Viking's Love (48 page)

“
You have suffered greatly, Milady,”
Gerda said harshly and shook her slightly. “You will heal! He is
dead and can never harm you again, nor anyone else! You have a man
who risked death to bring you out of that hell, and you mustn’t
forget that! I saw a giant of a man, a Viking no less, reduced to
tears when he thought you dead when he found you! You have no idea
how much Lord Ulsted would have liked to keep that from you. Do not
let him win in death.”

“
Joran will not want me if he knows
what he did to me!” She sobbed into her hands and collapsed upon
the ground to her knees. “I cannot even nurse our son, much let a
man touch me! He has destroyed me! He has won!”

“
He only wins if you let him, Milady,”
Gerda said quietly and sat beside her upon the ground and eyed her
sadly. Allisande picked at the grass blades, and stared down at her
hands and didn’t speak for some time.

“
What if I am with child?” Allisande
said sorrowfully and looked away. “He wanted an heir. He was
determined to get one of me. I should die than to bring it in the
world.”

Gerda looked down and whispered to her of a
remedy she may drink to possibly destroy the child if one was
growing, and she was eager for it. Gerda said it wasn’t fool proof,
and she must prepare herself for the possibility she conceived.

Allisande wiped the tears from her face and
eyed the servant with gratitude when she wandered back to the
group. Meghera smiled up at her happily and patted the seat beside
her as she held the baby on her knees.

They sat together watching him. Allisande was
shocked at how calm he was in Meghera’s arms. He smiled and
thrashed delightedly. None of his inherent fussiness was evident
until she handed him to his mother. Soon, his little face grew
mottled with rage.

Allisande paled when she looked around for
his nurse, and couldn’t find the girl. She began to panic and her
heart raced. She felt ill when she realized he was hungry. She rose
determinedly and went to the wagon.

She was going to feed him if it was the last
thing she did. Ulsted’s perversions would not starve her son. She
lowered the shoulder of her gown and placed him on her breast and
looked away as he latched on, expecting to feel the disgust she
felt when Ulsted took her milk.

She concentrated on the tiny face in her
arms, and refused to think of anything else. She did not realize
she was crying until a tear fell upon her sleeping sons face as he
nestled close to her. She rubbed his soft cheek and wept silently
as she held him, feeling the love and contentment such an act
should have brought about.

Joran knew she fed their son at last. His
shoulders sagged in relief. He eyed the nurse and thanked her for
hiding and forcing Allisande to accept her son. He allowed the girl
to return to the camp. Joran returned after he got his emotions
under control. He wasn’t used to this pain inside of him, and
wished it would stop.

He was leaking at the eyes as bad as a woman.
His men would mock him if they knew he cried for what had happened
to Allisande. He met Collin’s pleased look with a frown when he
returned after getting his emotions in check. Lockwraithe wasn’t at
all what he thought, and he was pleased he could respect
Allisande’s brother at last.

The siege at Lockwraithe was in the past,
Collin said, the night before, as they sat at the fire, and refused
to speak of it again. He didn’t hold the Vikings responsible
anymore, but his father.

Joran was relieved of his guilt from the
past, but tormented with the present, and what he must do. Wulfstan
would have to be dealt with as well as the Danes. Collin was
determined to help, and refused to stay behind.

He was going to pass himself off as a Viking
and go to York with them, he declared, and they all laughed at him
until he returned wearing Viking attire and swinging a sword.

None laughed again, for he could pass easily.
Joran glowered at the man, thinking him determined to get himself
killed, but he was adamant to see his wife to Norway. Meghera was
terrified to be leaving Lockwraithe, but knew if the serfs from
Ulsted ever spoke of what happened, she would be in danger.

Meghera hated to leave Collin and his mother,
but knowing she would be with the Vikings cheered her. Collin was
mortified when he came upon her wearing one of their helmets and
brandishing a stick sword. They all laughed at his reaction until
he realized there was no harm in her being a child, and let it
go.

The caravan arrived at Lockwraithe late in
the evening. Collin saw to integrating the Ulsted serfs into his
household with the help of Lady Edwina. His mother was delighted to
have such capable women join her staff, and took over finding them
places to sleep. The serfs were relieved to find a place there.

Allisande took the opportunity to bathe as
soon as they returned. Gerda brought her the drink to stop a
potential pregnancy. She drank the bitter liquid quickly and took
the corked bottle from her as she instructed her to take it daily
until she started her next monthly flow.

Allisande was content to be in her old room,
and in her old clothes. She dressed and changed and tried not to
look at the bruises on her body, but it was difficult.

She swallowed hard as she readied herself for
the evening meal. It was sure to be a festive affair as the Vikings
would be joining them at Meghera’s insistence. She left her room
and went in search of her son, and smiled as she found him being
held by her mother.

Lady Edwina had tears in her eyes and seemed
loath to give him up but Allisande had to nurse him again. She had
taken on feeding her son since that moment on the road, and none
questioned it as she disappeared into the solar to have
privacy.

Joran and the others stayed out in the barn
out of respect to Lady Edwina’s feelings, but when the meal was
ready to be served, Meghera launched herself out of the keep and
ran down to the barn to inform them all that it was time to eat,
grinning and dragging a groaning Grogan to his feet and chattering
non-stop as the twelve Vikings followed her into the keep.

Lady Edwina rose as they entered. Joran was
shocked at how much both her children resembled her. She smiled
stiffly and insisted on making them her guests of honor for
bringing her daughter and grandson back safely.

She refrained from any other contact with the
Vikings. Collin knew how much it cost her to accept the
rough-looking group of men in her home after the siege. The meal
started out with a Christian prayer. Joran listened as Collin spoke
of giving thanks to all those present who had reclaimed his sister
and spoke of forgiveness and hope for the future.

His men were respectful as they saw all heads
bowed and did likewise during the lengthiest meal prayer the baron
had ever given. Joran was starving. Every time he thought the man
done, he launched into another litany of praise.

Even Collin’s mother gazed up at him in
annoyance. Allisande definitely kicked him under the table, for he
looked at her with a scowl and finished abruptly much to everyone’s
relief.

The Vikings all sat at the same table in the
center of the hall, and the family all sat together at the head
table. Meghera kept looking over. Joran winked at her as he sampled
the food from Lockwraithe.

All of his men seemed well-mannered for the
most part. The meal kept them busy for they were all famished. The
serving maids were kept busy bringing more food to the table. Joran
gazed over at Allisande and marveled at how beautiful she was as
she looked up and caught his gaze. He saw her fear in her eyes and
smiled gently and looked back down to his food, painfully aware
that it would be some time before he could look at her the way he
used to without causing her distress.

Joran’s lips tightened and he refused to feel
the bitterness that grew from what had happened. Allisande needed
to find herself again, and him acting out of sorts would just hurt
her more. He knew once she was with his people, she would regain
her confidence.

He missed her unruly tongue and longed for a
barbed comment from her to remind him she was unchanged, but he
knew she would never be the same. Ulsted had broken something in
her, and whatever it was, it had to heal.

****

Wulfstan joined Ivar at the high table and
took his place at his side. Ivar noted his costly new garments
without comment. Wulfstan was spending money of late, and as
tight-fisted as Ivar was, he noted his progeny’s turn of fortune
with a sense of suspicion. He had no idea where Joran was, and
feared the worst.

Ivar’s eyes narrowed as he thought of his
son’s reasons for reclaiming his lady love and grimaced. His eldest
had gone soft on the woman. Ulsted’s raid was to be his last, and
all his men were disbanding from Ivar’s army. Ivar understood
Joran’s need all too well.

He glared at Wulfstan out of the corner of
his eye. The man was acting differently as well; smug to be
precise. Ivar hadn’t lived as long as he had in warfare to not know
Wulfstan was definitely involved with some mischief again.

He gazed at his youngest son and looked away.
He was determined to find out what Wulfstan was hiding, and where
he had been for so many weeks when he disappeared.

Ivar’s brothers entered the hall and the
Vikings all thumped their tankards upon the table and the
festivities were lively. Ivar saw the comely wench sitting with his
brother and crooked a finger at her.

She came forward hesitantly and Ivar
whispered in her ear. They spoke for some moments, and she frowned
and nodded. After that, she began sending Wulfstan smoky looks he
returned warmly.

Ivar rubbed his beard thoughtfully as the
wench smiled at him, and joined Wulfstan at a side table. Ivar
watched them and sighed. He would discover where Wulfstan was
getting the monies he was tossing around so frivolously, and he
would find out where his eldest son was this night.

****

Allisande had mixed feelings when the day
loomed ahead for them to leave. She was thankful Joran allowed her
a fortnight with her mother before they set sail. Lady Edwina did
not approve her choice, but said nothing when she announced her
intent to return with Joran.

“
You are free to marry now that Lord
Ulsted has died,” Lady Edwina commented softly and saw her daughter
stiffen at the mention of her husband’s name. “Will you marry the
Viking?”

“
We would have, had Ulsted not forced
me to wed him,” Allisande admitted and looked away. “I will need
time to think on it. Does this bother you, Mother?” She was
surprised to feel her mother’s hands grip hers in her lap, and
looked up to see her mother’s bright violet eyes grow
fierce.

“
I only want you happy, my child!” she
said in an anguished voice and her voice lowered. “If it is with
the Viking, I will accept it. You are my daughter, Allisande. I
know when you are troubled. What is it that makes your decision to
wed the Viking difficult? Was it your marriage to Ulsted? Was he
unkind to you?”

“
I would not speak of it, please!”
Allisande looked like she would be ill and paled as she looked
away.

Lady Edwina understood in an instant, having
seen her shattered look and looked down at the clenched hands in
her daughter’s lap. Her lips compressed and she patted her
daughter’s hands and mentioned an errand and rose and excused
herself.

Lady Edwina was normally a biddable woman,
had always conducted herself as a lady, had bore two children to a
man who didn’t deserve her love and faith, but she had only one
daughter. She stalked down to the barn with a look of determination
on her face as she knocked upon the door.

She waited a moment and a huge hulking man so
ugly he made her shiver opened the door, and looked at her in
alarm. He stood back like a sentry as she blazed into the barn
seeking out Joran Ivarsson.

Having seen that look on Allisande’s face so
many times, Grogan groaned inwardly, and gestured to the other
Vikings. They rose from their seats in the hay and left the barn to
let them speak in private. Joran eyed the little woman
questioningly as he rose and came to stand before her.

“
I would ask you convert to my faith
and marry my daughter before you leave England,” she said stiffly
and glared up at him. “What say you, Joran Ivarsson? Are you so
much a pagan you do not believe in God?”

“
I have never been a religious man,
Lady Edwina.” Joran cursed silently for being waylaid by
Allisande’s mother. “I believe in a higher power, but have little
understanding of it at times.”

Lady Edwina smiled in satisfaction and tugged
him along with her as she took him to the chapel. She showed him
the many religious symbols of Christianity, and explained Jesus
Christ and the story of the beginning of humanity.

He listened patiently to her many
explanations of what her God expected, and she folded her arms
across her chest and faced him squarely. “Lord Ulsted has hurt my
daughter dreadfully, I fear,” she whispered hoarsely and saw him
blanch and closed her eyes sadly. “Allisande needs her faith now,
more than ever. If you were willing to convert for her, I believe
it would help her get over her fears and trust you more.”

“
Why do you do this?” Joran was
appalled to feel his eyes burning before the tiny woman and knew if
she showed him any more kindness, he would break down and cry like
his son.

“
It is because I love my daughter,
Joran Ivarsson. Allisande loves you. It has been made clear to me
enough this last year. In order for me to forgive you for what was
done to my home and my family, I have to feel that you have asked
for that forgiveness,” Lady Edwina said cautiously.