Vindicated (25 page)

“You know I care,” he replied, still staring at the damn ceiling as if it held the secret to the universe. “I’m just not sure where this is going yet. Or where I want it to go.”

“Right,” she said and dropped the corner of the bed sheet, fighting back the tears. “Okay, well, I’ve got some things to do today, so I think I’ll hop in the shower.”

Of course, she should have known better. He wasn’t capable of expressing anything more than basic needs like lust or hunger. As she moved off the mattress, a hand reached out to encircle her wrist, tugging her back to the bed. She struggled to free herself, but in an instant he flipped her onto her back and sat astride her legs, pinning her down.

“Let go, please,” she said calmly.

“Nope,” he replied, dark eyes glaring down at her. She turned her head to the side, refusing to look at him as a solitary tear of frustration oozed from the corner of her eye. One of his large hands gripped her jaw and turned her head, forcing her to look at him.

“You’re embarrassing me when I already feel like an ass,” she said, returning his glare. “Just let go of me, and we can forget this ever happened.”

“Nope,” he said again. His glare softened at the sight of the tear on her cheek. With the pad of his thumb, he swiped it away and shook his head. “Please don’t cry.” He pulled her into a sitting position and clutched her to his chest, murmuring into her hair. “Can’t we just take this one day at a time?”

Chapter 48

Karly bit her lower lip and leaned back to study his handsome face. The boyish sincerity in his gaze made her heart skip a beat. He kissed her palm, a tender brush of his lips. She placed the other hand on his cheek and swept her thumb over his lower lip. His mouth curved into a tentative smile. He looked as scared as she felt. The fear in his eyes weakened her resolve.

“I’m not saying it can’t be more,” he said. His rough voice broke on the words, thickened by emotion. “I promise to try. It’s the best I can do. I’m just not sure I know how.”

“One day at a time sounds good,” she said and smiled.

A lifetime of self-doubt nudged her, brought about by parents who never expressed love or affection. She needed the security of knowing exactly where she stood with him. Despite her misgivings, she pushed the doubt down into the dark recesses of her mind and forced herself to enjoy the moment. Life had thrown her some ugly curves in the past. Every minute of happiness counted, no matter how brief. She vowed to grab it with both hands.

They made love again and slept late. When she awoke the next time, the bed was empty beside her. Her stomach flipped. She hauled the covers up to her chin and squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself to breathe through the disappointment.

“I know you’re awake.” A deep voice whispered in her ear. “Faker.”

The stubble of Randy’s jaw grazed her cheek. Her eyes flew open to find him smiling back at her. He was fully dressed. The scent of her shower gel and shampoo drifted down to her. She smiled back at him, thrilled by his presence.

“I’ve got coffee and breakfast,” he said. “I thought we could spend the day together if you aren’t busy.”

“Who are you and what have you done with Randy?” she asked, still grinning like a mad woman.

“Come on. Get up.” He yanked away the covers, leaving her naked and chilled on the bed.

“No.” She crooked a finger at him. “You come here. I’m not done with you.”

The charcoal eyes narrowed and swept over her body. His leisurely perusal brought her nipples to tight peaks. She’d never been uncomfortable with her figure, but his close scrutiny brought a flush to her cheeks. He shoved a hand through his hair. Lust and desire flared his nostrils. She arched her back, giving him her sexiest smile. His low growl sent a jolt of excitement deep into her center.

“I suppose breakfast can wait,” he said. The corners of his mouth tilted upward. Stripping off his shirt and jeans, he slipped into bed beside her. His hand glided over her belly then lower. “I can’t get enough of you, baby.” One of his legs nestled between her thighs, opening her to him. “You’re so soft, so warm, Karly. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you.”

It wasn’t a declaration of love, but it would do.

Chapter 49

Randy picked her up in the mornings for class, chauffeured her to and from job interviews, and spent the nights with her. They slept too much, had sex at all hours, and laughed often. She loved the way he left his big shoes lying in the middle of her living room floor even though she tripped over them on more than one occasion. The sight of his truck parked in front of her apartment when she rounded the street corner aroused butterflies of sweet anticipation in her stomach. She should have been content, but she couldn’t stop thinking about their future.

If things went well, Emma would come to live with her. Everything Karly did was in preparation for that moment. Having lived a life of uncertainty, she had misgivings about introducing a man with commitment issues into Emma’s life. Randy never spoke about tomorrow, never made plans with her, or gave any hint that their relationship would last.

“That new movie premiere is tomorrow night,” she said one night after dinner. They were cuddled on the couch. Randy had the remote control in one hand and her foot in his other, treating her to one of his fabulous massages. “Do you want to go?”

“I don’t know. Maybe,” he said, avoiding her gaze. “Ask me tomorrow.”

“Well, I really want to see it. It’s expected to sell out. I wanted to get tickets in the morning.” Despite his weary sigh, she continued, pressing the issue. “If you don’t want to go, just tell me. I’ll ask Ally or Josh.”

His face darkened at the mention of Josh’s name, and the grip on her toes tightened. “Let’s talk about it tomorrow.”

She pulled her foot away and sat up. “I don’t want to talk about it tomorrow. I want to know tonight. It’s not like I’m asking you to marry me.”

“I never said you were.” The bewilderment in his voice showed in his eyes. He sat up and laid the remote on the coffee table. “Jesus, Karly. It’s just a movie. Lighten up. What’s the big deal?”

“I really want to go.” Her chest tightened. She couldn’t look at him. “Either you want to come with me or you don’t.”

“You’re being unreasonable.” The stubborn set of his jaw ignited her temper.

“So you want me to hang around all day tomorrow and wait on you to decide whether or not you have time to go with me.” She chewed the inside of her cheek, biting back words of hurt and anger, hating the way she sounded.

“No, I’m just not sure what I’ve got going on.” He spoke warily, as if aware of the dangerous territory he had entered.

“Fine.” She stood and stumbled over his feet in an effort to get past him. One of his strong arms reached out to steady her, but she pulled away. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Karly, you’re scaring me.” He came after her. His footsteps thudded down the hallway behind her, echoing the heavy thumping of her heart. She slammed the door to the bedroom, shutting him out, clicking the lock between them. He banged on the door. “Baby, let me in.”

“No.” She leaned her forehead against the door, one hand on the knob.

“Karly, please.” His voice sounded so close, right above her ear.

“Damn it, Karly. Let me in, or I swear to God I will bust down this door.” Despite the edge to his words, there was hurt in his voice, and his tone was soft. “I don’t understand.”

She unlocked the door. When she opened it, he was only inches away. Their eyes met. His brow furrowed. There was a fine line between anger and lust, and it stretched taut between them. She grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him into the room. Their mouths met, open and hungry. They fell backward onto the bed, his weight heavy on top of her. His knees parted her thighs while his hands rucked up her T-shirt. The heat of his skin burned against her hands. She tugged his sweats down over his hips and erection.

They merged in a fury of clutching hands and needful kisses. He slipped inside of her with one thrust and a low groan. She tangled her fingers in his hair and crushed her mouth to his. The room filled with the sounds of their moans and the smell of sex. Skin smacked against skin. The headboard thumped against the wall.

Pain and pleasure melted into each other. Each thrust of his hips brought her closer to orgasm. His ragged breathing echoed in her ears. He gave her everything and she took it, raking her nails down his back and biting into his shoulder.

“Oh God, Karly,” Randy said. His breath seared the tender skin of her neck. She slid her hands to his buttocks and gripped them tight, knowing it would send him over the edge. “Baby, stop. You’re going to make me come.”

To even the playing field, he slipped a finger between them, rubbing her sweet spot, reminding her how well he knew her body. Her core tightened and clenched around him. She cried out, control slipping away from her with every stroke of his cock. They both became lost in a battle of wills, each fighting to send the other into release.

Randy rolled to his back and took her with him, setting her astride his hips. Her foot hit the bedside table. The lamp crashed to the floor. They didn’t stop. She gripped his shoulders and buried him deep inside her. He gripped her hips and bucked…once, twice, three times. On the fourth thrust, sweet agony burst into her center. Release spiraled through her, convulsing her limbs and stealing her breath. Randy cursed and clutched her to him as his orgasm raced to meet hers. He emptied himself into her with a shudder, his fingers biting into her, adding intensity to her climax.

She collapsed onto his chest. They were silent for a long time. Their unspoken words taunted her. When their breathing had slowed, he sat up and clutched her to him, face buried in her neck. She felt the tremors in his arms as he held her.

“What the fuck was that?” he asked in a voice rough with shock. “God, how do you do that to me?”

She stroked a hand through his hair. Unshed tears stung her eyes.

“I can’t do this,” she said.

“Don’t say that.” He lifted panicked eyes to search hers and frowned at what he saw. She ducked her head to shut him out. She’d already given him too much. “Baby, please tell me you don’t mean it.”

“I thought I could,” she said into his chest. She twirled a finger in the wiry hair over his sternum. “But I’m always going to wonder if this time is the last time, and I don’t think I can take that.”

“Right now is all I can give you,” he said. “Why can’t that be enough?”

“I know it should be enough,” she whispered. “But it’s not.”

Chapter 50

Karly rolled away from him and went to the bathroom, leaving him cold and alone in the bed. He kept his eyes shut tight, listening to the noise of running water from her shower, and waited for her to return. She didn’t.

Panic constricted his chest. She’d shut him out. Since their meeting, he’d feared the moment when she finally realized he wasn’t good enough for her, and it had finally arrived. He didn’t deserve her, the same way he had never deserved Pilar or Caleb. For the first time since he was a kid, he felt the prick of tears in his eyes and a lump choking his throat.

He passed a hand across his face, got up, and went to the bathroom door. Nothing but silence greeted him. His ears strained for sounds of her return as he got dressed. Still nothing. The bed creaked under his weight when he sat on the edge of the mattress to pull on his boots. The alarm clock on the dresser ticked like a time bomb, but the bathroom stayed quiet.

Please, God, say something. Anything.
He held his breath and waited. The toilet flushed. He exhaled and waited some more. Still nothing. When she hadn’t come out after an hour, he gathered his coat and the shreds of his heart and left.

***

He wasn’t sure how he ended up there. He just got into his truck and drove without destination or purpose. Somehow, he ended up on a familiar dead end street across from a rambling brick house on the opposite side of town. The windows were dark. The driveway was empty. No one was home.

Resting his head in his hands, he sat with eyes closed and pain in his heart until he could pull himself together. The night was young even though the sun had set hours ago. The darkness clung to him like a heavy blanket, smothering him.

He smacked the steering wheel with his palm. He’d fucked up again. The way he always did. The way everyone expected him to. And he had no one to blame but himself.

The transmission groaned as he shoved the truck into gear and set off down the street. The low fuel indicator lit up the dash before he reached the intersection. He stopped at a nearby gas station to fill the tank. A sleek Lexus SUV pulled up to the pump next to him, and a tall man got out to fill the tank. Two teenage kids spilled out of the passenger doors.

“Five minutes and I’m leaving,” the father called after them. “And don’t buy a bunch of junk food.”

“Sure, Dad,” the teens replied in unison. “Back in a second.”

Caught by Randy’s stare, the father nodded in polite acknowledgement but didn’t speak. The gas pump clicked off. Randy stood rooted to the pavement. The man shoved a hand through rusty brown hair streaked with silver and straightened the collar of his trench coat. His gaze flicked back to Randy’s, and their eyes locked for a brief second.