Wandering Heart (16 page)

"Dear God," she
cried aloud. Was this what old maids do to survive? Invent a man?
Was this all there was to look forward to? And was hot chocolate
going to be her only answer.

"No, I won't
feel sorry for myself," she whimpered aloud. She got out of bed and
stretched.

Was she slowly
becoming old age material? Had she let life slip by her?

How could she
go to Cooper now and tell him she loved him? After tonight? He'd
never believe her. Who could blame him? She shook the blues away
and went to check on Josh. Life hadn't suddenly changed just
because she didn't go to bed with Greg she scolded herself all the
way down the hall. And there was plenty of time to find a man, the
right man, if there was such a thing.

She went
quietly to Josh's room. But when she opened the door and peeked in,
he wasn't there. Josh wasn't home?

She ran to the
kitchen to check the clock on the wall. It was after two. Where
could he be? She went to the living room door and stared down the
road at Cooper's bungalow, but there was no light on.

Josh knew she
wouldn't permit him going off while she was gone. So where was he?
And how could Cooper sleep knowing Josh wasn't home?

Was Cooper at
home in his bungalow or in her house in the guest room?

She pattered
across the living room floor to the other side of the house, and
raised her fist to bang on the door just as it opened. Her fist
slammed none-too-gently on Cooper's naked chest.

Cooper stood in
the doorway with nothing on but a pair of low-rise jeans. His feet
were devoid of shoes, his hair tousled, and his eyes had a lazy
sort of glitter to them. He couldn't have looked sexier if he'd
tried.

But that was
not why she was here.

His eyes
traveled slowly over her as though he didn't quite believe what he
was seeing.

"Angel?" He
called in a heavy voice. Just the way he always spoke her name made
her heart trip faster.

"I'm sorry; I
didn't know you were in there."

He looked
incredulously at her. "You told me to sleep here."

She wasn't
making much sense.

"Y…yes." Her
gaze travelled down the long torso of his body, taking in the
muscles and lean flesh of him with an interest she didn't want to
contemplate. Her stomach curled into a knot, when she suddenly
realized she was looking him over like a side of beef. Good grief,
what was wrong with her? Was she losing her mind?

"Where is my
son?" she demanded, crossing her arms over her chest and tapping a
foot.

He put an arm
over the doorjamb and leaned into her. A muscle flexed in his
shoulders and jaw. His sheepish greeting had suddenly turned to a
hardened frown as though he couldn't quite figure what was wrong
with her.

"He's not in
bed, and at this hour he certainly should be."

"He's not in
his
bed, no." If looks could kill his would have.

She wasn't
satisfied with that answer.

"Look." He
rubbed his eyes and held the door open for her to come in and
waited until she did, then slammed the door behind her. He walked
like a tiger ready to prance on his prey. And she had come into his
den willingly. The closed door brought immediate intimacy to the
room. A nightlight dimly bathed the bedroom in a golden glow.

Any other time
it might look rather cozy, rather inviting. She was very disturbed
and she couldn't forget it. She had to ignore that beautiful bare
chest she itched to run her hands over.

It was obvious
he had gotten out of bed to put his jeans on. She had waked him
from a sleep, obviously a restless sleep by the look of the
sheets.

"For your
information, we had a rather tedious evening, me and Josh." He
waited until that information seemed to sink in before continuing.
He shouldn't have closed the door because now she wasn't going to
escape. "Tim was over here nearly half the night, helping us with a
couple of sick piglets. Josh was frantic. But he was also patient
and gentle. You should have seen him. You'd have been proud.
Anyway," he cast her another frown, "when Josh asked if he could
spend the night with Tim, I told him yes. Tim's mom practically
begged me to let him come, so I agreed, since I didn't know where
to locate you. I took the liberty of making the decision. Now, are
there any more questions?"

"Are the
piglets okay?" she heard herself ask.

"Sure," he
mumbled. "The piglets are fine, now."

He had backed
her into a wall, and was mere inches from her. His fists were
clenched. There was a dangerous glint in his eyes as they bore into
her. "To tell the truth, I wasn't sure you would be home
tonight."

Angela
swallowed hard. She deserved that and more. But it had been a
miserable night, a miserable day, in fact. And by the look on
Cooper's face, it wasn't getting any better

Hot tears stung
the back of her eyes, but she held them in check. She had made a
fool of herself most of the day and she just couldn't bear another
mistake. Perhaps she had been hasty, but she was a mother, and
mothers sometimes were!

When she said
nothing, his arms shot out on each side of her, holding her
prisoner against the wall. And suddenly, everything began to
change. Everything. She realized she had barged into his room
uninvited. She realized she was alone with Cooper, and that Josh
was no longer the real issue.

Electricity
charged the air around them, making it crackle between them. His
gaze encompassed her, resting on the soft line of her lips more
than once. She knew he wanted to kiss her. She wished he would, but
he didn't.

The rain played
a steady beating sound against the window. If it had been a horn,
it would have played a slow New Orleans jazz song. The rain added
to the steam inside the room, steam created by the two of them.

She could have
escaped had she wanted to but she felt frozen to the spot. No, that
wasn't true either. She felt hot, and the pit of her stomach seemed
to growl at her. A growl she didn't recognize at first. She
shouldn't feel this way every time she came too close to Cooper
Johnson, but she couldn't help it. And tonight she knew the reason
for all those frustrating feelings aimed at Cooper.

"I'm sorry,"
she managed after a long mind-boggling moment. His eyes boiled into
hers. "I should have known you would take care of Josh. I'm
sorry."

He seemed to
accept her apology as he moved away from her, turning his back to
her. But the tension in the room multiplied with each silent
second. The silence was unbearable. She knew she should leave.

When she
didn't, he called over his shoulder, "I guess asking you to trust
me was a little much."

Angela felt
herself moving toward that stonewall of a back he presented. Her
hands itched to touch the bronze of his skin. Was it as smooth as
it looked? A hand extended to find out, but it didn't quite reach
its mark. She wasn't that brave or brazen.

"You're wrong,"
she answered quietly moments later.

He half turned
to look at her, the disbelief written on his face.

"I do trust
you. Surely you can see that. I mean I left Josh with you, didn't
I? Left him? I practically begged you to watch him for me. You, a
man! I've never asked anyone else to do that. Do you honestly think
I would leave Josh with anyone I didn't trust? He likes you. You
like him. And," she paused, taking a deep breath before she
admitted, "if you want the truth I'll admit I was taking this whole
miserable day out on you."

Tension rocked
the room. She could hear the second hand ticking away like an old
eight-hour clock.

But something
intangible held her to the spot. She knew he wouldn't want her now,
but she was compelled to stay. He must understand her. After all,
they had a working relationship, didn't they?

His shoulders
flexed, as if scoffing off the whole thing. "You better go to bed.
It's late. This isn't the time for a discussion."

"But . . ." she
began, coming closer. "I'm trying to say I'm sorry. I can't just
leave. I came in here accusing you of things. I wasn't thinking. I
apologize. This whole day was all my fault. I admit it. Okay? I'm
trying to explain things to you. I'm a mother; that says most of
it. Can't you for once understand me? Mothers get a little crazy
about their kids sometimes, especially when they aren't in control
of the situation. And lately," she sighed heavily, "I haven't been
in control of anything. Maybe that's what's wrong. You've been more
in control of my son than I have."

He glanced at
her with renewed interest. Had she said something right for a
change?

"You've talked
to his teachers; you've helped him with his school work.
You've taught him, talked to him; you was his friend. I've been so
busy; I haven't had time for him. I guess my head's been in the
clouds."

Did he hear her
plea of guilty?

"I should have
been home with Josh myself. I needed someone else to blame for all
this. Someone to listen, someone to..." she stopped, realizing what
she was saying.

He whirled
around on her, a desperate look in his eyes, and something else. "I
said you better get to bed. I'm in no mood for explanations. We'll
talk about it tomorrow."

Her hands fell
helplessly to her sides. He was being stubborn. After all, they had
a good working relationship. She wanted it to stay that way. It
wasn't likely she would sell the farm now. She needed him, in more
ways than one.

There was a new
element in the air, though. Something she wasn't sure about. Or was
she? Was she purposely flirting with danger? What could she
lose?

CHAPTER
FOURTEEN

The rain came
down harder, louder. Or was that her heartbeat?

Cooper excited
her. She had known that from the beginning. He ignited her senses,
sent fire through her veins, and she wanted to know why. She quite
suddenly wanted to know this man better. No, that wasn't exactly
true either. She wanted to know Cooper a lot better.

He shook his
head. "Angel?" he began, backing her against the wall once more,
stalking her deliberately this time. "You just don't get the
message, do you?"

She shook her
head and swallowed hard.

"Okay, if I
have to spell it out for you, here it is-—I haven't had a woman in
a long, l—on—g time. And, if you don't get the hell out of here
pretty damn quick, you are going to be the first."

When she didn't
react his eyes narrowed on her. "What's wrong with you, coming in
here dressed like that? Couldn't you at least put a few clothes on?
I've warned you before."

A very womanly
reaction expounded through her entire body, making her aware of her
state of dress, and her vulnerability to the virile man standing
just in front of her. She knew from the look in his eyes she should
leave, but she felt so rooted. She had to stay, wanted to stay.

"It's a flannel
gown, not silk," she replied in defense.

He shook his
head, as though to clear it. "On you it doesn't seem to matter.
You'd look just as beautiful in rawhide."

He wasn't aware
he spoke those words aloud until her mouth flew open in total
surprise.

Beautiful! He
thought she was beautiful?

Cooper Johnson,
without a woman? It seemed absurd!

Her mind seemed
filled with him. So much so she didn't see his arrogant smile, nor
the way he moved in on her, until they were mere inches from an
embrace.

"What happened
tonight, Angel? Didn't the Congressman come through? You certainly
left the house looking the part. Heck, I even helped. I can't
believe I did something so stupid." His warm breath fanned her hot
cheeks. "Wasn't that enough for him? And now you come in here
dressed like that! Look," he seemed exasperated at himself more
than her. "I'm no substitute, Angel, if that's why you're here. Do
you honestly want me to pick up where he left off?"

She gulped, her
guilt turning to shame, her face crimson. Her heart was pounding so
loud it might explode. She broke into a cold sweat. But she
admitted, "I know. It was all so wrong. I left looking like a
tramp," she hung her head, "and came home feeling like a nun!"

That did it!
His control was nearly gone. Then, quite suddenly, his expression
softened on her just for a second, and her heart leapt as she
raised her eyes to look at him. She desperately wanted someone to
understand, to listen, and to care.

His voice
lowered to a husky note, his face seemed closer. "Why didn't you go
through with it? Isn't this what you planned all along, to seduce
the Congressman into marriage?" Their gazes locked onto each other,
hungrily. "Wasn't that the whole idea?"

Her breast
heaved, her eyes rounded. "I don't know. I suppose so. But, I
couldn't go through with it. I mean it all seemed so contrived. By
me—by him. Once I thought it through, it just wasn't right. I could
feel it. You aren't supposed to plan things like that to happen.
Are you? I mean, they're supposed to happen naturally, because you
feel something for each other. I…I," a tear rolled down her cheek.
Despite the guilt and shame she felt, another feeling was swamping
her. "I suddenly realized I didn't love him. I don't think I ever
really loved him. I just loved what he was, or what I thought he
was. It's just at the time he seemed the perfect father figure. So
steady, so dependable. The funny thing is, they don't even like
each other. Josh and Greg. Never did. I swore I'd never marry him
until Josh could come to accept it. But Josh wasn't coming around.
Not by his own accord. And I'm not getting any younger. It's been
ten years since I had a relationship with a man. Now, it all seems
so futile. I guess that's why I kept taking a second look. I
suddenly realized Greg's no father; he's a politician. Nothing was
working out right. I had everything planned down to the letter.
But, I couldn't bear to leave the farm any more than Josh
could."