Vegas to Varanasi (Fortytude Series Book 1) (6 page)

Ten

The next morning, I’m at my desk wishing I hadn’t even bothered to come in. I’m miserable, emotional, and can’t focus on anything, which is why I’m basically hiding in my office. Geena is coming in this morning, and I’ve asked Terrence, one of my therapists, to work with her today. As much as I enjoy Kiran’s flawless beauty, I’m in no mood to be sociable, or professional, for that matter.

I left before David woke this morning, so we didn’t speak. Carly would be in biology class right now, but I decide to text her to see how she is.

Did David apologize?
I ask.

Yes, last night. We’re fine. But he’s not.

I know.

What are you gonna do?

I have no idea.

I set my phone on the desk and put my face in my hands when there’s a knock at the door.

“Come in.”

It’s Terrence. “I know you didn’t want to see clients today, but Mrs. Kapur and her son were wondering if they could speak with you for a minute.”

Ah, crap
. I’m sure I must look like hell. “Umm... sure.”

A few seconds later Geena and Kiran are standing at my door.

“Hello, Anna,” Geena says.

“Hi, you two. Please, come sit down.” I motion to a couple of chairs.

Oh my, Kiran looks delicious! He’s let a five o’clock shadow grow in and is wearing a pale green button-down shirt that makes his eyes pop, more than usual.

“No, no,” she says. “We won’t keep you. I just wanted to invite you to my seventieth birthday party in two weeks. We would love to have you.”

“That’s very kind of you to think of me.”

“And feel free, of course, to bring a guest,” Kiran adds.

I try to appear chipper. “Oh, I... Okay. Thank you.”
No, no!
I can hear the quiver in my voice.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?” Geena asks.

“I’m fine. Just not having a very good morning.” Damn it. I’m on the verge of tears just from her asking.

Kiran scowls briefly and presses his lips together. “Mother and I were about to go next door for coffee before I take her home. Why don’t you join us?”

“Thanks, but I don’t want to impose. And I’ve got paperwork to—”

“Come with us.” Geena holds out her hand. “Maybe you just need to get out of this office for a bit.”

Kiran offers an amused grin, as if there will be no refusing his mother.

I look around the room, trying to come up with a valid reason for declining, and realize maybe it would be better if I got out of here to take my mind off things.

“I guess I could disappear for a little bit.” I reach into my desk drawer to pull out my purse and rise to join them. When I grab my phone, the screen lights up with a call from David. I didn’t realize my ringer was off, and notice that somehow I missed a call from him earlier this morning. I’m certainly not going to answer while the two of them are here, so I reject the call.

Once we’re inside Starbucks, Kiran insists on buying my coffee along with Geena’s, so he waits in line while we grab a table. As we settle in, I see two young women, probably in their twenties, waiting for their order at the other end of the counter. One of them takes a look at Kiran, then yanks on her friend’s arm to draw her attention. The other woman’s mouth literally falls open. “Stop staring!” the first one says, and they both giggle with embarrassment.

Apparently, Geena sees the exchange and shakes her head. I turn to her and smile. “He must get that a lot,” I say with a laugh.

She nods. “And he hasn’t let it go to his head yet. I keep waiting.”

“How did he lose all the weight?”

“The old-fashioned way. Just diet and exercise.” Briefly, she places her hand on mine. “He was so unhappy, Anna,” she adds in a hushed voice.

Kiran returns with our drinks and takes a seat.

“So, Anna,” Geena begins. “Why are you having such a bad Monday morning, dear? Work?”

“Oh!” I give a quick shake of the head and wave my hand. “No... Just home stuff.” I lower my head and take a sip of my coffee.

When I look up, again with those eyes, concentrated on mine. I’m beginning to suspect this attention is only in my mind, that it’s simply my own self-consciousness contriving some sort of mystery.

“You’ll have to forgive my mother,” he says gently before giving her a sideways glance. “She can get too personal sometimes.”

She shrugs unapologetically. “Well, why bother if we can’t be personal with one another? We’re all persons, so doesn’t that make everything personal?”

He turns back to me with a silly expression; making a face and rolling his eyes, getting a chuckle out of me. Then he smiles as if he’s genuinely pleased to see me brighten up some.

“Your party in two weeks. Will Mr. Kapur be coming home so he can be there?” I ask. “Or will he have to stay with his mother?”

“She’s doing a little better now, so yes, he plans to fly back.”

“That’s good. Do you have any brothers or sisters who will be coming?” I ask Kiran.

“No siblings. It’s just me.”

“Same here. We’re the ones others accuse of being spoiled rotten because we didn’t have to share our parents’ affections.”

To my surprise, David enters Starbucks, looking as if he’s searching for someone, and that someone happens to be me. He spots me and gives a quick smile, then his gaze darts randomly around the place as he makes his way over.

“Hey,” he breathes. “Teresa said I would find you here.” He quietly acknowledges Geena. However, when his eyes fall on Kiran, they widen in such an obvious way, I almost let out a snort of laughter despite my bad mood. Recalling the reception when Luke said he would go after Kiran if he had the chance, I can’t help but wonder if David is thinking the same thing.

David’s attention shifts to me. “What?” he asks, a puzzled expression on his face. I don’t realize I’m smiling.

“Nothing.” I force a more serious demeanor. “David, this is one of my clients, Geena, and her son, Kiran.”

“Nice to meet you.” David shakes Geena’s hand, then Kiran’s. “That’s right,” he suddenly remembers. “You’re the one who went to school with Anna.”

“Yes.”

For a few moments, David looks back and forth between the two of us without saying anything and then produces a stiff grin.

“So what’s up?” I ask, trying to seem as if we didn’t just have this huge disagreement the night before.

“I uh... I just wanted to see if you were available for lunch today.”

This is more than about lunch. Otherwise, he would have just texted me. I want to point that out, but I’m not about to embarrass him in front of the others.

“You weren’t picking up,” he adds nervously. “And I was in the neighborhood...”

Geena takes a sip of her coffee as her gaze shifts elsewhere and Kiran makes a point to look at something on his phone. I have no doubt they’re aware that my bleak mood involves David.

Before I have a chance to answer, Kiran says, “We’ll leave you two. I really have to take Mother home so I can get to work.”

“No, I’m leaving.” David holds up his hand. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“It’s fine,” Geena says as she rises from her chair. “Kiran’s right. We really should be going. It was very nice to meet you.”

“You as well.” David shoves his hands in his pockets, and he and Kiran exchange nods.

“Good-bye, Anna.” Kiran momentarily touches my arm. “I hope the rest of your day is better.”

David waits for them to leave and then frowns at me. “You didn’t... You didn’t talk to them about us, did you?”

“Of course not!”

He clears his throat, only to stand there silently, and I feel uneasy.

“Can we talk?” he asks. “Back in your office?”

“We can’t just talk here?”

“I’d rather have some privacy, but if you have patients, I can wait until your lunch hour.”

This is not going to be good. “I was just planning to catch up on some paperwork today, so come on.”

After not having said another word to each other during our walk back, we’re sitting across from one another in the two chairs in front of my desk. I wait quietly for what he’s about to say.

David hesitates, leans forward, and pinches his bottom lip. “I know I’ve been making you unhappy.”

I’m absolutely dismal at this opening, but I say nothing and keep staring, expressionless, at his face.

He rubs the middle of his forehead and closes his eyes. Then he holds his fist against his mouth. It feels as if he’s waiting for me to interject, to finish what he wants to say. I won’t.

“Am I right?” he asks. “Do I make you unhappy?”

“David, you’re the one that’s unhappy.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “No. I love you more than anything.”

I want to say he loves writing more than anything, that the kids and I come second, but I don’t, because honestly, I can feel how tormented he is in this moment, and I won’t do that to him.

But he sees it. He sees it all in my face.

Lowering his head, he turns away.

“So I guess this is it then,” I say.

He rubs his palm in circles against his chest and slowly meets my gaze with reddened eyes. “I can’t take disappointing you anymore. I know I make you feel lonely... and I don’t think I’m selfless enough to fix it.”

I nod, then lift my shoulders. “So you don’t even wanna try?” Frankly, I’m not sure I want to try, either. I love him, but I have this gnawing feeling it would be prolonging the inevitable.

He leans back in his chair, as if a burden has already been lifted from him, knowing we’re through. Instead of reaching out to comfort me, he’s already distancing himself. “It’s like you said, babe. I’m extreme. I have a hard time finding middle ground, a balance.”

I chew on my lip, nodding again.

“I just don’t think right now I can give you what you need, what you deserve.”

“Okay, then.” I stand. “There’s nothing left to say.”

He rises, too, his arms dangling at his sides. “I wish you wouldn’t look at me like that.”

A wry, clipped laugh escapes my mouth. “Like what?”

“Please, don’t hate me.”

I blink once, slowly, then look him in the eye. “I don’t hate you.” How do I make him understand that I’m sad, and hurt, but more than anything else, I’m worried? For him.

Eleven

David moved in with another faculty member from the university who works in the English Department. Perhaps he thinks if he’s with like-minded people who are more of his own element, he’ll be happy. I wish him the best with his book and his new job. I really do. Maybe he doesn’t have an alcohol problem and everything’s under control. But honestly, I have a bad feeling. I don’t want to see him become one of those artists who fall into the trap of believing they must be addicted and tortured to have success.

It’s been a week since he left, and in that week I’ve done plenty of crying, moping, and deliberating on whether or not I’m devastated or relieved. Relieved to be rid of the impending worry and confrontation. Well, confrontation, at least. I’ll still worry. I miss him, but surprisingly, not as much as I had anticipated. I think it may be because it’s harder to miss someone you rarely saw to begin with.

I do miss the man I met five years ago, the one who watched sitcoms with me, who played board games with the kids and told stupid jokes, who debated with Carly about which character would be the next one to kick it on
The Walking Dead
.

What do they say about breakups? It takes one month for every year you were together to get over them? So, I’m aware I’ve got about five months of shit ahead of me, but have determined my week of blackness has been enough for now.

In an effort to raise my spirits, I decide to throw a dinner party. It’s intimate, with just the kids, Luke, Richard, Julia and her husband. I’ve never had one before, but one of my favorite movies is
Notting Hill
, and my favorite scene in that movie is the dinner party. In fact, shortly after watching that film, I bought a round dining table so I could have dinner parties where everyone could see each other, and we’d have thoughtful, funny conversation. It never happened.

So, dinner party it is. Nothing fancy. I’m not exactly a gourmet. My tried and true dish will be parmesan chicken a la Best Foods mayonnaise and bread crumbs.

Everyone is seated at the table set with the lovely Desert Rose dishes Luke’s mother gave us when we got married. The same ones she insisted I keep when we split. There’s wine, bread, grilled asparagus, mashed potatoes, and if I do say so myself, everything looks pretty delicious.

“How are you holding up, my friend?” Julia asks.

“I’m fine. I’ll be fine.” I pour everyone a glass of wine. Everyone except for Hayden and Julia’s husband, Derek, who are beer drinkers. “But this evening will not involve discussion of unfortunate breakups. It’s about family and friends, and new beginnings.”

Everyone holds up their glass, or beer bottle, as the case may be. “Cheers!”

“Hayden, where’s Tessa tonight?” I ask. “You did invite her, didn’t you?”

“She had to work.”

“I assume things are still going well with you two?” I pass the bread basket to Luke.

Hayden takes a bite of potatoes and grins. “Couldn’t be better.” He winks at Carly.

Carly shakes her head. “You seem to have the mistaken idea that I’m unhappy with this development.”

“In all fairness, you were the one who insisted she wasn’t into me.”

“My apologies, oh grand master.” She holds out her arms with a slight bow. “I underestimated the power of your pasta making skills.”

Everyone chuckles and Hayden nods. “You are pardoned.”

“Anna,” Luke begins, “I wanna know if Kiran is still bringing his mom to your office for her visits.”

“He is.”

“Who’s Kiran?” Derek asks.

“He’s that friend of Jacob’s family who was at the wedding,” Julia explains. “He actually went to school with us.”

“Oh, okay.”

“And if he isn’t a tall glass of water!” Julia adds before taking a sip of her wine.

Luke starts buttering a slice of bread. “He’s also been conveniently returning to Anna’s practice. Bringing his mother for her visits, of course,” he says without looking at me.

“Thank you, Luke, local town crier.” I set down my fork. “And what do you mean
conveniently returning?
He’s been bringing his mother because her husband’s been away.”

Luke raises his hands. “All I know is there was some definite fondness for Anna goin’ on that night at the reception.”

“Really!” Richard raises his eyebrows at me.

“What?” Julia huffs. “Why didn’t I know about this?”

My mouth drops open at Luke, before I turn to Julia and smile. “He does not know what he’s talking about.”

Hayden twirls his bottle of beer in his hand. “You go, Mom! Stealing the heart of the tall glass of water! Have no idea what that means,” he mutters to Carly. “I assume the guy is hot.”

“
And
,” Luke dramatically addresses everyone at the table, “she said he told her he had a crush on her in high school!”

I look down and take a bite of my asparagus. “I hate you right now.”

Richard puts his hand over Luke’s. “Forgive him, Anna. You know he gets loose-lipped when he’s had a few.”

“What? This is good!” Luke continues. “You just got out of a relationship, so now you’re free to have a little fun with the hot guy.”

His passion about this topic makes me smile, despite myself.

“Okay, sweetie,” Richard says. “I think that’s enough. You’re embarrassing Anna.”

Luke meets my eyes. “Anna Banana knows I would never try to embarrass her.”

“I’ll tell you one thing.” Julia pours herself another glass of wine. “I feel like I’ve been seriously out of the loop.”

My shoulders drop. “What loop? There’s no loop!”

“What about his mother’s birthday party next week?” Julia asks. “Are you going?”

“See, I tell you stuff. You knew about the party.”

“Are you going?”

“Why not? They said I can bring a guest. I was going to see if you’d come with me.”

“Oh, no no no.” Julia snaps her head back and her eyes get really big. “You don’t need a third wheel there, should something develop.”

I shake my head and snicker. “You guys are hilarious, you know that? It’s his mother’s seventieth birthday party. Nothing is going to develop.”