What to Expect the First Year (59 page)
Read What to Expect the First Year Online
Authors: Heidi Murkoff
⢠Schedule in breastfeeding, too. Breastfeeding on schedule will help keep your milk supply upâas well as give you and baby that special together time. Breastfeed before going to work in the morning and as soon as you come home in the afternoon or evening. To make sure your baby will be in the market for a breast on your return, ask the care provider not to feed your baby during the last hour of the workday, or to feed baby just enough to take the edge off hunger.
⢠Take a vacation from bottles on weekends. To pump up your milk supply, use weekends and holidays as time for exclusive nursing. Try to go bottle-free as much as possible then, or any other day you're home.
⢠Schedule smart. Arrange your schedule to maximize the number of nursings. Squeeze in two feedings before you go to work, if possible, and two or three in the evening. If you work near home and can either return during lunchtime for nursing or have the sitter meet you somewhere for a drive-by nursing session with baby (even at your workplace, if you can arrange it), go for it. If your baby is in daycare, nurse when you arrive there in the morning, or in your car before you go in, if that works better. Also
try nursing your baby at pickup time, instead of waiting until you get home.
⢠Stick close to home. If your job entails travel, try to avoid trips that take you away from home for more than a day, at least in the early months. If opting out of travel's not an option, try to express and freeze a big enough milk stash to last while you're away (with extra for backup), or get your baby used to formula before you plan to go. For your own comfort (you won't want to be lugging engorged and leaky breasts through airports and to client meetings) and to keep up your milk supply, take along a breast pump and express milk every 3 or 4 hours. When you get home, you may find your milk supply somewhat diminished, but more-frequent-than-usual nursings, along with a little extra rest, should pump it back up.
⢠Work from home if you can work it out. If you're lucky enough to have a flexible job that allows you to work from home part-time, an obliging employer, and a sitter to watch baby (or a low-maintenance baby who makes multitasking a breeze), you'll be able to nurse as needed on those home workdays.
⢠Keep your priorities straight. You won't be able to do everythingâand do it well. Keep your baby and your relationship with your spouse (and any other children you have) at the top of the list. Your jobâespecially if it means a lot to you, either financially, emotionally, or professionallyâwill probably also have to make the top of the list, but be relentless about cutting energy-saving corners everywhere else.
⢠Stay flexible. A (relatively) calm and happy mom is more valuable to her baby's well-being than being exclusively breastfed. Though it's entirely possible you'll be able to continue providing all of your baby's milk (as many working moms do), it's also possible that you won't. Sometimes the physical and emotional stresses of mixing work and breastfeeding can do a number on a mom's milk supply. If your baby isn't thriving on breast milk alone, try nursing more frequently when you're at home and pumping more often at work. If you find you still can't keep up with working and pumping (or if it's just wearing you down), it might be best to supplement breast milk with formula (you can choose one designed for supplementation).
The days of sneaking breast pumps down the hall to the ladies' room and hiding milk stashes where they won't be poured accidentally into someone's coffee are goneâat least in many mom-friendly workplaces. As companies realize that policies that make working parents happier usually make them more productive on the job, more and more corporate lactation programs have begun springing up across the country. Companies with these programs make lactation rooms available for their employees, complete with comfortable chairs, pumps, refrigerators, and even access to a lactation consultant, making it a breeze to mix business with baby feeding. These programs benefit not only the mom (because she's less stressed) and baby (because of the health benefits of breast milk) but also the company. It doesn't take an MBA to do the math: A happy mama plus a healthy baby equals more productivity ⦠and a better bottom line for all.
Even if your company hasn't gotten with the corporate lactation program, the government may pick up some of the slack. Federal law requires any company with more than 50 employees to provide breastfeeding moms with sufficient break time during the workday to pump milk for their babies, up to age 1. The employer must also provide a private place, other than a bathroom, for breastfeeding employees to do their pumping.
Time for a Schedule?
“I have no idea how to plan my day because my baby's eating and sleeping is so unpredictable. Should I put him on a schedule?”
Look a little closer at your baby's dayâit's probably more predictable than you'd think. Like many typical 2-monthers, it may go something like this: He wakes up around the same time each morning (give or take 15 minutes here or there), feeds, perhaps stays awake for a short period, takes a nap, wakes again for lunch, follows with another nap, feeds, then has a fairly long period of wakefulness late in the afternoon, capped off by a meal and a nap in the early evening. That
last nap runs past your bedtime? You might wake him for a nightcap feeding, maybe about 11 p.m. (or as late as an exhausted parent like you can keep your eyes open). And then, hopefully, baby goes back to sleep again until early morning, since some babies this age can sleep 6 hours at a stretch, and sometimes more.
Or maybe your baby's schedule seems a bit more erratic, yet still (strangely enough) somewhat consistent. Say he wakes up at 6 a.m., feeds, and goes back to sleep for an hour or 2. Once awake, he may be content to play for a while before nursing, but once he starts nursing, he wants to nip nonstop for the next 3 hours. After a 20-minute nap (barely enough time for you to suds up in the shower ⦠hopefully enough time to rinse), he's up again for hours, with just one nursing period and another 5-minute nap. He nurses again at about 6 p.m. and by 7 p.m. is sound asleep, and he stays that way until you rouse him for a top-off feed before you turn in. His isn't the traditional 3-or 4-hour schedule, but there's still a consistent pattern of sleep-wake-eat to his day.
Your baby's routine seems even more random than that? Believe it or not, he's probably following a more organized and consistent internal clock than it seemsâyou just have to dig a little deeper to find it. Keeping a journalâor making notes on the What to Expect appâcan help you uncover clues.
Whichever pattern your little one falls into (and there are just about as many patterns as there are babies), he's most likely got a rhythmâand a schedule all his own. Follow it as best you can, and you'll be able to create some semblance of a schedule in your own day. Ready for a little more of a schedule, and sense your baby is, too? Even at this tender age, it's possible to begin modifying your baby's already rhythmic internal clock to meet his needs within the framework of a daily routineâa flexible (not rigid) timetable based on your newborn's natural eating and sleeping patterns, his inborn personality (some little ones naturally seem to need more structure, some less), and of course, what feels right to you. Good for you, clearly (so you can plan your day ⦠if not set your watch), good for baby (since predictability, for most little ones, breeds comfort).
Not sure how to introduce some semblance of structure into your baby's life? Begin organizing your little one's day with bedtime. A predictable bedtime routine is easy to establish, soothing on both sides, and best of all, the long-term payoff potentialâa baby who ultimately learns to fall asleep like clockworkâis huge. (To read more about bedtime routines,
click here
.) Incorporate consistent patterns into other parts of your baby's day, too: A wakeup ritual of cuddles in your bed, followed by a feed in the glider, followed by a walk in the stroller. Midmorning tummy time on the mat, midafternoon back-and-forth babble session in the bouncer, early evening massage and Mozart followed by a mellow read of
Goodnight Moon,
a round of This Little Piggy with every diaper change, a chorus of “Rubber Duckie” at each bath.
No matter how you incorporate structure (or how much structure you incorporate), remember that any routine will need to evolve, and keep evolving, to meet your baby's needs as he gets older. Remember, too, that you'll also have to keep it flexible ⦠and keep it real. After all, life with a babyâeven one who's on a scheduleâis hardly ever predictable.
Not one for schedules altogether? If your little one thrives without a schedule (he or she seems perfectly content, active, and interested by day, and sleeps well at night) and you do, too (you don't mind putting baby's needs first, even when it means that other areas of your life will take a backseat), then a system of on-demand all-the-time can work well. Attachment parenting (see
box
) says that responding to your baby's every need, whenever that need arises, allows you to better understand your baby and foster that all-important trustâthe foundation of good parent-child communication. That nursing baby whenever he cries for food (even if he just finished eating), letting her sleep (or stay up) whenever she wants to, and wearing (or carrying) baby as much as possible during the day (or on demand) allows an infant to feel secure and valued as a human beingâwith the added bonus of less fussing and crying. So there's no need for a set of routines or a flexible schedule in your baby's life if it doesn't fit with the way you want to parent. Remember, if it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work. Parent the way you feel works best for your baby and your family (as long as it's safe and healthy), and you're doing what's best.
A few things to keep in mind if you plan to parent on demand, schedule-free. First, some babies crave schedules right from the start. They become cranky when feedings are late or overtired when naps and bedtimes are delayed. If your baby reacts unhappily to your unscheduled days and nights, it may be that he or she needs a little more structure, even if you don't. Second, remember that every child is different, and some can end up being quite different from their parents. There's always the possibility that a child raised without a schedule may end up creating a schedule to meet his or her needs, and the child who's raised by the clock may turn out to be the one who finds that schedules never fit. Finally, if you choose to parent on demand, make sure that both parents (if there are two) are happy to be a schedule-free party of three.
“I know I should be putting my baby down awake so she learns to fall asleep on her own, but how is that even possible if she always falls asleep nursing?”
It's an idea that sounds good in theory: Put a baby to bed when she's still awake, so she'll develop the most essential of all healthy sleep habits right from the startâbeing able to fall asleep on her own. In practice, it's an idea that's not exactly compatible with reality. There's just very little you can do to keep a feeding baby awake if she wants to sleep. And if you could wake her up, would you really want to?
Teaching your baby to fall asleep without help from breast (or bottle) can more practically wait until baby is olderâbetween 6 and 9 monthsâand nursing less often. And if the habit hangs on, it can definitely be kicked after your baby is weaned.
When you do get the chance (your little one gets groggy during a feed but doesn't fully pass out), consider putting her down for a nap or at bedtime
while she's still awakeânot so awake that drifting off will be difficult, but in a state of drowsy readiness. A little rocking, nursing, or lullabying can usually bring a baby to this stateâjust try not to continue the comforting action to the point of sound sleep.
Do you wear your baby by day, snuggle next to your baby by night? Believe there's no such thing as too close for comfort ⦠and that comfort comes from staying close? Plan on letting baby lead the way when it comes to sleep, and breastfeeding until your little one's ready to call it quits (even if that means breastfeeding a preschooler)? Feel that there's never a good reasonâor a reasonable amount of timeâto let your baby cry, or even fuss? That consistently and immediately meeting your little one's needs best meets your needs? Then attachment parentingâaimed at building the strongest attachment possible between mom, dad, and baby, and setting the stage for secure relationships later in lifeâmay be the perfect parenting approach for you.
Or maybe you're attached to certain aspects of attachment parenting, but not to others. Maybe some principles of attachment parenting don't mesh comfortably with your lifestyle, your personality, the realities of your workdayâor maybe even your baby. Happily, the philosophy behind attachment parenting (that babies thrive emotionally when they're receiving quality care consistently) is pretty intuitiveâand easily adapted to fit any family. In other words, babies feel attached less because of a parenting technique than a parent's unconditional love. With that basic premise as the foundation for everything you do, it doesn't really matter whether you switch up baby wearing with baby strollers, breast with bottle, co-sleep or stay close (with baby in a bedside bassinet)âor opt to have baby sleep in his or her own room, in a crib. Whether you connect completely to attachment parenting right from the start, sample first before settling on it (or most of it), or pick and choose (and adapt) from a variety of parenting styles to create your very ownâwhat works best for you, your baby, and your family is always what's best.
“So many of my online friends have babies who've been sleeping through the night since they were 6 weeks old, but mine is still waking up and eating as often as he did when he was first born.”