Wandering Heart (21 page)

A phone call
from Josh surprised her that afternoon about four o'clock. Josh
rarely called her at the office and if he did it was usually
important.

"Hi, Mom, are
you busy?"

"No, Josh,
never too busy for my favorite man."

There was a
pause at the other end. She knew he was blushing. "I called to ask
you if I could go camping with Tim and his parents this
weekend."

Angela caught
her breath. She never hesitated to let Josh go anywhere he really
wanted to, but she hated him going off tonight. She needed some
kind of distraction. But it would be selfish to tell him no. "When
are they leaving?"

"This
afternoon. I already talked to Coop and he said to call you. Is it
okay? We'd be back by late tomorrow or early Sunday."

"Where are they
going exactly?"

"Cedar Creek
Lake. You remember, I went once last summer; they have a cabin down
there, and a boat dock and everything. It's not theirs, but they
have permission to use it. Can I go, Mom?"

"I wish I'd
known earlier. I don't know if you have enough clean clothes."

"Aw heck Mom,
you don't need clean clothes for camping. Please, I'd like to go.
Tim said the fish swim in schools in the spring."

Angela bit her
lower lip, knowing she couldn't say no, but wishing there was some
way she could. She wasn't looking forward to a weekend without
Josh, too.

"Can I go?"

"Only if you
promise to study extra hard next week and bring that math grade up.
I spoke with your teacher today and you've been letting other
things take priority lately."

"Okay, it's a
deal," Josh agreed. "I promise, Mom."

"I mean it,
Josh. You will have to hit the books as soon as your chores are
done. You might even have to give baseball a back seat until
this is accomplished."

"I promise.
Gee, thanks, Mom."

"Okay, darling,
but be careful. You know how I worry about you. And tell Pat to
call me and leave a number I can reach her at if something comes
up."

"Okay. And
we'll be careful, Mom, don't worry."

So, now Josh
would be gone, Cooper would be tied up, and Angela was staring at a
weekend from hell. She hadn't had many weekends alone. She should
be looking forward to relaxing with a good book, but she wasn't. Or
she could hang out at the Palace.

Since Greg left
the office early that evening, he let everyone off early. Angela
wished him all the luck in the world, and Greg seemed touched by
her sincerity.

Angela
practically flew home, hoping to catch Josh before he left. But
Josh didn't waste any time. There was a note on the kitchen
counter, a phone number he could be reached at, the address.

There was no
sign of Cooper either.

Angela changed
into a pair of soft faded jeans and her favorite John Wayne
t shirt, and curled up on the couch to relax. Why not? She
wasn't going anywhere. She tried to concentrate on the novel she
had bought a couple of weeks ago. But her mind was elsewhere.

It began to
rain again, and Angela felt as though her insides had suddenly
emptied. Her mind drifted to the first night she had run into
Cooper at the Palace. It was raining then, too. Oh why couldn't she
get him off the brain?

Her eyes
drifted to the window several times, but she made herself sit there
and not look. She had seen his light on earlier.

Whatever Cooper
chose to do with his life was his business. If he wanted Maxine,
there would be no stopping him. She had no right to interfere. But
darn it, it hurt. And those words came back to haunt her. "You'll
be the first." Not the last.

For once, she
wished she could be someone else. She wished she could be frivolous
and big-boobed.

She fixed
herself some supper to take her mind off Cooper, but it didn't
work. She couldn't eat. Her scrambled eggs and toast seemed to
scatter all over her plate and stare back at her.

Then she
decided she would go to the Palace, enjoy a good movie, and take
her mind off Cooper. Even in miserable weather she felt comfortable
getting out. Anything to take her away from here, and to help get
her mind off Cooper and Maxine.

As she was
pulling out of the yard, she saw Cooper's light was until on, and
there was no sign of any cars. But Cooper didn't own a car, he
owned a Harley.

She shoved the
old truck into gear and scuttled along the road slowly. The rain
was steady but not hard. She turned her wipers on so she could see,
and settled back, listening to the hum of the old truck. There was
too much static on the radio. She switched it off.

There was
hardly anyone out, even though it was early evening. She only saw a
couple of cars on her way into town. Where had everyone gone this
weekend?

She
automatically parked at the library, force of habit, and walked the
distance to the theatre. It didn't seem to matter if anyone
recognized her now. She suddenly realized this was probably the
first time she had come into the Palace with no curlers or
sweats.

She bought
popcorn and a soft drink, and went directly to her favorite seat in
the balcony. It just wasn't the same anymore. Nothing had changed,
but it wasn't the same.

The teenagers
weren't there tonight, and, for some silly reason, Angela missed
them. There was hardly anyone in the theatre, but thank goodness it
was a good movie. High Noon was playing; one of her favorites. She
simply wasn't prepared for the music though.

"Do not forsake
me, oh, my darlin'." It was beautiful, it was sad, and it made her
break out in tears. She felt forsaken.

The stern,
pitiful look on Gary Cooper's face mirrored her own feelings. She
had read somewhere that he had a bleeding ulcer when he made this
film and was in pain. She felt his pain, his agony. She couldn't
stop the tears, all through the movie she wailed. There was no one
to see her. No one.

Nothing was the
same anymore. The soft drink had gone flat, the popcorn wasn't
salty, and she was drained by the end of the movie. She felt she
had lived those horrible moments with Gary Cooper.

She waited
until the next flick started before she got up and left. It was
only nine thirty, too early to go to bed.

Her mind kept
drifting back to Cooper as she climbed into her old truck and
started the motor. The motor purred despite its age. The first few
days she had seen Cooper again seemed liked eons ago. How she had
mistaken him for a poor out of work bum she wasn't sure. His
clothes were always neatly laundered, so he had to have taken them
to the cleaners. And that cost money. His bike was expensive. How
could she not have known he was a man of means?

Despite
everything she wanted to think of him now, she realized that he was
a good man, capable of taking care of her and Josh, and the farm,
and loving them - if only. Even if he didn't love her, he had a
strong affection for Josh. And Josh returned that affection.

Fact was, she
was in love with him, whether he was a bum, or a corporate magnet.
Even if he was until 'love 'em and leave 'em Johnson', the decision
had been made for her. She had told him she loved him, that first
night, while they were making love. Perhaps he didn't believe her
or he didn't care. Perhaps it had been the wrong time to say
it.

Maybe he hadn't
changed that much. Maybe he until preferred big boobs and no
brains.

Angela pulled
to the side of the road, sitting in complete darkness. She faced
the grim reality that she was, at this moment, insanely jealous.
And she hated herself for it.

She wanted to
literally tear Maxine's heart out. This wasn't a part of her
nature. But she had never wanted anything or anyone as badly as she
wanted Cooper. Not just physically, but mentally. She enjoyed his
company, enjoyed his conversations, his presence. All this time,
she had been searching for Mr Right and he was living just down the
road from her. He had taken care of Josh, and the farm, and
her.

They had a
strong spiritual connection, he had told her. So where was it
tonight? Hadn't it meant anything to him? So, why hadn't he told
her he loved her? Why was he dating Maxine at this very moment?

She had to know
the truth! If she was a fool, then she had to know it, face it,
deal with it.

She started the
truck, slammed it in gear and drove toward home with a vengeance.
Tears streamed down her cheeks, vile words were under her breath.
With bitter determination, she set herself a plan.

She was wrong
to spy on him, she knew that much, but she had to do it. She had to
know if he was simply stringing her along. If she caught them in
the act, she could rid herself of this heavy burden of love, once
and for all.

The rain came
down harder as she parked the truck on the side of the road, just a
half mile from Cooper's bungalow, and walked with grim
determination up the road.

His lights were
until on, and, as she approached, she heard soft fifties music
playing.

She stopped
long enough to listen; the soft music only escalated her fears. But
there was no female voice in the background. No giggling or
laughter coming from the bungalow. Only silence.

She was here
and she had to know everything. She sauntered slowly up to the
window to peek in. The shade was pulled so she saw nothing. She
strained closely to try to hear what might be going on. But
nothing. Nothing but music. No movement, no voices.

Perhaps he had
gone off and left the lights and radio on. Maybe they weren't back
yet.

She caught her
raincoat on a bush as she tried to get closer to the window, and it
ripped. She pulled and made it worse. In her fury with herself, she
took it off and flung it to the ground. At this point, she wasn't
worried about him finding it later. She didn't know whether to stay
there and wait, or go back to her truck.

Perhaps they
had other plans. Maybe Maxine planned her little seduction scene at
her place.

She couldn't
drive half way across town just to spy on them, could she? No, that
was going too far. No, she'd wait here and see if anyone showed
up.

It was storming
now. Lightning lit up the yard around the bungalow, casting eerie
shadows against the side of the house. Angela tried to get close
enough to the window for a little protection, but the bushes and
shrubs around it prevented her. Suddenly she heard footsteps. There
was someone inside. Dear God, were they in bed?

She saw a
shadow on the shade as a dim light was switched on. It was
Cooper.

As she moved
away from the window, she caught her T-shirt on the same bush. She
cursed under her breath. She was wet, muddy, and now torn to
shreds. She soon realized that the bush she kept hanging up on was
the rose bush she had planted three summers ago. She cursed it
under her breath.

In her haste to
pull away from the bush, she fell down and let out a small yelp.
She wiped the mud from her face with the back of her hand, like a
child. But it was too late. When she looked up she saw a dark
shadow looming over her.

It wasn't until
lightening lit the sky again that she was sure it was Cooper,
staring at her with utter surprise.

"Angel!" He
boomed.

"I…I." The
words wouldn't come. She'd been caught. Humiliation flooded her.
Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she could only hope he thought it
was rain. "I've got to go," she finally managed, scrambling to her
feet and trying to get away before he put it all together and
realized exactly why she was there.

"Angel!" He
called to her as she ran swiftly down the gravel road her own shame
following her.

It was pouring
rain now, and the storm was raging out of control, just like her
thoughts. But she didn't care. She had to get away. Escape. She
couldn't face him. However, she had no choice as a vice-like grip
halted her attempts to flee.

"What in the
hell?" He pulled her around so he could look at her.

"Please," she
begged. "Please don't."

"What's this
all about? What are you doing here in the middle of the night, in
the middle of a storm?"

"Let me go,"
she cried, trying not to face him, not wanting to look at him, and
yet hungry for the sight of him.

"Not on your
life," he grumbled somewhere near her ear as he picked her up in
his arms and carried her back to the small front porch of his
bungalow. "Now," he said lowly as he sat her from him and stared
down into her face.

The door was
swung open from the wind, and a dim light shone against her. She
felt incapable of talking. As though someone had grabbed her
tongue. Her tears overwhelmed her, and she hid her face in her
hands. Then she heard the music that melted her heart and sent
tears streaming down her face. "Oh, my love."

"Angel." His
big hands clamped around her upper arms, and his face looked like a
mass of confusion. "Why don't you tell me what's wrong?"

She didn't want
his comfort. It was too humiliating. She didn't want to listen to
that beautiful music at this moment either.

"I'm so
ashamed," she began, unable to look at him until.

"Of what?" he
asked gently.

"I…I can't . .
." She somehow managed to pull loose of him, and ran back out into
the storm, the echoes of the song following her.

He caught her
again, whipping her around, demanding she explain herself.

She bent over
in pain from her sobs. Anger was the only thing that drove her to
explain. Anger at herself.

"Isn't it
obvious? I came here to spy on you," she shouted through the rain
at him. But the weather was oblivious.

The look on his
face told her he didn't understand.

"Spy on me?" he
questioned sincerely. "What did you hope to find?"