Wasted (25 page)

“
At first, I didn’t think I
wanted to buy it. I mean, what was I going to do with a bar? I
didn’t know squat about running one, but then I moved in with you.”
My voice softened. “You talked about the bar with such passion in
your voice that I think some of it rubbed off on me, and I started
thinking that maybe I really could do it, that I could be a
successful business owner and that I could make my grandfather
proud.” I held my palms up in the air. “Spanky never told me that
you wanted to buy the bar, and you didn’t tell me, either, not
until after I’d already made the decision. Remember? You told me
the day that you found out Spanky had a buyer.”

“
And that would’ve been the
perfect time for you to tell me that
you
were the buyer,” he
snapped.

“
I wanted to tell you,
Mason. I really did, but I got scared.”

“
What could possibly have
been so frightening that you couldn’t tell me the truth?” he asked
in a demanding voice.

“
I was afraid that if you
found out, you’d be angry with me, that it would change our
relationship.”

“
It would’ve been better
than springing it on me now.”

“
Don’t you get it?” I
asked, frustration seizing me. “I was falling in love with you, and
I didn’t want you to resent me.” I blew out a breath. “Besides, you
have no room to talk. Wouldn’t it be better if you told me what
happened between you and your ex-wife, instead of letting me find
out from her?”

When he said nothing, I turned back toward
the entrance, feeling defeated. I didn’t know what he’d done, but
now that Rachel had made her point, I needed to find out.

He wrapped his hand around my arm, pulling
me to a stop. “Rachel’s just trying to screw things up for me.”

I spun around. “Why? Why would she do
that?”

“
Because I hurt
her.”

“
What did you do?” I asked
softly, needing to know the answer.

Exhaling loudly, he broke eye contact with
me and leaned back against the wall as if he didn’t have the
strength to stand. He turned his gaze toward the ground and closed
his eyes, the moonlight glinting off his hair.

I stood as patiently as I could, considering
I had a ball of nervous energy rumbling in my stomach. I wondered
how much more I could take before my emotions spewed from me like
molten lava.

“
I cheated on her.” His
voice was low and filled with shame, but I barely noticed because
all the raw ache of my breakup with Kevin rushed to the surface.
Shards of painful memories stabbed my heart, my soul, and I felt an
odd kinship with Rachel. No wonder she was angry. No wonder she was
trying to hurt him. She and I had been exposed to the same agony,
the same torture of knowing that the one man we had loved
had….

“
Did you love her? The
other woman?” I asked, my voice sounding downtrodden and
meek.

He didn’t look at me, just shook his
head.

Nauseated, I felt stupid. Was I one of the
women in the psychology books who continued seeking the same kind
of men?

He lifted his head, his morose expression
trying to tug at my emotions. I closed my eyes to block it out. He
didn’t deserve my sympathy.

“
It doesn’t change anything
between us.” He reached out and laid his hand gently on my
shoulder.

My eyes flipped open, and I shrugged away
from his touch. “It changes everything.”

My heart raced as my simmering anger reached
the boiling point. How could he be so naïve as to think this bit of
news had no effect on our relationship?

I had to get away from him.

As I turned again, he grabbed my arm.
“Lexi.”

I stilled, but I didn’t turn around. “Let me
go,” I said softly, a myriad of emotions roiling within me like
riptides threatening to pull me below the surface.

His grip remained firm a few seconds more,
and then he released me, saying nothing.

Needing to put distance between us so I
could process this new information, I strode along the edge of the
building, my hand skimming the surface of the brick to steady me.
After a devastating end to my relationship with Kevin, I’d finally
found happiness again with Mason.

I loved him.

I hadn’t wanted to love him, but sometimes
love lassoes us around the chest, its tendrils squeezing our heart
as they weave into our flesh. By the time we realize what’s
happening, it’s too late. We’ve already succumbed.

It was imprudent of me to fall for him so
easily, but even so, I didn’t know what I could have done to
prevent it. When he looked at me with admiration in those
whiskey-colored eyes…when he held me against him, flesh against
flesh, his body strong and hard, unforgiving, his touch gentle,
nurturing…. I shook my head, hoping to clear those traitorous
thoughts from my head.

I needed to remain strong. I needed to
remember the pain, not because I wanted to dwell on it but because
it was the best way to prevent it from happening again.

At least now I knew.

Spanky was sipping on a beer at the bar.
Taking a deep breath, I tried to remain calm, to behave as though
my heart hadn’t just been ripped out by the knowledge that I had
picked another man who couldn’t remain faithful to a woman.

Climbing onto the stool next to him, I
patted him on the shoulder. “You’ve had a great turnout. It shows
how much everyone loves you.”

Spanky barked out a rough-sounding laugh.
“It shows how many people love free beer.”

I smiled at his modesty. “Nonsense. I can
only hope that they’ll learn to love me half as much as they love
you.”

“
You’ll do just fine,” he
assured me, patting my hand with callous fingers in a way that
reminded me of my grandfather.

“
I just wanted to let you
know that I’m heading back to my parents’ house, so that I can take
care of the paperwork. Everything should be finalized within ten
days.”

“
Be careful,” he urged me,
his warm smile wrinkling the weathered skin on his cheeks and the
corners of his eyes.

“
I will. Bye,
Spanky.”

Leaving him at the bar, I searched for Seren
and found her in the corner talking to Hawk. “Hey,” I said,
approaching them.

“
Congratulations on the
bar!” Hawk hugged me.

I attempted to smile. “Thanks.”

“
I bet Mason’s pretty
excited about that.” He stepped back and took a sip of his
beer.

“
He’s very excited,” I
agreed, not elaborating on the exact kind of excitement he was
feeling.

Trying to stem further conversation about
the bar, I turned to Seren. “You ready to go?”

“
Already?” She looked
disappointed.

“
Yeah. I need to hit the
road.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “I guess so.”
Turning to Hawk, she waved. “See you later.”

“
Later.” He lifted his beer
to acknowledge her.

She followed me as I grabbed my purse from
behind the bar and raced out the front door. When we were safely in
my car, she asked, “What’s going on? You’re acting strange.”

“
Did you know Mason’s
ex-wife is at the party?”

“
Yeah, I saw
her.”

“
She came to warn me about
Mason.”

Seren scoffed. “She’s such a drama queen.
Always has been.”

“
Did you know he cheated on
her?”

“
I might’ve heard something
about it when they divorced.”

“
And you didn’t tell me?” I
asked, irritated.

“
It was a long time ago,
and I’d kind of forgotten it until you just brought it up. Besides,
I never heard whether it was true or not.”

“
If I’d known it, I
would’ve stayed away from him.” I cranked the car and pulled out of
the parking space, eager to get away from the bar…and
Mason.

“
So what are you going to
do?”

I exhaled deeply as I thought about her
question. “I don’t know.”

“
Did you ask him about it?
It might not even be true.”

“
It’s true,” I
confirmed.

“
He admitted to
it?”

“
Yes.”

“
Did he explain
why?”

I glared at her. “Does it matter?”

She shrugged. “I guess not, but don’t you
want to hear what he has to say?”

“
Not really.”

We drove in silence for a while as the
events of the night churned in my mind. “He’s mad at me, too,” I
finally said to Seren who was staring out her window at the
darkened images of houses, some with light spilling from the
panes.

“
Why?” she asked, turning
in my direction.

“
Because I never told him
that I was buying the bar.”

Seren sucked in air. “That’s why you didn’t
want me to say anything? Because you hadn’t told him?”

“
At first, I didn’t know
whether I was going to go through with it, and if I did, I wanted
to get a feel for the employees—before they suspected I might be
their new boss. I didn’t find out that he wanted it until after I’d
already told Spanky that I would buy it. I didn’t tell him then
because I didn’t want it to change things between us.”

“
And what did he say when
you told him that?”

I pursed my lips. “That I should’ve told him
the moment I found out he wanted it.”

“
But you’re still buying
the bar?”

“
Yes, I’ve already signed a
letter of intent, and I’ve already made up my mind. I want the
bar.”

And I did want the bar. But Mason was a big
draw where customers were concerned, and considering we’d both
taken a fall from grace, I wasn’t sure whether we would continue
our relationship.

And if we didn’t, could we differentiate
business and pleasure?

Chapter
20

Avalanche

Mason

“
You should go talk to
her.”

I looked at Seren like she’d lost her
freaking mind. “I don’t chase down women.” I wanted to add that I
especially didn’t chase down women who kept secrets from me, but I
had no desire to discuss that with anyone but Lexi. “Besides, she
hasn’t been here in four days. That tells me all I need to
know.”

Seren rolled her eyes. “That doesn’t tell
you shit.”

“
It tells me that she wants
to be left alone.”

Seren must have agreed because she said
nothing else. She just finished her drink, tossed down a tip, and
left.

It was a busy Friday night. Three women came
in and grabbed the last three open seats at the end of the bar. I’d
seen them in here a few times, and they tipped well. I needed the
money, and as I gazed at them, I realized that my heart just wasn’t
in this tonight. Lexi had been on my mind all week, and I was
pissed that Rachel felt the need to come to Creekview and stir up
shit. As if that wasn’t enough, my mother had called to tell me
that she needed rent money again this month.

I could almost sympathize with Lexi for
running off and hiding. Hell, I was tempted to do it myself. But
I’d learned a long time ago that if I didn’t take care of me, no
one else was going to. Once Lexi took over the bar, I had no idea
whether I’d still have a job, so I needed to rake in as much cash
as I could between now and then. I did what I’d trained myself to
do: turn on the charm and give the customers what they wanted.

By the end of my shift, I’d accumulated a
sizeable amount in tips. I stuffed the money in my pocket and
headed home. I had a date with a bottle of whiskey.

When I opened the door, the dark apartment
loomed in front of me, a great black abyss ready to suck me into
its lifeless clutches. Everywhere I looked, I saw Lexi. I missed
even the mundane things like when she ran the vacuum cleaner or
when she followed behind me, taking my dishes out of the sink and
loading them in the dishwasher.

I missed her laughter, the way it floated
through the apartment and transformed the cold, empty space into a
place where I could actually feel some level of happiness. I missed
holding her at night, her body conforming perfectly against mine as
I wrapped my arm around her slender waist, holding her close,
feeling her heat. I missed the way she whispered into the darkness,
her soft voice surrounding me, dissipating the loneliness that had
plagued me for so very long. Maybe most surprising of all, I missed
her touch. Hell, it wasn’t surprising that I missed the ones that
were of a sexual nature. The surprising part was that the ones I
missed the most had nothing to do with sex. I missed the way her
fingers lightly touched my face, like I was important to her, like
I mattered. Wasn’t that what we all wanted? To matter to
someone?

I
wanted
to matter to Lexi.

Maybe she was just a really great actress.
Because if I’d mattered to her, she wouldn’t have hidden the fact
that she was buying the bar that I had wanted so badly.

If I’d mattered, she would have told me. She
wouldn’t have let me find out at the same time everyone else did.
She claimed that she was afraid that I would resent her, but how
could she not realize that the fact that she had hidden it from me
had hurt much more than the fact that she was buying the bar?

Grabbing a glass out of the cabinet, I
tilted the bottle, ready to pour a hefty dose of the amber liquid.
Pausing, I decided to skip the glass and drink straight from the
bottle. I was in no mood for foreplay. I’d gladly skip the buzz and
go directly to wasted. Inebriation was my friend.