Vindicated (28 page)

She allowed herself a minute to enjoy the feeling of his arms around her, the rise and fall of his chest against her back, and the strong beat of his heart. How could something that felt so right be so incredibly wrong? With a sigh, she snuggled her bottom into him, unwilling to let the moment end. He pulled her closer and buried his nose in her hair. Warm and safe, she drifted back into sleep.

Deep in the haze of unconsciousness, she reveled in the long, lean body stretched behind her. His lips nuzzled her ear. One of his hands slid down her waist, over the curve of her hip. She wiggled again, this time coming in contact with the hard ridge of his erection against her backside. It was the most blissful dream she’d ever had. She sank deeper into sleep, hoping to prolong the pleasure. He sighed, turned her onto her back, and sealed his mouth over hers. Drifting in and out of dreams, she returned his kiss, blissful in the fantasy. When he nudged her lips with his tongue, she opened for him out of need and longing. The large hands slid down her back, cupping her bottom and pressing her into him.

All the feelings she’d been holding back exploded in a rush. Her nipples tightened as she arched into him, returning his kiss with fervor, melting into the sweet heat of his mouth. One large hand slid down her thigh and raised her knee, hooking her leg around his hip so he could grind into her. Emotions and feelings swirled through her, overriding common sense, sweeping her along on a tide of lust.

Suddenly, his hands were shoving up her shirt, unzipping her jeans, and pulling down her panties. Their harsh breathing filled the room. All she could think about was the feel of his rigid length inside her, thrusting, making love.

Love…

Overwhelmed by the reality of what was happening, she snapped into full consciousness. It was love for her, but what was it to him? Another meaningless encounter? Even though his hands communicated need and desire, it wasn’t enough. She needed for him to say it.

“Randy, stop.” She tore her mouth from his and pushed hard against his chest. “No,” she said. “Stop it. I mean it.”

“What?” The dark gray eyes flew open in alarm. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

“No, I’m fine,” she panted, jerking her clothes back into place. “You were trying to fuck me.”

“No. I wasn’t,” he said with a frown. “I might’ve fucked you the first time, but not this time, not the last time, and never again.” He rolled onto his back, fully aroused and tenting the front of his boxers.

What was that comment supposed to mean? Scalding heat rushed into her cheeks. She turned away, cringing inside, but not before Randy caught the trajectory of her glance.

“That wasn’t fair,” she said, summoning her anger to keep some emotional distance between then.

“You can’t expect me to sleep in the same bed and not be turned on,” he replied practically. With a creak of the mattress, he rose to his feet and stripped out of his boxers then walked in front of her on his way to the bathroom. The sight of his tight buttocks and muscular thighs brought a flood of attraction to her core. She scowled at her reflection in the mirror, cheeks flushed and hair disheveled. He came back out of the bathroom, still naked, and pointed an accusing finger at her. “You make me crazy.”

“I can’t make you into something you already are,” she snapped.

“Why does everything have to mean something?” he shouted. “Why can’t we just be?”

“Because I love you, and you don’t love me back,” she said. She felt exhausted, too drained to function. “Nothing’s changed for us, Randy. You don’t want a relationship, and I do. I have a daughter to think about. We need someone we can count on. You’re the one who said I deserve better, and you’re right.”

He scrubbed over his face with both hands as if restoring the circulation. “Don’t be like that, Karly.” When he reached for her, she shrank back and shook her head.

“I can’t keep doing this, Randy.”

When the door clicked shut behind Karly, rage swept through him like a forest fire, searing his soul and breaking his heart. Always before the anger had saved him, consumed the emptiness, and protected him from pain, but this time the anger was directed at himself. What the hell was wrong with him? Why was he so determined to be miserable that he couldn’t accept happiness when it was offered up on a silver platter? Feeling empty, he sagged back against the mattress and swept a shaking hand through his hair. All he had to do was tell her how he felt, how much he loved her.

Damn her. Damn her innocent kitten eyes, and damn her for making him feel so helpless. He didn't want to care. He didn't want to feel. He didn't ask for any of this. And yet, here he stood with his back against the wall, feeling as if the bottom had dropped out of his life. The sense of loss was so deep he might never recover.

Chapter 57

Karly arrived an hour early for the preliminary hearing regarding Emma’s custody. Under Moseley’s direction, she wore her navy blue interview suit and swept her hair into a low chignon at the nape of her neck. Ally loaned her a silk print scarf to cover the threadbare collar of her blouse. Nothing could mask the pallor of her skin or her clammy hands.

She waited alone on a bench in the grand hallway outside the courtroom. Her stomach twisted and churned each time the double doors opened and a name was called. A cold sweat dotted her forehead. Her future and Emma’s fate rested on the outcome of this meeting.

Sick with worry, she stared at the floor tiles, hands clasped in her lap. Her mind raced with possible outcomes. Moseley had prepared her for the worst, but she held onto hope. Even if things didn’t go her way, she wouldn’t give up. She would never stop trying to get Emma back.

Tears stung her eyes and blurred the patterned tiles into blobs. A familiar pair of black boots entered her field of vision. One of them nudged the toe of her shoe. She looked up to find Randy standing in front of her. Her heart thudded against her chest at the sight of him.

“Hey,” he said, and took a seat beside her.

“What are you doing here?” The surprise in her voice caused him to raise an eyebrow. He was clean-shaven and dressed in a dark green sweater over charcoal gray dress pants. His movement stirred up the scent of woodsy cologne and shampoo.

“I heard this is your big day. I thought maybe you could use some support.” He pushed the sleeves of his sweater up his arms and stretched his long legs out in front of him.

“It’s just a preliminary,” she said. Her stomach churned again. “You seriously came all the way down here to sit with me?” She bit her lower lip.

“I did,” he replied. Their gazes met and locked. The somberness in the dark depths of his eyes made her breath catch. He took one of her hands in his and held it tight. “I know you’re still pissed at me, but I thought…” His voice broke. It took a second for him to recover and continue. “I just couldn’t stand the thought of you here by yourself.”

“You didn’t have to,” she said. Tears stung her eyes. Her emotions were all over the place. His hand squeezed around hers, solid and reassuring.

“There’s no place I’d rather be.” He smiled and swept a loose tendril of hair back from her temple with a forefinger.

“I’m scared out of my mind,” she whispered.

“Don’t be. It’ll be fine,” he said. “I have a good feeling about this.” He put an arm around her and pulled her close.

They sat side by side in silence. The warmth and heat of him filled the empty spaces inside her. The appointed hearing time came and went without any word. After an interminable wait, Moseley returned, a stack of papers beneath his arm and a smile on his face. He waved the documents in front of her.

“Neither of your parents showed for the preliminary,” he said. “And Judge Winston is willing to revisit your petition for custody. Emma is to stay in foster care until your case is heard.” Karly drew in a startled breath. “We still have a long way to go, but it’s a start.”

She stared at him, trying to comprehend. “But I didn’t even talk to the judge.”

Moseley shrugged. “She was in a hurry. And like I said, this is just the beginning.”

The joy on Karly’s face washed over Randy like warm sunshine. She gave a little squeal and hopped to her feet. Moseley, the shady bastard, blushed when she grabbed him by the lapels and kissed his cheek. Still overcome with excitement, she threw her arms around Randy’s neck and gave him a squeeze. It was the best feeling in the world. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation of her body against his, happiness palpable in her touch. After a few seconds, she drew back and straightened her skirt, but the light in her eyes made his world brighter and more colorful.

“Can I drive you home?” he asked. “Or drop you somewhere?”

“No, I’m good,” she said, still breathless with excitement. “Ally loaned me her car.” Her expression stiffened as she put physical distance between them and her tone became formal. “I appreciate you coming down here. It was sweet, but it doesn’t change anything between us.”

His heart plummeted, but he understood. It would take time to regain her trust. “Well, I’m happy it went well.” He shoved his hands deep in his pockets and fell into step beside her. When they reached Ally’s car, he opened the door for her but stepped in front of it before she could get in. “I need you to know how sorry I am about the way I treated you. I feel terrible.”

She didn’t say anything but stared at him. He was overcome with the urge to kiss her sweet mouth, hold her close, and tell her how much he loved her. The words hovered on his lips. His chest constricted in panic. He had to tell her. Before he could change his mind, he took her hand in his and kissed the back of it.

“I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I wonder where you are and what you’re doing. I think about you all the time,” he whispered. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too.” She reclaimed her hand and cupped his cheek. The gentle touch rocketed straight to his heart and squeezed it. “But nothing has changed.”

“Yes, it has,” he said, desperation welling inside him. She was going to drive away and there was nothing he could do to stop her. “The minute you walked away from me, everything changed.”

The vulnerability in the depths of her eyes haunted him. It killed him to know he put that look there. How could he convince her of his sincerity without saying those three little words?
I love you.
How could something so simple be so difficult?

While he stood there, mulling over his thoughts, she pulled her hand away. “But you still can’t say it, can you?” She stepped around him and shook her head. “Thanks again for today. Maybe I’ll see you in class.”

Two minutes later, she was gone, taking all the sunshine and all of his hope along with her.

Chapter 58

The scent of azaleas drifted across the front steps of the porch. Randy rang the doorbell a second time, waiting for Pilar to answer. She’d called him the day before—out of the blue—to ask if he’d take Caleb for the weekend, and he was overjoyed to comply. This unexpected turn of events had been the only bright spot in the otherwise bleak hell of his life. Karly hadn’t spoken to him in weeks, and he couldn’t blame her. It was like he didn’t exist to her anymore.

When no one came to the door, he walked around the side of the house toward the back yard, summoned by the sound of childish voices. The sight he found gave him pause. Mitch, Pilar, Caleb, and a few neighborhood children gathered around the picnic table, taking advantage of the bright spring sunshine. Their laughter floated across the green grass. Mitch balanced Caleb on his knee. The little boy giggled in delight. Pilar’s face shone with radiant content, the baby cradled in her arms. The happy tableau brought a stab of pain to his chest.

He’d been on the outside looking in for most of his life. He felt like a big, awkward troll trespassing on their world. He wanted all of these things for himself. The family, the kids, the home. And he’d never felt further from achieving them.

“Oh, you made it.” Pilar glanced up from the baby and waved him over.

“Daddy!” Caleb jumped from Mitch’s knee and sprinted to Randy, squeezing his knees with surprising strength.

“Hey, bud.” Randy swept the boy into his arms and lifted him high, eliciting a shriek of merriment.

“I’ve got his things ready,” Pilar said. “They’re right inside the door.” She returned a few seconds later with Caleb’s duffel bag. “Make sure he gets to bed early, okay? And no sugary drinks, or he’ll be up all night.”

“I know how to take care of him,” Randy replied. “We’ll be fine.”

“I know.” Pilar’s brown eyes studied him with an expression he’d never seen before. Trust, acceptance, and resignation? Was that possible? She dropped a kiss on Caleb’s forehead. “Be good for Daddy, okay?”

“Can I ask you why the turnaround?” He shifted Caleb in his arms, but the boy clung to his neck, making conversation difficult.

“Because of her. She convinced me to lighten up,” Pilar said.

Randy followed her gaze across the lawn to find Karly walking toward them. He sucked in a breath of surprise at the sight of her. She wore a flowered dress with a pink sweater, and her hair flowed in loose ringlets down her back. A young girl skipped at her side, sunlight glinting off her identical strawberry blond hair.