Venus of Shadows (46 page)

Chimene lowered her eyes. "But I'm not. I want to be, but how can I?"

"You need only pledge yourself to us."

"I can't even do that." Too many obstacles lay in her path. "I still have all these questions, and even if I didn't, I can't even come to your meetings without my mother finding out, and she —" Risa would be appalled enough to think that her daughter was interested in Ishtar or had visited the Guide; she would be enraged if she ever learned of Kichi's hopes.

"Say that you're willing to travel this road with me," Kichi replied. "That's all we require. Together, we'll remove the barriers that lie in your way. Others don't have to know what we're doing now. You may visit me as you always have and begin to learn what you must know."

"Isn't that wrong? You don't want barriers, but you want me to keep secrets. Isn't that like —"

"We see a world where people will walk on the surface unprotected, and yet we do not leave our domes to do so now. We feel the presence of Ishtar, even though we know that the Spirit lies in our future. This secret will be no more than a temporary barrier, one that will fall away in time. Nothing can be wrong if it leads to the truth."

Kichi turned and extended a hand to the wall screen. "Look there, Chimene." Chimene lifted her eyes. An image had appeared of a green, sunlit world. It turned slowly, revealing rippling blue oceans with deeper azure currents and small continents mottled with green. One continent along the equator, a landmass shaped like an open-mouthed lizard with a long, curling tail, reminded her of Aphrodite Terra. To the west, a large island in the midst of a vast sea had to be the Rhea and Theia mountains. In the north, the massifs and high peaks of Ishtar Terra loomed over the deep green of forests and the paler green of mountain valleys.

Kichi said, "Tell me what you see."

"Venus," Chimene answered, "the way it will be someday."

"You see the world you'll help to build. You see the planet whose Spirit resides in you. Reach out and that vision will live inside you and all whom you touch." Kichi cupped Chimene's face in her hands. "Turn away now and the wall you build inside yourself will imprison you as surely as this dome does."

Chimene shivered. She would have to try. This was all the Guide was asking, that she try. She could not bear the thought of disappointing Kichi, of being unable to come to this house and its loving residents, of being alone with parents whose love for each other had finally failed.

"I want to be with you," she said. "I will be — I am."

*  *  *

A member of the patrol conveyed her to the tunnel; Chimene walked the rest of the way. She would be the Guide; she clung to that thought. The future Kichi had evoked for her was still vivid; she could almost imagine that she was already joined to her future self, the Chimene secure in her faith who would love and be loved, who was looking back on this time of uncertainty and doubt with compassion for the girl she had once been. All the barriers would fall away; she knew that now.

But Kichi had also said the way would be hard. Chimene would have to endure months in Risa's house and conceal her visits to the Guide. Later, she would have to return to the Islander schoolmates who would only mock her new dream if they ever learned of it.

How would she ever get through the long months away from the Guide? But Kichi had insisted on that; more Islanders would also have to be brought to Ishtar, and Chimene could learn much by living among them. The Guide had even implied that Chimene could be of use to her; by being observant, Chimene might leam which Islanders were likely to be sympathetic to Ishtar and which might present barriers to the truth. She wanted to be useful to Kichi and show that she had the discipline necessary to be a Guide.

Tests lay ahead of her, and the first such test was approaching. She would have to pretend to be happy that Risa and Sef were to be bondmates, and she wondered if she had the strength for that. She tried to summon up the vision of her future self once more, the woman who had moved past this time, who would find a way to bring Sef to herself.

As she walked toward the house, the door opened. Risa stepped aside as Cbimene entered, then grabbed her by the shoulders.

"How could you do this?" Risa muttered. "You sneak out, you call the attention of the patrol to yourself — they must wonder just what kind of a household this is."

"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to —"

"I went out looking for you ages ago with Sef, and a man on the patrol said you were in the main dome. I wanted to go there, but he insisted someone was watching you and he'd make sure you got home safely." She let go of Chimene and stepped back. "Needless to say, I didn't want him thinking I couldn't trust the patrol to look out for you, so I came home. Sef wanted to wait up with me, but I didn't see why anyone else had to lose sleep over you."

"I'm sorry," Chimene said.

"That's all? You're sorry? I thought this would be such a wonderful day for us, and now —"

"I mean, I'm really sorry." Chimene forced herself to look up at her mother. Risa was only another obstacle, one she could overcome. "You were right. I was hoping you and Malik might make another pledge, and that's why I was so upset. I just needed to be alone, to think about it all, but now I'm happy for you — really I am. I'm glad Sef’ll be living with us, and Malik will feel the same way — I know that now."

Risa blinked, apparently surprised. "Well. It seems you've come to your senses."

"And I won't wander off like that again. I'm used to the Islands — I forgot about the patrol."

They walked toward Risa's wing. "Good night, Chimene." Risa kissed her on the forehead, then entered her own room. A small light was glowing in the corner; Chimene caught a glimpse of Sef's head against a pillow before the door closed. She squeezed her eyes shut and held her breath until the pain passed.

She pressed her door open. She would be the Guide, and Sef would be among those who would love her. Kichi had said so; it had to be true. She moved toward her bed, already dreaming of the destiny that awaited her.

Nineteen

Risa did not begin to make her way home until a couple of hours after dark. She strolled along the path that led past her neighbors' houses, feeling mildly drained and a little bit drunk. A small group of people in front of one house were playing music on homemade stringed instruments while others danced; one young man took Risa's hands, spun her around, then let her go as she laughingly shook her head.

The year of 614 was ending; 615 would begin just after the twenty-fourth hour. Everyone in the domes and on the Islands would be celebrating, except for small crews of volunteers who would remain on duty at various installations in case they were needed, most of them older people who had seen their share of festivals. The people in Ishtar might complain that it was inappropriate for Cytherians to mark the passing of another year of the Nomarchies, but even they had joined in these festivities. Ishtar held its own more subdued celebrations to mark the passing of the shorter Venusian year, but it was easier for the settlements to keep to Earth's calendar.

She had seen no Habbers among the celebrants. There were fewer Habbers living in the Maxwell Mountains now anyway; most of those who remained on Venus's surface were up in the Freyja range, working with the Cytherians who had joined them there.

That stage of the Project had not gone as smoothly as expected, in spite of the Habbers' efforts. After nearly fourteen years, only two connected domes had risen among the Freyja Mountains, with no more than a small mining and refining operation to show for all the work. Administrator Sigurd was slowing the pace deliberately.

She could guess, however, at Sigurd's motives. He might talk of the need for careful planning, but what he really wanted was a continuing Habber presence. When the settlers had more of an industrial base, they would also be more self-sufficient; Ishtar would increase its demands that the Habbers at last be expelled from the Project or limited to a few observers. It was part of Sigurd's game — balancing Habbers against Ishtar's influence and both groups against those on Earth who feared the settlers might grow too independent. It was a balancing act designed to give the settlers as much freedom as possible for now.

Risa wondered how long the Administrator could go on with his game, treating all sides with sympathy and objectivity, leading them all to think that their various and conflicting desires could be met by keeping him in his position. Perhaps his power was not all be wanted to retain; he might also want to keep his Habber woman near him. She could not know; Sigurd had not shared many of his thoughts with her for some time. He still answered her calls and murmured a few words of praise for Malik's latest lectures before he listened to her talk of Oberg's affairs, but their discussions remained impersonal. She, along with Kichi Timsen, Yakov Serba, and several people in the other settlements, were only pieces in his game, individuals to be cultivated in case they might be useful.

Sigurd probably thought she might run for the Oberg Council again; he had implied that she and her former colleagues had been punished enough. He did not see that once she had overcome the shame she felt earlier, she was happier as she was. She had regretted her actions mostly because they had driven Malik from her, but that was past. She had her work, her household, and her two children with Sef; she found it easy to refuse those who sometimes asked her to run for the Council.

Sef was sitting outside near the greenhouse. Their daughter, Eleta, lay on a blanket fast asleep; Dyami, their son, was playing cat's cradle with Bettina. As Risa approached, he handed the string to Bettina and smiled. Dyami had his father's smile and his flared cheekbones; his thick reddish-brown hair was only slightly darker than Sef's, and he moved in the same deliberate way. But his brown eyes lacked Sef's open, friendly gaze; Dyami's expression was more guarded.

"Irina's staying with Noella's children tonight," Risa said. "Apparently they're having a party later — I didn't think Kolya and Emilia would mind." She removed the sling from her shoulder and handed Sef a bottle. "A present from Andy Dinel, along with his best wishes for the coming year."

"Damn," Sef muttered. "We didn't give his household anything, did we?"

"Don't worry about it. He hinted that Grete might like some of our strawberries — I’ll take her some another time." She looked around at the small group. "Where is everybody?"

"Emilia and Kolya went to her parents' house," Bettina replied. "Paul and Grazie decided to go to that gathering in the main dome with Patrick. They wanted me to come, but I think I prefer to celebrate quietly this year."

"And Chen?"

"He's inside," Sef said. "A message from Earth came — I don't know what it was about. He was getting ready to view it just before we came out here."

"I'll go get him," Risa said. Sef reached for her hand and squeezed it before letting go.

She walked toward the house. Chen sat in the common room at his table, his head bowed. "Don't tell me you're going to sit here carving tonight," Risa murmured.

Her father lifted his head. "I had a message from your cousin Sylvie Lilias before." Chen cleared his throat. "Your grandmother Angharad died a few days ago."

She had expected such news. Angharad was old, and had been failing for some time. She had not expected to feel so moved at the death of the grandmother she had never met.

"You gave her some happiness," Chen continued. "You must know that. It helped make up for Iris's death, knowing she had a granddaughter here, and it kept her from grieving too much over what Benzi did. She lived to see great-grandchildren and know her line would go on here."

She knelt beside him. "You knew her," she said. "This must be harder for you."

"She was so angry when Iris and I told her we wanted a bond. We had to keep it a secret during the years Iris was at the Cytherian Institute — Angharad couldn't have the town think her daughter wasn't leading a proper life as a free woman with many lovers." Risa nodded at the familiar tale. "I remember how she cursed at me in her message after your mother's death," he added. "I didn't think she'd ever contact me again, but you changed that."

Chen was not that much younger than Angharad. She shivered. Perhaps that was the source of her grief, the realization that she might lose Chen before too long. But he was still strong; Bettina was sure he had at least another decade ahead of him and maybe more.

"I should send Sylvie a message," she said.

"Tomorrow's soon enough. Let Sef and the children have their celebration for now." He gripped her hand as she helped him to his feet. "I’ll come outside."

She led him to the door; he was leaning against her a bit more than usual. As they stepped outside, he released her and walked toward Bettina with a surer step.

Sef drank some whiskey, then motioned to Risa with the bottle. "Care for some of this?"

She shook her head. "I've had enough to drink already." She sat down on the blanket next to her daughter. Eleta was still sleeping, with one fist nestled next to her broad, chubby face; she had Risa's stocky build. Unlike Chimene, she might never be more than a mildly pretty young woman, but maybe that was for the best; Chimene's perfect beauty was a little intimidating. Perhaps that was why Risa had heard no talk about a potential bondmate for her other daughter, even though Chimene was almost nineteen; many young men thought they stood no chance with her.

She sighed. Much as she hated to admit it, even to herself, her love for Eleta was warmer and stronger than her love for Chimene. Perhaps that was because she was more certain of Sef’s love than she had ever been of Malik's or maybe because Chimene had always seemed to be more of a visitor than a part of the household. During the past years, Chimene had continued to spend half the year with Risa before returning to her father, but she had grown more reserved as she grew older. Chimene rarely complained, almost never argued about anything, and did her schoolwork and chores diligently enough, yet Risa could not escape the feeling that her older daughter was only playing a part, mimicking feelings she did not have.