Wasted (28 page)

Shit.

She’d left. My irritation deepened, and I
pulled the door closed. Pulling my shirt over my head, I hesitated
in the hallway, torn between going straight to bed and having some
whiskey first to take the edge off of my disastrous day. Knowing
that I would try to contact Lexi in the morning, I opted for sleep,
and I stepped into my bedroom and discarded my shirt into a
crumpled heap at the foot of my bed. I kicked my shoes off and
unfastened my jeans, letting them fall to the ground as I stepped
out of them. Taking turns with pinning the toes of my sock to the
floor with my heel, I lifted each foot, pulling the sock off.

Turning toward the bed, I froze. With the
soft light from the hallway spilling into my room, I could see her
slender form huddled beneath the covers, her legs slightly bent.
Her dark hair fanned out behind her as she faced the opposite wall,
away from my door. My relief was instant. The anger and frustration
that had been suffocating me all week lifted. I had no idea why she
was in my bed, but I couldn’t think of anywhere I’d rather her be.
And while I knew that she’d still be hesitant about our
relationship, her presence filled me with optimism. She wouldn’t be
in my bed if she wasn’t seriously considering a future with me.

I walked around the bed, wanting to see her.
When I realized that the lower part of her face was hidden beneath
the edge of the comforter, I couldn’t stop my lips from curving
into a smile. Damn, I wanted to touch her, and with greedy hands, I
lifted the cover and slid in beside her.

She stirred from her slumber, rising up on
her elbow. “Mason!”

Scrambling to the other side of the bed, she
started to spring up off the mattress.

Catching her wrist, I stopped her retreat,
and she turned to look at me.

“
Where’re you
going?”

“
I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“
I’m glad you did.” Gently
tugging her arm, I urged her to move toward me. “I’m glad that you
were in my bed when I got home.”

She remained in place, watching me like a
rabbit eyeing its predator. “Come here,” I urged her softly. “Damn,
Lex, just let me hold you.”

“
I’m not sure that’s a good
idea.”

“
That’s the best freaking
idea I’ve had in a long time.” I tugged her wrist again. “We can
talk about all the other shit tomorrow, but tonight, I want you
beside me. I want you in my arms. No talking before daylight.
Tonight, I just want to be with you.”

Her features reflected the indecision that
warred within her.

“
Please, Lex. I
need
to be with you.” I
gently tugged her wrist again, and this time she succumbed,
stretching out beside me, her cheek against my chest.

Pulling her against me, I kissed her
forehead and stroked her back.

When she splayed her hand across my chest,
her small palm resting just above my heart, I covered it with mine
and gave it a gentle squeeze. Her lips brushed against my skin, the
soft flutter of an angel’s kiss. Contentment filled my soul, and I
closed my eyes, savoring every detail about her, her touch, her
scent, her soft breathing. If I could spend every night of my life
going to sleep with Lexi in my arms, I’d be a happy man.

Chapter
23

Slow Seducer

Lexi

I woke up to the sound of running water.
Threading my fingers through my disheveled hair, I pushed the
offending tresses out of my face. When I realized I was in Mason’s
bed, adrenaline flooded my body. With my heart thundering in my
chest, I shot into a seated position, searching for him.

The bathroom door was ajar, and I could see
him as he brushed his teeth, his muscles flexing with his movement.
His boxers sat low on his hips, and I admired his broad shoulders
as they tapered into a narrow waist.

Snapping out of my perusal, I scrambled out
of bed and went to my own bathroom to freshen up. When I returned,
he was sitting on the edge of the bed, presumably waiting on me. I
followed the lines of his tribal tattoo as it curved over his
muscular chest and shoulder and down one arm.

When my eyes returned to his face, I could
see that he was watching me as I let my eyes rove over his
body.

He held his hands out to me, silently asking
me to come to him. My head told me to keep distance between us.
Unanswered questions still plagued me, and I didn’t trust myself to
stay on topic if I got too close to him.

“
Come on, love.” He
motioned to me again, and I could feel my heart winning my internal
tug of war.

I closed my eyes, thinking that maybe if I
couldn’t see the way he looked at me with a mixture of longing and
sadness then my head could actually win this one.

“
Mason, I can’t see you
anymore.”

“
You could if you’d open
your eyes.”

My eyes did fly open then as aggravation
spread through my chest. “This isn’t a joke.”

He shot me that infectious grin that dimpled
his cheeks. “I know, Lex. I’m sorry. I’s just messing with ya.
Trying to lighten the mood, but I guess it’s not working.”

“
I should go.”

He stood and strode toward me, scooping me
up, my legs dangling over one of his arms. “I don’t want you to go.
You’re staying here with me.” Taking me back to the bed, he
deposited me onto the mattress, and then he walked to the opposite
side and climbed in beside me.

“
I can’t stay
here.”

“
You can,” he said
adamantly, folding his arms under his head as he reclined on his
pillow.

“
It’ll never
work.”

“
It will if we decide
that’s what we want. I want you, Lex. Can you really tell me that
you don’t feel the same?” He reached out and skimmed his fingertips
along my arm, moving over the strap of my tank top as he traced my
shoulder blade.

“
You cheated on her,” I
tried to reason with him. “I can’t go through something like
that—not again.”

“
So you think it’s
impossible for someone to learn from his mistakes?”

“
No, but….”

“
I’m not the same man now
that I was then.”

The sincerity on his face made me want to
believe him, but I knew that was my heart talking.

He reached out and pulled me down until I
was lying beside him, and I let him. His arm wrapped around my
shoulders, his fingers caressing my arm, and then he began to
talk.

“
Losing Madison devastated
me. I don’t think there’s anything in this world that can compare
to the pain someone goes through when they experience the death of
a child. It’s like having your lungs squeezed until you can’t
breathe and you feel like you’re suffocating and then having your
heart ripped out of your chest. Every hope, every dream that you’d
had for that child…that I’d had for my precious little girl….” He
hesitated, and even though I wasn’t looking at his face, I could
tell he was struggling with his emotions as I watched his chest
rise and fall rapidly. He blew out a breath as if that simple act
would dispel some of the sadness trapped inside him. “Damn,” he
whispered, “This is hard.” His voice quaked, and I tilted my head
until I could see his face. He pulled me in tighter, one hand
wrapping around my waist, and with his free hand, he threaded his
fingers through his hair as he stared at the ceiling.

“
I stopped and bought her
this frilly pink dress one day before she was born,” he said barely
above a whisper. “Can you imagine me picking out baby clothes?
Me?”

His chin quivered, and I could feel my own
tears pooling in the corner of my eyes.

“
The only time I got to see
her wear it was when we buried her.” He pulled his arm from
underneath me and scrambled to the edge of the bed. His feet were
on the floor, and he bent over, covering his face with his hands as
he propped his elbows on his knees.

I moved over beside him. Words couldn’t take
his pain away, so I placed my hand on his back to let him know that
he wasn’t alone.

He took a deep breath. “Rachel was crushed.
I tried to stay strong for her, but hell, I was hurting, too.”

I slid off the bed and stood in front of
him. Gently, I pulled his hands away from his face. “You don’t have
to be strong all the time, Mason. It’s okay to hurt, to
grieve.”

He wrapped his arms around my waist and
pulled me in close until I was standing between his thighs. He
squeezed me to him, pressing his cheek against my abdomen. I
wrapped my arms around him and hugged him in return.

When he released me, I slid down to my knees
in front of him, wondering if he was ready to continue his
story.

“
Losing a child is one of
those things that can rip a family apart,” he said. “I loved
Rachel, but we had only married because she’d gotten pregnant. I
should’ve been more careful. I guess Madison was the only thing
that was really holding us together, and once she was gone,
everything fell apart.

“
Rachel became withdrawn,
and we had gotten to the point where we barely spoke to each other.
Sometimes, I felt that she was angry with me, and maybe she was.
Maybe she had reason to be.”

“
It wasn’t your fault,” I
said softly. “Sometimes bad things happen, and we don’t understand
them. We want to know why, but there aren’t any answers. All we can
do is deal with them.”

“
We were young,” he
whispered. “Neither of us knew how to deal with it. When Rachel
pulled away from me…I don’t know…hell, I didn’t know what to do.
There was a girl who came into the bar. I don’t know what the hell
I was thinking, Lex. I guess I wasn’t. She gave me attention, and
when I was with her, I felt a little less lonely. Looking back, I
can see how stupid I was. I loved Rachel, and even though I don’t
think our marriage would’ve survived much longer, not a day goes by
that I don’t regret what I did, the way I ended it.”

“
I’ve been in Rachel’s
shoes, Mason, at least as far as the affair was concerned. It was
devastating. How do you forgive someone that does something like
that to you?”

“
Shit, Lexi, you don’t.” He
sprang to his feet and began pacing the room. “Do you think I
would’ve forgiven her if she’d done the same thing to me? Hell,
no.

“
What I did made everything
worse. As if losing Madison hadn’t been distressing enough, a
little over a year later, I forced Rachel to deal with another
traumatic event, and I’ve thought about my actions every day since
it happened.”

I remained silent, not knowing what to say
to him. I hadn’t forgiven Kevin for what he’d done to me, and I
knew I wasn’t the best person for Mason to come to if he wanted
someone to tell him it was okay. Cheating was not okay. Ever.

“
I knew I could never make
it up to her, so I did the only thing I could do.” He continued to
pace like a caged tiger desperate to be released from his
prison.

“
Rachel had a scholarship
to attend college. When I got her pregnant, she gave it up and
married me instead.” He laughed without humor. “Not a very good
trade, huh?”

“
When we divorced, I told
her that I would put her through college and that I knew it didn’t
make up for what I’d done but at least she’d be able to get an
education and a good job. That way she’d never have to depend on
anyone else. She’d be able to take care of herself.”

A realization dawned on me. “The money,” I
said softly, thinking about the receipts I’d seen where he’d wired
it to her. “That was money for school?”

He finally stopped pacing and gazed at me,
nodding. “Yeah, sort of a self-imposed penance, I guess.”

“
How long have you been
sending it to her?”

“
A little over four years.
I promised that I would pay over and above any assistance that she
got to make sure that school didn’t cost her anything and that she
could live comfortably while she was going. I just finished paying
for her last bit of living expenses. She’s set to graduate at the
end of the summer semester.”

“
But I saw you with her the
other day, Mason. I saw her in your arms.” I could feel my anger
rising up through my body.

“
Damn it, Lexi,” he shouted
in frustration. “Do you hear what I’m trying to tell you? There’s
nothing going on between us. That day she was here? That was
Madison’s birthday. She would’ve been six. Rachel was upset, and we
actually had one of the best conversations we’ve had since our
divorce.

“
She even made a comment
about how you’ve made me happy.”

His words caught me off guard. “She
did?”

“
Yes, and I told her that I
hoped she would find someone who can make her as happy as you’ve
made me. And I meant it.

“
I feel like our
conversation gave us both some closure to our relationship. I
finished paying her way through college, just like I promised her I
would do, and we both want each other to be happy in other
relationships.

“
I’m not the same man I
was, Lexi. I finally feel like all the mistakes I’ve made, all the
anguish I’ve been through has shaped me for this moment. I know I
can love you the way you deserve to be loved…if you’ll just give me
the chance.”

He was persuasive, and part of me wanted to
run into his arms and let him love me. He’d gone to great lengths
to make amends for his wrongdoing. That alone indicated that he
wasn’t a total douche. But still….