What to Expect the First Year (64 page)

Finding the ideal care provider can be a time-consuming process, so if you can, allow as much as 2 months for the search. There are several trails you can take to track her (or him) down:

Online.
There are plenty of resources online to help jump-start your search—from agencies you can hook up with to help-wanted databases. Be sure to get recommendations from friends or colleagues who have used a particular online resource before logging on.

The baby's doctor.
Probably no one else you know sees as many babies—and parents—as your baby's doctor. Ask him or her for nanny recommendations, check the office bulletin board for notices put up by care providers seeking employment (some pediatricians require that references be left at the reception desk when such notices are posted), or put up a notice of your own. Ask around the waiting room, too.

Other parents.
Don't pass one by—at the playground, at a postpartum exercise class, at cocktail parties and business meetings, in line for coffee—without asking if they've heard of, or have employed, a good care provider. Ask around on local message boards, like the ones on
WhatToExpect.com
.

Your local community center, library, house of worship, preschool.
Post on and check out the bulletin board, as well as the message boards online.

Teachers of toddlers and preschoolers.
Early childhood teachers may be open to babysitting on nights and weekends, or may know of other experienced childcare workers.

Nanny agencies and registries.
Trained and licensed (and usually expensive) childcare workers and nannies are available through these services—and selecting a care provider this way usually eliminates a lot of guesswork and legwork. (But always interview and check references and background yourself, anyway.) You may have to pay a membership fee to access an agency or registry, and sometimes an agency percentage.

Babysitting services.
Screened babysitters are available through these services, many of them listed online, for full-time, part-time, or occasional work.

A local hospital.
Some hospitals offer babysitting referral services. Generally, all sitters referred have taken a babysitting course offered by the hospital, which includes baby CPR and other first-aid procedures. At some hospitals and nursing schools, nursing or medical students may be available for babysitting jobs.

Local parent papers.
Check for ads run by care providers seeking employment, and/or run an ad yourself.

College employment offices.
Part-time or full-time, year-round or summer help may be found through local colleges. Early childhood education or nursing students would make ideal candidates.

Senior citizen organizations.
Lively seniors can make terrific sitters—and surrogate grandparents at the same time. Just make sure they've received training on new-school baby care, first aid, and safety.

Au pair or nanny organizations.
These services can provide families with a live-in au pair (usually a young person from a foreign country who wants to visit or study in the United States for a year or so) or with a well-trained nanny.

It'll be easier to find the right care provider if you know what you're looking for. So before you start sorting through job candidates, settle on a job description. Be as detailed as possible. Baby care will be job one, of course, but will you be adding other responsibilities, such as laundry and light cleaning? (Be wary of overloading a care provider with chores that might distract her attention from your baby.) Also decide how many hours a week you'll need her to work, whether the hours will have to be flexible, and how much you'll pay—both as basic salary and for overtime. Consider, too, whether you will need her to drive or have other specialized skills.

You won't want to spend endless days interviewing clearly unqualified candidates, so sift them out first via email and phone. If there's no resume to work from, ask candidates for their full name, address, phone numbers, age, education, training, and experience (this may actually be less important than some other qualities, such as enthusiasm and natural ability). Also ask each applicant about salary and benefit requirements (check beforehand to see what the going rate is in your area; 2 weeks of paid vacation a year is a standard perk). Detail the job description, and ask why she wants the job. Set up a personal interview with those applicants who sound promising.

Even the most exhaustive resume won't tell you everything you need to know—and neither will phone conversations or email or text exchanges. For the full scoop on your childcare candidates, you'll need to hold in-person interviews, preferably in your home. Phrase questions so that they require more than a yes or no answer (it doesn't mean much when you get a “yes” to “Do you like babies?”). For example:

• Why do you want this job?

• What was your last job, and why did you leave it?

• What do you think a baby this age needs most?

• How do you see yourself spending the day with a baby this age?

• How do you see your role in my baby's life?

• Will you be fully supportive of my continuing to breastfeed (i.e., on board with using expressed milk for bottles, timing feeds so they don't interfere with after-work breastfeeding sessions)? This is important, of course, only if you are breastfeeding and intend to continue.

• When my baby starts getting more active and getting into everything, how will you handle it? How do you
believe babies and toddlers should be disciplined, if at all?

• How will you get to work on a daily basis? In bad weather?

• Do you have a driver's license and a good driving record? Do you have a car?

• How long do you envision staying with this job?

• Do you have children of your own? Will their needs interfere with your work? Will you be able to come to work, for instance, when they're home sick or off from school? Allowing a caregiver to bring her children along has some benefits and some drawbacks. On the one hand, it gives your child the chance to be exposed to the companionship of other children on a daily basis. On the other hand, it gives your child more of a chance to be exposed to all of these extra germs on a daily basis. Having other children to care for may also affect the quality and quantity of attention the caregiver can give your own baby. It may also result in greater wear and tear on your home.

• Will you cook, shop, or do housework? Having some of these chores taken care of by someone else will give you more time to spend with your baby when you're at home. But if the care provider spends a lot of time with these chores, your baby may not get the attention and stimulation he or she needs.

• Are you in good health? Ask for evidence of a complete physical exam, up-to-date immunizations (including the flu shot and a Tdap booster), and a recent negative TB test. Ask, too, about smoking habits (she should be a nonsmoker), and alcohol and drug use. A drug or alcohol abuser will probably not be forthcoming with this last information, but be alert for clues, such as restlessness, agitation, dilated pupils, tremors, chills, sweating, slurred speech, poor concentration, and bloodshot eyes. Of course, many of these symptoms can be signs of illness (mental or physical) rather than drug abuse. In either case, should they show up in a childcare worker, they should concern you. You will also want to avoid someone with a medical condition that could interfere with regular attendance at work or the ability to do the job.

• Have you recently had, or are you willing to take, baby CPR and first-aid training?

Though you'll be asking the questions, the job applicant shouldn't be the only one answering them. Ask these questions of yourself, based on your observations of each candidate, and answer them honestly:

• Did the candidate arrive for the interview well groomed and neatly dressed? Though you probably won't require a freshly starched nanny's uniform on the job, dirty clothes, hair, and fingernails are all hygiene red flags.

• Does she speak English (or whatever your primary language is)? How well? Obviously, you'll want someone who can communicate with your baby and with you (especially if you speak only English), but there are some benefits to a babysitter who has a working understanding of English but isn't a native speaker—she might be able to teach your baby a second language at a time when baby is ripe for learning one (
click here
).

• Does she seem to have a sense of orderliness that's compatible with
your own? If she has to rummage through her handbag for 5 minutes for her references and you're a stickler for organization, you'll probably clash. On the other hand, if she seems compulsively neat and you're compulsively messy, you probably won't get along either.

• Does she seem reliable? If she's late for the interview, watch out. She may be late every time she's due to work. Check this out with previous employers.

• Is she physically capable of handling the job? She'll need to be fit enough to carry your baby around all day now, and to chase your toddler later.

• Does she seem good with your baby? The interview isn't complete until the applicant spends some time with your baby so that you can observe their interaction or lack of. Does she seem engaged (making eye contact, cooing at your cutie), patient, kind, interested, really attentive, and sensitive to your baby's needs? Nurturing? Find out more about her childcare style from previous employers.

• Does she seem intelligent? You'll want someone who can teach and entertain your child the way you would yourself, and who will show good judgment in difficult situations.

• Are you comfortable with her? Almost as important as the rapport the candidate has with your baby is the rapport she has with you. For your baby's sake, there needs to be constant, open, comfortable communication between a chosen caregiver and you. Be certain this will be not only possible, but easy.

• Were there any red flags in her comments and questions? Asking, “Does the baby cry a lot?” might reflect impatience with normal infant behavior. Silence may speak volumes as well (the candidate who never says anything about liking babies and never comments on yours may be telling you something).

If the first series of interviews doesn't turn up any candidates you feel good about, don't settle—try again. If it does, the next step in narrowing down your selection is to check references. Don't take the word of a candidate's friends or family on her abilities and reliability—ask for the names and contact information of previous employers, if any, or if she doesn't have much work experience, those of teachers, clergy, or other more objective judges of character. You might also consider hiring an employee-screening firm to do a thorough background check (some, but not all, agencies do thorough prescreens). The prospective employee's permission is needed to do this.