What I Did for Love (8 page)

“Well, Dray, you were right in so many ways,” he said quietly, with a stoicism so different from anything I had seen before.

“Rand?” I said his name as a question.

“He’s coming back from India in the morning.” My brother looked at me with sadness and seriousness. “I know you like him, Dray, but he and I have been in the worst possible arguments. His family had a major scare with their investments in India, but he got things set right again.”

I waited, taking a token sip of my wine, watching my brother as he seemed to think out loud, talking without really seeing me. “Rand is always pulling rabbits out of hats for them,” Bredon told me. “His family takes it for granted that he will fix anything that goes wrong.” My brother gave me a sour smile. “That’s what
financial geniuses are supposed to do. But this time, they were pretty shaken by how close they came to losing a major fortune.” Bredon looked full at me. “He wants to withdraw completely from our deal, and if he leaves, a good part of the partnership will collapse, I know it. I have to find new partners, or it will be the end for me.”

My heart felt like a lump of ice, frozen by fear, aching for my brother’s quiet suffering over making such a wrong call. “There’s my money, Bredon…”

“Never!” He did not raise his voice. He did not have to. There was no compromise on this, I could see by his eyes, by the set of his face.

“Bredon, we’re family, we have only each other, whatever I have is yours too, please…”

“No, Dray, I won’t do that. I have until next Monday to finalize everything. I may still be able to pull it out. I have a lot of work to do, contacting people and trying to re-work this deal. But whatever happens, the money our parents left to you is for
you,
for your future, for your life.”

“You
are my future and my life, Bredon. I don’t think I could have gone on…” I stopped, having to control myself, to look calm. But my brother’s urgency and sadness and peril made me want to cry, to hug him. My struggle for control had to be obvious to him.

Bredon’s eyes softened. “There’s still an outside chance, Dray. I haven’t given up. Don’t worry until you have to.” He smiled. “Don’t worry even then.”

“How could Rand just back out like that,” I said bitterly, feeling all my love and desire for him suffocated by my anxiety over my brother.

“That’s why we’ve been arguing,” Bredon said with a matching bitterness. Then he gave me an intense look. “But you spent time with him that day you met him.”

Of course Bredon knew what had happened. Information is
the coin of the realm among people like Bredon, to prevent being blindsided by opponents, by financial enemies, by competing bidders. Financial success depends on many kinds of informants, as well as a good reading of markets, and strong nerves when there are big risks. I wondered how much he knew.

“I went to the Balthus show with Rand, and then we went to dinner,” I told my brother, who nodded, pretending to be not-too-interested, pretending to eat, as I was pretending to eat.

“He got a phone call, and sent me home in his car,” I continued.

My brother nodded, and I realized that Marilisa had told him everything she had seen.

“I was a bit mussed up,” I said with pretend primness, “but I was home by midnight.” Finally I had got a smile from my brother.

“He sent me roses,” I added, since he already knew that too.

Bredon seemed to concentrate on his meal, not looking at me. I think he was considering asking me if I intended to see Rand again. How could I? I would be going out with a man who had caused my brother such grief. I knew that Bredon was torn, as I was. He did not want to interfere with my happiness, yet it must have been difficult for him to think of me with Rand. I was not going to cause my brother more suffering. We had had too much of that.

“I won’t be seeing him any more anyway,” I said, using a careless tone. “I still haven’t got myself organized now that the semester is over, and then I wanted to vacation with Robin.” I sipped my wine and tried to look empty-headed and indifferent. “If Robin’s family is okay, I want us to go exploring Paris. Just for a couple of weeks.” I shook my napkin over my lap for no reason, just to have somewhere to look as I invented these plans. In reality, trekking around a foreign city
was
the kind of thing I had done in the past, going off with a friend, growing familiar with a new place. It was an escape for me after our parents died, and I
had explored Rome with a high school classmate and her mother, and the next vacation time the three of us had gone to Florence for two weeks.

Bredon studied me, probably wondering if I was being truthful. But one thing I can always do is act. My mother loved it when I would pretend to be someone else, making her laugh with my airs and my imitations of other people. My father would just look perplexed. Where did this daughter come from?

I looked at Bredon with a warm, steady smile, not a care in the world, happy just to be here, at this moment. It worked. To my great relief. I hardly knew what I had eaten, having pushed most of it around on my plate. Generally a high-end restaurant chef will take offense at such behavior, but Bredon was golden, and if this pair of Cooper children had not eaten a meal, not even half a Gallic eyebrow would be raised. My brother’s generosity, and quiet separate gratuities to the youngest and poorest of the staff, the immigrant boys sending money home to their families, had them adoring him. Bredon’s special feeling for these young men, alone in a new world, resonated to our own orphaned status, a world without mother and father. I loved my brother’s compassion. It was also the reason he suffered so much at loss and betrayal. It was the reason for the steeliness of his exterior, to conceal a tenderness his competitors would gladly have used. To the world, Bredon seemed armored against all hurt, able to taken on any challenge, and in the world of high finance this was key for success.

“Do you want to come to my place for some coffee?” I asked Bredon.

“No, Dray, thanks, but I’m kind of wiped. I need to get some sleep before I start phoning Indonesia.” He grinned. “I figure a couple of hours’ sleep, and then I’ll make my first calls.”

“I’m going to be praying very hard,” I said. I meant it.

“I appreciate that, kiddo. I hope heaven is listening.” He grinned again, but this time there was the sadness over two
people in heaven who would for sure be listening. I just hoped our parents were not sad for us, though I did not see how they could
not
be sad while we were all apart like this. I missed my parents so much, and I believed in my heart that they missed us too.

As we left the restaurant, murmurs of “Good-night, Monsieur Cooper, Mademoiselle,” accompanied us out the door of the restaurant and into the waiting car. We were at my building within ten minutes. I kissed my brother several times, punctuating his cheeks with “good-night,” “I love you, Bredon,” and his “Love you too, Baby Sister” and a parting smile.

Once in my apartment I switched on the “do not disturb” switch, a little orange light that sat under a small flap by the front door where only Marilisa knew to look. I wanted to cry, to scream, feeling pain for Bredon, feeling my head pounding in fear for my brother, and a loss of what I thought would have been the most fantastic love.

My needs had to be put aside now. Rand could no longer be my preoccupation. I had thoughts to think, plans to make, to help Bredon despite his determined refusal of my help. Outwardly, the best I could do for him was to love him and be present for him. But I could also make secret plans, to help him financially. I was determined, however I could manage it, whatever it required, that I was not going to let my brother go under.

Bredon knew all the significant people in the financial world. But he did not know all of them personally, and there were still, thankfully, many ethical financiers. Among the best of these were the parents of my friend and classmate Dina. Her parents were financial wizards in their own right, an investment team, and they could be trusted to keep the confidences that financial advisors were supposed to keep. I knew instinctively that I could plan with them to hide investments in Bredon’s venture under dummy names.

I thought of them because of the way we had met. By the time
our college winter break had started this past December, Dina had been cut off by her friends. She had been part of a fashion-conscious, status conscious clique; had we been in high school, her group would be called “the mean girls.” After their break with her, they treated Dina as a pariah, and it was all because of a boy whom I thought was worthless and horrid. He had been the boyfriend of that group’s “leader,” a viper of a girl who probably found him to be her perfect mate. My parents had known that boy’s family, and I remembered how my parents had exchanged glances of distaste when they were mentioned in a conversation.

The semester had officially ended the day before, giving us a free ten days before Christmas. We would not return to school until late in January. Women of the various class years were milling about in front of the main hall of the College and spilling through the iron gates, all of us leaving for the long holidays. Dina stood there in despair as her friends said their good-byes to each other, walking past her and looking the other way, going to their waiting families, friends, cars, taxis. Her frantic sense of loss and abandonment struck a too-familiar chord in me, and I went to stand next to her.

She was surprised but grateful to have one classmate beside her, even though we had not really been friends during the semester. The women in her group socialized only with each other. Being close friends with someone outside their group was seen as contemptible betrayal. I found their attitudes and exclusivity appalling, and undoubtedly they regarded me and Robin as hopeless and beyond help. Even though Bredon was considered one of the most “eligible” men in the city, I was dismissed by them, I think, as an aberration, yet another unfortunate relative in an important family. They seemed oblivious to the known bond I shared with Bredon, and they certainly thought me odd to spend so much time with Robin. These “mean girls” were certainly bright academically, but they were impossible
snobs and narcissists. And just as they had demanded total commitment and involvement while Dina was one of their group, they were equally ruthless in ignoring her after she fell for that terrible boy. And so, at the term’s end and amid the many holiday good-byes, there she stood as the crowd slowly thinned, trying not to look at the women whom she thought would be her lifelong friends.

A couple of women from that circle were still waiting to leave when Bredon’s car pulled up at the college gates and he came rushing to find me, all camel-colored cashmere coat and white silk scarf, looking tall and wonderful, causing the murmurs that usually occurred when he appeared. He embraced me happily, a quick kiss on the cheek, making me feel so reassured and safe. I put my hand on Dina’s arm.

“Bredon, this is my friend Dina,” I told him, to her grateful surprise.

“Merry Christmas, Dina,” Bredon said, bending to kiss her lightly on the cheek. “Have a good holiday.”

“You too…” and she was afraid to call him by his first name, which made me smile at her, and I saw her parents coming up behind her. She saw my look and turned to see them, so happy and relieved as they put their arms around her, smiling at us, her father giving her a peck on the cheek.

“Mother, Daddy, this is Dray Cooper, and her brother Bredon. My parents…” she began, but Bredon stopped her with a smile, saying, “I recognized you, Mr. and Mrs. Ayers,” and they quickly said together, “Rae and Bobby.” They had not either needed an introduction to my brother.

“So nice meeting you,” Bredon said, none of us shaking hands because arms were wrapped around each other, I and Bredon, Dina and her parents. We began moving toward Bredon’s car.

“’Bye,” Dina said to me, her eyes saying thank-you as she also began moving off, her parents each holding one of her arms, their car probably further up Broadway, cars double-parked and
illegally parked everywhere, waiting for their passengers.

I could see that Dina’s former friends were showing new interest in her, Bredon’s appearance having accomplished that magic. But Dina held her ground, looking at none of them. I was cheering her on, and was only sorry that Robin had left so much earlier. She would have enjoyed helping Dina stand against the group she called “The Medusa Collective.”

When we returned to school for the spring semester, Dina had decided to begin the pre-med program, a heavy schedule of demanding science courses. Still, in her rare free time she would meet with Robin and me for a quick lunch, or for one of the special events that the University had almost every weekend. She never mentioned the December day when we had become friends, and I only told Robin that Bredon and I had met Dina’s parents. Robin could see the whole picture, for it was obvious to everyone that Dina no longer had any use for the women who, just last semester, had been her best friends.

With a whispered prayer of gratitude to heaven that I now knew the Ayers, I made my plan. If Bredon could not pull it off, or find other partners, or get Rand to change his mind, I would go to the Ayers’ financial group, RRA (Rae and Robert Ayers Investment Group, the simplest acronym as Dina smilingly had told me) and hope they could help me. They were people who had the gift of gratitude, and I knew Dina well enough now to know that she had told her parents the whole story of that day in December.

I had been pacing around my apartment as I thought about all of this, and I noticed the text message light was on again. “Tomorrow, Darling. Late afternoon? R.” I felt the rush of sexuality and heat just seeing his initial, and felt the irony of it all. Did Rand really think nothing had changed? That he could back out on Bredon but go on with me?

I knew I had to be careful about showing anger toward Rand. He might still come through for Bredon. Well, I would put him
off until all final decisions were made. At least, I hoped that I could do that. Robin’s words came back to me, and I did not want to make God laugh by planning all our futures.