Walking in the Shadows (10 page)

“I get it, you were trying to show me something was wrong…I knew it, especially after you
bailed on school after my class,
”
Tad responded
with
a heavy breath.

“I don’t know who I am—I feel so lost
, Tad…
I guess
it’s a
bad time of year for me
.
”

I tried to hold my composure by hugging my book to my chest
, but I knew it wouldn’t work with hi
m
studying my every reaction. It felt like he knew I was falling apart,
and
was unable to do anything about it.

“I know it must have been hard to spe
nd your birthday alone
.
”
He
glanced over my shoulder and out the door before
reaching
into his desk
and pull
ing
out a small pack
age
.
“Happy Birthday, by the way… I know it’s
late.
I
was going to give it to you the other day. I went to your work, but you looked so upset. I didn’t know if it would make it worse.”

I smiled
,
putting my book into my messenger bag and opening
the box to find
a
weathered, worn
novel
.
“When’s this from?”

“Early 1800’s second e
dition
,
”
h
e replied
as I ran my fingers over the
rough
leather and flipped the thin pages of
Emma
.
He sat in his chair and put his hands in fists on his
desk.

“I miss you,” h
e
whispered
,
squeezing his eyes shut before standing
to hug
me
,
but he
stopped as Lily
came in thr
ough the door.  I turned
,
trying to avoid eye contac
t with her, but she saw
the tears in my eyes and smirked. I
hoped she would take t
hem as a sign I had gotten in trouble for my rudeness the day before.

“I…coffee,
” Tad
mumbled
as he
turned and grabbed his cup
,
rushing out of the room. He returned to a class full of students and without his coffee cup.
He turned to us with his face red as he yanked at the bottom of his vest to straighten it. Then he coughed and straightened his tie, and I couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing and thinking. It was as if today was his first day as a teacher again, but then his eyes met mine. I smiled what I hoped was a reassuring smile and tightened my hands around the best present I had ever received.
I
n an instant
his shoulders relaxed
.

I raised my hand
.
“Yes,
Vera
?”

“I’d like to answer the
question you asked me yesterday,
”
I replied
.

“Of course,”
h
e nodded with his blue eyes deepening
.

“The Sonnets have been said to have shown Shakespeare as he really was, to
have shown his true hear
t.  All the others were stories
—
plays
,
but this is who Shakespeare
is and
th
at’s the hardest thing to accept
. It’s hardest to understand
what
someone’s heart
is
, yet
sometimes it’s the only thing that makes sense.”

Tad
looked down at his shoes and shook his head as his lips spread into a gentle smile
.
“What will I teach you now—when you understand things better than I ever could?” he asked, laughing lightly to himself.
They didn’
t understand, for we were
Shakespeare and they were mere
actors in the play
.

It was beginning to be a daily ritual for Jaz and me to stand at my locker outside Tad’s room talking. Well, it was mostly her talking and me trying to not poke my own eyes out. She talked about the latest gossip, which I never really had much interest in, and then she talked about whatever Tad had decided to put on for the day. I admired him as much as she did, but I did it in my head.
Today
Tad stood outside his classroom
with a smirk on his face as he watched Jaz and me talking. He could tell I was annoyed and was drawing a lot of amusement out of it. I was trying my hardest not to break out into a wild smile and stick my tongue out at him. When the bell rang he turned on his heel and began to go into his classroom.

“Ugh…I seriously hated that Shakespeare crap Knightley made us read. I d
on’t even want to know what he’
s going to torture us with next.
I would never have taken this class ha
d I known it would be like this,
” Lily
remarked
as she walked past
,
and I knew Tad had heard because he had stopped
,
his muscles stiff
in agitation
.

“Yeah, Lil
,
but com
e on—eye candy!” h
er friend retorted
.

“You know Mr. Knightley has
ears, rig
ht?” I shot at them as
I tried
to put
on
my best
mean girl face
.

Lily
blushed
,
and I watched as Tad’s shoulders relaxed with silent laughter. I knew however, that Tad
would not just ignore what Lily
had said. When the class had filled, he clapped his hands an
d held them together with pause
before sp
eaking
.
“I’d like to thank Lily
and her friend for the
comment on my good looks,
but apparently my teaching isn’t as interesting. Yet
,
somehow I think
you might want to pay attention in
class today,
”
h
e said
,
and t
he class bu
rst into laughter but grew silent
at his
ser
ious face as he continued,
“So
we did that fun music assignment
at t
he beginning of the school year
.
” Tad pointed towards me
.
“
Vera
, what were you listening to this morning when you drove in? I could hear it from here.”

I smiled
.
“
August Burns Red
.
”

“I believe the song was
Existence?”

“You’
d be right.”

“Seriously, hot,” t
he kid
in the front row commented,
and
Tad kicked his desk.

“Do you have the s
ong on you right now?” Tad asked.

“Yes
.
”

“Would you mind playing it? And writing the
lyrics along with it?”
Tad pulled the speakers from
his desk drawer
, and I stood to go to the front of the room
. I knew
what he was
doing and
wrote a quote on the
board
before
I handed Tad my cell phone. As our hands touched bu
tterflies erupted in my stomach
.
“How many of you actually unde
rstood the songs that some cho
s
e
that were metal
? And did you instantly decide it was angry and tune
it
out?” h
e
asked as he
hit play and some of the girls in the room tried not to cringe. I turned my back to them and began to write the words of the song. When the song finish
ed Tad let the words sink in
.
“
’
I
n our prejudice may we find understanding that dissuades hate and forms love.
’
Vera
, you could not have put it better
.
D
o the rest of you now understand? Do you feel the same as you did at first, or do you see what
Vera
meant by
her quote?” h
e
continued to question
as he
handed me my
phone and no
dded for me to go sit back down
.
“This
kind of music resembles what we just finished studying
—
with t
he fact that if you don’t understand Shakespeare you wil
l hate it
.
”
H
is eyes found Lily
,
who sunk further in her chair
.
“This
hate also predisposes some to not trying to understand. But if you only try, you will finally hear the words for what they are.”

When the class ended I waited for everyone to leave before standing
.
“Tha
t was clever, I really liked it,
”
I commented
.

“That quote
y
ou wrote was perfect
.
” Tad
smiled up at me.

“We make a good team,
” I said
as I stopped at his desk and ran my fingers over its edge
.

“It wa
s like you read my mind,” h
e replied
,
his eyes drift
ing
up my arm and to my face
.
It was as if he had touched me and goose bumps rose where his eyes had just been.

I was unsure what to say,
and I was trying to concentrate on not leaning down and kissing him.

“Someone left their back pack,” I
finally said
as I
kicked the bag beside his desk
.
“It’s a good thing because they need a new one.”

Tad’s hand
s were tangled in his hair
, and I wondered if he was trying to keep from reaching out and touching me
. “Uh
…that’s m
ine. I’
m not really the brief case type.”

“I didn't suggest that you have a briefcase
,
but maybe something that’s not from your freshman year of high school?"

He laughed as the bell rang
.
"Thanks
.
"

"I guess I should go to my next class."

"See you tomorrow
.
"
h
e replied
,
and his voice tinged with irritation as if he hated those words.

"Saturday?"
I teased.

He sighed
.
"Wishful thinking."

“Grapes, 4 bucks a pound
. What the heck?” I mumbled to myself with a
hand on my hip.

“3.99 actually,” Tad interrupted
.

I jumped
,
throwing the bag of grapes I had in the air
.
“Same difference
!
”

The grape
s rained down over us
.
“That,” h
e
laughed
as
he
caught a grape
and popped it in his mouth, “w
as classic.”

“It’s not funny
—
look
at this mess
.
”

“Clean up in produc
e!” h
e hollered
as he tried not to laugh
.
“This is
very
like you.”

“Yes, I’
m won
derful at making a complete ass
out of myself in public
!
” I snapped as I
leaned down to pick up the grapes.