Wait for the Rain (11 page)

Skylar put her reading glasses back on and studied the list. “Do either of you want anything? I’m too stuffed for anything big, but I could be convinced to share something.”

Daphne stood up. “I’m pretty full as well. I think I’ll pass. Will you excuse me for a minute? I’m just going to run to the ladies’ room.” She tucked her chair close to the table and struggled to keep the tears at bay before her friends could see them.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

KC held up her purse. “I have dark chocolate squares if you want one.”

Skylar’s eyes lit up. “Ooh, perfect. You still carry dark chocolate with you everywhere you go?”

“Always.”

Skylar waved her fingers at the purse. “Gimme.”

Daphne forced a smile. “Save me a square, okay? I’ll be right back.”
Please start talking about something else while I’m gone.

She hurried inside toward the restroom, her eyes fixated on the wood floor. She didn’t feel any tears yet, but she could feel her cheeks getting hot. The restaurant was filled with strangers she would most likely never see again in her lifetime, but she still hoped none of them would notice how upset she was. How embarrassed she was for losing her composure,
again
. How frustrated she was for still feeling like this: socially paralyzed, afraid to start dating, afraid of everything it represented.
Let the past go!

Once safely ensconced in the empty restroom, whose bright white walls were adorned with nautical-themed paintings, she dotted a few tears away with a Kleenex. A small smudge of mascara under her left eye was the only evidence that she’d been on the verge of crying. She wiped it away and took a deep breath, then took a step back and looked at herself in the mirror, grateful to finally be alone.
What happened to you?

The face looking back at her was the same that Skylar and KC remembered, but the person behind it wasn’t. Where was the wide-eyed optimist who loved to laugh, who loved to try new things, who never backed down from a challenge, and who was excited about her future?
Where did you go?

She splashed cold water on her face, then patted her cheeks with a paper towel—hard.
Get it together. You’re stronger than this!
She dug around in her purse for some lipstick and blush, then did her best to conceal the fact that she’d been inches away from dissolving into tears.
You’re going to be fine.

Less than satisfied with the results but knowing she couldn’t spend the evening hiding inside the restroom, she forced a less than convincing smile into the mirror, patted her cheeks one more time, and then made her way back outside.

“I still vote for the Monkees,” Skylar said as Daphne returned to the table. “Davy Jones was dreamy.”

KC shook her head. “No way.
Definitely
NSYNC. Justin Timberlake all the way, baby.”

“JT is hot, I agree. But
DJ
was timeless. You’ll see.”

“What are you two talking about?” Daphne took a seat, relieved that the conversation had turned away from her dating life.

“We’re debating who was the best boy band ever,” Skylar said. “Super Jockette here is overlooking the obvious choice.”

“What about the Beatles?” Daphne said.

“I don’t think the Beatles count as a boy band,” KC said. “They’re so famous that they’re like a regular band.”

“Agreed,” Skylar said.

“Emma likes One Direction,” Daphne said.

Skylar shook her head. “History will prove me right. You just watch, my friends.” She tapped her palms against the table. “So speaking of bands, who’s up for a nightcap? I heard there’s a great spot just down the beach that has live music.”

KC began to speak, but Skylar put a hand in the air. “Wait. That wasn’t a question, so allow me to rephrase.
Time for
a nightcap. There’s a great spot just down the beach that has live music.”

Daphne made a sheepish face. “Can we take a rain check? I woke up at five this morning.”

KC followed suit. “I was up at three thirty. And you guys know I need my sleep.”

Skylar gestured for the bill. “You can sleep when you’re dead. Chop chop.”

“What time is it?” KC asked.

Daphne looked at her watch. “Nine thirty.”

KC yawned. “I may have to take back what I said about not being old. I’m kind of exhausted.”

“Me too,” Daphne said. “I can barely keep my eyes open. I’m sorry, Skylar.”

Skylar signed the credit card receipt and stood up. “You’re
really
too tired to go?”

KC and Daphne nodded in unison.

“Even for one drink?” Skylar looked incredulous.

They nodded again.

Daphne looked at her hands. “I’m sorry. Can we go there tomorrow night?”

“The bed in my room looked so comfortable,” KC said in a tiny voice. “And that sangria made me so sleepy.”

Skylar sighed. “You two are somewhat pathetic. If you were this lame in college, I don’t know if we would have been friends.”

“We know,” KC and Daphne said in unison, although now they were kind of laughing.

Skylar held up a finger. “Okay, fine, I’ll give you
one
night
to get acclimatized, but only one. Our time together on this fabulous island is limited, so I want to make sure we get the most out of it.”

“I promise I’ll be more fun tomorrow,” KC said.

“I don’t know how fun I’ll be, but at least I’ll be awake,” Daphne said.

KC poked her in the rib. “Stop it, you’re always fun.”

“Thanks, KC.” Daphne gave her a weak smile.
I wish I felt that way.

“Let’s walk home,” Skylar said. “I need to work off that amazing meal I just inhaled. Unless you wimps are too
tired
to walk?”

“I’m up for that,” KC said.

The three of them descended the back steps of the restaurant, then removed their shoes and began strolling along the sand. They had taken a cab to the restaurant, which had wound through the quaint streets leading into the center of town, but in a straight line their house was barely a mile down the beach. It was dark out now, but the gentle air was still warm, the sand soft and squishy between their toes. The beach was dotted with couples and small groups meandering about. An older man sat alone on a large towel, staring out at the water. Daphne wondered what he was thinking.
Is he happy? Or is he hurting inside? Does he feel all alone?

“I love the sound of the ocean,” KC said. “There’s something about it that’s so soothing.”

“I feel that way about a nice glass of win
e . . .
or three,” Skylar said.

KC and Skylar kept walking, but Daphne didn’t move or respond to Skylar’s joke. Instead, she stood still and kept her eyes on the dark water.

“You okay, Daphne?” KC returned and put a hand on her arm.

“You left us again,” Skylar said.

“I’m fine, jus
t . . .
tired.” Daphne kept gazing out toward the sea.

“You sure?” Skylar didn’t sound convinced.

Daphne nodded and forced yet another smile. The act was beginning to wear on her.

Skylar put an arm around Daphne and pulled her along the beach. “Hey, I just realized that you skipped to the restroom right when we were about to delve into your love life.”

KC clapped her hands and did a little skip. “Ooh yes, let’s hear about that.”

Daphne wiggled out of Skylar’s embrace and kept looking out at the water, afraid to make eye contact, afraid she would start crying if she did. “There’s not much to tell.”

Skylar waved a dismissive hand. “Nonsense. There’s always something to tell. The magic is in
how
you tell it. So you’re not dating anyone seriously, no big deal. Tell us about the last guy you smooched.”

Daphne felt the tears coming back.
Please don’t make me do this.
She began walking a little faster.

“Hello?” Skylar said.

Daphne didn’t reply.

“I can’t imagine dating again,” Daphne heard KC say behind her. “I wasn’t very good at it when I was single. I’d definitely be worse at it now.”

Then Skylar spoke. “What are you talking about? I hope you’d be bad at dating, given that you’re
married
.”

Daphne glanced behind her and saw KC give Skylar’s midsection a squeeze. “You know what I mean,” KC said to Skylar.

Skylar and KC quickened their pace and caught up to Daphne.

“So spill and tell us something juicy,” Skylar said. “And for the love of God, will you stop walking so fast? I’m going to get a cramp here.”

Daphne slowed down—but just barely. She studied the sand in front of her, her toes sinking into it with each step.

“What is going on with you, Daphne?” Skylar said. “You’re acting really weird.”

Daphne suddenly stopped in her tracks. She took a deep breath, then finally let her eyes flicker toward Skylar. “I’m not ready to date yet, okay?”

Skylar glanced at KC, then back to Daphne. “Wait a minute. Are you saying you haven’t dated since you and Brian split up?”

Daphne nodded.

“At all? In two-and-a-half years?” Skylar said.

Daphne began walking again. Fast. Then the tears arrived. This time for real.
Is it too late for me? Am I capable of having a healthy relationship? Do I even know what that means?

She wiped the tears away with the back of her hand and kept moving, as if by staying in motion she could somehow escape the embarrassment of what she’d just shared. Skylar and KC were her best friends, but she didn’t want them to see her this way. She didn’t want them to know how much she was hurting inside, how empty she’d become. She kept walking as fast as she could, the tears now streaming down her face.

“Daphne, hon, please stop,” Skylar called from behind.

KC trotted to catch up to her, a concerned look on her face.

Daphne tried to will the tears away, but it didn’t work this time. She began crying harder, then coughing in a futile effort to make herself stop. Finally, she gave up walking and stood there, her shoulders slumping.

KC put a hand on her arm and squeezed. “Are you okay?”

Skylar joined them and caught her breath when she saw Daphne’s face. “Oh, hon, what’s wrong?”

Daphne didn’t respond. Instead, the three of them stood there on the beach, Daphne now sobbing uncontrollably.

KC began to pet Daphne’s hair. “Whatever it is, it’s going to be fine.”

After a few moments in which no one spoke, Daphne finally choked out the words. “Brian’
s . . .
getting remarried.”

Skylar sighed. “Damn it.”

“Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry,” KC said. She kept petting Daphne’s hair.

Daphne coughed again and wiped the tears away from her eyes. “I haven’t been on a single date since we split up, and now he’s marrying
Alyssa
. Beautiful, perfect, thirty-three-year-old
Alyssa
.”

“She sounds like a bitch,” Skylar said.

Daphne let out a weak laugh, then dropped her flip-flops and crumpled downward to sit on the beach. She pulled her knees up to her chest, the tears still streaming down her cheeks, although with less intensity now.

Skylar and KC sat down next to her.

“I’m sorry,” KC said. “I know that must sting.”

“I’m forty years old and have to start all over. I’m a failure,” Daphne whispered into her knees.

But Skylar and KC heard her.

KC began to rub Daphne’s back. “Oh sweetie, that’s not true, that’s not true at all.”

“Don’t think like that, Daphne,” Skylar said. “You’re a
mother
, for crying out loud. How can you feel like a failure when you’ve raised a sweet girl like Emma, when you’ve done so much for her?”

Daphne rested her forehead on her knees. “Emma doesn’t need me anymore.”

KC began petting her hair again. “That’s not true. Girls
always
need their mothers. I still talk to mine all the time.”

Daphne kept her forehead pressed against her knees. “I know it’s just a phase she’s going through, but it hurts that she doesn’t talk to me like she used to. Some days she barely talks to me at all.”

“She’s fifteen,” Skylar said. “Who talks to their mom at fifteen? I think I went my entire junior year in high school without talking to mine. I was too busy obsessing over which pair of acid-wash jeans to wear with my Reebok high-tops.”

Daphne coughed out a laugh. “I remember those high-tops.”

“Me too. You rocked those kicks,” KC said.

“My sisters have gone through this exact same thing,” Skylar said to Daphne. “You can’t take it personally.”

“Rationally I know that, but I just miss her,” Daphne said.

“I think it’s good for teenagers to pull away from their parents a little bit. It means they’re experimenting with the idea of becoming adults one day by testing the boundaries a little bit, which is an important step for them,” KC said.

Skylar pushed KC’s shoulder. “Look who’s playing the role of the wise old lady.”

KC laughed. “Josh and Jared each went through a bit of a phase, not exactly rebellious, but definitely a period where Max and I were hardly topping the list of people they wanted to spend time with. Yes, it takes some getting used to, but you’ll adjust. In the meantime, try not to let it eat at you.”