Viking's Love (49 page)

Joran would have looked away, but it was too
late. The moisture in his gaze clouded his vision and he refused to
look away in shame. She placed her hands over his and squeezed them
gently.

“
How do I do it?” He wiped his eyes and
was grateful she did not mock him for crying in her chapel. “I will
do whatever I can to help her, and myself.”

Lady Edwina found the priest and he stared at
the huge Viking who wished to be converted to Christianity and
beamed brightly. Edwina left them alone. She was humming as she
returned to the keep and feeling more secure of the man who held
her daughter’s heart.

She covered her mouth when she thought of how
the man must have suffered to have cried in front of her. Lady
Edwina could see the love in his expression, and knew him worthy of
being saved. Now, if she could persuade the other eleven. Patience,
she sighed, and returned to sit with her daughter and take
refreshments before the midday meal.

“
I should like to go see Lady Leonie
this day, Allisande,” Lady Edwina said quietly as sipped her wine
and eyed her daughter with little expression. “She has doubtless
been lonely, and she should like to see your child before you
leave.” She was satisfied her daughter did not argue the trip to
the abbey. A devious light entered Lady Edwina’s gaze. Leonie and
Allisande had much in common now, and her daughter needed to learn
to heal.

****

The cart that brought Lady Edwina and
Allisande to the abbey on the coastline stopped in front of the
refuge. It had been the home of Lady Leonie Luxtley-Waltham since
her rape during a Viking raid two years prior.

She was a beautiful woman still at twenty and
eight, with her gleaming gold curls and delicate features. Luxtley
adored his younger sister. All had been appalled when he married
her to the staid, much older Baron Waltham. The marriage had not
been a happy one, nor did the pair appear to like one another
enough to have children.

Leonie was vivacious and beautiful, and her
brightly decorated room in the sparse abbey made her exile there
more preferable. The nuns tolerated her because Waltham paid them
annually to keep his former wife.

Allisande handed her Storm and she gazed at
the tow-headed infant, and cooed delightedly. Lady Edwina mentioned
having to speak with the Reverend Mother and excused herself and
left them alone, eyeing Leonie meaningfully before she left her
room.

“
He is beautiful, and so sweet!” Leonie
cuddled him to her and eyed his mother speculatively. “How did Lord
Ulsted take to him? Knowing he was the Viking’s child couldn’t have
made things pleasant for you?”

“
No, he did not take to either of us, I
fear,” Allisande looked down at her hands and bit her lip as she
felt herself tremble at the mere mention of Robert now, even in
death. “He was holding him over Ivar Ragnorsson’s head. He thought
holding Ivar’s grandchild would save him from his
vengeance.”

“
And did it? Save him, I mean,” Leonie
asked with interest flaring in her eyes, her hand sliding over
Allisande’s when she saw the tears fill her gaze.

“
No, he is dead,” Allisande said
tightly and looked away, wondering where her mother was.

“
I thought I would hate Ivar Ragnorsson
for the rest of my days after what happened between us,” Leonie
said and sighed. “It was such a waste when I think of how happy I
could have been with him.”

“
What do you mean?” Allisande asked
sharply, stunned as she met Leonie’s cleverly bland
expression.

“
I allowed what happened with my
husband during our marriage to ruin what Ivar and I could have,”
Leonie admitted and shrugged. “I was free to remarry whomever I
wished, but I chose to hide here behind the nuns.”

“
I do not understand,” Allisande said
in confusion and sat up at this. She stared at Leonie in shock. “I
have always been told Ivar raped you during the attack.”

“
No, Waltham treated me horribly. He
beat me often. I believe if Ivar had not crashed down our door that
night, I would have killed myself. Ivar was very tender, and very
sweet. He begged me to leave with him, but I felt a duty to
Waltham, because he was my husband. Ivar left, and Waltham couldn’t
abide looking at me after he knew we were lovers for a
time.”

“
For a time, you mean you continued to
see him after the siege?” Allisande asked in confusion. “I do not
understand, Lady Leonie.”

“
Waltham was a monster, and he was my
husband, Allisande,” Leonie said softly. “Ivar wanted to take me
away with him, but I refused. He kept coming back for a time. I
allowed the things Waltham did to me ruin whatever chance I had
with another.”

“
Did you love Ivar?”Allisande asked
softly and her eyes clouded as she saw the similarities in their
situations. “Do you regret not leaving with him now?”

“
I shall love him forever,” Leonie
whispered and looked down. “I regret not leaving with him every day
of my life since, and if I could do it over, I would have tried to
get past Waltham’s behavior during our marriage, and realize all
men are not animals like Waltham was.”

“
Why did your brother and Waltham
spread such tales?”Allisande asked in wonder.

Leonie sighed and her lips curved in a smile.
“Pride, I suppose, and they believed it would hurt their honor had
people known I went to Ivar willingly.”

Allisande was seeing Ivar in a whole
different light and realized she had misjudged Joran’s father from
the very beginning with what she had been told. She was about to
ask Leonie if she wanted to send Ivar a message as they were headed
to York, but her mother chose that moment to reappear.

Lady Edwina promised to return again before
Allisande left for York the following week. Allisande was halfway
to Lockwraithe when she eyed her clever mother out the corner of
her eye and couldn’t resist asking. “You knew Lady Leonie was at
the abbey over her infidelity with Joran’s father all along, didn’t
you?”

Lady Edwina smiled and shrugged. “It is all
about choices, my dear. Let us hope you make the right one.”

****

They arrived home in time to discover Meghera
had run away. Collin was out looking for her. The whole household
was in an uproar. The Vikings were scouring the shoreline and
everyone was out looking for the young girl.

Allisande smiled for she had spent enough
time here to learn all of her hiding places and began to search the
keep ruthlessly. She found her in the partially finished tower
room. She closed the door and entered.

“
You have given us all quite a scare,
young lady,” Allisande said sternly and sat down beside her upon
the floor. “Why do you do this, Meghera? Collin is out of his mind
with worry!”

“
He doesn’t care for me at all!”
Meghera pouted as she looked down at her hands. “The children in
the village say he sneaks to see Winifred at night when I am
asleep. They say he lies in her bed with her.”

Allisande smiled sadly in understanding, and
thought it was high time she have a talk with her innocent
sister-in-law. “He is a man, Meghera, and you are but thirteen,”
Allisande said sternly and eyed her suspiciously. “Are you ready to
be a wife to him? Do you feel capable to do what Winifred does for
him?”

Meghera shook her head and tears brightened
her eyes and she flung herself into Allisande’s arms, sobbing for a
time. She raised her head and blew her nose loudly with a
handkerchief and sat up. “I am afraid he won’t wait for me to grow
up! He sends me away now. I shall miss him so. I don’t want to go,
but he insists it is for the best. I fear he will leave me
there.”

“
No, you are just being silly,”
Allisande said softly and ruffled her hair. “You know Collin is a
good man. You are not going to some strange place, after all. You
go with Joran and I, and you adore all the Vikings. Why not give
yourself a couple years to let yourself grow up? He will come for
you when it is time.”

“
There is more,” The girl stood up. She
undid her gown and turned to show Allisande her back.

Allisande gazed at the sight of the small
wings protruding from her back in shock, her hand covering her
mouth. They looked to be fairly new, having grown out of her back
just recently, by the looks of them. She reached out and touched
them in fascination despite her fear. They were made of flesh. She
felt bone under her hands as she marveled at them. They wiggled
under her hands and she gasped and her hand fell from the girl’s
back.

She met Meghera’s horrified gaze as she spun
around and did up her gown. The girl was looking at her for some
sort of comfort, or explanation, but Allisande was still not over
the shock just yet.

“
Meghera, you must not worry over such
things. We will talk to Joran. He will know what to do,” Allisande
said softly, her violet eyes pained as they met hers. She knew the
girl was devastated by her look of horror and revulsion.

“
I am going to have these ugly things
growing out of my back, and he will hate me!” Meghera wept in
anguish, her lips quivering in obvious fear. “They grow bigger
every day now!”

“
I should like to have wings.”
Allisande smiled at the girl despite her fear inside of what
Meghera was becoming. “Just think if you have feathers as well! How
lovely would that not be?”

Meghera reflected upon her words and smirked.
“Can you pretend you have not found me for just a bit longer? I
think a little bit of worry can’t hurt.”

Joran waited in the solar for her when she
returned from her talk with Meghera. She approached him and noted
they were alone with a flutter of unease, but she saw his tender
smile and relaxed. She saw the wooden crucifix around his neck and
stared at it, forgetting what she would say at the sight of it.

“
Why, you are wearing a crucifix,
Joran,” she said, startled and her gaze flew to his.

“
I have converted to Christianity
recently,” he said and shrugged as if it was of no import. “I
believe there has to be a God now.”

“
What convinced you?” she asked in a
soft whisper as she met his eyes and was startled at the tender
look in them.

“
I think there can only be a one-true
God when I have been given you,” he said simply and her heart beat
erratically at his earnest admission. “Marry me, Allisande. Let us
begin anew and have the life we deserve. I do not care about the
past. I am reborn in this life, I am told, and my sins forgiven. I
would have nothing without you. ”

Allisande felt the tears and suddenly she
felt a dam open up as the emotions she had tried so hard to forget
churned inside her. Her eyes grew round with fear. “I have endured
horrible things clinging to your image, in despair you would love
me still if you knew what Ulsted did to me.” He flinched at her
words and held up a hand.

“
We will forget about that.” Joran
refused to talk about it, his eyes darkening with rage. The last
thing he wanted was to relive Ulsted’s treatment of Allisande. “We
will not talk about it, and soon it will be as though it did not
happen, you will see.”

“
I cannot forget!” Allisande cried and
her eyes narrowed in anger. “And neither can you if you are honest.
I will see his face in my nightmares! Every time I am touched now,
I cringe in shame. You think I can forget what was done to me?” She
shouted at him now and her eyes grew hard. She spoke in a lower
tone, telling him all the depraved things Ulsted forced on her.
“Could you forget if it was done to you?”

Joran was too shocked to speak and looked
down and felt ashamed for wanting her to pretend that horror hadn’t
happened, all for his benefit, so he did not have to deal with it
as well. He didn’t think at that moment.

He just snatched her to him and hugged her
tightly and closed his eyes and pressed his face into her hair. “I
love you still. It hasn’t changed for me, but it has for you,”
Joran whispered softly. “I understand. I want to say something to
make it go away, but it will not. Where does it go?”

“
It will always be there,” she said and
bit her lip, and buried her face in his chest. “But it does not
have to be something we hide from ourselves like it did not happen
at all. I love you. I have tried to tell you for the longest time,
but I kept getting interrupted, or you fell asleep
once.”

“
I wasn’t asleep, Woman,” Joran said
and held her loosely, and chuckled as she looked up and glared at
him.

“
You heard me and you pretended to be
asleep? Why?” Allisande demanded irately and pushed him away,
violet fire warming him and pushing him to rile her
further.

“
You seemed to want to show me you
loved me after that, than say the words. I feared if you said them
you would quit showing me and never be quiet, Wench!” Joran said
mockingly and smiled down at her so roguishly, she giggled and
hugged him tightly.

“
I will marry you, Joran Ivarsson,”
Allisande whispered against his chest, and closed her eyes as she
felt his warmth and the safety in his arms. “There is another
matter we must discuss.”

“
What is it?”Joran asked worriedly, his
blue eyes suddenly anxious.

“
Meghera is growing wings out of her
back, Joran. She showed them to me just now. Are you certain you
wish to take her with us?” Allisande met his startled gaze with
concern. “They are very small now, but she says they are growing
bigger every day.” Joran smiled in delight and Allisande glared at
him. “I tell you she is growing wings and you find it funny,
Viking!”