What goes around comes around (Lily’s Story) (10 page)

With the meal completed, and Arthur, Colin and Pat agreeing
to washing up duty, most of us move into the sitting room, with a few people
heading for the pub.  Annie and Stuart curl up in a chair together, and I can
see the body language become more intimate as they talk.  When Sarah comes in
and sits on James’ lap, and he places an arm around her, she throws me a
triumphant look.  I’m tired, I realise, ignoring the jealous surge that washes
through me, so I quietly stand, slip out of the room and make my way alone to
bed.

The next morning I deliberately stay in bed later, until I know
others will be up and about, despite having woken early and heard James’ door
open and someone leave his room.  My greatest fear, if I’m honest with myself, is
that it’s Sarah leaving after a night of sex with James.  I hate the thought. 

I dress in my walking gear and make my way to the kitchen,
where almost everyone is already sitting and having breakfast.  Annie had not
returned to the room the night before, and one look at her sitting beside
Stuart tells me where she’d spent it.  She gives me a radiant smile, and I can’t
help grinning back at her.

“Details later,” she giggles as we make our way out to the
coach.

The weather is far less kind to us on this walk with almost
continual rain, and the beautiful scenery shrouded in mist.  Despite the
waterproof items I’m wearing, rain seems to seep in everywhere, even my underwear. 
Lunch is a miserable affair, soggy sandwiches not holding much appeal, with the
group keen to finish swiftly so we press on after a short break and finish the
walk nearly an hour earlier than anticipated. 

“You can’t avoid me forever,” a quiet voice at my side
informs me.  I turn to find James at my elbow.

“I didn’t know I was,” I say as nonchalantly as I’m able,
given the fact my heart rate has just accelerated to 100 miles an hour.  His
eyebrow tells me I haven’t got away with it.  “Again with the eyebrow,” I say,
pissed off now, and he laughs, which just makes me even more irritated.  I
flounce onto the bus and flop down next to Annie.

“So he has the most enormous penis,” is the first thing she says. 
I turn in my seat to look at her, taking a second to work out she’s talking
about Stuart.

“Well that’s good,” is all I can think to say.

“Yes, yes it is,” she replies,
and we both fall about laughing, trying to compose ourselves only to lose it
again when both Stuart and James turn round to scowl at us.

Back at the house, Annie insists on taking care of my beauty
preparations for the evening.  We spend an enjoyable rest of the afternoon,
after our baths, with her doing manicures and pedicures for the both of us
while she regales me with stories of her night’s exploits with Stuart.  Turns
out he has natural staying power, and a taste for locational variety, so they
had spent the night shagging in as many of the rooms in the house they could
find that were unoccupied, including the oak table in the kitchen, before
retiring to his room, which he was fortunately not sharing with anyone. 
Thank
God tonight’s dinner was being served in the formal dining room
, I think,
concerned there was no way I would be able to eat off the oak table again. 

She looks horrified when I tell her I’m not planning to do
anything special with my hair and makeup, sitting me down in a chair while she
plucks my eyebrows and then powders and brushes my face with every conceivable
type of makeup, before straightening my hair.

“I went to a religious school, Lily,” she tells me at one
point.  “Most of the girls found God, while I just found GHD,” she titters,
waving her straighteners at me.  “Girl, you so need to get yourself a pair of
these to manage that unruly mop of yours.  I promise you they will change your
life.” She won’t let the subject drop until I have ‘crossed my heart and hoped
to die’ if I don’t purchase myself a pair when I get home.  I haven’t had so
much girly fun since I had been at university and before I had hooked up with
Greg, and even then I had carried so much teenage angst about myself and my
body I hadn’t been able to enjoy it as much.  When I put on the underwear Emma
had made me buy, and realise she had got me stockings to wear rather than
tights, I feel a thrill of excitement.  As I slip the dress and shoes on and
finally turn to look at the complete ensemble in the mirror, I nearly cry.

“Oh my God, Lily, you look stunning,” Annie breathes as she takes
in my appearance.  “Wait, let me take a photo.  I promised Emma I would.”  She
fumbles in her bag for her phone while I stand staring at the vision in front
of me.  Annie had made the makeup enhance my eyes, bringing out their rich
chocolate colour and making them look huge, while my skin looks flawless and the
light gloss on my lips shows off their natural fullness.  My straightened hair
falls further down my back, looking sleek and glossy, while the dress enhances
my curves as before, flattered further by the well-fitting underwear.  Finally
the shoes make even my little legs look long.  I look like a different person,
and even I can see that I look beautiful.  More importantly, I feel it. 

I turn to look at Annie. “Thank you so much.  You and Emma. 
I don’t know what I would have done without you.  I feel like you have helped
me find myself again, as if I’ve been asleep for ages and I’ve finally woken up.”

“I told you, Lil, you’re like a butterfly.  Promise me you
won’t let yourself go back to sleep again; this is your moment, darling.  Life
is so very short, so you have to grab it with both hands.”  We spend a few fun
minutes taking various photos of me, while I pretend to be a model, and then she
emails them to Emma.  The response is almost instantaneous:

Lil, your outer beauty has finally been allowed to
shine and reflects your beautiful personality.  You look so very wonderful, and
I am very jealous not to be sharing it with you.  Make sure you enjoy every
moment, and then I want a repeat performance that I get to share when you get
home, please.  Love you, babe.  Have an amazing evening. E x

While I read the email Annie slips into her silver sparkly
sheath dress.  It’s short, and her legs look amazing.  She has put her hair up
so that ringlets cascade around her face.  She looks dazzling, and together we make
quite a sight.  I suddenly feel nervous.

“Ready?” Annie asks, sensing my sudden reluctance to leave
the room.  “Come on, babe, you can’t get all dressed up like that and then stay
in your room all night.  Shoulders back, head high, let’s go and show them what
we’re made of.  Oh, and try not to trip over anything,” she sniggers. 

With that she grabs my hand and pulls me from the room.  Arm
in arm we descend the stairs and walk into the room where drinks are being
served.  Most people are already standing in small groups, chatting and
drinking, but the conversation stops as we enter.  Stuart and James are
standing and talking, dressed in their black tie, but pause when they see us. 
Stuart moves swiftly to Annie’s side, puts his arm around her, kisses her cheek
and whispers something in her ear that makes her laugh.  I envy her the easiness
of her singledom.  I want someone to embrace me that way, and yet there’s no
way I could ever imagine Greg in this situation, moving to my side to tell me I
looked lovely.  I couldn’t remember the last time we had even gone out anywhere
together.  When I look over to where James had been standing he’s gone, no
longer standing at the fireplace.  I feel a moment of disappointment.  I don’t know
what reaction I had expected, but I had at least expected something.

“You look fabulous, Lily,” Stuart leans over to include me
in their conversation, and I’m pathetically grateful to him for noticing me
standing there awkwardly on my own.  “I am totally getting a photo of you
looking like that to use in our advertising at the gym.  Have you got a photo
of yourself before I brought about such amazing changes to your body, so I can
do a before and after?” 

I laugh and tell him he has completely fulfilled all the
preconceived ideas I’d had about him when I first met him when I joined the gym. 
Pete comes over with Pat to join us and hands me a glass of champagne. I smile
at him gratefully, glad he has carried on being a good friend despite our
earlier awkward moments.

“Lily, you look amazing,” he said, as Pat agrees.  “I’m not
sure I can ever get over the fact you’re already married,” he adds with a sad
little puppy dog smile.  He looks so sweet and sincere when he says it that I
lean over and kiss him on the cheek by way of a thank you.  As I pull away from
him I feel James’ presence behind me even before he says anything, as if a
magnetic force were pulling me towards him.

“You take my breath away, Lily Lambert,” he whispers in my
ear while the others are chatting about the walk tomorrow.  I turn to face him,
drowning in the blueness of his eyes for a moment.  “And it would seem you have
the same effect on most of the other poor men here too,” he says, casting a
stare in Pete’s direction, “judging by the looks you’re getting.  It’s killing
me, Lily, to have you here so close and not be able to touch you as I want to,”
he breathes.  Pete turns to me at that point as if to ask me something,
touching my arm as he does so, but steps back a pace under the weight of James’
glare, uncertain what he might have done.

“Dinner is served,” a lady in serving attire announces to
the room, breaking the tension between the two men and giving me a chance to
calm my breathing a little.  I couldn’t feel less like eating if I tried.

“Come,” James announces,
offering me his arm to escort me into the dining room.  It would be churlish to
say no, so I hook my arm around his and lightly place my fingers onto his arm. 
He looks at them and smiles – so it wasn’t just me who felt the connection
every time we touched. 

The dining room is laid out formally; it appears we are
having several courses, despite the fact my appetite has run for the hills due
to the nervous fluttering that had filled my belly.  James sits at the head of
the table and places me to his right.  Pete fills the place to my right, with
Pat beside him.  The only dark spot is when Sarah sits to the left of James,
opposite me.  She gives me a complete once-over, her eyes taking in my appearance
before commenting, “It’s nice to see you make a bit of effort for once, Lily.”

“Thank you, Sarah, and you look lovely as ever,” I say,
completely ignoring her snide tone and the childish comment.  She actually does,
and I’m in far too good a mood to let her spoil it.  The conversation moves on,
flowing from the exploits of the walks to holiday plans for the summer. I sit
there quietly listening to the ebb and flow of people’s voices, enjoying the
camaraderie that had built amongst the group over such a short time.  I can’t
actually believe that tomorrow evening I will be back at home with Greg and
Ethan.  Home feels a million miles away, and it’s going to be hard to go back.

Several times during the meal I feel James’ thigh brush mine
and I find myself waiting after each occasion for the next time it would happen –
hoping it would, and that it would be soon.  Even such a brief contact would
send an electric thrill through my skin which seemed to be hardwired straight
to my groin, leaving me in a state of acute arousal which did little for my
appetite for food.  The meal slowly weaves its way through three excellently
prepared and served courses that I could only really pick at.  When the last
course is finally cleared I’m relieved.

Stuart takes the opportunity before people start to drift
off to say a few words to the group, standing and tapping his glass with a
spoon to get people’s attention; “I just want to thank you for making the
effort to come all this way in order to raise some money for little Emily. I
know her mum and dad, who many of you know from the gym, are hugely touched at
what you’ve done. I’m delighted and proud to say that the collective
sponsorship efforts of the group have raised nearly £4000.” The group cheers
and applauds while Stuart continues, “But even better than that, in addition to
the amount we raised, our benevolent host James has agreed, as he told me just
a little earlier this evening, to match our total himself!  So Emily and her
family will have £8000 to help with treatment or support for the family.”

There are huge cheers this time, including from me.  James holds
his hands up, and the group instantly quietens.

“Someone I know once told me it’s what you do with your money
that makes you happy, not the money itself, so apparently I’m getting more
pleasure from this than anyone.” Everyone laughs. He looks around at all the
people in the room, lingering on me before continuing, “As Stuart said, you’ve
done an amazing job with what you’ve raised, seriously, and I just wanted to do
my bit too.  So, enough of the talk, I hope you enjoy the rest of the evening
and make the most of the house.  We’ve laid some coffee out in the other room
if you want to go through, with a little bit of dancing if you wish, or there’s
a games room down the hall that you’re of course welcome to make use of.  Enjoy;
Mrs Edge will show you where everything is.” The group gradually gets to their
feet and starts moving towards the room Mrs Edge is indicating, where I can
hear some music is now playing.  I sit gazing at James; it just seems too good
to be true that so many qualities could reside within one person.

“That was a wonderful thing you did, James,” I say softly. 
He smiles.  “Almost Buddhist,” I continue.  “I think they believe, among other
things, the path to happiness is to do things for others.  I would say you just
helped yourself to a little bit of happiness right there.”

“You gave me the idea,” he says, gently placing his hand in
the small of my back as we get to our feet.  It’s a small gesture, but my body
reacts instantly to his touch.  I gasp and look at him, my mouth opening
slightly, eyes widening – I have a feeling we’re both remembering that
kiss.  He stares back at me, feeling the same magnetic pull to just keep
touching each other somehow. 

“Dance with me,” he insists, taking my hand and leading me
to a room with an area where the floor has been cleared and music is playing
from an iPod through speakers.  A few other couples, including Annie and Stuart,
are already there.  I know it isn’t a good idea, but I can’t resist as he
finally puts his arms around me, finding myself leaning in against his body as
we sway together in time to the unknown piece of music.  He rests his cheek on the
top of my head and I feel cocooned within his protective arms.  We don’t speak at
all until the track finishes all too soon, when he looks intensely into my eyes
and whispers, “This is too public, and I’m not saying that on my behalf but to
protect you.” He casts a meaningful look around the room at several people who are
surreptitiously watching us with interest from the corners.  “I need to be
alone with you, Lily, and I think, or at least I hope, you feel the same way.”  He
doesn’t wait for me to answer.  “Come to my room later, please,” he breathes,
before moving apart from me and walking away to get a drink and talk to some of
the others.  I stand there for a moment, feeling bereft at the absence of his touch,
before collecting my wits enough to walk into the other room and find myself a
drink. My head is in pieces. The ball is firmly in my court now, and I’m in
complete turmoil.  This is indeed the crossroads Annie had warned me about, and
I’m clueless what I’m going to do.  Aware it would look strange if I just stood
there in the middle of the room on my own, I join the edge of a group who are
talking happily and animatedly about something, making sure I smile at all the
same times as they seem to.  All the while, however, my thoughts are flitting
between reasons to go and reasons not to. 
Could I ever live with myself
again if I go?  Could I ever live with the regret if I didn’t?  What could the
consequences be of going? What about Greg, what about my marriage vows?
I’m
afraid my face might look like Edvard Munch’s “The Scream” painting if I saw
myself in a mirror.  I don’t see James for the rest of the evening.