we were one once book 2: "A Dark Romance" (11 page)

23

Watching her sleep, I can almost forget the pain she’s caused me. I can almost forget how she ripped open my heart with leaving me. I can almost pretend that I wasn’t in Hell for three years because of her.

But that’s behind us. We are getting a fresh start, starting today. And I need to put our past behind us once and for all.

I brush a stray strand away from her face, but her breathing stays deep, her eyes stay in motion behind tightly squeezed lids. Does she dream of me? I’d like to think so, but I won’t ask. I’d know if she lied and I don’t want to know if she dreams of him.

I kneel next to my bed.
Our
bed. Gillian is
my
wife. And this is
our
marital bed. These simple thoughts give me such joy that I can truly forget all about the pain. Almost.

No one can come between us ever again. And she’ll learn that today, if she doesn’t already know it.

My fingers flat on the bed, barely touching her arm; her tiny whimper halts my waking her though. Her body shudders and twists towards me a little before settling back in peace, a smile spreading with her lips and legs.

I smile too, knowing now that she does dream of me. Of last night. I brought her here from her room and she showed her gratitude for being released finally from her three week imprisonment. But she understands that any disobedience of my cardinal rules will result in her quick return.

I know the threat of that room isn’t enough though. Inside my sweet girl lurks another that isn’t so easily controlled, isn’t so obedient.

I discussed that very topic with Anya only a few days before she died. But she wasn’t interested in my theories of how best to help her daughter then. She had her own theories on the subject.

“We’re taking a risk, meeting like this,” but I don’t stop fingering Anya’s open slit.

“Nonsense. Martin is a sound sleeper. And the sleeping pill I added to his nightly brandy did the trick early tonight.” Her fingers stroke me with a lazy and familiar touch, my length hardening as I remember Gillian’s mouth from this afternoon.

“We should awaken Gilli.”

Anya twists under the fur throw, her face enflamed with more than the fire from the library hearth, but she quickly reassembles her features to her usual, more provocative look. She’s beautiful, like her daughter, but there’s more guile to her than Gillian could ever evoke. “We don’t need her to have our fun…not tonight, Miles.” Her fingers trace over my stomach and back down. “Besides…I could see how frustrated you were with her this afternoon…how disappointed in her you were…”

And it’s true. I’ve been more frustrated with Gillian’s craziness lately. I’m home for a few weeks now and I hope to clear up an issue that has been troubling me.

“She seems capable of taking so much…”

“Hmm…” Anya lowers herself, eyes lit with a secret pleasure as she brings her mouth to my tip.

I moan with the feel of her tongue up and back down my hardened rod. She’s really quite good and Gillian’s learned all her best tricks. I manage to breathe out, “I think we shouldn’t allow her to enjoy her punishments so much is all…”

“Hmm…” Her mouth full and working, no clear words escape, but I can make out that she’s saying ‘who cares?’

“Because punishment shouldn’t be enjoyed by the punished.” I sound like a pulpit-thumper from Cotton Mather’s day. I tilt Anya’s chin up, her eyes glazed with a familiar lust. “We should be the only ones that enjoy hurting her. While punished, she should learn her lesson.”

She smiles, “Perhaps you’re right. She’s a willful little bitch.” Her head lowers again to continue pleasing me.

I let her words settle the matter for a moment, twisting the curls of her silky dark hair in my fingers, enjoying the depth of her throat against me.

But being Martin Vanderson’s son has taught me one thing…I don’t need to take no for an answer. “I want to force Gillian to no longer…change…when we punish her.” I keep the lust from my voice. I won’t reveal my wanting Gillian’s pain without her pleasure from it. But I know the subject of Gillian’s psychological issues is touchy with Anya. She refuses to discuss it for the most part.

She sits up quickly, wiping her full lips and kneeling in front of me. “I don’t see how you’d plan on making that happen.” She smiles more, a wicked look made even more wicked with the fire dancing shadows over her. “Besides…I quite enjoy seeing her cum at the end of your whip.” She laughs and falls on top of me, covering my body with hers for a moment before swiftly repositioning herself. She has me inside her in a matter of seconds and I groan with the fast pace her hips set.

She finally slows and leans close to me to whisper, “I like knowing that I’ve made her into a hungry little slut for every painful thing we do to her.”

I smile watching Gillian sleep now, her breathing even and relaxed again. Her Mother may not have thought it could be done, but I had faith that my love for her was enough to bring her out of her craziness. I just need to keep a firm grip of control over her to keep her from lapsing into her other selves ever again. And I have a perfect plan for that as well.

“Gilli, my love, time to wake up…” I gently rock her arm and whisper against her forehead with a kiss. She moans and stirs before her eyes slowly open.

It takes a few blinks for her to come fully awake and to fully realize the painful reality of her body. But just as she has every morning for three weeks, she smiles sweetly at me. Even as her brows twist with the pain of sitting up.

I can hear the small cry she breathes through, holding back tears as she brings her legs off the bed. I only stand back and let her move on her own, watching how stiffly she rises.

When she finally looks up again, standing unsteadily, her smile is gone. But that doesn’t matter this morning. I smile enough for us both. “Breakfast is waiting for us, but you have time to bathe first. A hot shower will do you good.”

She nods and smiles a weak thank you, moving past me towards the bathroom. “But first.” She halts instantly and I feel myself harden just as quickly. “I have something to show you. And something to give you.”

She turns back and my love for her grows as much as my balls tighten at the look of abject fear in her eyes. She takes halting steps back to me and I motion her back down on the bed.

I take the small envelope from the nightstand and watch her look change from fear to confusion quickly. “I’m going to ask you a question and I know you understand that I expect your complete honesty in answering me…” She nods and swallows, fear back on her lovely features. “Did you love Simon Lamb?”

I watch carefully as she starts to withdraw, but quickly stops herself and refocuses. I give her the moment she needs, as I’ve done every night when my punishments have become more difficult for her to take. She eventually gives in to her need to please me, to submit herself to me.

This last punishment will be no different; painful for her, but necessary. And pleasing to me, even as I know now that I won’t like her answer.

24

I start to nod, but realize it wouldn’t be an acceptable answer to him, “I thought I did.” I know I loved Simon. Still do, but even in this fog of pain, I know I have to keep my wits.

I’ve never known Miles to be jealous. But then, I’ve never given him a reason to be before. He hasn’t mentioned Simon or anyone else since I’ve been back. I had thought that he didn’t care. So long as I was back with him, nothing else mattered.

I can see how wrong I was by the calm look of rage taking over his face. I jump at the chance to stop it from becoming all consuming. “I know I didn’t feel the same for him as I do for you.”

No good. The rage has settled into a smirk on his lips. “Of course not, my love.
Our
love is genuine and real. What you felt for him was a trick.” He cups my face with his free hand and gently rubs my cheek with his thumb. I try not to pull away as he presses against a bruise on my jaw. “He used your sweet nature against you. It’s not your fault that you fell for his manipulations.”

I can’t tell if this means that he’s not angry with me, only Simon. But before I can ask, he offers me the envelope with both his hands stretched out to me. I slowly reach for it, afraid of what I’ll find inside. Lilly and Jill are both silently watching too. I wish Gigi were here, because she would know what to say, how to act.

I hold my breath as I take out photos of Simon, numbly flipping from one to the next. I only remember to breathe again when Miles speaks, “I know this may be painful for you to see, but I need you to understand that you gave yourself to a man who had no real feelings for you. You see, Gilli, he’s not been thinking or worrying about you at all.” His finger drags across the photo of Simon with his cousin and several barely dressed women. It’s a dark resolution, but it’s still easy to see that Simon is drunk and the women are pressed against him. “This one was taken two days ago.”

When I lower the stack onto my lap, Miles lifts my wrists back up. “Go through all of them.” I continue flipping, taking a moment to stare at each one, since I know this is what Miles wants now. He wants to rub my nose in how little I meant to Simon.

And maybe it’s the pain I feel all over or only the pain this causes my heart, but I simply don’t care when the tears slip from my eyes down to the glossy prints to be swept away by the flipping to the next image. I don’t care that Miles is standing over me and watching as I mourn another man. I don’t care that this makes me an even bigger fool. I can hear Lilly cautioning me to be more stoic. I don’t even answer her.

He finally takes the pile from me and puts them back into the envelope. I keep my head down, sniffing the last of my tears away.

I know it shouldn’t matter. Gigi told Simon good bye. But
I
didn’t get to tell him. And now, it seems that it wouldn’t have mattered to him anyway.

A part of me is glad that he’s forgotten me so easily. Now I can forget him too. It’ll make being with Miles easier if I don’t have to compare him to Simon.

And I already know that if we do find a way out of here, I’ll never be able to go back to Simon. Miles would find me too easily and he’d hurt Simon for sure then. Lilly was pretty blunt about analyzing that possibility. So, it’s good that Simon doesn’t want me. I’m glad that it’s only my heart that is broken.

I lift my chin to look at Miles, but stop at his lips as I always do. I close myself off from Lilly and Jill. I know Miles isn’t done with me by the coldness to his smile. And it makes it easier to take what he does if I don’t have to fight the urge to run inside to hide with them.

25

Watching her cry over the photos Spencer’s man took has a strange effect on me. I expected to be angry if she reacted with any sign of being upset by Lamb’s betrayal of her. But instead, I can feel my excitement building.

I had Spencer keep track of Lamb in case he’d be a problem after her disappearance. Three weeks of watching the man vacillate between a misanthrope and a gigolo and I’m convinced that he’s nothing to think about. But still…he had my Gillian at his whim. And he’s still out there. And her tears still fall for him.

I should be very angry. But the smile on my face only widens more. I can’t help being happy knowing that her only other experience with another man has been bleak and futile. She can’t possibly pine away for long for a man that would forget her so quickly. Not when I’ve shown my devotion by looking tirelessly for her for three years! I know she appreciates my love, even if part of her ran from it.

Her tears are a fitting end to the journey she started when she let herself be pulled away from me. She should cry over the uselessness…the very emptiness…of her leaving my love behind. Even if it was another of her selves that left. But that won’t matter anymore.

I sit on the bed next to her and pull her into my arms, feeling her damp cheek through my shirt. Her soft voice is softened even more by my shoulder, “I told Simon that I belonged to another. That I couldn’t belong to him.” My heart flutters with her perfect words, because I know she’s telling me the truth. She understands that she’s always been mine.

“I know he hurt you. But that’s behind you now.” I brush her hair away and pull her to sit on my lap fully. I gently lift her chin, admiring how she manages to look angelic and calm, even with the tears still clinging to her lashes and the bruises only starting to fade. I’ve done a number on her face. Her whole body really.

I wanted her to know that nothing is off limits from now on. That I like seeing her face reflect our new understanding. I’m not afraid to express my anger however I see fit. I don’t care if the staff sees what I’ve done to her. I won’t limit my attentions to only that which can’t be seen as Anya did. She’ll bear the humiliation of public scrutiny as well as the knowledge that I enjoy it. She’s never leaving these grounds, so it doesn’t matter anyway.

“I won’t ever let anyone hurt you, my love. As my wife, no man will ever have that chance again.” She returns my smile, but she’s still tentative. I know she expects me to punish her. And I weigh that option against my plans.

“I have something for you that will keep you safe.” And mine. “Put out your hands and close your eyes.” She sniffs one last time and wipes her eyes with both hands before doing as I’ve instructed.

She obediently keeps her eyes closed and arms out even as I shift and jostle her a little, pulling a velvet bag out of my pants pocket. I place the drawstring bag in the center of her hands. “You may open your eyes now.”

She only stares at her hands, waiting to be given permission to do anything else. I smile at how much she’s changed from three weeks ago. Even three years ago. 

She was always submissive, always eager to please. Her body always gave in, even as she would withdraw or hide. Even when she allowed herself pleasure from the punishments with a false personality, her need to please was always there. Her Mother taught me how to take full advantage of it.

But these weeks together have brought out her deepest desires to submit to me. By not allowing her an escape, both literally and figuratively, I’ve forced her to face those desires. I’ve forced her to embrace them.

“Open it.”

She pulls the tie loose and reaches in with her fingers, pulling out the glittering cuff. She looks from me to the bracelet with a small frown, “It’s beautiful, Miles.”

“It’s yours.” I take it from her and move the cuff slowly so the light can catch the diamonds on the front of the white gold band. “I had it specially made just for you.” She puts her wrist out for me, but I wait to put it on.

“I know I said that a large wedding ring was garish and didn’t fit your sweet beauty…” She nods and looks at the simple band on her outstretched hand, a smaller match to the one on mine. “But I did want you to have something fitting a woman of your status, of my status.” She frowns more as I continue, her wrist still out for me as though she’d forgotten it was lifted. “I wanted something that you could wear for every occasion.”

She slowly responds, “It’s perfect.”

“Yes. It is. Just like you, my love.” I kiss her cheek gently. “And also just like you, this bracelet will stay put.” Her frown is deeper now, as I think she starts to understand my hidden meaning. I take the bag from her and reach in for the tiny key at the bottom, opening the hidden clasp at the back of the bracelet.

I slip the cuff on her, but don’t close it, just turn her wrist over again to admire how it looks. The band is a perfect fit, not too wide, not too small. The circular cluster of diamonds both simple and elegant.

“Inside this bracelet is a GPS tracking system, Gillian. I have an application on my phone and computers that will tell me where you are at all times. I can even listen to where you are, what you’re doing. I can find you anywhere with this.” I tap the bracelet and her wrist bounces.

I hand the key to her and her confusion is priceless on her face. “This key will lock that bracelet in place with no chance of it coming loose…no chance of it being taken off.” I wait for this to sink in, her confusion turning to a wary fear as her fingers pinch the tiny key. “I want you to lock yourself in and hand me the key.” I smile, a little self-conscious at how melodramatic I sound.

“It’s a symbolic gesture only, but I think it’s important for you to understand that I don’t expect just your placid submission to me. I expect your complete cooperation in giving yourself to me. In all matters. And this little token of my love will ensure that even if you are unable to maintain control over yourself…there will be no running, no escaping, no hiding from me ever again.”

I watch as she calmly puts the key to the slip of a lock and twists it into place. She’s serene and steady as she offers the key back to me on her open palm, a small smile on her lips even. “Thank you for such a beautiful gift, Miles.” She puts her cool fingers to my cheek and warm lips to the other side of my face as I take the key from her.

I narrow my eyes, watching her, but she doesn’t reveal any thoughts. She’s not withdrawn in her usual sense, but somehow she’s not quite the same either; she’s calmer.

I’m reminded of a documentary I saw years ago. About long-held prisoners that have a hard time dealing with their freedom and choose to put themselves back in custody through obvious criminal activities. They feel safer, more secure with the familiar setting behind bars and choose prison over freedom in the long run.

I smile with the thought that Gillian understands that this bracelet will protect her against herself, against any foolish thoughts of freedom. She’s already chosen her safer, more secure place here with me. She winces with pain as I move to put the key into my pocket again though.

“I’m glad you like it so much. You’ll have a chance to show it off soon.” She raises her eyebrows, but waits for me continue.

So perfectly obedient and submissive. My heart swells with love for her. And my pants do as well. Time for that after breakfast…

“I’m going to throw my beautiful wife a proper homecoming party next weekend. We’ll invite everyone to celebrate your return and our marriage. Would you like that, my love?”

She swings her arms around my shoulders despite the obvious pain to her back, squeezing me with a squeal of delight. “That would be wonderful, Miles! We haven’t had a party here in so long.”

I kiss her parted lips and take my time exploring the warmth of her mouth with my tongue for a moment before pulling back and standing her up. Looking her up and down, it’s obvious that she’s still quite hurt.

Keeping her from withdrawing does have its side effects, because she can’t ignore the various abuse I’ve inflicted on her like she used to so easily do. She doesn’t stand now fully erect and she favors her left side still. This won’t do for a party.

“You’ll have to be on your best behavior from now until then, Gilli, so I won’t have to punish you so severely.”

She nods and promises to not make me angry. We both know that it isn’t only anger that motivates my desire to hurt her, but I smile at her sweet promise. I can wait till after the party to beat her again. Her injuries should be mostly healed by then. And a fresh palette is always inspiring to me.

I kiss her head one last time, “I told you, I’ll always take care of you. I love you, Gilli.”

“And I love you, Miles.” But something in her voice is distant. I can’t read anything different in her eyes though.

“And don’t worry about getting the bracelet wet…nothing can harm it.” I smile and leave her to get ready for our day together. As I close the door, she’s still standing in the same spot, holding her wrist up with her other hand and staring at the bracelet.

I’ll know if she tries to take it off, but that’s a feature that I’ll keep to myself for now.