Wench With Wings (17 page)

They both wake with the same thought, ‘Why is this screwing with me so much?’ ‘The defeat it has to be.’ They both thought as they got ready and headed out for a well needed run. How could there be defeat on both sides? Who would be left to rule the kingdom? They didn’t know that they both fell; that they were both defeated. They defeated each other. Were either one of them left strong enough to regain control? Is it a game where no one will ever win? Will they both move on to greener pastures or stand by their claim? So many questions and not enough answers ran with them in their heads. All of the above never even asked by either, none of it crossed their paths; no questions that vast.

‘She has to be in my life to catch me up, to cause a hitch in my plans. That’s what she’s doing, throwing me off, making me mess up in school and on my focus with my plans. What can I do to get past this? I was mad because she was throwing me away without even giving me a chance, then I managed to mess up school a bit, be drunk more and treat women how I never wanted to. So the problem lies with me opening my heart to her. I always said I never would, that it would always be just one night stands and yet I made an exception for her and she rejected me. So, I forget about it, right? Yea. It’s just a reminder why I never bothered to open my heart. Why I stopped after only one night. I just have to get back to that and I will be able to refocus back on my original plan. It taught me a lesson, never veer off what you plan. Yup, this makes sense.’

‘Okay, so, he threw me off guard. It’s like when my father came into a room and I had my back to him and earphones in. I wasn’t ready for the first hit, but soon I learned how to always be ready. I would just have to be ready for him. What throws me off about him? His eyes; I can avoid them. His kindness for women; I cannot put myself in a position for him to be. His closeness; I just won’t let him be close no more. Ugh. His everything like me; I can accept it and tell myself two people so much alike just can’t be, opposites attract. We’re just trying to go against the ‘norm.’ That’s all. Yup, sounds good. I can do this. I can get back on track. Fuck it and fuck him.’

‘I’ve always wanted to just open my heart and give it to someone. She’s perfect for that. Not only did I want to give her my love, she made me have more strength. She made me want to be better. There has to be something about that. There’s more to this that I’m just not getting. But she doesn’t want my love, she proved that and that could be the biggest problem.

‘But he’s so much like me and yet opposite too. I heard the way he treats women in the bedroom. It’s like he just wants to give the love away and when I do it, I want to take it, to feel it because I can’t give it away, because I’ve never felt loved and I want to for just one night before they look at me for who I am; a person with no heart. If he only wanted to give it and I only wanted to receive it, would we be okay? Who would not want to be loved back? Forget that.’

They both collapsed on grass in the park on opposite ends; defeated once again. They had no idea how to get through this. No idea what they would do next. They both stared up at the same sky, thinking of each other, so close to one another yet so far away. They knew they needed help with this; that they would just keep going back and forth with their thoughts. They stood up and ran back to their places. Trey sent
Jocelyn and Gwen a text to meet her at the shop and Ayden woke Dane up.

“I guess I’m asking for some girl talk.” Trey said to them unsure how she should start. This was not her thing, but at least they
all knew that.

“Girl talk, I’m so in with this.” Jos pipes in excited, which settle Trey a bit. She took a deep breath and told herself she could handle this.

“So, Ayden. I don’t really know what to say, but he’s kind of getting me in a way and I’m screwed up about it.”

“Why do you think you’re screwed up about it?” Gwen asked mother hen-ish, which made Jos laugh a bit.

“Well, he told me he loved me.”

“What did you say to him?” Jos bit out excited.

“Well I kind of said, Screw you Ayden. I’ll never love.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah. Oh, come on. We’ve never kissed or even gone out on a date for that matter, so how could he? And why should I? He just wants my frigging control.”

“So that’s why he stopped coming here and started acting all screwed up. You were a complete bitch after he poured his heart out.”

“I was not, I told him the truth, that’s all. What do you mean acting all screwed up?”

“You know how Pay said that he was like…ah, nice and stuff to the girls he left the bar with? Well apparently he’s just been acting like a jerk, screwing them and leaving not even somewhat bothering with pleasing them like he did before. And he’s been drunk like every night and missing classes. Dane said he hasn’t really been home and that he crashed his bike, which apparently he never does, and he went home with the same girl twice and I guess he has
never
done that before.” She was reserved while talking and Trey could tell she didn’t want to say that kind of stuff, but it didn’t bother Trey like Jos thought.

“So, he’s messed up?
And
I’m messed up?”

“Yup, so maybe you should just go for it.”

“I can’t. I
can’t
love him back or anyone for that matter and he’s just, oh I don’t know, he’s just, him. Forget it, this is too much.” She stood and walked upstairs even more defeated. She broke him, it’s what she wanted; to get him to leave her alone, but why does it hurt her so much? ‘Why am I still so screwed up?’ She would have to think more about it, but she really wasn’t sure if she wanted to. She doesn’t want a guy she wants success and all he was; was a guy that screwed with her success.

“Get up, I need a bitch talk.”

“Ha, alright I’m up, what’s going on?”

“Trey, she’s completely fucking with me and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“How is she fucking with you?”

“I want her and not for just one night and she don’t want me.”

“Ha, so you do! Ah, you sure she don’t want you.”

“Yea, I’m sure, she said so.” Ayden spit out angry.

“Well, Jos said she’s been screwed up lately and she thinks it’s because of
you
. She asked me to talk to you, but I told her you don’t do that.”

“Why does she think it’s because of me?”

“Something about her never showing weakness and when you’re around she does and ever since you stopped going there to get tats from Trey, she hasn’t been in the shop and she isn’t as into setting up the fights or training the girls and she’s only paying attention to art classes not her phycology classes.” He said acting as if he was reading from a list. “Oh yea, and
She missed a fight for the first time since she started it all, over a year ago.
You’re getting to her man. Jos noticed the first day you walked into the shop.”

“Forget it, it can’t be because of me.” Ayden stalked off into the bathroom to get a shower; trying to wash of
f the guilt that clung to him. ‘I’m getting her? Ha. If I am, why am I, if she said she would never love me? But she told me she would never love me, so how could it be me that’s getting to her? I guess I really have to sit down and think about this more. I’m out of my mind
mad
I have to sit back and think about the facts. I’m defiantly missing something if I’m messing her up too.’

She really didn’t want to think about it anymore instead she was going to try and get herself back on track. He was gone;
kind of. She defeated him; she guessed. So why not just move past it and start building back up her control. ‘It is what I need either way.’

He sat in his room and made pretty much a mental list so he could try to figure all of it out; figure himself out and figure her out. He had to throw out the anger he was holding onto because it was apparently clouding his judgment; she was a mess and so was he. How could that be?

‘I liked the sound of her before I met her. When I met her I had to find out more. She intrigued me right from the start and still does. I wanted to better myself for her, because of her. When I made her sad it upset me and I never wanted to do it again. When I found out what she was doing with the guys she fought, I was overwhelmed with jealousy and rage. All the things I know about her are great, she’s defiantly a good person and cares a lot. She’s a lot like me in a lot of ways which is great. Oh, who am I kidding this aint an issue, I love her I’ve known I have pretty much since the second I saw her. I got and had that figured out that’s certainly not the problem. The problem really; was her not feeling the same or for that matter even giving me a chance at all. She seemed like she hated me or I annoyed her from the get go. She was starting to warm up to me, but then I went and screwed it up with my jealousy rage about the guys she brought home. Then I told her I loved her and we haven’t even kiss or gone on a date, nothing really. Not even hung out.’

‘I should just apologize and start back at square one. Stick to the plan I already made with her and keep pushing on. She’d have to give in sometime. When I’m nice she gets flustered the most. When I’m close to her, she defiantly gets turned on, so the attraction is there. When I have wit, she seems to enjoy it and that, she handles better than any of it. Her walls are defiantly strong, but I have to believe she was starting to let some cracks begin.’

‘She didn’t mind me running with her we had fun, she had fun. Plus, the tats, she was liking that after a while or she liked it from the beginning because I turned her on then she came to terms with it. Either way I have to get those two back; the runs and the tats. I have to be strong, fight better, be smarter, all the same as I said before. She knew about the girls so that I need to give up, it will show her that I’m serious, that I only want her. Hopefully it won’t make her close up like she did when I told her I loved her though. I think I have a little more focus with this plan. I just can’t mess it up again. I have to be smarter, stronger about my emotions so they don’t scare her away. Scare her, that’s it. I must scare her. I have to find out why, so I won’t, so I can avoid it somehow. I’ll have to talk to Gwen and Jos on Monday, tomorrow than I’ll go to her shop, apologize and hope she’ll give me a tat. Today; I'll catch up on some back work that I’ve neglected.’

He got to working, but every now and then she would scramble his mind again. He kept going back to the fact she said she would never love him, but he kept telling himself that there had to be a reason and he would just have to change her mind.

She went down into the shop and talked and hung out with the girls after a half hour of solitude, she couldn’t stand. She gave a couple tats and did some of her studying she was lacking on. She was feeling pretty good. She loved the life she lived and she wasn’t ready to give up on it yet. She knew she had to regain control because she would go completely
mad
if she didn’t. She cooked dinner like she used to and that alone made her feel happy again. She never felt like she ever had family, but when the girls sat down and ate with her she always felt she did. Like she created her own family and it made it good.

When they both fell asleep a new wave of ease washed over them, like an end to a new beginning. Even if that beginning was all of the same it felt new having to give it a brand new go. When she woke up she went back to her pep talk, but something felt off. The words; breath don’t deny stuck on her tongue like stale, water logged gum.

He woke up with a feeling of anxiety, but yet he was excited, he would go see her today. He was nervous getting ready which made him late to class then was so wrapped up in getting some last notes he missed Gwen walking out. He had no idea where to find Jos and when lunch came around he hopped out of class heading to the tree Trey was once under. To his disappointment she was not there. He finished up his classes and went to training with Dane.

She paid attention in all her classes, went for lunch with the girls not realizing how much she missed it or the training after her last class. She stuck around longer than usual to talk to some of the girls and she felt phenomenal about it. She practically skipped to the shop and got started on some tats, when the guys squirmed it almost had a different feeling for her; it was satisfying, but it was also more enjoying.

He didn’t bother to say anything when he walked in and she didn’t look up from her work either. He could tell there was a different light about her and he wasn’t sure if he should be nervous about it or happy because she seemed to be okay, unlike what Dane told him. He took out his sketchbook and tried capturing this new light around her.

When she finished up she looked up and was completely thrown off by him sitting there. ‘What is he doing? I thought he would be done with this.’ She just stared at him without a word, a few moments past and he looked up to see her staring. “Hey Trey.” He said in a nervous yet sexy kind of way.

“What are you doing here?” She wasn’t exactly mad, but she did seem disappointed to him and he pretty much cringed. He thought to start off with a sorry, but then changed his mind. He had to stick with wit she was okay with that. He looked at a fake watch then back up at her, “It’s
my
time for a tat and I can’t avoid the need for pain any longer, I’m getting as weak as a mouse.” He cracked on himself hoping she would make a comment about it, but instead she only shook her head and approached him. “Look Ayden, I don’t know what all this is your trying to do, but I was sure it stopped. Why are you really back?”

He stood up and walked around the bar and she turned to face him. “Trey, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have acted like that and I probably shouldn’t have told you what I did, clearly you didn’t want to hear it.” She turned from him and grabbed his sketchbook, she needed something to do with her hands, she would lose it if not.

“You should be sorry, you had no right to ask those question and you certainly had no right to say what you said. We were not together ever.” He had to get her to take her hands off his book so he put his hand on her elbow and slightly held on hoping she would turn while saying, “Your right…” She moved away from him and flipped open the book. He stopped what else he was going to say and stayed quiet. She started flipping through page after page and the more she saw the more pissed she became. She flipped back to the first page and pondered on it for a minute. Then turned around to face him. Her eyes were bugging out of her head and he could almost see ice start to form on them. He went to speak and she held up her finger. She wanted to stare at him for one second more before she snaps. She was trying to reign in her anger.