Vintage Volume One (16 page)

twenty-eight

The plane touched down. I was officially in Philadelphia, the land of cheesesteak and soft pretzels.

I glanced through the schedule for the next four weeks. We were winding our way down the east coast, down south, into the Midwest, and ending in New Orleans on the Fourth of July. Then we’d be heading home. The first leg of the tour had covered the western half of the United States.

We had twenty tour stops over thirty-one days. It would be a hectic and fast-paced four weeks, but it was what my dad lived for. He’d once told me that touring was his favorite part of being a musician, and the worst part of touring was being away from me. So he got to have both this time around.

We deplaned first and headed to the first class lounge while George sorted out our transportation to the hotel. It would be a few nights before we would have the comfort of sleeping in a hotel again. Rebecca had booked Four Seasons hotels for our entire trip when it was possible. They were my dad’s favorites, and I didn’t mind staying there, either.

I texted Parker to let him know that my flight had landed safely. I still didn’t know where he was, and he still didn’t know where I was. The mystery was one part endearing and one part irritating.

My dad arranged dinner in his suite for everyone involved in the tour who was staying at the hotel. That meant my dad and Jadyn, me, the rest of the band, Keith, and Vanessa.

I didn’t hang out long after dinner. I headed to my room for an early night, opting to watch television in silence while I had the chance.

I slept like a baby in the comforts of the Four Seasons, waking from a dead sleep when my alarm jingled. I took my time in the shower, knowing it might be a few days before I’d have this luxury again.

I met my dad and his wife in their suite for breakfast, and then George arranged transportation to Wells Fargo Center a little before noon.

I saw the buses lined up behind the venue. Trucks and trucks of equipment ranging from the stage to the speakers to the instruments were lined up near the garages where the limo dropped us. I remembered my dad telling me once that they used thirty-two trucks for their last tour. I wasn’t sure how many they had this time, but I knew the stage was bigger and better. Everything was always bigger and better than the time before.

In addition to Black Shadow’s trucks, there were also trucks holding equipment for the opening bands. I realized that I’d never looked at the itinerary to see who the opening bands were, but I didn’t really care. I just needed to know where my dad had to be and when. That was my job. I figured there were one or two openers before Black Shadow would take the stage. I thought my dad had told me that they’d added another band to the lineup for this last leg.

I had three things to do when we arrived at any venue. First, I had to check that my dad’s dressing room backstage was stocked with his usual requests. The venue provided what the band asked for, and my dad always required a case of Newcastle for himself, two bottles of Pinot Noir for Jadyn, two packs of Marlboro Golds, a Zippo lighter, an iPhone six compatible docking station with speakers to listen to his pre-game music, and hot tea and honey. If anything was missing, I had to figure out how to get it there. Second, I had to make sure that my dad’s pre-show playlist was queued into the docking station. Finally, I had to touch base with Keith to make sure everything was on schedule. Then I had to report back to my dad with accurate times for sound checks, fan meet and greets, and any other special pre-show arrangements that had been made—usually things like interviews for local radio or television.

I’d completed steps one and two. I was walking around backstage looking for Keith. He’d texted me to let me know that he was out by the trucks, so I started heading in that direction.

As I passed by the catering table, my eyes were focused straight ahead so that I could complete my mission.

And then I heard a familiar laugh. It was loud and sharp and grated on my ears.

The laugh was followed by a question.

Even the question was familiar.

“Did you see that blonde with the luscious tits back by Harper’s door?”

It was a voice I would recognize anywhere even though I’d only heard it one other time.

Vinnie Williams, the drummer for Flashing Light.

I knew it without even looking.

My heart sank down to my stomach as my head moved slowly in his direction.

My eyes landed on Vinnie, who tossed his head to the side. The fringe across his forehead fell into yet another perfect sweep to the side. My eyes landed on the sandy-haired Fitz next. He stood across the table from Vinnie, and to his right was Garrett.

And then my eyes moved in slow motion to Vinnie’s left. Directly next to Vinnie stood Parker James.

“I didn’t notice.” Parker was mumbling, looking down at the slices of sub sandwich in front of him.

“Price’s daughter still got you distracted?”

Parker shrugged. “Don’t fucking talk to me about Price’s—”

I didn’t hear the rest of his sentence, because I ran out the door.

Flashing Light was opening for Black Shadow?

How did I not see this coming?

It was so goddamn predictable.

How could Parker lie to me?

He had to have known I’d be coming here. He had to have.

I felt my heart splintering.

Deep inside, I supposed I’d always known. He’d only been interested in me so that he could get close to my dad.

The fact that Flashing Light was getting their big break by opening for Black Shadow was confirmation of my biggest fear.

This was exactly why I never dated musicians.

twenty-nine

I had said I didn’t want to start this tour in tears, yet as I stood behind Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, that was exactly how it was starting.

I sat on the ground, my knees pulled into my chest and my head resting on them. Hot tears streamed down my face, but I wouldn’t let anybody see. I hid my face just like I’d spent so much time hiding my emotions. I leaned against the cinderblock wall that separated the trucks hauling equipment from the fans itching to get a glance at their favorite rock stars.

I hadn’t even felt this betrayed when I had found out that Damien had lied to me during the entire course of our relationship.

Seeing Parker on this tour was a knife twisting into my back. Everything we’d built together had all been a lie.

His words to me no longer meant anything. The fact that he looked as miserable as he did while he stared down at the catering table did nothing to comfort me.

Maybe he really did miss me. Maybe he had real feelings for me.

But he was touring with my dad’s band. I’d let him in on my vulnerable side. I’d allowed him to see my tattoos. We’d shared hundreds of serious conversations and private smiles. He was well aware of my insecurities that people were only interested in me to get to my dad.

My dad held considerable influence in the very world that Parker was desperate to be part of. I’d been hesitant at first because I’d been terrified that it was the only reason Parker wanted anything to do with me.

And now he was actually touring with my dad.

Come to think of it, my
dad
should have told me about this. He knew I was dating Parker.

Fuck, I’d introduced the two of them just a few nights earlier. Certainly they’d have met when Flashing Light was first scheduled to go on tour with Black Shadow.

But they’d both acted like it was the first time.

Betrayal hit me from all sides, and a nagging poison in my gut told me that this wasn’t the last of it.

I took a steadying breath in, held it for five seconds, and let it out slowly.

As hurt and angry as I was, I had to perform my assistant duties. I’d find a way to avoid Parker. I had to because I couldn’t face him. Not like this, especially.

I lifted my head from my arms and squinted in the sunlight.

A shadow fell across my face, blocking the blinding rays of sunshine from my eyes.

The first time I’d ever seen Parker, I viewed him as a light in my dark world. And now that he stood in front of me, a silhouette against the bright afternoon sunshine, all I saw was darkness.

He held out his hand to help me up from my spot on the ground. I refused his help, standing up on my own and brushing off the back of my dusty jeans.

“Hey,” he said softly.

I didn’t respond. I was too angry to form words. I started walking back toward the building.

He followed me, a lost puppy dog. I ignored him, because I knew if I turned around and looked at him, I’d start crying.

I didn’t want him to see how upset I was.

I focused on the tasks ahead of me, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the betrayal. Why hadn’t he told me? Did he think it would somehow work out better to leave out this huge bit of information?

He was a fucking idiot.

“I was going to tell you a million times. I just couldn’t figure out how to say it without hurting you, so I kept putting it off. And then we had the studio time and I didn’t get my chance and I knew I had to do it in person. I thought I’d surprise you, but you saw me before I had the chance to.” He was pleading with me.

I didn’t reply. His feeble excuses meant nothing. I kept walking, but he grabbed my arm.

“And waiting ended up hurting you, too. I’m sorry, Jimi. I don’t know what else to say.”

He whirled me around and pulled me in against him.

It had only been a few days since I’d last seen him, but those arms around me called on the deep emotional connection we’d made.

His hard chest and strong arms were good, too good, but it hurt too much. I couldn’t be with someone who only wanted to be with me because of who I knew.

I felt in my core from the very beginning that this would never work between us. I should’ve followed my instinct instead of the fucked-up justifications I made in my head that holding him close would keep us both safe.

I finally found my voice. “I hate you.” I ripped myself away from his arms and stormed inside, away from him and away from the gut-wrenching pain I felt just in looking at him.

I found Keith just inside the doors. “Everything okay, Rox?” He looked alarmed.

I took a deep breath and put on my game face. “Fine. What time do you need Gideon for sound check?”

Keith glanced at his cell phone clock. “Forty-seven minutes by the green elevators. You know where I’m talking about?”

I nodded. “He’ll be there.”

I headed toward my dad’s dressing room. I rapped three times on the door, and I heard some shuffling and then, “Come in.”

I entered. Jadyn looked disheveled, but my dad looked no worse for the wear.

I didn’t even care that I was clearly interrupting whatever it was they had been doing.

All I knew was that it was stupid of me to let Parker get close to me. I should’ve known better. I should’ve been realistic with myself. But I hadn’t done any of that, and now I was paying the price.

“You okay, CC?” My dad’s voice was full of concern, and it was one more thing that I just didn’t want to deal with. He’d been part of this sick betrayal, too.

“Fine. Keith said you’ve got about forty-five minutes until sound check. He’ll go with you because I need a break. You need anything?”

He shook his head, his eyes wide as he stared at me.

“I’m going to my bus. You need anything, text me. You’ve got a meet and greet after the sound check. You’ll have about twenty people who won their way into the check. I’ll be back before your set.”

He nodded, and I practically ran back to where I’d seen the buses parked earlier. I found Keith on my way, and he kindly directed me toward the bus that I’d be traveling on for the tour.

The driver, Hank, waited outside. I showed him my credentials, and he smiled at me, punched in a code on the door, and waved me onto the bus.

I looked at what would be home for the next month. I sighed. My dad was so goddamn over the top sometimes, but I was grateful that this was how I’d be traveling.

I stood next to the driver’s seat and looked ahead. It looked more like a luxury apartment than a tour bus.

The living area consisted of two flat-screen televisions (For what? So we could fight over the sound?), two leather recliners, and a built in leather couch. There was a wet bar, a microwave, a refrigerator, and a counter with cabinets. Beyond that was a doorway and four bunks, and behind that was a bedroom that featured an actual bed, a dresser, and a full bathroom, complete with a shower. The water on tour buses usually wasn’t the cleanest, so most of the band and crew would wait for a real shower in a hotel and would use the shower for storage. But it was nice to know we had a shower if we needed it. I figured Keith and Vanessa would sleep in the bed together—they usually did, but they had always been accommodating enough if someone wanted to trade places.

I located my suitcase, which was stored away with the other luggage in the bedroom at the back of the bus. I opened it, pulling out the one thing I needed.

I claimed a top bunk, climbed into bed, and closed the little curtain that would be my barrier of privacy for the next four weeks. My bunk was even top-notch, featuring my very own smaller flat-screen television, a light, a counter to store my personal effects, and an outlet to charge my phone.

I held my journal close to my heart, knowing the words that I’d written less than twenty-four hours earlier were in there, taunting me.

It was ridiculous to me that I’d never seen this coming. I’d turned a blind eye to the truth because I wanted to believe so badly that what Parker and I had was genuine.

I wished for the briefest of moments that I’d never met him.

But then the good stuff would’ve been gone, too. And I wasn’t ready to part with the good stuff just yet.

I’d told him I hated him, and it was true.

I hated everything about him.

I hated how he smelled like sunshine. I hated how he looked, that scruff that scratched my skin and those eyes that could pin me to the wall and that hair that was always messy and begged for my fingers. I hated his words and his text messages and his music that made me feel things.

But most of all, I hated that he was perfect for me and that he had shattered me so easily.

I hated myself for letting him in and for allowing him to hurt me.

I opened the journal and reread the words I’d written just the day before.

Unbreakable
.

That one word stared me in the face, mocking me and laughing at me.

I was past the point of tears. I was beyond the point of pain.

I’d always known whoever I got close to would be the third casualty in my life. First Katie, then Damien. I’d stayed away from love for a year because I’d been afraid that it would be my fault when I lost another person who I loved.

But instead, it was me who lost.

I was the third casualty.

Because the way things felt inside, I was certain that I’d been broken in a way that was beyond repair.

I was positive that I’d never recover from Parker’s betrayal.