Volpone and Other Plays (22 page)

I cannot answer him, Mosca, as I would,

Not yet; but for thy sake, at thy entreaty,

I will begin e' en now to vex 'em all,

This very instant.

MOSCA
:                  Good, sir.

VOLPONE
:                           Call the dwarf

And eunuch forth.

MOSCA
:                           Castrone! Nano!

[
Enter
CASTRONE
and
NANO
.]

NANO
:                                                     Here.

VOLPONE
: Shall we have a jig now?

MOSCA
:                                             What you please, sir.

VOLPONE
:                                                                                 Go,

60        Straight give out about the streets, you two,

That I am dead; do it with constancy,

Sadly, do you hear? Impute it to the grief

Of this late slander.

[
Exeunt
CASTRONE
and
NANO
.]

MOSCA
:                  What do you mean, sir?

VOLPONE
:                                                                O,

I shall have instantly my vulture, crow,

Raven, come flying hither on the news

To peck for carrion, my she-wolf and all,

Greedy and full of expectation –

MOSCA
: And then to have it ravished from their mouths?

VOLPONE
: 'Tis true. I will ha' thee put on a gown,

70        And
take upon thee
as thou wert mine heir;

Show 'em a will. Open that chest and reach

Forth one of those that has the blanks. I'll straight

Put in thy name.

MOSCA
:          It will be rare, sir.

VOLPONE
:                                   Ay,

When they e' en gape, and find themselves deluded –

MOSCA
: Yes.

VOLPONE
: And thou use them scurvily! Dispatch,

Get on thy gown.

MOSCA
:         But what, sir, if they ask

After the body?

VOLPONE
:         Say it was corrupted.

MOSCA
: I'll say it stunk, sir; and was fain t' have it

Coffined up instantly and sent away.

80   
VOLPONE
: Anything, what thou wilt. Hold, here's my will.

Get thee a cap, a count-book, pen and ink,

Papers afore thee; sit as thou wert taking

An inventory of parcels. I'll get up

Behind the curtain, on a stool, and hearken;

Sometime peep over, see how they do look,

With what degrees their blood doth leave their faces.

O, 'twill afford me a rare meal of laughter!

MOSCA
: Your advocate will turn stark
dull
upon it.

VOLPONE
: It will take off his oratory's edge.

90    
MOSCA
But your
clarissimo
, old round-back, he

Will
crump you like a hog-louse with the touch
.

VOLPONE
: And what Corvino?

MOSCA
:                                             O sir, look for him

Tomorrow morning with a
rope and dagger

To visit all the streets; he must run mad.

My lady too, that came into the court

To bear false witness for your worship –

VOLPONE
:                                                      Yes,

And kissed me ' fore the fathers, when my face

Flowed all with oils –

MOSCA
:                  And sweat, sir. Why, your gold

Is such another med' cine, it dries up

100      All those offensive savours! It transforms

The most deformèd, and restores 'em lovely

As 'twere the strange poetical girdle. Jove                        
Cestus
.

Could not invent t' himself a shroud more subtle

To pass Acrisius' guards. It is the thing

Makes all the world her grace, her youth, her beauty.

VOLPONE
: I think she loves me.

MOSCA
:                                    Who? The lady, sir?

She's jealous of you.

VOLPONE
:         Dost thou say so?

[
Knocking without
.]

MOSCA
:                                                      Hark,

There's some already.

VOLPONE
:                                Look!

MOSCA
[
looking out
]:                  It is the vulture;

He has the quickest scent.

VOLPONE
:                           I'll to my place,

110      Thou to thy posture.

MOSCA
:                           I am set.

VOLPONE
:                                    But Mosca,

Play the
artificer
now, torture 'em rarely.

[
VOLPONE
hides
.]

V, iii         [
Enter
VOLTORE
.]

[
VOLTORE
:] How now, my Mosca?

MOSCA
[
writing
]:                           Turkey carpets, nine –

VOLTORE
: Taking an inventory? That is well.

MOSCA
: Two suits of bedding, tissue –

VOLTORE
:                                                      Where's the will?

Let me read that the while.

[
Enter servants, carrying
CORBACCIO
in a chair
.]

CORBACCIO
:                  So, set me down,

And get you home.

[
Exeunt servants
.]

VOLTORE
:                  Is he come now, to trouble us?

MOSCA
: Of cloth of gold, two more –

CORBACCIO
:                                    Is it done, Mosca?

MOSCA
: Of several
velvets
, eight –

VOLTORE
:                                    I like his care.

CORBACCIO
: Dost thou not hear?

[
Enter
CORVINO
.]

CORVINO
:                                    Ha! Is the hour come, Mosca?

VOLPONE
[
aside
]: Ay, now they muster!

Volpone peeps from behind a
traverse
.

CORVINO
:                                             What does the advocate here,

Or this Corbaccio?

CORBACCIO
:         What do these here?

[
Enter
LADY WOULD-BE
.]

10    
LADY WOULD-BE
:                           Mosca!

Is his thread spun?

MOSCA
:                  Eight chests of linen –

VOLPONE
[
aside
]:                                             O,

My fine Dame Would-be, too!

CORVINO
:                                             Mosca, the will,

That I may show it these and rid 'em hence.

MOSCA
: Six chests of diaper, four of damask – There.

[
He gives them are will and continues writing
.]

CORBACCIO
: Is that the will?

MOSCA
:                                    Down-beds, and bolsters –

VOLPONE
[
aside
]:                                                               Rare!

Be busy still. Now they begin to flutter;

They never dunk of me. Look, see, see, see!

How their swift eyes run over the long deed

Unto the name, and to the legacies,

What is bequeathed them there.

20    
MOSCA
:                                    Ten suits of poem0s –

VOLPONE
[
aside
]: Ay,
i' their garters
, Mosca. Now their hopes

Are at the gasp.

VOLTORE
:                Mosca the heir!

CORBACCIO
:                                             What's that?

VOLPONE
[
aside
]: My advocate is dumb; look to my merchant.

He has heard of some strange storm, a ship is lost,

He faints; my lady will swoon.
Old glazen-eyes

He hath not reached his despair, yet.

CORBACCIO
:                                             All these

Are out of hope; I'm sure the man.

CORVINO
:                                                 But, Mosca –

MOSCA
: Two cabinets –

CORVINO
:                           Is this in earnest?

MOSCA
:                                                                        One

Of ebony –

CORVINO
: Or do you but delude me?

30    
MOSCA
: The other, mother of pearl – I am very busy.

Good faith, it is a fortune thrown upon me –

Item, one
salt
of agate – not my seeking.

LADY WOULD-BE
: Do you hear, sir?

MOSCA
:                                    A perfumed box – pray you forbear,

You see I'm troubled – made of an onyx –

LADY WOULD-BE
:                                    How?

MOSCA
: Tomorrow, or next day, I shall be at leisure

To talk with you all.

CORVINO
:                  Is this my large hope's issue?

LADY WOULD-BE
: Sir, I must have a fairer answer.

MOSCA
:                                                                        Madam!

Marry, and shall: pray you, fairly quit my house.

Nay, raise no tempest with your looks; but hark you,

40        Remember what your ladyship offered me

To put you in an heir; go to, think on 't.

And what you said e' en your best madams did

For maintenance, and why not you? Enough.

Go home and use the poor Sir Pol, your knight, well,

For fear I tell some riddles. Go, be melancholic.

[
Exit
LADY WOULD-BE
.]

VOLPONE
[
aside
]: O my fine devil!

CORVINO
:                                    Mosca, pray you a word.

MOSCA
: Lord! Will not you take your dispatch hence yet?

Methinks of all you should have been th' example

why should you stay here? With what thought? What promise?

50        Hear you: do not you know I know you an ass,

And that you would most fain have been a
wittol

If fortune would have let you? That you are

A declared cuckold, on good terms? This pearl,

You' ll say, was yours? Right. This diamond?

I'll not deny't, but thank you. Much here else?

It may be so. Why, think that these good works

May help to hide your bad. I'll not betray you,

Although you be but
extraordinary
,

And have it only in title, it sufficeth.

60        Go home, be melancholic too, or mad.

[
Exit
CORVINO
.]

VOLPONE
[
aside
]: Rare, Mosca! How his villainy becomes him!

VOLTORE
: Certain he doth delude all these for me.

CORBACCIO
: Mosca the heir?

VOLPONE
[
aside
]:                  O,
his four eyes
have found it!