Waiting for Us (11 page)

Chapter Eight

Thanksgiving - 2009

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite days of the year but today I'm a little sad because Erik wasn't able to make it home from college. He has an aunt and uncle that recently moved to Alabama for work so he is going to visit with them for the long weekend. The round trip tickets for flights from Alabama to Massachusetts are astronomical in price and since he's coming home in a few weeks for winter break, he's gotta remain in Alabama until then.

I'm in the kitchen helping my mom prepare all the side dishes and pies when Jake and Cory arrive. They both try to hug me at separate times, but I wave them off because I'm covered in flour from making the crusts. Cory kisses me on the top of my head before following Jake to the living room to watch football with my dad and drink beer, while my mom and I set the dining room table with our good china.  After all the prep work is done my mom shoos me out of the kitchen and I run upstairs to my room and change into a soft lilac t-shirt and tight black skinny jeans. I hope wearing these snug fitting pants, while eating a large meal, isn’t a mistake. I tip my head over and brush my hair to make sure all the traces of flour are gone from it. White flour and black hair don’t mix too well.  When I flip my head back, right side up my hair is all over the place, so I give it one more pass through with my boar bristle brush.

***

Dinner with my family is never dull.  We always seem to talk about the most inappropriate topics.  You name it and it’s probably been discussed at our table, at some point in time. Tonight the strange topic of choice is body piercings. Apparently, Jake’s last girlfriend had her clit hood pierced.
Ouch.
She also had her nipples pierced. I’m not sure what would possess someone to go through all that pain.  I can barely stand my bra rubbing my nipples the week before my period, never mind shoving a metal object through them.  As far as the clit hood goes, it’s painful if E even rubs that area too hard.  How can anyone tolerate a metal object being stuck in it twenty-four/seven?

“Is that the kind of girl guys are attracted to? Are piercings in your private areas really necessary? If that’s important, then I’m screwed because I’m never having my hoo-ha pierced.” Jake looks all kinds of uncomfortable at my question and I’m not sure why. He’s the one that started this conversation in the first place. 

“I don’t care if a girl has piercings or not.  I’ve never dated anyone with them, but it wouldn’t stop me from going out with her if she was attractive to me.” Cory speaks up. “I think tattoos are hot, though,” He adds.

“Thanks, Cory, I appreciate your honesty.”
Note to self, get a tattoo.

***

I’m sitting on my bed crying after getting off the phone with Erik. I miss him so much and sometimes it’s all I can do to hold it together while I’m talking to him. I want to break down into tears or throw a tantrum because we haven’t seen each other in so long. This long distance dating isn’t easy and it’s probably worse for him because he’s going to college parties where he’s surrounded by temptation all the time. He doesn’t have to worry about me because I’m still in high school and he knows I’m not the type to whoop it up.  He tells me about the frat parties he attends and how wild they can be. Sometimes, I wonder how honest he’s actually being with me? Is he fooling around with college girls and he doesn’t know how to tell me or he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings?  God, I hope that’s not the case. I’d rather he be honest and upfront with me.
Okay, I’m freaking myself out now.

After I have myself a good cry, I sit on the couch next to Cory, in our living room, and watch Home for the Holidays.  I love this movie and how it’s so funny and quirky.

“Where’s Jake?” I ask Cory.

“He’s gone to Cindy’s house,” He answers me.

“Is Cindy the latest flavor of the month?” I ask with a smirk on my face.

“Yeah, you could say that. She’s sort of clingy so I don’t think she’ll last too long, though.”

I shake my head before saying, “nice.” Cory looks at me and he must notice that I’ve been crying. It’s hard to miss the signs. My face is red and blotchy and my eyes are all puffy and swollen.

“What’s going on Hailey?” He asks with concern.

“I just got off the phone with E and this long distance thing sucks,” I say with a quick shrug of my shoulders. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No thanks, I’d rather just watch the movie and take my mind off of it.”

I must have dozed off because I wake up with my head in Cory’s lap. He is watching CNN and stroking his fingers lazily through my hair. It feels so perfect, I don’t ever want him to stop. He must feel the change in my breathing and he notices I’m awake.

“Hi, you were out like a light,” He says.  He doesn’t stop stroking my head and I’m not going to ask him to.

“Hi,” I whisper my voice husky with sleep. He is staring down at me so intently it’s freaking me out a bit.

“What?” I ask him, biting my bottom lip from nerves. He traces the angular line of my jaw with the tops of his fingers.

“You’re so fucking perfect. Sometimes I’m taken aback by how truly beautiful you are.” He confesses. I sit up and turn to face him and meet his golden hued gaze, trying to discern the emotions I’m seeing on his handsome face. He grips my arms, swiftly pulling me onto his lap and I can feel his hard-on beneath me. He leans forward gently rubbing the tip of his nose on mine, before running it slowly down one side of my neck, and kissing me gently behind my ear. His lips are warm and soft and his exhale of breath that barely caresses my ear is enough to make my body break out in goose bumps.  I clench my thighs together to ease the sweet ache that has started.

“Hailey you need to go to your room now before I do something neither one of us is ready for.”

Chapter Nine

Christmas Day 2009

Christmas is my favorite day of the year. Who doesn’t love getting presents?  I’m
especially excited today because Erik is coming over for dinner.  He’s been home for a couple of weeks already, but we haven’t had much time to spend together. He’s been busy with family commitments and I was still in school until a couple days ago.  We’ve gone out a few times, but there hasn’t been any opportunity for us to make love.  It’s winter here in Massachusetts and that means no car sex and other than riding with him in his truck, we haven’t been alone at all. I’m hoping to find a way to remedy that tonight. I feel as though he has been somewhat distant since he’s been home and I really hope I’m just imagining it. Maybe it’s because we haven’t been around one another for four months and we need to get comfortable again. Whatever the reason, I plan on kicking its ass today and getting things back to normal with my guy.

***

        My mom made a roast for dinner with mashed potatoes, gravy and lots of veggies.  All the food is delicious and I can’t help but feel grateful for all the blessings I have in my life, especially all of those seated at this table. My dad may be a workaholic but I know he loves me and he’s always there when I need him. My mom is certifiable and hard to deal with but I love her and I know she would do anything for me. Jake, is an awesome older brother. He always has my back when I need him to and he never lies to me. Erik is my sweet guy. He would never hurt me and he shows me how much he loves me in so many ways. Cory and I seem to be forming a strange kind of friendship. I will always be attracted to him, but nothing will ever come of it.  He seems to feel protective of me and I like that a lot. He’s someone I can count on to be there for me if I need him to.

We all exchanged gifts after dinner and my parents gave me the keys to their Honda CRV.  My mom’s been driving it for a few years now and my dad bought her a new one for Christmas.  Instead of trading in the old one, it’s now going to belong to me. I’m so excited to have the freedom to go to the store when I want or go over to Shelby’s house for a visit without having to wait for my mom’s car to be available. 

Jake gave me a gift card to my favorite bookstore and I squealed with delight when I opened it. He just laughed at me and shook his head.

“Who knew a teenage girl would be so happy to go to a bookstore?” He says with a smile.

“You knew Jakey and that’s why you are the best older brother ever.” I’m feeling a little guilty over my fairly impersonal gift for him. It’s a subscription to Sports Illustrated, but I know he reads that magazine, religiously. 

“Cory, here you can open this one now,” I say handing him his gift from me. He opens it to find a black tee and when he reads it, he laughs out loud.  His laugh is deep and throaty and hits me like an unexpected punch to my stomach. He holds the shirt up so everyone can see that it says - I Listen to The Voices in My Briefs. Everyone has a chuckle over it before Cory hands me a gift. I glance at it in surprise before taking the small box from him.  When I tear open the red and white striped wrapping paper that makes me think of candy canes, I find a fairly small white box. I lift the lid and find a stainless steel keyring with a capital H on it. There’s another key to my new car already on the ring and a pink version of what appears to be a key to our house.  I look over at him in surprise.

“I knew you were getting the car so I thought you might need this to put your keys on.” He shrugs sheepishly and it’s adorable. I’ve never seen this side of him before. Usually, he’s mister composed and he is never awkward.

“Look at the back,” he tells me.  I turn it over to see that he has had it engraved with the words - Lord, give me firm hands, attentive eyes, prudence and perfect control so that I may make a good journey and arrive happily at my destination.

“Cory, I love this,” I say with a smile. “Thank you so much.” I reach up and give him a quick hug and as he pulls away from me, my mom asks what the engraving says. I read it to her and she tells Cory how thoughtful his gift is.

“I couldn’t fit the whole prayer on there so I just put the first part, which seemed the most important to me, with you being a new driver and all.” Wow, there is so much more to who Cory is than what meets the eye. He shows most people such a small part of himself and I’m only beginning to see that he is so much more complex than I’ve ever realized or given him credit for.

“Hailey why don’t you give Erik his present,” my dad suggests and I could kiss him for breaking up what started out as something so sweet but was starting to feel all kinds of awkward. I reach down under our beautifully decorated Christmas tree to pick up a medium size box, before handing it to Erik. He smiles at me and takes the gift from me.  He quirks his eyebrow and shakes the package, looking for a clue as to what it could be, before tearing the red foil paper off. Inside the box is a silver framed photo of us from his senior prom. I had the frame engraved and it says E & H = LOVE on the top and across the bottom is the date of his prom. He silently stares at the picture for a minute before turning to look at me.  I swear he looks as though he has tears in his eyes when he says, “I love it and I’ll treasure it always.” He leans over and gives me a kiss on my cheek before handing me a small jewelry box.  It’s not wrapped, but he did put a red bow on the top. I take the gift from him and my hands feel a little unsteady as I open the lid. I gasp when I see the white gold sand dollar earrings he bought for me. I look at him with tears welling in my eyes.

“They are perfect E. They remind me of so many memories we’ve made together.”

“I know. I got them last summer when we went to Martha’s Vineyard.  I knew that you would love them.” I throw my arms around him and squeeze him tight.

“I love you,” I whisper in his ear.

Chapter Ten

New Year’s Eve 2009

Tonight Erik and I are going to a party with Shelby and her boyfriend, Austin. It’s being held at our friend from school’s house.  I’m hoping we may be able to have some alone time tonight.  We still haven’t had any opportunity to be “together” since he’s been back. He’s been really good about it, but I’m feeling all kinds of frustrated...sexually and otherwise. I’m not taking any chances tonight.  I wore a new dress that I bought just for this occasion.  It’s black and made of spandex so it fits me like a second skin.  I also bought a pair of red stiletto heels that I’ve been wearing around my house to break them in.  When I first put them on my ankles were wobbling all over the place and it took some practice before I felt confident walking in them.

When E picks me up, he seems distracted and he barely acknowledges what I’m wearing.
What the hell is going on with him?
It only takes us about five minutes to drive to the party. As soon as we walk inside all the members of the football team shout Erik’s name in a chant.  He smiles and pumps his fist before taking my hand and pulling me towards the drinks. He takes a beer for himself and hands me a wine cooler before we make the rounds saying our hellos to everyone.  I haven’t seen Shelby and Austin yet, but she’s always running late, so I’m not too surprised.

"Let's dance," I say to Erik as I tug on his hand.

"I don't feel like it, Hailey."

"Okay E," I say as I place my bottle down on a nearby table. I wrap my arms around his neck and go on my tip toes to kiss his jaw. He pulls his head away and looks to the side. At this point I know something’s going on. He's been acting strangely for two weeks now and maybe even before that, during our phone calls while he was still at school.

"What's going on with you? You've been distant for weeks now. If you don't want to be with me, then just be honest with me!"

He looks at me and clenches his jaw so firmly, that I notice the muscles in his cheek ripple. He looks down at the floor and remains silent.
Fuck this.

"Erik, I want to go home now. Can you give me a ride or should I get a hold of my brother?" I know if he won't take me that Jake will be here within five minutes of my call. He's having a party at our house tonight. My parents know about it and are okay with it as long as he doesn't let anyone drive drunk. My mom and dad are going out in Boston with some other couples and won't be home until tomorrow evening. They are spending the night downtown at a hotel.

"Yeah, I’ll drive you." E finally answers. I pull my wool coat on and make my way towards the front entrance, without waiting to see if he’s following. He's right behind me as I open the door and make my way to where his truck is parked, curbside. He reaches in front of me to open the passenger side door and holds his hand out to help me as I navigate through climbing in his truck with stilettos and a tight dress on.

"Thanks," I murmur softly. He closes the door before walking around to the driver's side and getting in. The ride to my house is filled with silence and when he pulls into my driveway and shifts the truck into park, I'm nervous about what's to come. He exhales on a big sigh and turns in his seat, to look at me.

"I'm sorry if I've been distant for the past few weeks. You haven't done anything wrong and my feelings for you haven't changed. I still love you and want to be with you."

"I want the same," I say interrupting.

"Hailey, just hear me out before you say anything else, please. A few weeks ago there was a party that me and most of the team were at. We drank a lot of shots and I was pretty drunk." He runs his hand through his hair before locking eyes with me. He looks upset and his eyes appear glassy as if he's tearing up. "I had sex with someone else." He blurts out six words, seven total syllables that completely annihilate my world as I know it.
Oh my God!
Crushing pain grips my chest and I feel as though I can't breathe.  I hear a roaring sound in my ears and my heart is pounding so fast I futilely place my hand on my chest to slow its pace.
I'm having a panic attack.

After my surfing accident I was no stranger to anxiety and I experienced the full gamut of symptoms that can take place during an episode. The counselor, my parents, made me speak with gave me some great tips on how to stop a panic attack once I'm in the midst of it. I remind myself to slow my breathing and take deep breaths. I bend over and put my head between my knees to stop myself from passing out.

"Hailey, are you okay?" E sounds like he is starting to panic. He rubs my back in a circular motion trying to soothe me, but I'm just getting more and more angry.
How dare he fucking cheat on me?

"Don't. Touch. Me!" I scream at him. "Don't ever touch me again." I start to sob uncontrollably and I drop my head in my hands, covering my face.

"How could you? You threw our relationship away for a cheap fuck. I hate you for that." The thought does occur to me that maybe this wasn't a one-time thing. Maybe she will be his new girlfriend now.

"How many times have you cheated on me?"

"It was only the one time. I love you, Hailey. I still want to be with you. Please forgive me."

"Who is she?" I venomously ask.

"She's a cheerleader, but she's nobody to me."

"She must mean something to you since you fucked her. I'm sure this has been coming for a while now, I’m not naive. She's been flirting with you and you’ve been flirting back with her thinking flirting is harmless and you added some alcohol to the mix, conveniently forgetting all about me. Well, guess what Erik? I don't want to be in a relationship with someone that can forget about me, even when they’re drunk. Go back to your little slut and forget about us. You just destroyed everything we've been building for two years now and you know what the sad thing is? I could have slept with someone else when I was drunk at Thanksgiving and all I could think about was you."

"Hailey you don't mean this. Please don't throw our relationship away."

"I didn't throw it away. You did and I’m completely serious when I tell you we are so completely over. Good luck finding someone that’s as loyal as I was and loves you like I did." I open the door and hop out, walking as fast as my heels will allow, towards the front door of my house

"Hailey, wait." He runs after me, grabbing my arm and spinning me around. Don't do this. Please." He pleads. He cups my face in both hands, and as our gaze locks on one another. I know this is the last time I will be looking at his gorgeous face...his beautiful green eyes...his lips that spoke such sweet, loving words.

  "I love you. I know we can get past this." He tries to convince me. I can feel the wet trails the tears are making on my face as they flow freely from my eyes. I pull away from his grasp and take a step back.

"I don't want to get past it, Erik. Goodbye."

I get inside my house as quickly as possible and slam the door behind me, making sure to lock it so Erik can’t come in. I rest my head on the door and breathe deeply, forgetting for a moment that there is a really loud party taking place right now.  I wipe the tears from my face before turning around and taking it all in.  Jake is in the living room talking to his girlfriend, Cindy. They’ve actually been dating for a couple months now and the one time I met her she seemed nice. There are people milling about in every direction I look. I really don’t want to have to explain what’s going on so I take my heels off and run up the stairs as fast as I can, hoping to avoid seeing anyone.

Once I’m in my room, I take off my dress and contemplate cutting it into hundreds of little pieces, knowing I won’t ever wear it again.
I don’t want any reminders of this night.
I throw it in a ball on my closet floor so I won’t have to look at it and I put on my favorite p.j.’s.- a football tee from Marcus’ high school and a pair of his boxers. I need all the comfort I can get and since my bestie can’t be here in person, this is the next best thing.

I look in the bathroom mirror at myself and I’m not surprised to see what a disaster I am. I look like a scary clown with the black streaks from my tears running down my cheeks.
Mascara and crying don’t mix.
I put my hair up in a high ponytail before rubbing some cleanser on my face and rinsing it with warm water.  It’s such a relief to have the tightness of the dried up makeup off of my skin. As I’m drying off my face with a towel, I hear a knock on my door.
Please don’t be Erik, please don’t be Erik,
repeats in my head as I open up my door and I’m relieved to find Cory standing there.

“Can I come in?”

“Sure.” I step back and open the door fully for him to pass by. I close the door and turn around leaning back against it, wondering what he could be here for. He sits down on the edge of my bed and pats the space next to him.

“Come sit with me.” I walk over to him and sit facing him with my legs criss-crossed.

“I saw you when you came in the door.  You looked really upset and I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. I know your parents aren’t here so if you need someone to talk to…” he trails off.

“I’m fine. I was upset because I broke up with Erik and it was hard to do.” My eyes start to water and tear up once again as I’m explaining. Cory stays silent, so I continue.

“He’s been distant for a few weeks and since he’s been home, things have been weird with us. I thought maybe he wanted to break up with me but didn’t know how to tell me, so tonight I forced him to talk about what's wrong. It wasn’t that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore, it’s that he got drunk at a party and slept with some skanky cheerleader. He swears it’s the only time he’s ever cheated and he still wants to be with me, but I broke up with him. I don’t want to be with someone who’s a cheater and I don’t want to have to forgive him for sleeping with someone else. I’m not going to forgive him. He ruined everything.” I say as tears begin to pour down my cheeks.

“Come here,” Cory says as he pulls me into his arms and lifts me onto his lap as though I weigh nothing at all. He rests his chin on top of my head and soothingly rubs my back.
“Erik was an idiot to cheat on you. You’re special Hailey and someday you will meet a guy who will realize how special you are and he will cherish and protect you. Erik is still just a kid, but that’s not an excuse to cheat. I’m sorry he hurt you but you will get over him eventually. It just takes time.” He kisses my forehead and holds my chin between his fingers.

“You’ll be okay,” He reassures me as he leans forward and kisses my cheek, close to my mouth. The smallest touch from him sets me on edge. I just want to forget about what happened earlier so I wrap my arms around his neck and pull his lips to meet mine. He groans as I lick the seam of his mouth before his lips part and our tongues meet. His hands clench both sides of my hair as he sucks on my lower lip, giving it one last lick before sliding his tongue inside my mouth to wrap around mine. If I thought I was controlling this kiss at first, I now know better. He is devouring my mouth and I’m just trying to keep up with all the licking, nipping and biting that’s going on. I haven’t ever been kissed like this and I feel like I’m in way over my head. Just as I begin to panic and I start to pull back, Cory pushes me away from him.

“Hailey,” he says breathing loudly. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have kissed you. The last thing you need to deal with is another asshole.”

“Cory, I kissed you…and you’re not an asshole. You stopped before things went any further and if anything you made me feel better because now Erik won’t be the last guy I’ve kissed. So thanks for that.”

He rubs my head like I’m a cute little dog before walking to the door. “Get some sleep.” Is all he says as he exits my room. I climb under my covers and replay the incredibly hot kiss we just shared. It may be shallow of me but I feel a little satisfaction that I kissed someone else besides E. I’m not one for revenge, but maybe there is something to that saying, if you want to get over someone, get under someone new. My phone dings with a new text alert and I pick it up from my nightstand where I placed it, when I first came home.

Happy New Year

HNY Back xo

I miss you

I broke up w E

r u ok?

maybe

what happened?

he had drunk sex w a chrldr

want me to kick his ass?

No thx. Where r u?

at a lame party

go have fun, talk soon xo

ok, call me if you need to talk

anytime! xo

I put my phone down and smile thinking about Marcus and how he’s always there for me. I wish I could see him right now.  He’d hold me in his arms and everything would somehow feel better.