Wandering Heart (18 page)

Love? Where had
that word come from? But that was the only word that came close to
identifying her real feelings for this man. When it had happened,
how it had happened, she didn't know. It was simply a fact. She was
in love with Cooper Johnson!

How could she
tell him?

Should she tell
him? Did he love her? Right now it didn't matter. Being able to
admit to herself how she felt was important. Besides, it was
doubtful he would believe her. She had come from another man's
arms, into his. How could she possibly make him understand that
only love would make her act so wantonly with a man?

It didn't
matter. Not now. He might love her and leave her, but he wasn't
going to forget her, she vowed, raising herself over him and
staring down into his face with big wide eyes and a smile.

He moaned as
his hand tightened over one breast. "What would you like for
breakfast?"

She giggled.
And before he could reply she was dipping down to plant a more than
friendly kiss on his lips. Then slowly she rose up. "This?" she
chuckled softly, and then bent over him, sliding herself downward
under the sheets, so that her lips could tease a taut nipple. "Or
this?" she asked and smiled against the tightened nub. And when he
would have raised her up for an answer, she lowered herself down
further until, until he squirmed. "Or that?" she barely uttered as
her lips did the rest of her talking for her.

He reached down
and pulled her up, holding her close as though she were a precious
stone. His breathing was ragged, his heartbeat quickening with
every touch. For a long moment he did nothing but hold her in the
circle of his arms. There were no words.

Then out of the
quiet he added, "I'd never accuse you of being a nun!"

His lips found
a home against the soft curve of her neck as his hands played
leisurely with the curls on her head. "God, I love your hair. It's
so funny," he paused for a moment. "I always thought I'd want a
girl with long dark hair, and big boobs. Instead, I can't take my
eyes off a little red head with soft bouncy curls and breasts
like small mountain peaks."

She giggled
playfully.

His eyes danced
over her, glittering into her. "How early is early for Josh?" he
asked as though it were a very important question.

She crooked her
head, gazed out the window where a hint of dawn peeked through the
thin cotton curtains. "Oh seven or eight on weekends, why?"

His hands
splayed hers overhead as he rolled on top of her, his palms rubbing
erotically. The friction ignited their lovemaking once more.
"Because, I don't want to waste a minute of our time," he whispered
as his head descended to kiss her throbbing lips.

And somewhere
in time, Angela barely uttered the words aloud, "Oh God, I love
you."

He stopped only
for a split second, absorbing her words, then smothering her with
his lovemaking.

Later, she
would think about this night, worry over it. But now was not that
time. She was in love with Cooper Johnson and that was all that
mattered. She felt so free to love him, and it was a good feeling.
As though some great burden had been lifted from her. She was a
complete woman. It had taken her nearly thirty years to get to this
place; she wasn't going to waste it on repercussions.

Deep down she
wondered how long she had been in love with this sensual man. Was
this the face of her dream lover? It certainly surpassed all her
dream lovemaking.

And so what if
he didn't love her? He had given her more than a woman had a right
to expect. He had taught her to love, to give.

CHAPTER
FIFTEEN

It was hard
leaving Cooper, but when the sun filtered through the curtains,
Angela succumbed and left his side when he drifted back to
sleep.

She showered
and dressed in a peach, cotton sundress, then merrily began making
breakfast for Cooper and Josh as though nothing happened.

Last night she
had become a free woman. Today things looked different. She
realized the consequences. She wasn't sorry. She could never feel
bad about something so beautiful. But, she had a working
relationship with Cooper and she couldn't allow herself the freedom
of pretending otherwise. There had been no declarations of love
from him. She was adult enough to realize it, and accept it. She
wasn't going to let it cloud her day.

When Josh
arrived home no matter how hard she tried to conceal it, he seemed
to realize there was a change in her. Perhaps it was only because
she was humming a tune this morning and had a smile on her face a
mile wide. Or the fact that she wore a dress as opposed to her
regular jeans and T-shirt.

Cooper joined
them at the table, his expression bland, unreadable. It was obvious
he had just shaven and showered, for his hair was until damp. He
was dressed in new Levis and a bright yellow shirt.

Funny, but
Cooper seldom wore bright colors. Perhaps he too felt very good
this morning, she mused.

"I've got to go
to Kerens today," Cooper suddenly announced at the breakfast
table.

"Can I go too?"
Josh asked, his eyes big with anticipation, hoping he'd be allowed
to go to the town

Angela glanced
from one to the other. It wasn't right for Josh to hang on to
Cooper, but she didn't blame him either. How could she tell him,
she'd been guilty of the same thing? And this certainly wasn't the
right time to speak to him about it.

"If your mother
doesn't mind," Cooper raised a questioning brow as he rolled the
sleeves of his shirt to a three quarter length.

"I…I suppose
you could go if Coop doesn't mind. Are you planning on being gone
long?"

"Half a day at
most," Cooper answered grabbing a biscuit with his fork. "And no, I
don't mind. I'd enjoy the company. You're welcome to go with us if
you like."

Angela
shrugged. "No, I've got a lot of work to do. But, Josh can go."

"Great! Hey,
Mom, I'm letting Tim and Pete have a piglet if that's all right."
Josh was smiling.

"It's okay with
me. After all it was Pete's dad who gave Elmerine to you. He should
have first pick, don't you think?"

"Sure. And Tim
wants one, too."

"Have you named
any of them yet?"

"Nope, don't
want to get too attached to them."

"Good idea.
There's plenty of time."

Cooper glanced
at Angela several times during the meal but said very little. His
glances were hooded. It was hard to tell if he was happy about last
night or not.

When he was
about to leave he grabbed his denim jacket from the back of his
chair and moved toward her, but as though he thought better of it,
moved away.

"We won't be
gone long," he winked. He seemed to know she was disappointed, that
she expected more from him, but not today. Good things need to
simmer. Good things need time.

"Take your
time."

All morning she
wondered about his trip to Kerens, but she dared not ask. If he
wanted to tell her that was one thing, but she wouldn't pry. He was
entitled to his own life, his own privacy. Perhaps he would have
preferred it if she had made Josh stay home. Cooper seldom had time
alone, and now that she thought about it, it was probably her
fault. She definitely needed to have a talk with Josh about it.

She busied
herself with housework that needed catching up on. She didn't want
to spend time thinking about last night. She couldn't think past
the next two minutes.

Then Maxine
called.

"Hi, is that
handsome hero of yours around?"

Angela bit her
fingernails. "Uh, no Maxine. He and Josh went to Kerens this
morning. They should be back this afternoon. Want me to have him
call you?"

"Please. I want
to make sure our date is until on for this weekend."

Angela's heart
fell to the floor. Date! She had forgotten all about it. "I'll have
him call you."

"Thanks,
sweetie, see you later."

"Yes, bye."

Of course he
had a date with Maxine. That's all Maxine had talked about for the
last week. How could she forget?

Weird things
rolled around in Angela's head. She until wasn't sorry for the
night they had shared. But she had never taken such things lightly.
She wasn't used to going to bed with a man, especially without a
commitment. Even so, she knew exactly how she felt about Cooper.
But how did he feel?

There was no
commitment between them. Cooper hadn't said he loved her. He said
she was the first. First of how many other women? Was he still the
'love 'em and leave 'em Johnson'?

She had to stop
fretting about it. So there were no words of undying love. So what?
She was a mature adult. She could handle this—somehow.

When Cooper
returned, he and Josh disappeared into the fields. And it was well
after dark before they showed up at the supper table.

"Well," Angela
cleared her throat as she served the chicken fried steak and cream
gravy. She had outdone herself with the meal, preparing fresh
vegetables and a big salad. "Did the two of you have a good time
today?"

Josh's face
turned a little red, and all he could manage was a nod. Normally,
Josh would have spilled his guts by now, but for some strange
reason he was being as mysterious as Cooper about the day in
Kerens.

Cooper smiled
and nodded. "Yeah, we did."

Obviously they
weren't going to expound on the subject so Angela thought it best
not to quiz them. "While you two were gone Ed Martin came over and
offered me a real fair price on the farm."

"Really, I
didn't know you were ready to sell out so soon." He was frowning
now as though he hadn't liked the idea of her selling out. Was she
reading too much into his expressions or what? Darn his beautiful
hide for not saying what he meant.

Angela
shrugged. "I'm not. I just said he offered." Why was she testing
him so? Why couldn't she just blurt out that she loved Cooper
endlessly and she wasn't about to sell the farm, now or later?

"Maybe you
ought to consider it, Mom. I mean, if we're going to be moving into
town soon."

Angela's mouth
fell open. Josh was actually agreeing to sell the place from under
them. What had Cooper been telling him all day? Had he given
another, 'accept your mother's decision' speech? Perhaps last night
meant nothing to him. Perhaps it simply relieved him of his
celibacy.

"There's no
rush."

Josh's look of
surprise said everything. Cooper hadn't mentioned a word about last
night. Well, of course he hadn't. Had she seriously expected Cooper
to say anything to Josh about their new relationship? And Josh
until thought she was going to marry Greg. Should she tell Josh?
Was it the right time? Things were quickly getting mixed up. She
opened her mouth, and Cooper changed the subject completely.

"That reminds
me, Gertrude's not laying any more. We'll have to watch her. If
she's sick we'll have to separate her from the other hen."

"Oh, man, I
thought everything was going so well." Josh frowned.

"It is, but
these things happen. It's a minor setback. The trick is to stay on
top of things. This is what I was telling you about knowing your
stock, Josh. When there's a problem you have to be able to spot it
ahead of time. Before it creates more problems. It's no bigee."

"Yeah, I guess
you're right."

"Sure . .
."

He was rattling
on and on about the farm and stock, and Angela realized she had
lost the opportunity to say anything to either of them.

Later that
evening, when Josh went into the dining room to do his homework,
Angela drifted out onto the front porch. Cooper was sitting in the
swing, his boot rubbing gently against Partner. Partner's tail
flopped occasionally to show his approval.

"I made an
apple pie. Would you like some?"

He barely
glanced at her. "Not now. Maybe later."

She edged out
onto the porch slowly, hesitantly. She couldn't stop the awkward
feeling that was swamping her. She didn't want to give the
impression that she was smothering him with her affections.

"You know, I've
been thinking, Coop. Greg's going to be traveling about country on
his campaign tour, so I'll have more time to be home with Josh.
You've been so good to him, with him. But I don't want you to think
you don't have a social life. If there is something you need to do,
want to do, then feel free to take some time off. I mean, you've
been working around the clock, without a lot of time to spare."

"I took some
time today. I did a little. And I had Josh with me. He doesn't get
in my way, Angela. I keep telling you I like him around. Because
he's a nice kid. I don't understand why you don't believe me. Josh
does. I guess you don't understand that, but he's the closest thing
I've ever had to a kid of my own, and when you get my age, you
think of those things a little more."

"The feeling is
mutual." She almost choked on her words when he turned to look
directly at her. Those eyes! So probing. What was he looking
for?

"You aren't
going on tour?"

Angela shook
her head, and moved to the opposite rail. "No, I never planned to.
Maxine is his executive secretary. She'll be going with him.
There's until a lot to do at the office, but there should be no
late night work now."

He didn't
reply.

"And that
reminds me. Maxine called today. Said she hoped you hadn't
forgotten about your date."

She thought she
saw the slightest tensing in his shoulders, but she wasn't sure
because the sun was going down and the shadows engulfed him.

"I haven't
forgotten."

Angela felt her
heart fall against her ribs with a loud thump. "She wants you to
call her."

"I'll take care
of it."