Vets in Love (23 page)

Sage spears cocktail sausages on sticks and puts them onto a plate from which Gabriel promptly helps himself.

‘Gabriel, stop it. They’re for later,’ Sage says.

‘Okay,’ he says, taking another one.

‘It’s time to get this party started,’ I say, trying to divert them.

‘We’ll go and get Mummy,’ says Sage. ‘She’s going to have a big surprise.’

‘She certainly is,’ I agree. Little does Cheska know exactly how big a surprise it is.

Sage and Gabriel lead her into the kitchen.

‘For me?’ Cheska looks from me to the balloons and flowers, and back.

‘Happy birthday,’ I say, moving up to give her a hug.

‘Sis, you shouldn’t have.’

‘I wanted to,’ I say, feeling a fraction uncomfortable at having to deceive her. ‘Wine?’

‘Please,’ she says.

‘Sausage,’ says Sage, picking up the plate. When Cheska declines, Gabriel offers to eat her share. ‘You’ve had twelve already – I counted the sticks.’

I pour her a glass of wine, a large one. I think she’s going to need it.

‘Cheers,’ I say, handing it over.

‘Aren’t you going to have one?’ she says. ‘I dare you to break the habit of a lifetime.’

‘It’s all right. I’ll stick with apple juice.’

‘You are so predictable, Nicci.’

I glance down the garden, catching sight of Mum walking up towards the patio. ‘There is one more surprise for you,’ I say, moving past Cheska to open the back door. ‘Come in, Mum.’

‘It’s Granma,’ says Sage.

‘Granma,’ echoes Gabriel, wide-eyed.

Mum steps inside. I close the door behind her and quietly turn the key in the lock.

‘Happy birthday, Cheska,’ Mum says.

Cheska loosens her grip on the wine glass, which drops to the floor, smashing into tiny pieces.

‘Oops,’ says Gabriel.

Cheska glares at me. ‘Nicci, what is she doing here?’

‘I invited her. Mum, grab yourself some wine.’ I get another glass out of the cupboard for my sister.

‘How could you do this to me on my birthday, of all times? I’m not staying.’

‘Oh yes you are,’ I say fiercely. ‘You are going to sit down and talk.’

‘What about the mess?’ Sage asks.

‘I’ll clear it up later. Now, can you and Gabriel go up to my room and make a pass the parcel? I’ve left the prize for you to cover in as many layers as you can. The sticky tape’s on the bed and you can take the rest of the
Chronicle
to add to the wrapping paper that’s already up there.’ I grab the wine bottle and carry it into the living room, ushering my mother and sister along in front of me. ‘Sit!’ I tell them.

Cheska drains her fresh glass of wine in one go before perching her bottom on the windowsill. Mum sits on the sofa, sipping at her wine. I sit on the armchair in between them like a referee.

‘I’ll start then,’ I say, watching them staring at each other. ‘I’m not here to take sides, nor do I expect you to become best friends. What I would like is for you to be on speaking terms – for Sage and Gabriel’s sake.
They’re lovely kids and they deserve the chance to get to know their grandmother.’

‘If they knew what she’s like, they’d run a mile,’ Cheska says snappily.

‘Darling, no,’ Mum murmurs.

‘Don’t you “darling” me,’ Cheska says, standing up straight. ‘I am not and have never been your “darling”.’

‘That isn’t true,’ Mum argues. ‘I’ve always loved you.’

‘You have the strangest way of showing it. If you’d loved me, you would have respected my decisions, like you did for Nicci.’

‘Well, she always makes the right choices.’

‘Mum,’ I cut in. I wish she hadn’t said that. She’s antagonising Cheska further with her implied criticism.

‘Let’s go back, shall we?’ Cheska says. ‘When Nicci went off to uni, you couldn’t wait for me to leave home too.’

‘That isn’t true.’ Mum gazes down into her glass. ‘I admit, I wasn’t the most fun person to be with when Nicci left. I missed her.’ She looks up at me. ‘We used to spend so much time together with the horses.’

I can sense my sister bristling with anger and resentment.

‘Yes, so much that you didn’t have time for me,’ she spits. ‘You never had time for me.’

‘I tried,’ Mum says, ‘but you pushed me away. And then you fell pregnant. At sixteen!’

‘And you were so ashamed, you could hardly bear to look at me,’ Cheska says.

‘It wasn’t that. I was upset that you’d thrown everything away on that bastard—’

‘You didn’t know him from Adam,’ Cheska cuts in.

‘I knew he was no good.’

‘I don’t believe you’re still arguing over a man all these years later,’ I say. ‘Why can’t you both agree to get over it and move on?’

‘She gave me the money for a private abortion,’ Cheska says, her voice like ice. ‘You see, Nicci, if our precious mother had had her way, Sage wouldn’t be here. She’s here wanting to see her grandchildren, yet if she’d got her own way, she wouldn’t have any. She doesn’t deserve them!’

‘I didn’t know this. Why didn’t I know about this?’ I mutter as Cheska makes for the door. ‘Hey, where are you going?’

‘Out,’ she says, collecting up her bag and shoes from the hall. The muscles in her arm are taut and sharply defined as she yanks the front door open.

‘What about the children? What do I tell Sage and Gabriel?’

‘I’m sure you’ll think of something, you deceitful cow,’ she snaps. She stumbles outside and slams the door in my face, the sound vibrating throughout the house and bringing the children downstairs, Sage clutching the pass the parcel.

‘Where’s Mummy gone?’ she asks.

‘Oh, she’s popped out for a while,’ I say, forcing myself to maintain a brave front when inside my emotions are in turmoil – disbelief at my mother’s behaviour, compassion and resentment towards my sister for keeping the secret of their falling out from me, and worry for Sage and Gabriel at their mother walking
out in the middle of her surprise birthday party. ‘She’s being a bit of a party pooper.’

‘I think I should go as well,’ Mum says, joining us. ‘I’m sorry, Nicci.’

‘I’m sorry too …’ I pause. ‘Why did you never say anything?’ I feel betrayed, left out.

‘I felt so guilty afterwards,’ she says. ‘I tried to forget it. Cheska never did and I don’t suppose she ever will.’ Mum looks towards Sage, tears in her eyes. ‘I’ll never forgive myself.’

I throw my arms around her. ‘You can’t blame yourself for the rest of your life,’ I say. ‘You did what you thought was the right thing at the time.’

‘I know,’ she says, more calmly now, stepping back and taking a tissue out of her sleeve. ‘Hindsight is a wonderful thing.’ She forces a smile. ‘Goodbye, Sage. Goodbye, Gabriel. You’d better go and put some music on for the pass the parcel. I’m sure Auntie Nicci will join in.’

So I’m left with two kids who are concerned about the whereabouts of their mother, a glut of party food, a pass the parcel with an unbelievable number of layers to get through, a couple of bottles of wine and an awful lot to think about.

Sage puts the radio on, and I take control of the volume while she and her brother play pass the parcel, arguing about ownership every single time the music stops. Completely stressed out, I do what I have never done before. I pour myself a glass of wine and another and then another, until I am sitting on the floor, surrounded by shredded paper with Sage feeding me jelly babies and Gabriel asleep on the sofa.

I try to get up, but the room is spinning and I feel terribly sick.

‘Are you okay?’ Sage asks me. ‘Mummy gets drunk sometimes,’ she adds matter-of-factly.

‘I’m not drunk,’ I protest, slumping back down on the carpet, my back against the coffee table.

‘You should be. You’ve had a bottle of wine all to yourself.’

‘Thank you, Sage.’

‘Do you think Mummy will be back soon?’

‘I expect so.’ I’m slurring. I’ve been such an idiot. How am I going to manage, drunk in charge of two kids? ‘Sage, would you mind fetching my mobile? I think I left it in the kitchen by the sink.’

She brings it to me and I try calling Cheska, but her mobile is off, so I ring Matt instead.

‘Nicci, how are you?’

My heart leaps at the sound of his voice. ‘Matt, I’m sorry to bother you, but I couldn’t think of anyone else.’ I don’t want anyone else. ‘I feel really unwell,’ I mumble.

‘I’ll be straight round,’ he says. ‘Don’t move.’

Don’t move? I stare at the screen on my mobile. I can’t move. I feel as though I’ve been anaesthetised.

Fifteen minutes or so later, I hear Sage letting Matt in and their voices in the hall. I must have drifted off for a while because when I wake, the children have disappeared and Matt is virtually carrying me up the two flights of stairs to the attic, where he gives me sips of water before undressing me very gently and tucking me into bed.

‘Would you like me to tell you a story?’ he says, smiling. ‘I’ve already read
Postman Pat
twice, but I reckon I could manage it once more for you.’

I try to smile back, but my lips are numb and out of control.

‘I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry,’ I mumble.

‘You will be tomorrow. You’re going to have one hell of a hangover.’

‘I shouldn’t have called you.’

‘Hey, let’s have none of that.’ Matt sits on the edge of the futon, holding my hand. ‘Get some sleep, darling. It’s all right,’ he goes on. ‘I’ll stay over.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Of course I’m sure. Can I sleep here? With you?’ He pauses. ‘Someone should be with you when you’re in this state.’

I nod weakly. Still fully clothed, he slides into bed alongside me and holds me close as I drift into a deep, alcohol-induced slumber.

Chapter Thirteen

White Horses

I WAKE WITH
the sun burning into my eyes, a throbbing headache and severe nausea. Groaning, I roll over, only to find Matt lying alongside me. I stare at him. He opens one eye.

‘Hi,’ he says, a smile playing on his lips. ‘How are we this morning?’

‘Bad,’ I say, closing my eyes to quell the sensation of giddiness that threatens to overwhelm me. ‘I knew there was a good reason why I don’t drink. Remind me never to touch the stuff again.’

‘Let me get you some breakfast,’ he says, getting up.

‘No, I couldn’t—’

‘You’ll feel better with something inside you.’

Matt returns from downstairs with tea, paracetamol and fried eggs on toast – and Sage and Gabriel, who are curious to find out how I am and if there is any news of their mum.

‘Let Nicci eat her breakfast in peace,’ Matt says,
dismissing them. ‘We need time to decide what we’re doing today. I thought we might go on a bit of an adventure.’

We? I wonder what’s going on. Sage and Gabriel are excited though and they’re happy to take themselves off for a while to watch the television while Matt plans a trip out.

‘Matt, what are you doing?’ I say, forcing down a mouthful of toast. I really can’t face the eggs.

‘They’re having a rough time. I thought it would be easier for them to cope with their mum’s absence if we took them out for the day.’

‘What about work? I thought you were supposed to be at the hospital this morning.’

‘I’ve had a word with Jimmy. He’s going to cover for me. I’ve done enough favours for him recently. He owes me.’

‘I don’t want you to do this, thinking you can make it right between us,’ I begin.

‘I have no expectations,’ he says gravely. ‘I’m not going to make any secret of the fact that there’s nothing I want more than for us to get back together, but if you can’t deal with it, then c’est la vie. I’ll have to be content with being friends, if you’re willing.’

I watch him picking imaginary pieces of fluff from his trousers and a lump forms in my throat. He is beautiful inside and out, and I can’t feel indifferent about him.

‘I’m not sure I can be just friends with you, Matt,’ I say hoarsely.

‘That’s going to make life difficult then.’ He hesitates. ‘Do you want me to go?’

I shake my head. ‘You’ve been so kind. Last night … there aren’t many ex-boyfriends who would have come over to rescue me.’

‘To be honest, I’m glad you got raving drunk, Nicci.’ Recognising that I’ve had enough and that the sight of congealing cold eggs isn’t going to help me, Matt takes my plate and puts it on the floor. He clears his throat and reaches his hand across the duvet until the tips of his fingers are inches from mine. ‘Is there any chance … No, I shouldn’t have said anything. You’ve made up your mind. I’m sorry.’

I slide my fingers closer to his until they make contact.

‘Matt, you’ve shown me what I’m missing.’ I look up and meet his gaze. ‘I don’t know how things will work out between us. I’m scared I won’t be able to deal with you seeing Mel and the baby, but I’m willing to take the risk, if you are.’ I wait, my chest tight, unable to breathe, until he answers me, interlinking his fingers through mine then curling his fist around my hand.

He leans towards me and kisses me on the cheek.

‘Let’s see how it goes,’ he murmurs. ‘Now, where shall we go today? I thought the beach as the weather’s okay, or we could go to the farm the other side of Talysands, the one where you can drive a tractor and stroke the donkeys and the goats.’

‘Have you got buckets and spades?’ I ask, amused at Matt’s enthusiasm.

‘You know, I think there are some in the shed in my garden. If not, I’ll invest in some. We can buy a
crabbing line and bait at the same time.’ He pauses. ‘I’ll have a look when I pop back to fetch the Bobster.’

I’m still in the shower, trying to wash away the alcohol that seems to ooze from every pore on my skin, when Matt arrives back with the Bobster. I clean my teeth, towel dry my hair, leaving it loose, throw on shorts and a vest top and run downstairs to find Matt in the living room with Sage and Gabriel. Gabriel is trying to pack clothes for the beach – all of his clothes – into a shopping bag while Sage is sitting on the sofa with the dog on her lap.

‘Get off,’ I say, but the Bobster is oblivious, as is her owner. ‘There are some establishments where dogs aren’t allowed on the furniture, and this is one of them.’

‘She isn’t doing any harm, is she, Sage?’ Matt grabs me around the waist and pulls me close.