What goes around comes around (Lily’s Story) (11 page)

After midnight I find myself drifting out of the room and up
the stairs.  I’m not conscious of the decision I’ve made until I pass my room
and softly knock on his door.  When it opens almost instantly, I step inside
without hesitation, and he closes it softly behind me.

“I wasn’t sure you’d come,” he says honestly.

“I wasn’t either,” I reply, walking towards him.  As we stand
there looking at each other, less than an inch apart, I can feel every fibre of
my body reaching out to his, yearning for him.  He reaches out and pulls me to
him, pressing his lips to mine, softly at first and then with increasing
fervour, and my body explodes with joy as I kiss him back this time.  I can’t
get close enough to him now, pressing my body hard against the firmness of his
own until he groans.  His tongue pushes past my lips, probing gently into my
mouth, dancing with my own erotically, while his hands run all over my body;
first my waist, then my thighs and finally my breasts. I can feel his erection already
pressing into my belly, and my body responds in kind, a creamy wetness forming
in my panties.  All I know is I need to feel him, the touch of his skin close
to mine, as even his clothes are too much distance for me now.  With fumbling
fingers I start to undo the buttons on his shirt, while he reaches behind for
my zip.  I pause my efforts to let him peel my dress down my body, standing
there while his gaze rakes over me, from heels to suspenders and bra, my breath
coming in small pants now as I see the naked lust in his eyes and know it
mirrors my own.  He quickly removes his shirt, and my hungry gaze roams all
over his chest and abdomen.  He is as toned and sleekly muscled as I had
imagined him to be, no evidence of any middle-aged spread in sight, and unable
to stop myself, I tentatively reach out to touch him.  As I do he closes his
eyes and leans his head back, his mouth opening slightly.  I touch one of his
nipples with a fingernail, seeing the corresponding twitch in his groin and
enjoying the feeling of power it gives me.  I step closer and place my lips
over his nipple, first sucking, then flicking it with my tongue before gently
using my teeth to tease it until he groans again.  In one swift move he sweeps
my legs out from under me and carries me over to the bed, where he lays me down
gently.  We lie there for a moment before he unhooks my bra with deft fingers
and tears my panties from me in one swift move, leaving me there in just my
suspenders and heels.

“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” he says as his eyes take in every
part of my nakedness.  He touches me then; first my breasts, taking each by
turn, playing with the nipple with his fingers until they’re so sensitive each
touch makes me moan, then lowering his mouth and sucking and teasing them until
my body arches off the bed to help him take more.  When his hand reaches down
between my thighs and he feels how wet I am for him, he can only moan his
appreciation before positioning himself further down the bed, spreading my
thighs wide and lowering his head to taste me.  I have never received oral sex
before, only given it.  The touch of his tongue playing on and around my clit, teasing,
before it finally thrusts up inside me is more than my already sensitive body can
handle, and I cry out all too soon as wave after wave of beautiful orgasm crash
through me.  As my senses finally return, I realise James has removed the rest
of his clothes and is now kneeling between my parted thighs, his red, engorged
cock glistening with anticipation as he positions himself at my opening.  He
looks straight into my eyes with an intensity of emotion as he slowly presses
himself into me, pausing after the first inch, the delicious sensation teasing
and thrilling me until I can’t take it anymore and need to feel all of him.

“Please, James,” I beg him, watching the look of the male
predator take over, seeing him enjoying the control he has over my pleasure,
dominating me, as he slides himself the rest of the way inside.  He fills me
completely, and for a moment I can only marvel at my sense of fulfilment at
having him there, as close to me as it’s possible to be.  Then he begins to
move again, slowly at first, withdrawing completely and then thrusting back to
the hilt, building faster and faster until my mind is lost once more in the
cacophony of sensations coursing through my body as I tip finally over into a
second orgasm, only to feel his own body tense and then relax moments after as
he calls my name and spills himself within me. 

I slowly come back to my senses enough to become aware of a
bright pair of blue eyes gazing down at me.  He’s still lying on top of me,
still inside me, propping his chest up with his elbows.

“Hello,” he says, and he smiles the sweetest smile I think I
have ever seen.

“Hello,” I say, smiling back but suddenly feeling shy. I feel
tears begin to well in my eyes.

“Hey,” he says, looking instantly anxious, “please don’t
regret it.”

“I don’t, I’m not.  I’m just a bit overwhelmed.  It’s never
been like that for me,” I try to explain.  He looks instantly relieved, and
just a little bit pleased with himself.  “Best ever, eh?”  I smile and nod but feel
the need to take him down a peg or two.

“Of course I only had a sample of one before tonight, and it
could just have been a one-off...”

“You cheeky miss,” he says,
grinding his groin into mine.  I can feel him hardening again inside me.  “Now
look what you’ve gone and done,” he murmurs, lowering his face to kiss me again. 
He is gentle and sensual this time, the connection deeper than I have ever felt
before, as he fills me completely again.  He pulls me up so that I’m sitting on
his lap with him on his knees, and we rock there together, unwilling to pull
apart even for a moment.  The sensation builds as we move until James whispers:
“Now, baby,” and my body obeys, fracturing into little pieces of sensation with
a gravitational pull centred around him as he rocks into me twice more and comes
with a groan, burying his face into my neck as I hold him tight until our
breathing and heart rates both return to normal.

Eventually, sometime later James remembers he has a bottle
of champagne in an ice bucket he had brought up for us to share in the hope I
would come to his room.

“Was I that much of a foregone conclusion?” I worry out
loud.

“No, never – I hoped, that’s all,” he says, removing
the cork and pouring us both a glass as I pull his spare bathrobe around me. 

“Why?”  I can’t help asking.

“What do you mean ‘why’?” he asks, sounding genuinely
bemused.  

“Okay,” I said, taking a gulp of champagne to give me
confidence, “I’m going to just say it like it is. What I mean is I am a married,
37-year-old mother of twins, with the body to match, while you are a gorgeous,
single, wealthy Rob Lowe look-alike who, just so you know, in my opinion is
probably one of the sexiest men alive.  You could have virtually any woman you
wanted, including several in this house right now, and yet here you are with
me, and frankly I have no idea why.”

“Wow,” he says, blinking at me, “wow,
where do I start?  Firstly, Rob Lowe, should I be jealous?  Don’t answer that,”
he adds quickly, pretending to look worried, and I laugh.  “Secondly, your body
is beautiful.  I don’t think you see yourself properly when you look in a
mirror, and for the record, you have the best pair of natural breasts I have
seen on any woman ever, and I have to admit I’ve seen a few.”  I feel a flush
of pleasure followed by a little spike of jealousy at the thought of all his
other women as he continues.  “You do things to me, baby, just by looking at
me.  I haven’t seen another woman since I clapped eyes on you at the gym, but
it’s more than that.  They say the eyes are the window to the soul, and yours
is the most beautiful soul I’ve ever seen.  What you’ve done for your family,
how generous you are with people – I’ve seen it even in the time you’ve
been here.  You’re the whole package, Lily, and any man would fight to have
you.”  A little sob escapes my lips as I move into his arms and he holds me
there, stroking my hair and pressing little kisses to the side of my face.

We spend the rest of the night touching each other, kissing and
making love.  It’s as if I can’t get enough and need to store up as much
physical contact with him as possible.  We don’t sleep. At one point James asks
me what my dreams are.  I don’t know at first what he means.

“For life, Lily, what do you want for yourself?  What will
make you happy? What do you want to achieve?”

“I don’t know,” I’m ashamed to say.  “I think it might be a
bit late for me.  I started at the gym because I was trying to change myself
and my life, but beyond that I don’t know what else I can do.”

“You can do anything you want to; it’s never too late,” he
insists.  “What did you want to do before you met Greg and fell pregnant?” 

I think about it for a moment before saying, “I was an
English degree student; my dream was always to write, I suppose, but I never
finished it.”

“You could always go back to university to finish if you
wanted to.”

“No, it’s too late. I’d feel stupid with all the kids
there.  My own kids would be horrified,” I laugh.

“Well, why don’t you just write?”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t have to have a degree to write.  Just write
something and see what happens.  What have you got to lose?  I bet you’ll be
brilliant at it.” 

I think about it for a few moments.  He’s right.  There is
no reason why I couldn’t just start to write something.  It wouldn’t matter if
it never got published if it gave me pleasure to do it.  The more I think about
it, the more excited I feel about the prospect. 

“So will you do it?” he prompts me.

“I will!” I say shyly.

“Good girl,” he says approvingly,
giving me a big kiss that soon turns into a lot more.

When the light begins to appear outside the windows I stand
and watch while James takes a shower, a sense of dread beginning to fill me at
the thought of our imminent separation.  It’s too soon; I’ve only just found
him, and now I have to let him go again.  Worse, the time we’ve spent together
has only served to emphasise what’s missing in the rest of my life.  James must
sense me emotionally pulling away from him when he comes back into the room,
moving to where I stand to wrap his arms around me.

“It will be okay,” he says.

“How?”

“I don’t know yet, but I just know this can’t be all we
have.  I need you too much.” 

I want to feel hopeful at his words, but I can’t see how. 
We both have our own worlds to go back to and get on with.  This is just a
beautiful bubble, and I need to accept that, as does he.  I turn to face him,
kiss him and then pull out of his arms.

“I need to go back to my room.  I need to be there before
all the others get up,” I say sadly.

“Lily, don’t act like this is finished, because it isn’t,”
he insists. 

I can’t think what to say, can’t
speak.  In the end I just smile at him, my eyes full of sorrow, gather my
clothes and slip out the door and back into my own room. 

It’s empty, as I expected.  Annie must have spent the night
with Stuart again.  I’m glad; I didn’t want to have to explain.  I run myself a
bath and lie there soaking my body and trying to order my thoughts, but all I can
think about is now I can’t smell him on my skin anymore – his musky scent
combined with his shower gel that I so love.  I’m a little sore down below, but
it’s a good feeling.  I know we should have used condoms.  Although I’m still on
the pill I have no doubt he has been with a number of other women.  Somehow,
though, the thought of his essence inside me is comforting, a small piece of
him that I could keep as my own. I wash the makeup from my face but leave my
hair straight, wondering what Greg will make of it when I get home.

Greg
, I know the thought of him should make me feel
guilty, but I really don’t. 
I must be a really bad person
, I think. 
This weekend has been a little selfish moment for me in a lifetime of service
to my family, and I just couldn’t regret it, however I looked at it. 

I gather my belongings back into my pack and do what I can
to assemble Annie’s, leaving her bag on the bed, and make my way downstairs to
where others are beginning to gather.

Stuart had told us we were planning to complete the walk
today by lunchtime so that we could get on the road home relatively early and
be back by early evening.  It meant we needed to be off early, which, after a
big night, is proving challenging to some people, judging by how few are around. 
I dump my pack by the coach and wander back into the kitchen to see what there is
to eat.  Two croissants, a glass of orange juice and a coffee later, I’m feeling
like a new woman until James walks in to the kitchen with Stuart.   His eyes go
straight to mine, a look of pure intensity there that has my body responding
instantly and my mind recalling moments of our time together.  I lick my lips
and swallow to moisten my suddenly dry mouth, while my hands grip the sides of
my chair to stop my body automatically gravitating towards him.  I try
desperately not to keep looking at him as he gets himself some breakfast,
focusing intently on my mug.  When I eventually can’t resist any longer I look
up from my coffee to find his gaze upon me again, except this time he looks pissed
off.  I can see a muscle twitching in his jaw and sense had we not been
surrounded by other people, he would have been across the room in a flash.  I stand
up, wash my plate and cup and quickly leave the room.  I need to gain a bit of
space and perspective.  Annie is wandering down with her bag as I reach the
entrance hall.  She looks beautiful but tired.

“Good night?” I ask with a smile.

“The best,” she says and smiles the smile of a woman who has
enjoyed a night of great sex, winking, before looking right at me and asking, “You
okay? You look different.” 

Trust her to notice.

“I’m fine, just a bit tired.  It was a late night.”  This
seems to satisfy her as she wanders off to find Stuart and a coffee.  I stand
there for a moment wondering where to put myself, as it’s too soon to get on
the coach but I don’t want any more awkwardness.  The sound of a fast-paced
walk down the corridor behind me makes me turn, only to see James marching
towards me.  He grabs my hand and pulls me into one of the rooms, closing the
door behind us.  He pushes me up against the wall with his hands on either side
of my body, trapping me.

“Stop pushing me away, Lily,” is all he says before he kisses
me possessively, his tongue pressing into my mouth, his body hard against
mine.  My lips are tender when he finally, reluctantly releases me.  “This is
not over,” he promises again before he opens the door to let me out.  Most
people are already in the entrance hall now, moving out towards the coach, and
if they notice us emerging from the room together, no one says anything.  As we
join them, my head is in pieces: I’m befuddled from lack of sleep, that kiss
and general confusion over how James seemed to think there was any way our
relationship could continue beyond this beautiful weekend.

***********

Somehow I complete the walk, although my limbs are aching
from the previous two days’ walking as well as my night of passion and sleep
deprivation.  By general agreement the coach is quiet for the return journey as
everyone takes separate rows to spread out and catch up on some sleep.  The
only break is a quick fifteen-minute one for toilets, but otherwise we just crack
on, as everyone in the group appears keen to be home now.  Everyone apart from
me, it seems.  I haven’t seen much of James all day except from a distance,
which I can only consider is a good thing because I long to touch him and be
held by him, my fingers continually returning to touch my lips in memory of
that last kiss.  I sleep almost the entire way back, so the journey passes all
too quickly, with me waking just in time to text Emma and let her know what
time we’re expecting to be back at the car park.  I get a swift response:

Can’t wait to see you and hear all about it babe, E x

It begs the question,
what the hell am I going to tell
her?
  Even worse:
What the hell am I going to tell Greg?