West of Nowhere (18 page)

“Ewww!”

This was exactly what worried her—Syd hadn’t even prepared her for the simplest of problems. “Is Tara’s mother home?”

“I guess.”

“And you have her number?”

“Yes!” Madison made a face and groaned.

“Okay, okay, okay.” Except it wasn’t, and Joy would follow up with Syd to make sure there were plenty of procedures in place if something went wrong. The trick would be doing it without coming off as critical, since Syd would deal with that by telling Madison not to call her anymore when she wasn’t home. The important piece was Madison’s safety, not their prickly relationship.

Madison asked, “Where’s Grandpa Shep?”

“He’s over at Barbara’s.” She related the story from the night before, including the fact that her father had stayed to keep an eye on his friend. That let her segue into introducing Amber. “Did I tell you about Grandpa Shep’s helper? Her name’s Amber Halliday, and she’s from Kentucky.”

“When did she come?”

“Uh…right when he got out of rehab.” She didn’t want to trigger too many questions, hoping to avoid the whole story. “He needs help getting around in his chair because he can’t use his bad shoulder. What would happen if he tried to wheel himself with only one arm?”

Madison placed a finger on her chin as she thought about it. “He’d spin around in circles!”

“And he’d drill a hole all the way to China. So Amber helps him get in and out of his chair, and she pushes him wherever he needs to go.”

“That’s why you’re always in the camper when you call me.”

“Correct-o! Amber sleeps in your room so she can get up if your grandpa needs anything. And she helps him with all his exercises, which means she stands over him and cracks the whip until he does them like he’s supposed to.”

“Is she mean?”

“No, she’s nice. He taught her how to play backgammon, just like you.”

“Aww, that makes me want to be there. I tried to show Mitch how to play, but he didn’t like it. He only plays stupid video games where soldiers shoot people or blow them up.”

Joy’s dislike of Mitch was now cemented, as was her loss of respect for Syd. Whatever those two were doing together, it wasn’t conducive to raising a child, especially one who was struggling in school.

“You know, I haven’t talked to your mom for a while. How about if you ask her to give me a call?”

“You won’t get me in trouble, will you?”

“How would I do that?”

“I’m not supposed to tell you stuff about Mitch…and I can’t say anything about you either when he’s here. I don’t think he knows Mom used to have a girlfriend.”

That was Syd in all her self-loathing glory. Of course she hadn’t told Mitch about the nature of their relationship. “I won’t get you in trouble. I just want to ask if you can come out to visit for Thanksgiving, and maybe Christmas too. Would you like that?” Since Syd was head over heels about Mitch, she’d probably welcome the chance for more time alone with him, and Joy wasn’t above taking advantage of it.

“Please…please! That would be so cool.”

“Just tell her to call me when she gets home.” It was all she could do to keep a pleasant smile on her face as her anger toward Syd roiled. “I guess I need to go check on Grandpa Shep and Barbara. I want you to get Tara’s number right now and keep it by the phone in case you need it.”

“Okayyyy,” she said, rolling her eyes. “If I come, do I get to sleep in the camper too?”

“That depends. Do you really want to get up at four o’clock in the morning when you’re on vacation?”

“On second thought…Amber can sleep with you and I’ll take her bed.”

“You think so, do you?”

“You need a girlfriend, Joy.”

She hoped Madison’s screen didn’t show off how deeply she was blushing. “I’ll be sure to warn her that you like to play matchmaker. I love you.”

In their usual signoff, she kissed her hand and touched the screen, and Madison did the same.

As she closed her laptop, she heard voices outside the camper door. Barbara, looking rested in a casual knit pantsuit, was pushing the wheelchair up the ramp.

“Hey, how are you today? Did that reaction clear up?”

“Good as new,” Barbara answered. “The restaurant neglected to let their customers know the secret ingredient to Friday’s potato chowder was Thursday’s leftover lobster bisque. At least I had only a taste before I started getting a reaction.”

“I’m so glad you’re okay.” Joy held the back door open. “Where’s Amber?”

“She had class today,” her father answered. “Not that she doesn’t have class other days. She’s a classy gal.”

Joy glanced back at the carport. “But the car’s still here.”

“She took the bus…not the brightest move considering it’s supposed to rain again this afternoon, but she didn’t want to take my car in case I needed to go somewhere. Some people are too stubborn for their own good.”

Stubborn, indeed. This sudden flash of independence likely had nothing to do with leaving the car in case they needed it. It was probably left over from their episode in the camper last night, and it bore Amber’s usual stamp of immaturity. If she couldn’t have the relationship she wanted, she wanted to prove to Joy how far she could go in the opposite direction.

* * *

Instructor Lee Bowman was cute in a teenage heartthrob sort of way, short brown hair with a matching mustache and trim goatee, and the longest lashes Amber had ever seen on a guy. It was easy to imagine the girls in his high school social studies class going gaga over him. He certainly seemed to like the young women in the adult education class, bending low to help with problems in their workbooks, while standing upright to help the men.

He’d been over twice to check on Amber’s work, but hadn’t spoken to her because she was in the midst of a timed practice test. Now she’d finished and was waiting for him to tell her how she’d done on the parts she had taken earlier in the week. Today’s tests were hard but she felt good about her work. The only subject she was really worried about was math, the test she had taken on Tuesday. She’d spent the last seven years forgetting almost everything she’d ever learned about numbers other than what it took to make change.

It irked her to watch Lee hanging over Wendy, a girl of about twenty who’d failed the GED test twice already. Even more, she was bothered by Wendy’s flirtatious response, as if sucking up to Lee would help her do better on a standardized test. If she was dumb enough to think that, it was no wonder she couldn’t pass.

Considering what she’d told Joy about her previous relationships with Archie, Molly and Corey, Joy had probably been right to worry about what was behind Amber’s advance the night before. Not long ago she might have been just like Wendy, trying anything to get an advantage in the form of extra help. Guys especially were so easy to manipulate. Wendy had only to smile and cross one pretty leg over the other, and Lee would practically sit down and do the workbook for her.

Joy wasn’t so gullible, and she didn’t answer to sexual urges the way guys did. She just gave of herself out of the goodness of her heart. No one had ever offered Amber security the way she had without expecting a piece of her in return. It was one of the main reasons her feelings had grown the way they had. What she wanted from Joy was free from any sort of trade-off.

“So, Amber,” Lee said, smiling in a way she decided was sleazy. “How did you do?”

“Not too bad, I think. I’m more worried about the test I took the other night.”

“Yeah, lots of people have trouble with math, and it looks like we’ve got some catching up to do. But the good news is you did great on your grammar and writing sections, so I don’t think we’ll have to work on that anymore. You should be able to pass that part of the test on the first try.”

At least there was one thing she didn’t have to worry about. But the other… “How bad was my math score?”

“You did all right on the basic parts…addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. Not so good on algebra and geometry. We can start on that next week, but in the meantime, you should take the workbook and skip all the way to Chapter Six. That’s only five chapters you have to master.”

Five chapters actually seemed manageable. “Let’s just hope I did okay on the tests I took today.”

“I’ll have those graded when you come back on Tuesday. If you can’t wait that long, we could meet for coffee on Monday.”

His seedy invitation wasn’t much of a surprise, but her surging anger was. A person in his position shouldn’t be hitting on a student, not when he had the power to withhold his help, even though it was his job. But for once, she controlled her temper.

“I can wait until Tuesday,” she said as pleasantly as she could.

“Oops, I probably should have asked if you had a boyfriend.”

“No, I really don’t go for guys.”

“Oh.” He looked wounded for a second, and then mildly amused, as if her statement was the only way to reconcile her rejection. “See you Tuesday then.”

Lee Bowman was officially an ass.

* * *

Despite the hoodie Amber wore over her head as she stepped out of the Alameda Free Library, Joy recognized her from the tight, ragged jeans and flimsy sandals. Someone needed a trip to the shoe store before the wet winter set in.

She had been mildly surprised when Amber accepted her offer of a ride once it started raining, but she knew better than to assume things between them were rosy again. Their text exchange had been short and to the point, not the playful back and forth they usually shared.

Once in the car, they traded a few clumsy pleasantries, with Joy asking about the test and Amber asking about her father. It was strained and subdued, not unlike the call she’d gotten from Syd, who didn’t want to talk about the holidays today, probably because Mitch was there. She’d promised to call back later in the week, and Joy was bracing for a confrontation over losing even more time with Madison.

Her issues with Syd would wait, though. She needed to clear the air once and for all with Amber. “I’d like to talk some more about what happened yesterday.”

Amber shrugged and glanced at the car door, as if emphasizing her captive presence. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Joy’s instinct was to push back, to demand that she actually try to have a mature conversation for a change, without her childish comebacks and blasé attitude. All that stopped her was the assumption it would cause Amber to dig in even deeper. “Look, I feel like I need to explain what I was feeling, because it didn’t have anything to do with you. I wanted that kiss just as much as you did, maybe even more. The other stuff I was saying though, all that about needing to be with a lesbian…it’s real. I don’t want to get dumped on again. I invested a lot of my life with a woman who left me for a man because she never really considered our relationship to be permanent. It was only until what she really wanted came along. I happen to believe Syd’s a lesbian, but she doesn’t want to be, and that’s all that matters in the end.”

“Oh, I get it. Syd didn’t know what she wanted, so neither do I.”

“I think you know what you want now, Amber. You have feelings for me, but for how long? I don’t want to get involved with a woman just to bide my time or fool around. If there isn’t a chance it can turn into something serious, then it’s just a waste of everybody’s time.”

“Everybody’s? What gives you the right to decide what’s a waste of my time?”

Amber, it seemed, had a reflexive need to treat every word as a criticism, challenge or threat. “Can you just try for a minute not getting so defensive about every single word I say? I’m not trying to attack you or put you down. Like I said, this is about how I feel about me, not you. If you really aren’t interested in that, I’ll shut up and we can just pretend none of it happened.”

For almost a minute, it seemed Amber had decided on that route. Then she drew in a loud breath and harrumphed. “You want to know what it looks like from where I’m sitting? You say it’s about you and you aren’t trying to attack me, but you’ve already made up your mind about who I am and what I want. You’re not giving me any credit at all for having feelings of my own. And you also said you didn’t want this to be about power, but it is…because you aren’t giving me any. You want to be in charge of everything.”

“But I’m not trying to be in charge of you. I’m just looking out for myself, like anyone else would do. You’ve done it too.” As soon as the words left her lips, Joy knew she’d chosen the wrong point to emphasize. Before Amber could fire back, she pulled over to the curb, shoved the stick shift into neutral and yanked the emergency brake. “I didn’t come here to argue like this. I just wanted you to know that I like you, but I don’t want to get hurt again.”

That was the plainest, most straightforward way Joy could think of to put herself out there. She wanted to take a chance, but she needed to hear Amber say she had feelings for her, not just sexual desires. If there was a chance for a serious and long lasting relationship, she was more than willing to try.

Amber shivered and wrapped her arms around her waist, prompting Joy to turn on the heater.

“Look, Joy. I know just as much about getting dumped on as you do. I was left in a parking lot with a suitcase, for fuck’s sake. And before that, Archie walked off and left me four months pregnant, knowing damn good and well I couldn’t raise a kid without him. So, yeah…I try to look out for myself, and I’m not going to let you make me feel ashamed of how I did it.”

“You shouldn’t. I didn’t mean anything like that.” There probably wasn’t much point in dragging this conversation out any longer, since it had only made things worse. She put the Jeep in gear, but before pulling out, added one last bit she hoped would salve any hard feelings. “Just for the record, I never once felt like you were trying to take advantage of me. You’ve earned every dime from the work you’ve done with Pop, and we couldn’t have gotten along without you. I like you very, very much. I also respect you, and if I weren’t so scared of getting my heart handed back to me with a pike through it, this wouldn’t even be an issue.”

Amber looked away, and for a moment Joy thought she was still annoyed by where the discussion had gone. Then she sniffed and wiped her face with the back of her hand. Tears…but why?