Volpone and Other Plays (36 page)

FACE
:         By his viscosity, His oleosity, and his suscitability.

SUBTLE
: How do you sublime him?

FACE
:         With the calce of egg-shells, White marble, talc.

SUBTLE
:         

Your magisterium now, What's that?

FACE
:       Shifting, sir, your elements,

Dry into cold, cold into moist, moist into hot,

Hot into dry.

SUBTLE
:      This's heathen Greek to you still? – Your
Lapis Philosophicus?

40    
FACE
:     'Tis a stone,

And not a stone; a spirit, a soul, and a body,

Which if you do dissolve, it is dissolved;

If you coagulate, it is coagulated;

If you make it to fly, it flieth.

SUBTLE
:         Enough.

[
Exit
FACE
.]

This's heathen Greek to you? What are you, sir?

ANANIAS
: Please you, a servant of the exiled Brethren,

That deal with widows' and with orphans' goods,

And make a just account unto the Saints –

A deacon.

50    
SUBTLE
:    O, you are sent from Master Wholesome,

Your teacher?

ANANIAS
:    From Tribulation Wholesome,

Our very zealous pastor.

SUBTLE
:       Good! I have

Some orphans' goods to come here.

ANANIAS
:           Of what kind, sir?

SUBTLE
: Pewter and brass, andirons and kitchen-ware,

Metals, that we must use our med' cine on:

Wherein the Brethren may have a penn' orth

For ready money.

ANANIAS
:      Were the orphans' parents

Sincere
professors
?

SUBTLE
:       Why do you ask?

ANANIAS
:           Because

We then are to deal justly, and give, in truth,

Their utmost value.

SUBTLE
:  'Slid, you'd cozen else,

60      And if their parents were not of the faithful? –

I will not trust you, now I think on't,

Till I ha' talked with your pastor. Ha' you brought money

To buy more coals?

ANANIAS
:        No, surely.

SUBTLE
:           No? How so?

ANANIAS
: The Brethren bid me say unto you, sir,

Surely, they will not venture any more

Till they may see projection.

SUBTLE
:             How!

ANANIAS
:                    You've had,

For the instruments, as bricks, and loam, and glasses,

Already thirty pound; and, for materials,

They say, some ninety more. And they have heard since,

70      That one at Heidelberg made it of an egg,

And a small paper of pin-dust.

SUBTLE
:  What's your name?

ANANIAS
: My name is Ananias.

SUBTLE
:         Out, the varlet

That cozened the Apostles! Hence, away!

Flee, mischief! Had your holy consistory

No name to send me, of another sound

Than wicked Ananias? Send your elders

Hither to make atonement for you, quickly,

And gi' me satisfaction; or out goes

The fire, and down th' alembics, and the furnace,

80      
Piger Henricus
, or what not. Thou wretch!

Both
sericon
and
bufo
shall be lost,

Tell 'em. All hope of rooting out the bishops,

Or th' Anti-Christian hierarchy shall perish,

If they stay threescore minutes; the aqueity,

Terreity, and sulphureity

Shall run together again, and all be annulled,

Thou wicked Ananias!

[
Exit
ANANIAS
.]

 This will fetch 'em,

And make 'em haste towards their gulling more.

A man must deal like a rough nurse, and fright

90      Those that are froward to an appetite.

II, vi
[
Enter
FACE
,
in his Captain's uniform, with
DRUGGER
.]

[
FACE
:] He's busy with his spirits, but we'll upon him.

SUBTLE
: How now! What mates, what Bayards ha' we here?

FACE
: I told you he would be furious. – Sir, here's Nab

Has brought you another piece of gold to look on;

(We must appease him. Give it me.) and prays you,

You would devise – what is it, Nab?

DRUGGER
:         A sign, sir.

FACE
: Ay, a good lucky one, a thriving sign, Doctor.

SUBTLE
: I was devising now.

FACE
[
aside to
SUBTLE
]:       'Slight, do not say so,

He will repent he ga' you any more. –

What say you to his constellation, Doctor, 10

The Balance?

SUBTLE
:      No, that way is stale and common.

A townsman, born in Taurus, gives the bull,

Or the bull's head; in Aries, the ram, –

A poor device! No, I will have his name

Formed in some mystic character, whose radii,

Striking the senses of the passers-by,

Shall, by a virtual influence, breed affections,

That may result upon the party owns it;

As thus –

FACE
:     Nab!

SUBTLE
:      He first shall have
a bell
, that's
Abel
:

And by it standing one whose name is
Dee
, 20

In a
rug
gown, there's
D
., and
Rug
, that's
Drug;

And right anenst him a dog snarling
er;

There's
Drugger, Abel Drugger
. That's his sign.

And here's now mystery and hieroglyphic!

FACE
: Abel, thou art made.

DRUGGER
:          Sir, I do thank his worship.

FACE
: Six o' thy
legs
more will not do it, Nab.

He has brought you a pipe of tobacco, Doctor.

DRUGGER
:  Yes, sir. I have another thing I would impart –

FACE
: Out with it, Nab.

DRUGGER
:      Sir, there is lodged, hard by me,

30        A rich young widow –

FACE
:         Good!
a bona roba
?

DRUGGER
: But nineteen at the most.

FACE
:          Very good, Abel.

DRUGGER
: Marry, she's not in fashion yet; she wears A hood, but't stands
a-cop
.

FACE
:          No matter, Abel.

DRUGGER
: And I do now and then give her a
fucus
–

FACE
: What! dost thou deal, Nab?

SUBTLE
:          I did tell you, Captain.

DRUGGER
: And physic too, sometime, sir; for which she trusts me

With all her mind. She's come up here of purpose

To learn the fashion.

FACE
:       Good (his match too!) – On, Nab.

DRUGGER
: And she does strangely long to know her fortune.

40    
FACE
: God's lid, Nab, send her to the Doctor, hither.

DRUGGER
: Yes, I have spoke to her of his worship already;

But she's afraid it will be blown abroad,

And hurt her marriage.

FACE
:      Hurt it! 'tis the way

To heal it, if 'twere hurt; to make it more

Followed and sought. Nab, thou shalt tell her this.

She'll be more known, more talked of; and your widows

Are ne'er of any price till they be famous.

Their honour is their multitude of suitors.

Send her, it may be thy good fortune. What?

Thou dost not know?

50    
DRUGGER
:                          No, sir, she'll never marry

Under a knight. Her brother has made a vow.

FACE
: What! and dost thou despair, my little Nab,

Knowing what the Doctor has set down for thee,

And seeing so many o' the City
dubbed
?

One glass o' thy water, with a madam I know,

Will have it done, Nab. What's her brother? a Knight?

DRUGGER
: No, sir, a gentleman newly warm in's land, sir,

Scarce cold in his one-and-twenty, that does govern

His sister here; and is a man himself

60      Of some three thousand a year, and is come up

To learn to quarrel, and to live by his wits,

And will go down again, and die i' the country.

FACE
: How! to quarrel?

DRUGGER
:                          Yes, sir, to carry quarrels,

As gallants do; to manage 'em
by line
.

FACE
: 'Slid, Nab! The Doctor is the only man

In Christendom for him! He has made a table,

With mathematical demonstrations,

Touching the art of quarrels. He will give him

An instrument to quarrel. Go, bring 'em both,

70      Him and his sister. And, for thee, with her

The Doctor happ' ly may persuade. Go to!

Shalt give his worship a new damask suit

Upon the premises.

SUBTLE
:                      O, good Captain!

FACE
:                                                          He shall,

He is the honestest fellow, Doctor. Stay not,

No offers; bring the damask, and the parties.

DRUGGER
: I'll try my power, sir.

FACE
:                                                          And thy will too, Nab.

SUBTLE
: 'Tis good tobacco, this! What is't an ounce?

FACE
: He'll send you a pound, Doctor.

SUBTLE
:                                                          O no.

FACE
:                                                                        He will do't

It is the goodest soul! – Abel, about it

80      Thou shalt know more gone. Away, be gone.

     [
Exit
DRUGGER
.]

A miserable rogue, and lives with cheese,

And has the worms. That was the cause, indeed,

Why he came now. He dealt with me in private,

To get a med' cine for 'em.

SUBTLE
:                                         And shall, sir. This works.

FACE
: A wife, a wife for one on's, my dear Subtle!

We'll e'en draw lots, and he that fails shall have

The more
in goods
, the other has in tail.

SUBTLE
: Rather the less. For she may be so light

She may want
grains
.

FACE
:                                       Ay, or be such a burden,

90        A man would scarce endure her for the whole.

SUBTLE
: Faith, best let's see her first, and then determine.

FACE
: Content. But Dol must ha' no breath on't.

SUBTLE
:                                                                        Mum.

Away you, to your Surly yonder, catch him.

FACE
: Pray God I ha' not stayed too long.

SUBTLE
:                                                               I fear it.

[
Exeunt
.]

[
Outside Lovewit's house
.]

[
Enter
TRIBULATION WHOLESOME
and
ANANIAS
.]

[
TRIBULATION
:] These chastisements are common to the Saints,

And such rebukes we of the
Separation

Must bear with willing shoulders, as the trials

Sent forth to tempt our frailties.

ANANIAS
:                                                In pure zeal,

I do not like the man. He is a heathen,

And speaks the language of Canaan, truly.

TRIBULATION
: I think him a profane person indeed.

ANANIAS
:                                                                                      He bears

The visible mark of the Beast in his forehead.