saved and Heaven-bound. So, while we’d love to have you at Jubilee Temple Holiness Church II, our greatest
desire is for you to have a church home. Don’t worry about hurting our feelings if our church is not the church for you. God
has blessed us with tremendous increase and we are growing by leaps and bounds. So we don’t care where you go, as long as
it’s somewhere.”

“That’s right,” Linda Grey said. “Hallelujah! God led us to let Elder Hamilton do the broadcast this morning to reach people
a lot of us saints can’t reach. And the Lord has laid it on my heart that there are viewers out there who have just been released
from jail and prison, you don’t know where to turn, or what to do, and how to do it the right way.

“Well, you can let all of that go because God cares for you. And He has placed us here this morning to share His Word and
let Him use us to get you on your way, which is His way, the Way. Call. Call. Call us in the name of Jesus and watch your
life transform right before your eyes.”

“That’s right, call,” Big Dotsy said. “If God had a miracle for me, I know He has one for you. Call us, please.”

The choir came and stood behind the Greys and Elder Hamilton, as the music came on to signal that the show was about to end.
The Greys started waving to the camera. Big Dotsy waved and then said, “I want to send a few shout-outs to my three baby mamas,
the child support enforcement social worker at Durham County Department of Social Services who taught me about being responsible
for my kids, my parole officer, Reverend Jerome King, and my seven kids—Dotsy Jr., Dayeesha, Sheldon, the twins (Tawantaye
and Tawanaye), Kylone, and the baby girl, Dotsheema.”

Y
vonne was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her cheeks. That had to be the funniest, most real church show she’d
seen in a long time. No wonder
Grady Grey’s Half an Hour of Holy Ghost Power
was becoming a big underground hit in Durham County. And unlike the other reality shows, this one was anointed with the Holy
Ghost, and it made a difference in people’s lives—even if it did make you laugh until your sides hurt.