‘What The Hell Was I Thinking?!!’ - Confessions of the World’s Most Controversial Sex Symbol (22 page)

Personally, with Earl out of my life completely, things were getting more and more serious with Slayer drummer Paul Bostaph, and it was nice to be with someone who wasn’t an abusive, dependant, alcoholic loser for a change. I was also focusing on my time off on wrestling training — which I paid for out of my own pocket because I felt Rob Black’s ‘school’ wasn’t good enough. I studied with Sue Sexton, who had worked in Pro Wrestling for years, been a champion, and was truly the best of the best. I was so committed that — even though she lived 2 hours from me — I still made the trip 3 times a week. Later in that month, my training was put to the test when I joined Rob’s second XPW wrestling show at the Reseda Country Club, which seats about 1000 people. The crowd was at capacity, but only because of the XPW trade ticket of
papering
all of their shows, which involved giving away hundreds of free tickets just to make sure that they had a ‘sold out’ crowd.

The plan was to make it a big surprise when I entered the ring for the first time, so they sawed a hole in the ring floor, and had me pop up out of the floor. It was a huge adrenaline rush, and the crowd reaction was awesome, people recognized me both from adult film, but also from the ECW debut, which made me feel really validated professionally since it was the direction I was planning to head in. It all went over really well with the crowd, and I was a hit — competitively with Nicole Bass and Missy Hyatt, among other more established wrestlers there that night. I was really happy to be wrestling, but not that deep down below the surface of my elation, I was frustrated that I was making my transition into the profession with XPW and not ECW. Now that I had finally worked so hard to get to the point where I was at, I knew — much as I had near the end with Earl — that I wasn’t going to have the future I dreamed of staying with Rob and Extreme. That night was pivotal because it truly marked the beginning of the end for my adult film career and association with XPW. I knew I wanted out, and set my mind to figuring out how quickly I could escape.

The next show of Rob’s I appeared in was even worse than the first one. It was held in San Bernardino, and it was pathetic — there were maybe 50 paying customers in the whole audience, it was nothing. I was one of the main female stars in that show, but didn’t feel I was getting the respect I would have at ECW because people saw Extreme as a ‘pornwrestling’ company, and they should have for the most part because all of Rob’s female stars were porn actresses. The only people who gave me any credibility were the ECW wrestlers Rob had working there, and his plagiarism of Paul Heyman’s model was getting even more ridiculous and blatant. For instance, Rob had tag time called the ‘West Side N@ggers,’ which was horrible, and a clone of Paul’s ‘Original Gangsters.’ It was just getting more and more tasteless.

After the first show, my manager Charlie had begun renegotiating my contract with Rob, which had really been the beginning of the end, because Rob had begun deducting $500 a week from what were supposed to be my $2000 paychecks, supposedly to recoup expenses from the Brazil trip. I felt he had no right to do so, as I had been on business for him, and in every single other case in my professional career, when I traveled to a dance booking or a signing or a festival hosting appearance, my travel expenses had always been paid. It was an industry norm, and the fact that Rob wasn’t holding up his end of our agreement was another sign to me that things were going downhill with Extreme. The last straw was a day in October when I went to the office to pick up my check and though Rob’s car was in the parking lot, he lied and had his secretary say he wasn’t there. I’d earned more respect and given his company more profile than to be treated that way, and when I stormed out to the parking lot to leave, THERE HE WAS in his Mercedes trying to flee the scene. When I tried to confront him, he rolled up his windows and acted like he hadn’t seen me!

Throughout this entire debacle, I had become better friends with Missy Hyatt who was known throughout the industry as the ‘First Lady of Wrestling.’ she worked for Rob Black as well, but had been the original diva of wrestling. I had been having a great time with Paul, but knew it wouldn’t last because of my work, and I understood that, I totally understood that. We had a great time together, but in the end he just wasn’t for me, but I wished him the best. He’s one of the most talented drummers out there. Anyway, Missy set me up with a wrestler from the WCW named Billy Kidman, and I needed the good time. We went out for sushi, got shit-faced together, had a blast back at his hotel, and it was a nice booty call, but I wasn’t really interested in seeing him again.Then Damien Steel started making moves on me, and I went for it. He’d told me he was leaving his wife, and so we began spending more time together, until he had me over to his house while his wife was out of town. I thought that was really sleazy on both our parts, and he had a really small dick anyway, so I didn’t have any faith in that relationship lasting past the fling-phase. After just coming off of Earl and then Paul, I wasn’t really looking to start any new long-term relationships at that point — unless it was with ECW.

In late October, I had another wrestling event for XPW at the Reseda Country Club, and didn’t want to go, but was trying to be a team player while I figured out my next move, and most importantly, I attended because of my love for the sport. Rob Black must have picked up on the fact that this was a last chance of sorts for him because he gave me a lot more in-the-ring interaction with the wrestlers than he had in past shows. He also had hired more legitimate wrestling personalities, rather than just stocking the ring with his porn actresses. I hadn’t done a movie for Rob since the last Brazil trip, so I was beginning to consider myself retired, regardless of what anyone else thought. Anyway, the show went off really well, and I worked a lot with Nicole Bass, but again, the story lines for Rob’s show were almost carbon copies of Paul Heyman’s at ECW. Also, Rob’s ego was getting bigger and bigger, along with his stomach, as each day passed, and to not think anyone would notice his ripping off of Paul’s ideas was just foolish.

As November began, I had some dance engagements in New York, and hired Big Dick Dudley to roadie for me, as we were becoming closer friends by that point. During that trip, I confided in him about my unhappiness with XPW and even he — who still worked for Rob Black — told me I was better off without Extreme and XPW and that I belonged in a bigger and better arena — not Rob’s silly little country club. Rob’s promises had become almost entirely hollow to me by this point as well, ‘We’re going to do this movie and that movie,’ it was all bullshit. Even Ashlyn Gere had begun growing tired of Rob’s empty promises. I shot what would be my last movie for Rob in November,
LA 399
, with Evan Stone, who was hot and had a big dick. Luciano, Herschel Savage and Tom Byron were all in it as well, and though I hate to give Rob any credit, it was definitely one of my favorite movies I did for Extreme. It had a lot of comedy, and was hysterical, but not nearly as funny as Rob’s next suggestion for my career trajectory: that I do a sophomore gang bang
IN THE WRESTLING RING!

Not only was I offended on a personal level, but that he was that disrespectful of my desire to keep the two worlds separate — something I had voiced out loud to him MANY times over — let me know for certain that my time with Extreme was up. We’d had a good run, but it was time to move on, and I took a deep breath inside knowing I would start the new millennium free of porn and Rob Black forever. Professionally, I didn’t want to make any more movies, I was tired of the business, and personally, I wanted to have a real relationship with someone and settle down. I could make enough money from my feature dance gigs and signings, and pursue a wrestling career without having to live with the stigma of being an adult film actress always cock-blocking my heart’s happiness.

Dominic Accara:
As she began exiting out of porn, in hindsight, I don’t know if she regretted it or whether she just had had enough of all the bullshit that came along with being a porn star of her popularity. When she was done with it and reached that point, it began to hit her exactly what she’d done over the past 3 or 4 years. I don’t know whether she regretted the fact that she didn’t fully understand the full impact that doing as much of the type of porn that she did would have on her life. When you become a porn star it’s exaggerated because she was more popular with a bigger name. The only thing people ever associate with you is fucking and you couple that with her having the background of being a little crazy and she could never really get away from that image. Even after she went onto wrestling and metal — especially because of the extreme nature of things like the gang bang. She’ll still always be a sex symbol first and foremost, for better or worse.

Jasmin:
In the course of my exit from adult film, I was looking to reconnect with some childhood boyfriends of mine, including Tommy and another ex of mine Damien, who to this day is one of the only men — aside from my father — who showed me how I should be treated by a man. I missed his friendship, and with Tommy I’d always wondered what would have happened had I stayed with him instead of Dick. I might not have ever gotten into adult film, and my life might have been totally different. But it wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t the time, but looking back, I have fond memories of my time with both of them.

I spent Christmas of that year with my mom, who actually flew out to L.A., we had fun, did the tourist thing, and although people would recognize me when we were out, she still had no idea I was a just-retired porn star. She knew I was getting into the wrestling, and it was a huge relief to me that I didn’t have to hide my celebrity from her anymore, because it was a success I wanted to be able to share in with her. That month, even though I was through with the film side of his business, I agreed to be a team player and do a couple final wrestling engagements with Rob’s company. I got 3 sprained ribs because of Nicole Bass chokeslamming me and not letting me take my own bumps because she didn’t know what the fuck she was doing. She told me much later on that Rob had paid her extra money to do that to me, my severance package from Extreme I suppose. He also paired me up against a former ECW wrestler named Chastity, but was giving his girlfriend Lizzy in all the story lines with real wrestlers, and putting me off to the side. He was alienating other wrestlers as well, putting BIG DICK DUDLEY up in a fucking Motel 6 for that December show, which in L.A. is often the equivalent of a crack-whore motel! I thought that was bullshit, came and got him, and let him stay at my place.That was just pathetic, and another example of why I was relieved to be on the way out — Rob could try to muscle me to the side at his little bullshit show, and he never realized how far ahead of him I already was.

I was fairly confident ECW would take me on in the new year because I had quietly been plotting that move for a couple months at this point. I even found out from Ashlyn Gere, Van Damage, IROC, and Tiffany Mynx that month that they’re quitting Rob’s company, which made me feel even more validated in my decision. Amid all of this, Charlie was still trying to get me to stay working in the business, suggesting I switch companies from Extreme to Metro, another big adult company. Even in those end-of-year conversations about my future, I kept emphasizing my desire to switch primarily to Wrestling, which Charlie replied to me by making the point that ‘This needs to be money for me too.’ I think that’s what I needed to hear from him as well realize he was no more my ally than Rob had been. If I was going to make a truly clean break from this business and turn a new leaf in my life, it had to mean getting rid of all the garbage in my life — including Charlie.

I spent New Year’s Eve at the Rainbow Bar and Grill with my friend Gina, and we wounded up partying with one of my favorite bands of all time, Lizzy Borden, in the upstairs lounge of the bar. We were doing blow, drinking our asses off, and it was awesome! I had an unapologetic blast, and woke up January 1st of 2000 with a new sense of freedom I hadn’t felt in years.

As January — and the process of breaking away from Rob Black and Extreme — began, I had to get ready for the annual AVN Show in Las Vegas, which I still attended under the Extreme banner because of how much money the booth signing brought in for me- independent of Rob. I figure for all the money he had taken from me throughout the fall, I was due one final payday on his dime. Nicole Bass was at the booth signing alongside me, and in spite of the crowds we were drawing, Rob still had the gall to stick both Nicole and I, along with the rest of his flock, in some off-the-strip fleabag hotel.Thankfully, Charlie found one of our sponsors to put me up at the Luxor Hotel on the strip, and I hardly said two words to Rob at the show, hanging out instead with Edsel from the band Dope, and Ashlyn and her husband. Rob’s brother was even so embarrassed by his actions that he chauffeured me from the hotel to the convention center and back each day. On his own dime!

For all of the disharmony among his ranks, it was obvious by that point to anyone looking, that Extreme’s porn business had suffered financially from dumping so much money into the XPW, which was reflected in Rob’s cheapening on everyone’s accommodations that week. So the disenchantment among his employees was louder than ever at that year’s show. It was clear I had made the right decision in leaving Rob, and the sooner it was known publicly the better. I had left that task to Charlie, who thankfully got a first-hand taste of Rob’s Vince McMahon-sized ego at the show when Rob showed up dressed like a Rock Star/PIMP, in Gene Simmons leather rocker boots, an orange fur coat, and his requisite bad-ass sunglasses. He looked FUCKING ridiculous, and thankfully, Charlie was there to see what I’d been talking about first-hand. Moreover, Charlie — along with everyone else who worked for Rob — got to

witness a huge fight between Ashlyn Gere and Rob Black that day which resulted in HER quitting as well! The fact that Rob had been outted so publicly as a deadbeat made it easy for me to leave after that without creating a further scene, and besides, he was taking care of that just fine on his own. After the fight, he went into a casino and threw away hundreds of dollars he could have been paying me, or Ashlyn, or Big Dick Dudley, or any of the other disgruntled employees he allegedly also owed money to at that point. It was an unforgivable slap in everyone’s face as far as I was concerned.

The night of the AVN Awards show, Charlie had attended with me, and he was even so visibly disgusted with Rob’s behavior by that point that at one point, he leaned over to me and said, ‘Let’s go do something better with you, you don’t need to be here.’ I still sat at the Extreme table that night to avoid making an unnecessary scene, but it was a relief to finally have Charlie 100% on my side about leaving Rob. I announced some stupid award for ‘Best Boy/Girl Scene,’ and the whole thing was a big fucking joke to me by that point anyway. When we got back to L.A., Charlie immediately — as in that very Monday — began speaking to Metro Video about my switching companies, which went against my wishes to leave porn entirely. I figured since he and I were going through the final motions of our own split anyway at that point, so I let it play out. The deal he wound up coming up with for me with Metro involved a scene they wanted me to shoot with a bunch of guys BUKAKKE (i.e. all cumming at once) all over my face, and I put a screeching halt to the deal, and said NO WAY. In addition to having 50 guys jerk off on my face — yummy, yummy, yummy — I would also get to be one of the hosts of Houston’s gangbang, which was an insult. That Charlie couldn’t seem to respect the fact that I didn’t want that in my life anymore, let alone all over my face, to me was the same as him spitting in it himself. I told him more firmly and finally than I ever had prior to that moment that I was 100% through with porn, and by the end of March, he and I were also finished.

In February, Rob and I had our final kiss-off when at his next stupid XPW wrestling show he tried once again to persuade me to do a live gang bang in the ring! I thought he’d gotten the message when I’d said no the first time, but that he had the audacity to ask again was even more infuriating and offensive. I agreed to wrestle in the show only, and that’s all he got. Looking back in hindsight at all the men I had to stand up to in my

personal life, I take almost as silver lining the hell they put me through in terms of the spine it built up inside me by the time I departed from Rob and Charlie. The steel I had to flex in my resolve — both in and outside of the ring — in the course of showing people I was to be taken seriously about my career change from porn to wrestling was put to the absolute test with my exit. In part, I suppose the resistance from Rob and Charlie had to do with how big a star I still was in that business and the money they stood to lose by my exit. Rob wouldn’t even pay me the money he owed me, telling me after the show and my refusal to do his stupid gang bang that he wouldn’t pay me a dime till I shot more scenes for Extreme.

Being free of Rob Black once and for all was one of the best feelings I’ve ever had in my life, it was better than the best sex I had ever had — on or off screen — and gave me the first complete sense of self I’d had in my life. I was beholden to no one at that point, and what I was choosing to do took balls, because I was the first in the business to leave at the top of my game professionally. I could have opted to stay in front of the camera. Or I could have whored myself out to Rob entirely by going along with his fucking spit-in-the-face ring-gang-bang idea. I thought better of myself, and knew that if I was going to have any shot at making it in mainstream wrestling I needed to be 100% devoted to that pursuit. Rob’s attempt to mix the two in the ring ran contrary to that goal on my part, and it felt good to know I had left Rob Black — and the business — on my own terms. Immediately thereafter, my first act as a free agent was to pick up the phone and make a call I’d been dreaming of making for more than a year, to Paul Heyman, owner of ECW Wrestling.Thankfully when I told him of my decision to leave porn and the desire to come work for ECW full time, he took me in with open arms. He’d say, ‘We’d love to have you here, but need to figure out where we’re going to fit you into the television program, but in the meantime, keep going to wrestling school.’

It made me feel so good that he encouraged me to keep training because I read it to mean he took me seriously as a wrestler. My working with ECW wouldn’t be just a gimmick — it couldn’t be — because the caliber of talent that Paul Heyman employed was a lot more established and regarded than any one Rob could attract. You couldn’t walk into a ring at an ECW show and not know what you were doing. It was the total opposite of Rob’s operation, and I welcomed the challenge. Throughout the spring, I continued my training 3 times a week with Sue Sexton, and did feature gigs on the weekends to sustain myself financially. I was also watching the WWF shows a lot more, and noticed that many of the women who were featured in the ring didn’t know a thing about the sport of wrestling — athletically speaking — they had no training and couldn’t be taken seriously.To reinforce my theory, I attended a WWF show held in L.A. in March where with the Dudley Boys, who I’d stayed in touch with after they’d gone to work there after leaving ECW. They arranged for me to meet backstage at the show with the talent coordinators, and the only spot they would offer me was to being a Ho for a character called The Godfather, where I’d walk him out to the ring with 5 or 6 other girls. Naturally, I turned that down flat, and its not that I expected them to stick me right in a live match, but I wanted to be a character in the story lines — for instance, a manager who walks the wrestler into the ring.

Anyway, attending the match proved to be a good networking opportunity for me, and I met some big wrestling stars, like Mick Foley and Chris Jericho. After the show, I went with a lot of the stars back to the Marriott Hotel bar to unwind, and I saw Damien Steel, who worked for Rob, sitting in a corner of the bar with a hooded sweatshirt on, spying on me! He had no business whatsoever, from a professional standpoint, being there, and lived locally, so that was the only explanation that made sense. Once I pointed him out to the WWF wrestlers, they all started looking at him like he was a stalker, and he got the hint and quietly left. Not long after the WWF event, Paul suggested I start working in the Memphis Championship Wrestling, a subsidiary of the WWE, which was like the minor leagues of professional wrestling where future stars go to train even more intensely than I could have locally in L.A. It was a prelude to my making a professional debut with ECW, and I knew Paul wouldn’t have sent me there if he wasn’t serious about taking me on as a full-time wrestler with ECW. I was training there a few days a week for free, and would work their shows in exchange for the free lessons, and Jerry Lawler ran the federation, so it was also an opportunity to build a rapport with him.

I also attended the March Metal Meltdown in New Jersey that month, which I’d been hired to host, and I wound up meeting the Blue Meanie there for the first real time, and we became fast friends, staying in close touch afterward. I was so stoked to see one of my favorite black metal bands too: DIMMU BORGIR. Amazingly, while I had been off doing my training and dance engagements, Rob had apparently not gotten the message that I was no longer working for him. I found out that in spite of my quitting his outfit completely two months earlier, he had gone ahead and booked that disgusting gang-bang scene in a wrestling ring, and told 8 of the male actors that I still intended to star in the film! This was even after word had gotten out within the industry that I had retired. I was livid and decided to get my final revenge on Robby no-showing him on the day of the shoot and I did it with class. I called each of the 8 male stars the night before the shoot, including some heavy hitters like Brandon Iron. I said, ‘Look, it was really nice working with you in the past, and I hope I’m not costing you work, but I’m not going to be doing that gang-bang scene, please don’t tell Rob anything.’ So I apologized to everyone and did the right thing, and they were all really supportive, ‘Good luck with everything,’ and so forth. I guess a couple of the voicemails I’d left didn’t get to a couple of the male actors in time, and when one showed up and saw the nasty skank they’d hired to replace me with, he got his shit and walked off the set. Rob was pissed, and of course tried to tell everyone he’d fired me, and of course stiffed me on the money he still owed me.

By early April, I was back down in Memphis with the Blue Meanie. The WWE had sent there to lose more weight, and I had been in contact with Continental and the other agency that booked my dance gigs to tell them I was 100% on my own, which felt really good. I did a big wrestling show that Jerry Lawler ran and right away, he put me in a story line with the Blue Meanie. Our teaming went over really well with the audience, and I guess word got back up the chain to Paul, because 3 weeks later, in early May, he brought me up to the pro ranks and made me a formal member of the ECW camp. He didn’t give me any breaks either, because my first match for them was against an African-American female wrestler named Jazz who could wrestle like a guy. Francine, the ‘Queen of Extreme,’ you could tell right off, didn’t like the fact that I was there. As I’d got to know the Blue Meanie and other ECW wrestlers better throughout the spring, I’d also learned that she was fucking one of the talent bookers at ECW, Tommy Dreamer, and was extremely jealous of new female talent. You could tell why too because she looked horrible up close, like the donkey from
Shrek
, and when my debut went over huge with the crowd, that couldn’t have helped. It didn’t matter after that though because the demand was there, and she couldn’t argue with that. For instance, on ECW’s website, they had a section called ‘Perv Pics,’ which wasn’t nude photos or anything, just little bikini teaser pictures. Anyway, it got back to me that A) I was the site’s most popularly downloaded pictures, and that B) that fact REALLY bothered Francine, who’d been Queen B before I arrived.

Anyway, the ECW Arena was packed with 2500 people that night, but I swear it sounded like there were 3000, and part of why was the audience hadn’t expected me to come in the ring as a real wrestler, which I think I proved I was that night. I gave Jazz a clothesline in the ring, and then she got up and answered that with a bulldog, which involved her putting me in a headlock and dropping to her knees while I was slammed forward and POWERSLAMMED! Then with the second move, after I’d gotten back to my feet, she picked me up over her shoulders, dropped down on her butt and I went down on my back. It’s funny to me, looking back now, when I hear people say ‘Wrestling is all fake,’because while yes, the moves are choreographed, when you hit the mat, you hit it HARD! People, I suppose, have a right to be misled because a big part of being a wrestler is selling, making it seem like you got hurt really bad. You always have to get carried off stage, because that’s part of the storyline, to make it look real in how it comes across to the crowd.There was a lot of wrestling press covering the show, and the Blue Meanie and I as a team went over really well. At the end of the night, we did some interviews, and then shot some promotional segments for the next week’s television show.

I was happy to have the press, but it was important to me that I’d earned it, rather than being one of these divas from the WWE who just wants to be in front of the camera, and never gets physical in the ring. I was a manager of a wrestler, but I also participated as a wrestler in live matches. The night was a massive success, and I was particularly happy with the exposure it gave me coming right off my retirement from adult film, because ECW was not only a weekly national cable TV show, but also pay-per-view. My profile couldn’t help but go up based on that fact alone, and naturally, I drew fans from my former profession, but also was delighted that I was making so many new ones via the ECW crowd, who really embraced me as a member of their camp. It was heartwarming to say the least, and I hadn’t felt that way professionally in a long time.