Valentine Wishes (Baxter Academy Book 1) (20 page)

I
don’t really want
to pry, but I can’t help but think there are things Brett is not telling me about his family. No real mention of his mom and evasive about his dad. It’s none of my business, of course. But, we are getting close and the closer we get the more family will become a part of that. He knows about mine and I want to know about his. Is there a dark secret that he’s hiding? Doesn’t he realize it won’t make a difference to me?

I already know who he is, and that’s really all that matters. But, I assume I might meet his family one day and would like to know a little more.

I’m drying and putting away the last plate when Brett steps out of the bathroom upstairs. He’s only wearing boxers and my body heats all over. Damn, I like a guy in boxers. I really like Brett in boxers. He rushes down the steps, gives the embers a few more stirs. There isn’t anything left of the fire, just red, glowing pieces of wood, and he shuts the grate so sparks don’t escape. He checks the locks on the windows and doors and I head upstairs.

Do we really need to worry about someone breaking in? Then again, we are out in the wilderness, all alone. I’ve seen enough horror movies to know things could go badly.

Shit! Quickly I erase the memories of the movies. I won’t think about them because if I do, I won’t get a wink of sleep. I may not be ready to sleep right now, but eventually, I’ll need to.

He’s switching the lights off downstairs as I grab my pajamas and head into the bathroom. I don’t expect to remain in them, but I don’t want to be so forward as to crawl into bed naked either, and intend to take my lead from Brett. After all, I was the one who instigated this afternoon’s sex. What if he’s not in the mood, or today was enough? I don’t want him thinking that all I want to do is have sex. Even if that’s all I want to do right.

Crap, I should have known grandmother would have instructed the maid to pack the warm and least revealing of my pajamas. Of course, I didn’t change them out when I did put everything into the backpack. At the time I thought I’d be in a sleeping bag or tent and even with Brett beside me, I anticipated a cold night. I so do not need these flannels, but it’s all I have.

“Nice,” he laughs as I step out of the bathroom. Grey flannel pants with pink hippos aren’t exactly sexy.

Brett’s already in bed and grinning at me. The covers are down to this waist and that delicious chest is on display. “Tent, sleeping bag and cold, remember?” Not that anything about me is remotely cold at the moment.

He pushes the covers aside on my side of the bed. “I still would have kept you warm.” His eyes darken and I have the feeling he’ll have me more than warm before the night is over.

After crawling into the bed it is suddenly awkward. Do I say goodnight and give him a peck? I’ve never just gotten in bed with a guy knowing I’ll be spending the night. I usually don’t end up in bed without a hell of a lot happening before I get there. This is very odd.

Brett goes up on an elbow and leans over me before he starts unbuttoning my top. “I predict if you sleep in this you might become too hot in the night.”

“Possibly.”

“Then you’ll kick the covers off and I’ll get cold.”

“We can’t have that.”

“If we are both similarly clothed, I don’t think that will be a problem.”

I blink up at him and frown. “I don’t own a pair of boxers.”

“Then I suggest we both get naked. Just to even out the temperatures, of course.”

His hand closes over my breast and my temperature strikes. “Of course. You are the Boy Scout and have experience in camping.”

J
ackie’s curled
on her side away from me. She might have fallen asleep with her head on my chest, but at one point she pushed me away from her. As much as I liked holding her and having sex with her, and last night was no exception, I did sleep better not touching her. It could be that neither one of us is used to sleeping with anyone. Maybe it will change, or maybe it won’t. Not that it matters. She’s in this bed with me and all I have to do is reach out and touch her. Not that I will. At least not at the moment. I like watching her too much. Her face is so relaxed and her lips are parted only slightly. I hadn’t noticed how much tension she carried in her face before. At least, not until I noticed how peaceful she looked now.

What made her so tense? Her grandmother? Theo? School? A combination?

I do need to talk to her about Theo but I don’t know how to bring it up. To do so would mean talking about my mom, and I’m not sure if I’m ready to do that yet. Then again, telling her about my past and what mom went through might give her insight and maybe help Theo before it’s too late.

Of course, I could just be assuming he’s depressed, but my gut warns otherwise. The comments he’s made are too reminiscent of mom and it scares me.

Jackie rolls over onto her back, stretches her arms above her head and then opens her eyes. Blinking up at me, she kind of pulls back. “How long have you been watching me?”

So I just wigged her out. Must remember not to do that again. “Couldn’t help myself. You looked so beautiful and peaceful.”

Jackie rolls her eyes as her cheeks turn slightly pink. “I’m sure I look wonderful.” Then she snorts.

“You do to me,” I answer seriously. “And, that’s really all that matters.”

She finally smiles, slowly. “You don’t look half bad yourself.” She runs her hand across my chin, which is in need of a razor. Not that I intend to shave while I’m here, unless she wants me to. This is one of the few times I don’t have to. In my line of work, a clean shaven face is a requirement. Before that, it was the Army. Now, I don’t shave unless it’s required and camping does not require a smooth chin.

“Breakfast?”

Her grin widens. “What did you have in mind?”

“Tits and ass.”

Her nose wrinkles. “Not ass. That’s just gross.”

“Okay, tits then.” I push the covers away. “And I’ll be having breakfast in bed.”

T
his isn’t so bad
. The hiking that is. Though I’m wondering how I can even walk right now. After a marathon lovemaking session last night and then the things Brett did to me this morning, I thought I’d need a day in bed to recover.

“What are you humming?”

We haven’t been talking, just walking hand in hand, until the path is too narrow and he goes ahead of me. “A song I can’t get out of my head.”

“I don’t recognize it.”

“
Dance Ten Looks Three.”

Brett looks over his shoulder and frowns.

“It’s your fault,” I laugh. “You mentioned tits and ass.”

“And that reminds you of a song?”

“You don’t see much theatre, do you?”

This time he makes a face. “Not really.”

“It’s from
A Chorus Line
. The lyric is ‘Tits and ass won’t get you jobs unless they’re yours’.”

He just shakes his head. “How often does this happen? Getting songs stuck in your head?”

“A lot,” I grumble. “And, always a show tune.”

“Nothing else?” He laughs.

“A lot of musical theatre in my past. I can’t tell you how often someone says something that reminds me of a line from a show, and then the song that came after it and boom, song stuck in my head.”

“Tits and ass!”

“Yep!” I assume this happens to everyone, even if not as much as it happens to me. “You don’t get songs stuck in your head, ever?”

He shrugs and shakes his head. “I never listened to music all that much. I couldn’t even tell you who the popular groups where when I was in high school.”

“Oh, Brett, that is so sad.” I don’t know what I’d do without music. Though, I really haven’t listened to much lately. Well, other than the musicians at the camp. I just haven’t had time.

Now that I think about it, he’s never even had the radio on when we’ve been driving.

Not that it bothers me. I love music, but I like conversation much more, especially with Brett.

We come to the top of a hill, or maybe it’s a gradual cliff. I don’t know, I haven’t been paying that much attention, just walking and sometimes following Brett up the path. There is a break in the trees and we can look out over the valley. It’s breathtaking.

“This!” He holds his arm out and wraps the other one around my waist. “Wasn’t it worth the hike?”

“It’s beautiful.” A patchwork quilt of nature is before us. Light greens of grass, dark greens of trees, blue of the lakes, a waterfall in the distance. The only sound is the occasional bird. It’s as if we are the only ones in the world.

Someone had built a bench up here and we settle onto it. Brett’s got his arm around my shoulder and I’m just leaning into him, at peace. I could probably sit here all day.

“When are your grandmother and Theo going to present their plans to the Foundation again?”

The question comes out of the blue and kind of surprises me. The last thing I was thinking about was the school or my family. “In a few weeks, I think. Once they have everything planned out and are ready to answer any anticipated questions.”

“Does your grandmother want this school as much as Theo?”

What an odd question.

“Or, is she doing it for Theo?” he asks before I can answer the first one.

This is something I hadn’t given much thought to. “I’m not sure. I know she’s behind the school and has been since the first time he brought it up.”

Brett nods. I can feel it even if I don’t see it. “Why does it matter?”

He sighs. “I’ve just been thinking about Theo and some of the things he’s said to me.”

This time I turn and look at him. Brett’s being all serious and I’m beginning to be alarmed. I’m not sure why, but I want to know what he’s thinking. I’ve lived with concern over Theo since the accident, but does Brett know something I don’t?

“What kind of shift has there been since the Foundation meeting and the planning?”

“His outlook is more positive.” But there is more. “Before that, Theo didn’t care about anything, except photography. Now, when he’s not with the campers, he’s with grandmother, making more plans for the school.” Actually, it’s more than that. “He’s reading more than ever, on the computer a lot, but it’s making him sick. After long hours with Grams, he’s been in bed for two days, in a dark room. He knows he can’t spend so much time reading without the consequences, so why is he doing it?”

“Is there a deadline they need to meet?”

“No. A meeting of the Foundation can take place anytime. It’s not like a corporation where there are time limits set on plans.”

“Yet, he’s practically killing…pushing to get this done quickly.”

“Yeah,” I practically whisper. “He’s really focused on it, like everything needs to be done now.” I glance back over the valley. “I hadn’t given it much thought because I was happy he had something he was passionate about.” I look back up at Brett. “Do you think it’s something more?”

He just shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t know him that well, but he didn’t seem all that happy when I first met you.”

“Actually he was. School was out and he had a whole summer with the camp and his camera. If you think he was unhappy then, you should see him during school. Downright surly.”

“Or depressed.”

The word just hangs there. I hate that word above all others. An illness that so many people have dealt with, including most of the campers. For some it’s mild and for others debilitating. “Yeah. Depressed. Sometimes it’s impossible to get him out of bed when it has nothing to do with headaches and dizziness.”

“And he doesn’t seem so now?”

The question is quiet and I get the feeling we aren’t just making conversation. What is Brett seeing that I’m not? “It’s the most focused and positive I’ve seen him since before the injury. He has a purpose and plan.”

“And wants it accomplished.”

I nod. “And, he wants to make sure everyone is good.”

Brett stiffens. “How so?”

“Comments like I’ll be okay. Grams will be okay and that Tyler will be okay. Like he’s going somewhere. I’ve told him he’s going to be okay too and he just smiles.”

M
y gut is warning
me that Theo plans on being okay because he doesn’t plan on being here anymore. I could be all wrong in this, but I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t warn Jackie. “When does school start?”

“A couple of days.”

“Is Theo going back or are you going to homeschool him?”

“Theo told me not to worry about school. He didn’t sign up, so I’m assuming it’s the homeschool thing.”

A couple of days? Shit. We can’t stay here for the next three or four days. As much as I want to be alone with Jackie, I’m afraid of what will happen before we get back. I’ll just need to figure out a way to cut this short without her panicking. After all, I could be all wrong. A couple of days buys me some time, I hope, but we will be going back home tomorrow.

“Why all these questions about Theo?”

I can’t keep this to myself. As much as I don’t want to talk about mom, I have to. “I recognize the signs of depression.”

“He’s been depressed since the accident. Sometimes he’s worse than at other times.”

“And, he’s in pain and frustrated.”

“Yeah. But, there isn’t much anyone can do except meds.”

“My mom suffered from depression,” I finally say. “I didn’t get that is what it was when I was a kid. Hell, I didn’t get it when I was in high school. Only after I was in the Army and looked back. That’s when it became so obvious.”

“I’m sorry.”

“When I was a kid, she was absent a lot. Reading was her favorite escape. Closing the rest of us out while she soaked in the tub reading her damn romance novels.”

“All the time.”

“Not until my youngest sister was about five. It’s like she checked out.” I hate remembering how it had been, but I need to so I can explain my fears to Jackie. “She used to ask Dad to take her places and he always complained that it would cost too much. I assumed we were poor, but we weren’t that bad off. Dad was saving for the future. For retirement, which meant no family vacations and no dates with mom.”

“Ever?”

“When he wasn’t working he was at home, resting. He worked more double shifts than not, and was too tired to go out on the weekends. It was his excuse for not doing anything.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Looking back, I see how this affected Mom. He was gone most of the time, she worked during the day and was raising five kids practically on her own, and her husband never wanted to go anywhere. Hell, he wouldn’t even take her to a movie.” My anger is rising and as much as I don’t want to be pissed around Jackie, I can’t help it. “A fucking movie. Three hours away from the house, but he didn’t want to spend the money.”

Jackie isn’t saying anything, just listening.

“I remember one year, Mom wanted to go away for the weekend. Their anniversary was coming up and some Jane Austen Society was having a ball. Mom wanted to go so bad, but Dad wasn’t interested. Too much for the hotel and event. After that, she pretty much shut down. Gave up.”

“I feel bad for your mom.”

“I didn’t get it at the time. She took care of us kids, but not like she used to. Dinners were not as important, or going to parent teacher conferences, school plays or baseball games. We never knew if she’d be there or not. And, when she was, weren’t sure if she was even paying attention.”

“Sounds like it got bad.”

“Yeah.” I sigh. “We all thought she didn’t care. Let the house go and none of us brought friends around. We went to their houses instead. Mom and Dad hardly talked, but Dad was no different. He didn’t even realize that Mom was slipping away more and more each day.”

Jackie frowns and looks up at me. “Slipping away?”

“For a bit,” I clarify. “Then, when Claire was in her last semester of school, Mom was interested again all of a sudden. Called us more frequently. Wanted to make sure we were all home for Claire’s graduation. Wanted to make sure that we knew that she loved us. Telling us that no matter what, we were always important and now that everyone was out of school she knew we’d all be okay.”

Jackie stiffens at that. Those are the same words Theo has been using.

“She did a 180, like Theo.”

“Which is why I wanted to mention it, but I could be all wrong.”

“What happened?” her voice is strained, as if she doesn’t really want to know the answer, but needs to.”

“It was an amazing weekend. We had the mom back that I remembered as a kid. She insisted on pictures to remember happy times. Dad was Dad. Complaining about costs, as usual and she practically told him to go fuck himself, that she had all of her kids home and she didn’t care how much it costs to fly everyone home and have great meals.”

“Did they fight about it?”

“I think my dad was shocked that Mom stood up to him. She’d kept the peace so often, or so it seemed. If Dad said no, she never argued with him. I wish she would have back then, maybe things would have been different.”

“What happened?”

Jackie’s got to know things weren’t a happily ever after. It’s what I’ve been leading up to. “A week after we all returned to our lives, mom took a bunch of pills and never woke up.”

“Oh, Brett, I’m so sorry.” When she looks at me there are tears in her eyes. “That was just last year.”

I nod. The way I feel right now it could have been yesterday.

“And nobody saw it coming?”

“No.” I shrug. “We were clueless.” Then I start getting angry again. “My dad was pissed though. Complaining that he’d waited all these years, scrimped and saved so the two of them could retire and live like they did before there were kids.”

“Did she know that?”

“Maybe. But, I think she was so depressed and withdrawn at that point she didn’t care. Had dad actually made the same effort while we were growing up that he planned on doing after we were gone, maybe she’d still be here, and with him enjoying New Orleans.” I grit my teeth and take a deep breath. “It’s the one place she always wanted to go and now he’s living down there without her.”

Jackie snuggles against me and grabs my hand, squeezing it. There really isn’t anything she can say, but I needed to tell her since Theo has had a sudden interest in life too. I also could be all wrong. Maybe he just needed a purpose.