What to Expect the First Year (55 page)
Read What to Expect the First Year Online
Authors: Heidi Murkoff
“Our baby doesn't seem to make the same kind of cooing sounds that his older brother made at 6 weeks. Should we be concerned?”
There's no comparison when it comes to your baby, or at least there shouldn't be. That's because no two babies share the same developmental schedule, even when they share the same pair of parentsâand even when it comes to something as seemingly simple as cooing. About 10 percent of babies produce their first coos before the end of the first month and another 10 percent not until nearly 3 monthsâwhile the rest commence cooing somewhere in between. Either way, your baby's still well within the norm, even if he's lagging a little behind his brother.
And speaking of brothers, it could be that you're so busy in your fuller house that you're not really noticing your new baby's verbal achievementsâor that you're not spending as much time cultivating coos as you did in round one (as often happens with second babies). Or that between your older son and the rest of the family making so much noise, your littlest one can't get a coo in edgewise (also common when baby makes four or more). Take a little more time to focus on engaging your new baby in conversation, and you may well be rewarded with the coo you've been waiting for.
If it seems to you over the next several months that your baby consistentlyâin spite of extra encouragementâfalls far below the monthly milestones in the first year timeline (
click here
), speak to his doctor about
your concerns. A hearing evaluation or other tests may be in order to rule out a delay.
It'll probably be almost a year before your baby speaks that first recognizable word, 2 years or more before words are strung into phrases and then sentences, longer still before most of those sentences are easily comprehensible. But long before your baby is communicating verbally, he or she will be communicating in a variety of other ways. In fact, look and listen closely now, and you'll find that your baby's already trying to speak to youânot in so many words, but in so many behaviors, gestures, and facial expressions.
There is no dictionary of baby communication that can translate what your baby's saying (though there are apps that claim to). To really understand your baby, you'll need to sit back and watch. Observation will speak louder than wordsâand will speak volumes about your little one's personality, preferences, needs, and wants months before word one is actually spoken.
Watch: Does your baby wiggle and fuss uncomfortably when she's undressed before her bath? Maybe it's the cold air on her naked body that's making her squirmâor maybe it's just the sensation of being naked. Keeping her covered as much as possible before lowering her into the bath may ease her discomfort.
Or does your baby always make coughing sounds right around the time he's ready for a nap? Coughing might be your baby's heads-up that he's getting sleepyâan early warning to clue you in before early fatigue melts down into crankiness.
Or does your baby frantically stuff her fist into her mouth when she's due for a feeding, before she starts wailing loudly? That could be her hunger cueâher first message to you that she's ready to eat (the second message, crying, will make the feeding much more difficult for both of you to accomplish). By observing your baby's behaviors and body language, you'll notice patterns that will start to make senseâand will help you make sense of what baby's telling you.
Taking the time to watch, listen to, and discern your baby's nonverbal cues won't only make your job of providing care easier, but it'll make your baby's job of taking on the world easier. Knowing that what he or she has to say matters will boost not only your baby's language development, but also his or her confidence, sense of security, and emotional maturity, not only now, but in the lifetime that lies ahead.
“My wife wants to speak Spanish (her native language) to our baby so he picks it up early on. I'd love for him to learn a second language, but wouldn't it be less confusing to learn one at a time?”
If babies can be considered sponges for language, then babies in bilingual households can be considered extra-absorbent sponges. So let the soaking up begin. Most experts agree that speaking two languages to your baby from the start allows your little one to “acquire” a second language along with the first as opposed to merely “learning” it, as would be the case if it were introduced later. That's a powerful distinction, since it's the difference between being a native speaker in two languages and merely being fluent in a second language. What's more, teaching your little guy Spanish now capitalizes on the bilingual head start he received in utero (from the sixth month of pregnancy on, when your wife spoke Spanish, your son heard it).
Some suggest that learning two languages at once can slow a child in both, but if it does, that would be only a very temporary blip in his verbal development (balanced out by the significant benefits of being bilingual and having a natural affinity for learning languages likely to last a lifetime).
Either way, no need to roll out Rosetta Stone. There are a couple of simple approaches to helping your baby learn two languages in the time most babies learn a single language. Probably the most effective: You speak English exclusively to your baby while mom speaks Spanish exclusively to him. A somewhat less effective approach: A grandparent, sitter, or au pair can speak Spanish while you both speak English. And probably the least practical of the approaches (which probably would slow down English skills considerably): You both speak Spanish (assuming you are fluentâanyone who speaks to your baby in Spanish should be fluent in it), and your baby picks up English at daycare, preschool, or from a sitter.
As for curriculum, keep it natural. Teach a second language to your baby as you teach the firstâthrough talking, reciting nursery rhymes, and singing; reading books, playing games, and watching movies; visiting friends and relatives who speak it; and if possible, visiting places where the language is native (especially if it is your wife's homeland, since you'll be imparting a sense of heritage along with those language skills). Later, you can consider a bilingual preschool program or playdates with other bilingual children to reinforce the acquired language skills.
At first, your baby will go through some periods of mixing his two languages (both equally new)âand that will be incredibly cute, but it shouldn't be concerning. Eventually your son (and hijo) will be able to keep his two languages equal ⦠but separate.
Your baby won't remember much about the first 3 years of life, but according to researchers, those 3 years will have a huge impact on the rest of his or her lifeâin some ways, more than any of the years that follow.
What makes those first 3 yearsâyears filled primarily with eating, sleeping, crying, and playingâso vital to your child's ultimate success in school, in a career, and in relationships? How can a period of time when your little one is so clearly unformed so clearly influence the formation of the full-size human being he or she will eventually become? The answer is fascinating, complex, and still evolvingâbut definitely food for new-parent thought.
Research shows that a child's brain grows to 90 percent of its adult capacity during those first 3 yearsâgranted, a lot of brainpower for someone who can't yet tie his or her shoes. During these 3 phenomenal years, brain “wiring”âwhen crucial connections are made between brain cellsâtakes place. By the third birthday (likely, before your little one can read word one), about one thousand trillion connections will have been made.
With all this activity, however, a child's brain is very much a work in progress at age 3. More connections are made until age 10 or 11, but by then the brain has started specializing for better efficiency, eliminating connections that are rarely used (this pattern continues throughout life, which is why adults end up with only about half the brain connections a 3-year-old has). Changes continue to take place well past puberty, with important parts of the brain still continuing to change throughout life.
While your baby's future (like his or her brain) will be far from fully shaped at age 3, a whole lot of molding will have gone onâin large part, thanks to the nurturing you'll be busy doing. Research shows that the kind of care a child receives during those first 3 years helps determine how well brain connections are made, how much that little brain will develop, and how content, how confident, and how capable of handling life's challenges that child will be. And that's where you (and your loving arms) come in.
Feeling a little overwhelmed by the responsibility that's been handed to you in a neat, sweet, swaddled little package? Don't be. Most of what any loving parent does intuitively (with no training, and without the addition of flash cards or educational apps) is exactly what your childâand your child's brainâneeds to develop to his or her greatest potential. In other words, it doesn't take rocket science to help today's baby become tomorrow's rocket scientist (or science teacher ⦠or doctor ⦠or Internet entrepreneur). It's much simpler than that. Consider:
⢠Every bit of nurturing you doâall that touching, holding, cuddling, hugging, and responding, all that reading, talking, singing, eye contact, and cooingâhelps build your baby's brainpower and boost his or her social and emotional skills. And for most parents, nurture is second nature.
⢠Every time you meet your little one's basic needs now and in those early years to come (your baby gets fed when hungry, changed when wet, held after a scare), you're helping him or her develop trust, empathy, and self-confidenceâall key ingredients to a healthier emotional and social future. Kids who know they're cared for and cared about have fewer behavioral problems and stronger relationships.
⢠Healthier kids are happier, smarter kids. Regular medical care ensures your little one will be screened for any medical or developmental issues that could slow intellectual, social, or emotional growth (early intervention can help make all the difference). Regular exercise boosts brainpower, tooâas does getting enough z's (babies do a lot of their developing while they sleep). And eating regularly (and well) fuels all the growth and development that goes on in those early years.
⢠You're helping to shape, not trying to manipulate. It's easy for encouragement to cross the line to pushingâbut when in doubt, check with your baby. Babies should always be the last word (even before they've spoken their first word) on how much stimulation is enough and how much is too much. Take your cues from your little oneâwho, when it comes to getting what he or she needs, can be wise beyond even your years. Watch and listen carefully, and you'll almost always know what's best for your baby.
“I know I should put my baby to sleep on his back to protect against SIDS, but he sleeps terribly that way. Once, when I put him on his tummy to play, he fell asleep and took his longest nap ever. Is it safe to switch?”
Often babies know what's best for them. But unfortunately, they don't usually get it right when it comes to sleeping position. Most babies naturally prefer the tummy position for sleepâit's more comfortable, it's cozier, and it makes them less likely to startle and less likely to wake themselves up. All of which makes for a sounder night's sleep and a longer, more restful nap.
But clearly, tummy sleeping isn't best for baby. It's linked to a much higher incidence of SIDSâparticularly in babies who aren't used to being on their tummies (because, like yours, they started out on their backs from birth). Most babies get used to the back position quickly, especially if they've never known another sleeping position, others continue to fuss a bit on their backs, and a few, like yours, don't seem able to settle down for a good night's sleep when they're tummy up. Almost all babies would sleep more soundly on their tummies given the chance, which is one of the possible reasons why experts suggest SIDS is more likely to strike tummy-sleeping babies. Because
infants sleep more deeply on their tummies, their arousal responses are muted, possibly preventing them from waking up during episodes of sleep apnea and resuming normal breathing patterns. That's why you'll need to have your baby's back when it comes to sleep position.
The first thing you should do is discuss the problem with your pediatrician. He or she might want to look into why your baby dislikes the back position so much. It's rare, but occasionally a baby has a physical or anatomical reason that makes being on his back unusually uncomfortable. Much more likely, your baby just plain doesn't like the way it feels. If that's the case, try some of these tips for keeping your baby happy on his back:
⢠Swaddle for sleep. Research shows that infants who are swaddled before they're put on their backs cry lessâand sleep better. Wrapped into a tight little bundle, they're also less likely
to startle and be woken up by those normal, jerky movements. But don't swaddle once your baby is active enough to kick off the swaddling blanket (loose bedding in the crib poses a safety hazard). Some babies manage to wriggle from their wrapping as early as the second month, though if your little one stays put, you can keep swaddling. Sleep sacks (or a swaddle-sack hybrid) can't be kicked off, so they're considered safer longer. Also make sure the room is cool enough when you're swaddling (and that you haven't overbundled baby in the swaddle or sack), since overheating is another risk factor for SIDS.
⢠Prop it up. Try propping up the head of the mattress slightly (with a pillow or rolled blanket
under
the mattress) so baby isn't flat on his backâat an incline, he may be inclined to sleep longer. But don't prop baby with any pillows or other soft bedding inside the crib.
⢠Pass up positioners. If you're thinking about using a positioner or wedge (or rolled blankets) to keep baby on his back or side, think again. Experts agree that any type of sleep positioner or wedge is unsafe and should never be used. Not only don't positioners and wedges prevent SIDS (as manufacturers claim), but they also pose a serious suffocation risk.