What a Bear Needs (The Wild Side) (14 page)

***

 “You want me to do what now?” Cree queried around a mouthful off Japanese inspired elk teriyaki over white rise and crisp cabbage. Once she’d stopped laughing at Maddox, she’d called one of the lodge restaurants and had food brought to them. Leaving the cabin was
 
an option before a certain grizzly had started roaring about how he wouldn’t tolerate clothes and other people ruining his post-coital glow. 
Insane, pretty, bastard…

“I want you to acknowledge out loud that you are not your mother.”

She watched him with her mouth slightly parted in confusion. “And this would be why…?”

“Because it’s the first step in your recovery,” he answered, cleaning out his food container and swallowing down half a bottle of German ale. “As someone who’s had to recite positive affirmations and meditate on them
several times in his life, I know how good it can be for”—he waved a hand at himself—“my health.”

“Right,” Cree said slowly.

He smiled at her. “You’re not convinced.”

“Not in the least bit. As a matter of fact, I’m silently questioning if this is all some weird way to lure me into the lotus flower bomb special again.”

“You may like it if you’d just bend—”

“No.” She sliced a hand through the air. “Just…no.”

Sighing, he pouted for all of five seconds. “The meditation is not a lure, Cree. It’s genuinely something that helped me during my stint as a blocker in high school. Before every game I’d focus my energy and thoughts on positive things.”

“And it helped you control yourself on the field?”

“No,” he responded shaking his head. “It helped me hone all my boar-rage into beating the fuck out of the first guy to say anything about my mother 
but 
because I’d meditated, the rage was focused and manageable.”

“That sounds…psychotic.”

“Hence the therapy sessions where I met the klepto,” he stated.

“Maddox I’m not sure—”

“Do you trust me?”

The question was unexpected and clearly needed to be answered from the way he stared at her.

“Yes.”

His grin was slow and sweet. “Good.”

Her eyes narrowed. “I 
shouldn’t 
though, should I?”

That grin widened. “Not in the least bit.” Leaning back, he patted his thigh and said, “Now come and sit on Mr. Hinckles’ lap.”

She tried to run and failed 
epically.

***

Maddox caught her and pulled her down. He then made her sit across from him and give him her hands.
Cree’s answer to his adamant tone was pouting. He decided to ignore how incredibly cute that pout was and shake off the memory of the way she viciously bit her bottom lip while coming. There was no time for such thoughts. As of right now he had things to show her. Of course he had no fucking clue what those things were but his gut instinct told him that forcing her to face her beasts was the best course of action. She needed to understand that she wasn’t comprised of malevolent forces but created with the mind that her gifts would lead to incredible things. The gods had a purpose, no matter how selfish and narcissistic they could be.

This would work; it
 
had 
to work. He refused to accept any other possibility. Knowing Cree meant understanding the incomprehensible. It meant going places mentally that others were too afraid to tread. They held this fear because as pups and cubs they’d been taught that
 
their particular brand of
different
was fine, right, and natural but
 
her 
differences were strange, unfamiliar, and possibly detrimental. She’d allowed the hatred of a few to back her into a corner; she’d allowed it to drive her into a
 
cage
. 
He had every intention of releasing her from it because he wouldn’t sit aside and watch as she drifted into something inhuman. He wouldn’t let this thing change her but she could change this
 
thing.

“There was a time that I wasn’t as happy
as I am now,” he murmured. “Puberty changes male bear cubs in a way that’s more than a little jarring; makes us angry, violent and senseless.”

“So that’s when you started meditating?”

He smiled. “No actually
 
I started putting my fists through things and 
then 
I started meditating. Eventually, I evened out a bit and didn’t need to anymore.” Looking off for a second, he continued with, “At least not after discovering masturbation and all the joys of free porn.”

“I don’t really want to have that
 
conversation,” Cree replied slowly. “So can we get to the point of this?”

Lips twitching, he told her, “I had to get in touch with my bear.”

“I thought I made it clear that I didn’t want to hear about your hob-knobbing.”

Maddox chuckled and shook his head. “No, baby. I meant I sat in a quiet space, closed my eyes and searched for him.”

Cree blinked. “That sounds so…sensible.”

“Because it 
is 
sensible,” he stated.

“It also sounds like a peyote walk.”

His brows rose. “What now?”

Her lips curled. “A peyote walk. It’s something old shamans often did when they wanted to understand what kind of heart they had, what their path truly was and what type of spirit animal they coincided with. Using a tea made from peyote—a small spineless cacti with psychoactive alkaloid—they would get a 
chemical substance
 that crosses the 
blood–brain barrier
 and acts primarily upon the 
central nervous system
. From there it affects brain function. This results in changes of perception, mood, consciousness, cognition and behavior.” Her hands moved animatedly. “A heavy rumination would begin and they’d have what was almost an outer-body experience, giving them the opportunity to fully view the contents of their souls without damaging what was there.”

He simply grinned.

“What?” Cree said, suddenly unable to meet his stare.

“You’re a bit of a science freak aren’t you?”

She snorted. “When Papa James and Ma prodded Fallon and me into taking some college courses, I ended up with a degree in botany while she got one in business management. Occasionally I help with the layout of spring and summer landscaping because I know which flowers deliver a sense of calm and relaxation.”

His head cocked. “This explains quite
 
a bit about you.”

“Does it?”

“Yes.”

“Such as…?”

He shrugged. “Things I’ve noticed.”

“Things you’ve noticed?”

“Yes,” Maddox confirmed. “Things I’ve noticed.”

Her brows briefly lifted. “You’ve got a list of my quirks?”

“No, I just happen to be attentive to aspects of you that don’t include the color of your nipples and the dip in your spine right before the rise of your ass.”

Cree began to laugh. “You’re full of shit!”

“Am I?”

“Yes!”

Eyes narrowed, he leaned forward and softly told her, “You mostly wear monotones because you don’t like to draw attention to yourself when slipping about but your favorite colors are everything in the pastel family. You won’t eat anything off your plate if all the foods are touching without you being the one to arrange them that way and you can’t take meat cooked unless it’s been 
lightly 
grilled because you need it almost bloody. When you’re jumpy or edgy you tug at your hair because at the base of your skull is the part that soothes you the most during anxious moments. You hate roses, love sunflowers and like to lay in fresh cut grass. For music to catch your attention it has to be something old and soulful and your favorite movies always involve psychological conflict.”

She only blinked.

Maddox watched her for a bit. “I told you. All I see is you.”

Swallowing, she looked away from him, quietly admitting, “I see you too.”

There was something about the hesitance in her voice that nudged his heart. She was so afraid that he’d regret their connection because of what she was. She had no reason to be because he never
 
would.

“I want you to relax. Remember that I’m here and you’re safe. Remember that you 
can 
control this. Remember that it can’t be a curse unless you label it as such.”

She nodded.

He ran his thumbs along the backs of her hands. “Focus on my touch and the sound of my voice. If you feel yourself going under too quickly, use me as an anchor.”

Another nod.

“Don’t run from them Cree. They only want what’s rightfully theirs—freedom.”

One last nod.

“Let your mind drift for a bit and then I want you to stop and listen. I want you to feel the empty space, hear the quiet and call them forward. 
All 
of them.”

Her brows lowered and he tugged at her hands. “Trust me. I love you too much to let you get hurt. Besides, no one appreciates Mr. LongFellow the way you do…”

Her face softened with laugh lines.

Maddox waited a few minutes, simply holding her hands, listening to the sound of her breathing and then questioned, “What do you see, Cree?”

She sucked in a deep breath. “I see the wolf.”

“And?”

Her lips parted and she looked to be concentrating. “I see the wolf, a panther…and a lioness…a cheetah….a tiger…and,”—she winced—“a 
bear?”

Maddox smiled at the last revelation. “Anything else?”

Mouth closing, she shook her head. “No.”

“Each one of them are a part of you. When you cause them to be voiceless, it leads to frustration and they act out to get your attention; they act out to get you to listen
. 
The more connected to them you are—the more you allow them into your space—the more respect you’ll develop for one another. They aren’t to be taken for granted but appreciated and noticed
. 
The same way I know every nuance of your characteristics, you have to associate yourself with theirs again. You have to reconnect.” He squeezed her fingers. “You have to shift.”

She abruptly released his hands and moved away. “No.”

“Cree—”

“I said
no,”
she repeated, standing and wrapping her arms about herself.

Maddox saw the resolve. She wouldn’t do it and he understood it had nothing to do with trusting him and everything to do with trusting herself. So instead of pushing, he simply gathered containers and plates. He then placed a kiss at her temple, murmuring, “Alright, baby” against her skin. From there, he turned towards her kitchen and began to clean up.

He listened to her soft footsteps as they padded behind him on the hardwood floors. She slid her arms around his waist and pressed her lips to his shoulder gently.

“I’m not ready.”

Maddox linked the fingers resting against his stomach with his own. “I know.”

“But thank you,” she whispered.

He lifted her hand to place a kiss against her palm. “You’re welcome.”

Walking backwards, she tugged him away from the sink. “Let’s go to bed now.”

Maddox nodded and followed with a smile. “Okay.”

“No
lotus flower bomb.”

His smile fell and with a long sigh, he repeated, “Okay.”

Ten

Enli Bird, alpha of the Montana Athabaskan tribe, slowly spun towards the old woman standing just feet away. “What. Did. You. Say?”

She smiled and it was nothing short of impish. It was
always
impish. Not one amongst them could determine her age or her origin. Nasnaana was a mystery and her people weren’t too fond of those. Traditionalism had died years ago leaving the need for tangibility. There were no more blind followers of the Great Spirit. Enli’s tribe depended on what they could touch and despite the old shaman’s warnings, desired nothing outside of the elevation of the
Athasbakan.
There were very few who still looked to the moon and the earth for guidance; there very few who still believed in spirituality. Spirituality had gotten them nowhere except for dependent on miracles that always seemed to have an underlying price.

The skin-walkers had been considered miracles once and that perspective changed when it was shown that they were no more than camouflaged demons. It hadn’t taken long for Enli’s tribe to be shown that outsiders—unknown
things—
could not be trusted. The murders of many revealed the need to separate what would strengthen them from what would do harm. She’d been at the head of those who craved to dig them out of a hole full of chants and the romantic reasoning of abominations. Sixteen years ago the last one of those unknown things had left
Athabaskan
land, never returning. Enli had been grateful that she hadn’t needed to get her hands dirty in order to accomplish the feat. Sympathetic rationale would have led her to lash out at the girl that looked entirely too much like the killer of her brother. Hussan’s memory was tainted enough. Executing his daughter wouldn’t have helped swathe the disgust and hurt that had hurtled through their tribe like shrapnel. However, Nasnaana’s words made her wonder if her choice to leave the child be had been wise. When she’d moved onto another pack, Enli assumed that she would become someone else’s issue.

“I said she’s coming home, Enli. My advice to you is that you rally the rest and cleanse yourselves because just as your warped views on tribe life and conservatism have grown, so has she,” Nasnaana told her.

Enli slowly shook her head in disbelief. “She’d be a fool to step one foot on this land.”

“Why should she be afraid to return to a place that’s always belonged to her?”

Before she could question Nasnaana further, in the blink of an eye, the old woman was gone, leaving her tinkling laughter to echo around Enli.

***

“And where are 
you 
going?”

Cree froze at the low rumble of Maddox’s voice as it brushed just over the shell of her ear, causing her skin to pimple. There was something to be said about the honeyed baritone. The scratchiness that accompanied it, while he pushed his thigh between hers and pulled her back into his chest, made her melt.