Warblegrub and the Forbidden Planet (17 page)

“Have you freed the dish yet, Sir?”

The Colonel grunted.
“How long’ll this disgusting stuff take to work?”

“It’s almost instantaneous.”

“Then send the signal, over and out!”

At 395’s command the huge dish began to turn. When the terrible grinding screech had stopped, he uncovered his ears and was about to open up a channel to the fleet when his hand froze. His throat went dry and his heart began to pound; unable to obey the order, he found himself compelled to break his oath.

“What’s happening, S.O.?”

395 turned off the com-link, pushed back the chair, gazed up at the ceiling and began to breathe more easily. The paint was peeling, cobwebs hung like curtains and a fungal growth was spreading out from one of the corners. He had just noticed a strange pattern resembling Warblegrub’s face when the doorway darkened.

“What’s going on, S.O.?”

“I can’t do it, Sir,” 395 apologised not even bothering to turn round.

The Colonel drew and cocked his revolver. “You
will
send the signal, or I’ll shoot!”

Chapter Seventeen

“So if Warblegrub is the
Preserver
and Fardelbear the
Destroyer
, who are you?” asked Alex.

“Absolute and total disaster,” replied Kali, completely straight-faced.

Alex nodded matter-of-factly and continued to study the board.

“Did you know that chess was played in many different lands?” said Kali, enjoying her opponent’s discomfort. “In a vast country of great rivers they played with a river in the middle of the board that only certain pieces could cross, and I remember one king who used real soldiers instead of chessmen. And in the east – on the Islands of the Dawn – they played on huge boards with hundreds of pieces on each side. But whatever the variation, the purpose of chess is to train your mind and better yourself, not just to win games and beat your opponent.”

Alex glanced up. “A martial art for the brain!”

“Exactly!” Kali agreed. “You humans rarely think about the consequences of your actions; you feel fear, you attack; you find a resource, you exploit it to exhaustion. I must confess to similar tendencies,” she admitted with a chuckle, “but chess teaches you to think efficiently, with clear perspective. As you read your opponent’s intentions you learn to recognise the genuine threats, instead of just reacting hastily and violently to everything.”

“Useful advice,” conceded Alex, irritably, “but I hardly have time for lessons now!” Remembering to whom she was speaking, she looked up anxiously only to find Kali grinning.

“You needn’t worry,” she replied, “time passes…
differently
here.”

“What on Earth do you mean?”

“Strictly speaking you’re not
on Earth
.”

“Where am I then?”

“In my house.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Does a worm understand that it lives on a planet, spinning round a star, travelling through the Universe?”

Alex decided not to take issue with the analogy. “But why am I here?”

“Because Shmi still cares about you; if it were up to me, you and all your friends would be dangling from my necklace!” Her eyes began to smoulder. “Do you not understand how dreadful a crime it is for you to return to this beautiful planet that you befouled and from which you were justly banished? You
humans
, who share in the consciousness of the Universe, who can understand its deepest mysteries and marvel at its profoundest beauties, the Universe itself cries out for your destruction!” Noticing that Alex was petrified, she softened her tone. “But Shmi persuaded me to give you a chance. Clever little mongoose knows just how to appeal to my sentimental side!”

“What I meant was, why is chess necessary?” stammered Alex, unable to imagine a sentimental side to Kali. “Shmi could just go inside my mind and... l
ook around
. You know…see whether I’m worth….”

Kali raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

“Will it…” Alex swallowed hard. “…
harm me?
”

Kali shook her head.

“And it will help you decide?”

Kali nodded.

“Go on then,” said Alex and braced herself.

“Very well, let’s find out!”

There was none of the consideration Shmi had shown; in an instant Kali unearthed everything Shmi had seen and more. It was as if her whole life was a pool into which she had been thrown, to sink or swim. Images from her past whirled round her like currents and bubbles, and she remembered, with perfect clarity, all her selfish actions, her lies and her broken promises; her crimes and misdemeanours were all laid bare before her until she thought she would go mad with the truth.

“Shmi made me promise I wouldn’t do that,” said Kali. “She thought chess and a chat would be more… friendly.”

Alex stared at her dumbly, panting heavily.

“Not pleasant, is it?”

“I didn’t realise… I was so selfish and dishonest!”

Kali laughed. “You humans have found you live in a vast universe, too complex for your limited minds to cope with. It’s hardly any wonder you surround yourself with lies and illusions – fantasies of your own self-importance; the truth is beyond most of you and lying is your nature!”

A solemn silence fell over the pagoda as Alex considered this radical new perspective, then Kali chuckled.

“You did very well though,” she continued, as if Alex had just passed a spelling test. “Most people go completely insane with me inside their minds. I must confess, I’m surprised to find a human still prepared to know herself.”

“I thought you said it wouldn’t harm me!”

“You’re not
harmed!
” scoffed Kali. “I wouldn’t harm you – I’d
destroy
you!”

Alex let the matter lie. “What do you mean, ‘
know herself’?
”

“The words
'know thyself'
were written on the shrine of a famous oracle, warning mankind that without self-knowledge even the power of prophecy was useless. Don’t you think people should look for their own failings before they look for those of others?”

Alex nodded dumbly.

“You humans must face the truth about yourselves,” Kali continued, “and take responsibility for
your
actions!” She sighed. “Needless to say the great majority of your wretched species didn’t listen to the oracle, but you may be different.”

She looked expectantly at Alex.

“What?”

“I’m waiting for your next move.”

Alex was outraged. “But I just let you look inside my….” She raised her hands to her head in exasperation.

“So what? Every game of chess is a lesson to learn – we finish the game!”

To Kali’s satisfaction, Alex gave up protesting and turned her attention back to the chessboard. Despite her opponent’s lax interpretation of the rules, and though she had lost two bishops and a knight, she manoeuvred herself into a more favourable position and soon had an opportunity for victory; Kali’s king was in a vulnerable position in the corner. Alex fended off an attack on her queen and took a knight in the process, then moved one of her castles to block the king’s escape. Kali failed to notice the danger and she moved her second castle to deliver the
coup de grace
.

“Checkmate,” Alex ventured, and all the remaining black pieces groaned aloud and fell over.

“Well done!” exclaimed Kali.

Alex was bemused, wondering how she had managed to win against such an opponent.

“Black wins! What’s the problem? You want a prize, a pat on the head, a bone to chew?”

“But you’re… you’re a….”

“I’m a
terrible
chess player,” Kali admitted. “But then I rarely need to solve problems by subtle means.”

Standing over the corpses of their fallen foes, the victorious white pieces began to whoop and cheer, and Alex saw they were all soldiers, firing their weapons into the air in celebration. Kali picked up the white king and showed it to her, and she saw it was the Colonel.

“I hope
this
isn’t an indication of where your loyalties really lie!” Kali warned, and the Colonel’s eyes began to glow with a green light.

*

Corporal 236 peered over the ledge, straight down the cliff face at the beach far, far below, and congratulated herself on having spent almost every hour of her childhood climbing in the rocky ravines around her settlement camp. She rolled onto her back and looked up at the sky while she caught her breath, but moments later she was on her feet and off up the next flight of stairs. As she started up the gully, she heard a dreadful noise from above, as if all the seagulls on the island were being strangled simultaneously. The huge transmitter was turning – the signal was about to be sent!

She reached the fence in the time to see the Colonel disappearing into one of the cabins then she heard his voice.

“What the hell’s going on, S.O.?”

“I can’t do it, Sir.”

Approaching the door, she heard a revolver cocked.

“You will send the signal, or I’ll shoot!”

Drawing her sidearm, 236 entered. “Drop your weapon, Sir!”

“Might’ve known you’d betray us!” said the Colonel, glancing behind as he slowly raised his hands.

“I’m doing my duty, Colonel, and removing you from command! Now drop the weapon!”

“You know you’re going to die a traitor’s death, don’t you?”

“At least my conscience will be clear.”

“Your
conscience!
” sneered the Colonel. “And what about the lives of all your comrades who died on this mission, what does your
conscience
have to say to them?”

“That we shouldn’t have come back; that the hard truth is they died for nothing! Now drop it!”

“It’s a pearl-handled antique,” the Colonel informed her tartly. “If you don’t mind….”

He lowered the weapon slowly, as if to place it on the floor. It was enough to cause 236 to relax her guard and the Colonel span round and shot her in the middle of the forehead. Before 395 could grab his own weapon from its holster, the Colonel had the revolver to his head and another bullet in the chamber.

*

Warblegrub was stopped in his tracks by a dreadful screeching sound. He realised the great dish was turning and raced on up the steps and the gully, reaching the fence in time to hear a gunshot. Another human died then the signal was sent; flashing across space in the blink of an eye, it reached its target seconds later and Warblegrub glimpsed a fleet of warships twinkling in the light of a distant star.

“
We have confirmation from Recon Group Nine, Admiral.”

“Have they sent us the co-ordinates?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Inform the rest of the fleet and prepare to jump into hyperspace!”

“Hyperspace!”
exclaimed Warblegrub. “Where did they get
that
kind of technology?”

As he crossed the compound, 395 emerged from the buildings beneath the dish, followed by the Colonel, his gun in the Science Officer’s back.

Chapter Eighteen

A rumble of thunder echoed round the mountain as Kali searched noisily through another rack of weapons. Spears, pikes and halberds clattered to the floor, but before Alex could help her pick them up, the room vanished and another arsenal appeared. Full of guns, rocket launchers and other projectile weapons of all shapes and sizes, it was of no interest to Kali.

Several trophy rooms followed in quick succession, one full of warriors from all the ages of man, another full of predators: canine, feline, reptilian and avian, all stuffed and preserved for posterity. In the third, a large jet-black monster appeared right in front of her. Backing away from the bulbous head and terrible vice-like jaws, Alex bumped into a tall, muscular humanoid armed with a long hunter’s spear. His yellow eyes bored into her and his strange mandibles turned her stomach.

Everywhere she looked monstrous aliens competed for a starring role in her darkest nightmares and she was relieved when the bedroom reappeared. Kali immediately began rooting through a wardrobe of colourful saris, dresses and shawls.

“What are you looking for?” asked Alex, and swallowed hard as those terrible eyes met hers.

“My favourite weapon,” growled Kali.

“Then you
are
going to help us?”

There was no answer. Opening a large chest full of shoes of many styles and colours, most of which were bizarrely impractical, Kali began to rummage through the contents.