Wanderlust (3 page)
Authors: Danielle Steel
He stared at her malevolently for a moment as he narrowed his eyes, and then distantly, he remembered something she might have said to him that morning. Was that before or after you made all those damn fool remarks about Roosevelt? He looked annoyed but not totally displeased and she laughed as Harcourt looked shocked.
Unfortunate, isn't it, sir?
It won't matter worth a damn. Hoover will get in again.
I certainly hope so. Another ardent Republican and Audrey looked disgusted by both of them.
He'll destroy this country for good if he does.
Don't start on your theories about that! He let out a roar but instantly lost his audience as Annabelle arrived on the scene wearing a gown of pale blue watered silk and looking like something in a painting. She was absolutely exquisite with her huge blue eyes, delicate features, and halo of blond hair. Understandably, Harcourt looked completely bowled over by her and his eyes were riveted to her. He only took his eyes off her long enough to cast a disapproving glance at Audrey on their way into the dining room.
I hope you weren't serious about Roosevelt.
I certainly was. This is the worst year this country has ever known and we have Hoover to thank for that. She spoke calmly and with a certainty that was difficult to deny, but Annabelle looked at her imploringly as she tucked a hand into Harcourt's arm.
You're not going to talk politics tonight, are you? The big blue eyes looked trusting and almost childlike. Harcourt patted her hand.
Of course we're not.
Audrey laughed and there was a twinkle in their grandfather's eye as well. She was dying to hear what everyone had been saying at his club, even though most of them were Republicans, of course, but she always thought men's conversations so much more interesting than ladies'. She always had. Except men like Harcourt, who refused to discuss serious subjects with women. She found it exhausting to chat and prattle and smile, as Annabelle did all evening long. And Audrey was exhausted by the time he left, as Annabelle sailed happily up the stairs like a little angel, and Audrey came up more slowly, on her grandfather's arm, giving him time to climb the stairs with his cane. As always, he looked handsome and dignified. She almost wished that one day she might find a man like him. She knew from his early photographs that he had had elegance and style, and he had a bright mind and strong ideas. She could have lived easily with someone like him. And if not easily, then happily at least. Audrey and the elderly gentleman were alone in the hall as he looked down at her. She was almost as tall as he was, but even bent as he was by his years, he stood half a head taller than she.
You have no regrets do you, Audrey? It was a funny question for him, and his voice was gentle for once. The gruffness and bluster and bravado had vanished. He wanted to know what was in her heart. He wanted to be sure, for his own peace of mind, that she had no second thoughts about Harcourt.
Regrets about what, Gramp? She hadn't called him that since she was a child, but the name came easily to her lips now.
About him ' young Westerbrook. You could have had him yourself. He spoke in an undertone, afraid that someone might hear him. He took you out first. And you're older than she ' you'll make a better wife one day ' not that she's a bad girl ' she's just young ' . And he didn't understand her.
Audrey smiled gently at him, touched by his concern. I'm not ready to get married yet. And he wasn't the right man for me anyway. She smiled as she looked at her grandfather.
Why aren't you ready yet? He leaned heavily on his cane as they stood face-to-face in the dark hall. He was tired, but this was important to him, and she sighed as she thought about his question.
I don't know ' but I know there are other things I have to do first. But how could she explain it to him? She wanted to travel ' and take photographs ' make wonderful albums of her own ' like her father's ' .
Like what? He looked concerned by her words. They rang an old chord of memory ' that had cost him his son ' . You don't have anything foolish in mind, do you?
No, Gramp. If nothing else, she wanted to reassure him. She owed him that much. And he was an old man after all. I don't even know what I want. But I know Harcourt Westerbrook isn't it. Of that I am absolutely certain.
He nodded his head, satisfied, and looked deep into her eyes. Then it's all right. And if it hadn't been? If she had wanted him? She wondered about that as she kissed him good night, and then turned as she heard his door close a moment later. She stood outside her own door, thinking of what she had said. She wasn't even sure why she had said the words, except she knew that they were true ' there was something she wanted to do ' something ' places she had to go ' people she had to see ' and mountains and rivers ' and smells ' and perfumes ' and exotic foods ' . She knew as she softly closed her door that she could never have settled down with Harcourt, or maybe anyone at all.
There was something much greater she needed to feed her soul, and perhaps one day soon she would go ' following her father's footsteps taking pictures as she went ' going back on the same mysterious journeys, and magical trains, like a trip back in time, into the albums ' with him.
On the morning of July twenty-first, Audrey stood downstairs in the front hall, looking at her watch and almost instinctively waiting for the chimes of the dining room clock to begin telling them the hour. The car was waiting for them outside, and she assumed that the guests were already at the church waiting for them. Her grandfather was tapping his cane as he stood nearby, and she could feel the servants' eyes peeking at them from everywhere in the house, anxious to see Annabelle as she came downstairs. And it was well worth the wait when she floated slowly downstairs in a cloud of white, like a vision. She looked like a fairy princess or a very young queen, as she seemed to float just above the ground, her tiny feet in creamy satin slippers, her hair like spun gold in the crown of antique lace and tiny pearls, her tiny waist seemingly carved out of one slender piece of ivory, and her eyes dancing with delight. She was the most beautiful girl Audrey had ever seen, and she smiled with tenderness and pride as she watched her.
You look so lovely, Annie. The words were much too small, but they were all Audrey could think of. The endless fittings had been worth the trouble. The dress fit her to perfection. Audrey was wearing peach silk trimmed in antique beige lace, and the bridesmaids were wearing the same colors, but in a paler shade, and Audrey looked unusually beautiful in the warm color with her deep copper hair. It brought out the creamy color of her skin, and her blue eyes seemed to dance as Annabelle smiled back at her sister.
You look beautiful, you know, Aud ' . Somehow, she never thought of her that way, but she was ' she really was. It actually surprised her. It wasn't often she really thought about Audrey. She was always there, just as she always had been.
Audrey looked at her happily, satisfied with her months of work, her years of love. Annabelle had grown up to be just what she should have been, and now she would be Harcourt's wife, and live happily ever after, in Burlingame. It was what she was suited for, what she wanted to do. She would be a pretty little wife to him and she would settle down now ' settle down ' the words echoed in Audrey's head and she could almost feel a chill. She had always hated those words ' settle down. To her, it sounded like dying.
Are you happy, Annie? She searched her younger sister's eyes. For so many years now she had cared for her ' making sure she went out warmly dressed ' that she had her favorite dolly when she went to bed at night ' and didn't have nightmares anymore ' that she was never alone ' that her friends were always nice to her ' that she went to a school she liked ' Audrey had fought Grandfather tooth and nail about that. She hadn't wanted to board at Katherine Branson's across the bay, she had wanted to go to Miss Hamlin's, and she had ' Audrey had seen to everything, right down to today, to the last detail of the magnificent dress. And she wanted her to be happy now. She had always wanted that for her ' too much perhaps ' she had spoiled her over the years, probably more than their parents would have, but she always seemed like such a little girl. And she still did, even now. Audrey's eyes searched her face, wanting to be sure that Annie felt she was doing the right thing. You love him, don't you?
Annabelle's laughter rang out like a little silver bell in the front hall, as she stood surrounded by her white veil, and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror that hung there. She was fascinated by what she saw ' she had never seen anything more beautiful than her gown, and her voice sounded vague now as she answered her sister. Of course I love him, Aud ' more than anything ' .
You're sure? It seemed like such an enormous step to Audrey, and it was. But Annie didn't even seem frightened, just excited.
Hmm? ' She was adjusting her veil, and her grandfather made his way down the stairs to the car on the butler's arm.
Annie? ' Audrey felt a nervous flutter in her stomach as she watched her. What if ' if she weren't doing the right thing? Had she pushed Annabelle into this? Had anyone else, by insisting it was the right match for her? And what did that matter? She wouldn't have been swayed by that herself, but Annabelle '
Her younger sister turned to her with a dazzling smile, and for an instant, Audrey felt relieved. You worry too much, Aud ' this is the happiest day of my life. And for an instant their eyes met and held. She did look happy, Audrey had to admit to herself. But happy enough? And then suddenly she smiled. Annabelle was right. She did worry too much. It just seemed such an incredibly big step to take. She wondered why Annabelle wasn't afraid, but it was clear she was not, as she reached out and took her sister's hand, in her own, tightly bound in the creamy kid glove. And her eyes were serious now. I'll miss you, Aud ' . Audrey had thought of it, too. It was going to be so strange having her gone. For fourteen years she had taken care of her as though she were her own child, and now she would be gone. She felt more like the mother of the bride than the maid of honor as they stood for one last moment in the front hall, as the cable car rumbled by outside.
Burlingame isn't very far, you know. But her eyes filled with tears anyway, and she reached out and gave Annabelle a gentle hug, not wanting to crush her veil. I love you, Annie ' I hope you'll be happy with Harcourt.
Annabelle only smiled again as she pulled away and started out the front door, whispering over her shoulder, Of course I will.
The horn of their grandfather's Rolls-Royce sounded, and he was fuming as Annabelle settled her voluminous dress in the car around them. It enveloped them all and there was hardly enough room for all three of them.
Expect them to wait all day in the church, do you? Her grandfather barked at her, squeezing the head of his cane in his hands. But it was clear from the look in his eyes that he was moved by how lovely she looked. She reminded him far too much of a bride he had seen twenty-six years before. She had been even prettier than this child ' the girl who had married his son Roland ' it was eerie how much Annabelle looked like her. And he felt as though he had traveled back in time as he stood in the church beside Audrey watching Annabelle say her vows and look happily up at Harcourt.
There were tears sliding slowly down Audrey's cheeks as she watched her younger sister getting married, and she felt her eyes swim again as she watched her grandfather lead her out in a slow, graceful waltz a little while later at the reception. It was difficult to remember that he normally walked with a cane and he seemed to have forgotten it too as he moved her elegantly around the floor and then deposited her at last with her husband. He stood looking lost for only a moment and then moved slowly away, suddenly looking very old again as Audrey touched his arm.
May I have this dance, Mr. Driscoll? Audrey stood almost as tall as he, as their eyes met and he smiled. And the love they shared was obvious in the look they exchanged. There was a strange poignant feeling to this day, as though Annabelle's leaving was binding them closer together, almost like a marriage of their own, and they both felt it.
And after a few turns on the dance floor, she led him gently to a chair, without making him feel old and infirm. She insisted that she had to check up on a few things behind the scenes, and as usual, she did a fine job. Everyone commented on how lovely the reception was, and when Annabelle had left at last in a shower of rose petals and rice, in a white wool suit, Audrey looked pleased at the way it had gone. They shook hands with the remaining guests and she went home with her grandfather in the Rolls.
It seemed years since they had left the house that morning, and Audrey herself was exhausted as they sat in front of the fireplace in the library as the fog rolled inexorably in, and they listened to the foghorns in the distance.
It was pretty, wasn't it, Grampa? She barely managed to stifle a yawn as she sipped the little glass of sherry he had poured her. The rest of the guests had consumed gallons of champagne from his private stock, which had been discreetly brought to the hotel, but she had actually drunk very little and the sherry relaxed her now as she stared into space and thought of her sister's wedding ' the little girl she had cared for, for all those years, and now suddenly she was gone. She and Harcourt were staying in a suite at the Mark Hopkins tonight and in the morning they were taking the train to New York, where they would board the Ile de France on their way to Europe. Audrey had promised to see them off at the train, and as she thought of it, she felt a shaft of envy slice through her, not for what they would share with each other, but for the trip they would take. It wasn't an itinerary she would have planned, but she suddenly realized that she envied them the escape. And with a feeling of sudden guilt, she glanced at her grandfather, as though fearing that he might have read her mind. It seemed unfair to be so anxious to get away, but there were times when her desire to see something new almost overwhelmed her. There were times when dreamy nights spent turning the pages of her father's albums just weren't enough ' she wanted more ' she wanted to be one of those people in the pictures on those fading pages.