What to Expect the First Year (91 page)

“My son hasn't shown any interest in crawling yet. Is that a problem?”

No crawling? No problem. Crawling isn't a must-do for the diaper set. It's actually considered an optional skill, and isn't even included on most developmental assessments. And while those who opt out of crawling are limited in mobility, they are limited only briefly—until they figure out how to pull up, to cruise (from chair to coffee table to sofa), and finally to walk. In fact, many babies who never take to all fours end up on two feet earlier than their contentedly crawling comrades.

Some babies don't crawl because they haven't been given the chance. So limit the time your baby spends confined in a stroller, bouncer, baby carrier, play yard, and/or ExerSaucer or lying on his back, and give him plenty of opportunities for supervised tummy time so he can practice raising himself on all fours. Encourage him to get moving on hands and knees by putting a favorite toy, a mirror, or an interesting object (like your face or a rolling ball) a short distance ahead of him. Got a hard, slippery floor or scratchy carpet? Roll out a yoga or exercise mat for his tummy time, or cover his knees to provide traction and comfort.

In the next few months, one way or another, your baby will be taking off—and off into trouble. And you'll be left wondering what the rush was.

“Now that my daughter is crawling around and pulling up on everything, I can't keep up with the mess she makes. Should I try to control her—and the mess—better, or give up?”

Messes may be your worst enemy, but they're an adventurous baby's best friend. Sure, it's a pain in the neck (and lower back) to clean up after your mess-making munchkin, but curbing the clutter can also curb her curiosity. Letting her roam—and mess—freely (but safely) allows her to flex her brainpower, her muscles, and her budding sense of independence. Bottom line: It's impossible to keep your house as neat as it was prebaby, and it's sort of pointless to try. You'll be a lot less frustrated—and overwhelmed—if you accept this new, messier reality instead of trying to fight it. But that doesn't mean you have to wave the Swiffer of surrender entirely. Here's how to reach a sane compromise between clean and clutter:

Start with a safe house.
While it may be okay for her to scatter socks on the bedroom floor or build a house of napkins on the kitchen tile, it isn't okay for her to clang bottles together to see what happens or rummage around the loose change in your bag. So before you let your baby roam at home, be sure it's safe for her and from her (
click here
).

Contain the chaos.
You'll be a lot happier if you try to confine the mess to one or two rooms or areas in the home. That means letting your baby have free run only in her own room and perhaps the kitchen or family room—wherever you and she spend the most time together. Use closed doors or baby-safe gates to define the areas. If you have a small apartment, of course, maintaining baby-free (and mess-free) zones like that may not be realistic.

Also reduce the potential for mess by wedging books in tightly on shelves accessible to your baby, leaving a few of her indestructible books where she can reach them and take them out easily. Seal the more vulnerable cabinets and
drawers with childproof safety locks (especially those that contain breakables, valuables, or hazards), and keep most knickknacks off low tables, leaving only a few you don't mind her playing with. Set aside a special drawer or cabinet for her in each room she frequents to call her own, and fill it with plastic cups, plates, and containers, wooden spoons, stacking cups, and empty boxes.

Setting limits will not only help save your sanity but also help your baby's development. Little ones really do thrive when limits are set for them—plus, they will eventually teach her the important (though initially elusive) lesson that other people, even parents, have possessions and rights, too.

Let her make a mess in peace.
Don't complain constantly about the mess she's making. Remember, she's expressing her natural curiosity (“If I turn this cup of milk over, what will happen?” “If I take all these clothes out of the drawer, what will I find underneath?”), and that's healthy.

Play it safe.
An exception to a let-the-mess-fall-where-it-may attitude should be made when it presents a safety risk. If baby spills her juice or empties the dog's water bowl, wipe it up promptly. Also pick up sheets of paper and magazines as soon as baby is through with them, and keep traffic lanes (stairways, especially) clear of toys, particularly those with wheels, at all times.

Set aside a sanctuary.
You won't always be able to keep up with the mess, but space in your home allowing, try to preserve a clutter-free zone of your own, even if it's no more than a nook. Then, at the end of every day, you'll have a haven to escape to.

Restrain yourself.
Try not to follow your happy little hurricane around as she wreaks havoc, putting away everything she takes out. This will frustrate her, giving her the sense that everything she does is not only unacceptable but essentially pointless. And it will frustrate you if she immediately reclutters what you've uncluttered. Instead, play pickup once a day, twice tops.

Involve her in cleanup.
Don't do your major cleanups with her underfoot. But do pick up a couple of things with her at the end of each play session, making a point (even if she's not old enough to get the point) of saying, “Now, can you help Daddy pick this monkey up and put it away?” Hand her one of the blocks to put back into the toy basket, give her a plastic container to return to the cabinet or some crumpled paper to throw into the recycling bin, and applaud each effort. Though she will be messing up a lot more often than she'll be cleaning up for years to come, these early lessons will help her to understand—eventually—that what comes out must go back in.

“My baby is always dropping her cracker on the floor and then picking it up and eating it. What's the real deal on the 5-second rule?”

If the world is your baby's oyster these days, it's also her own personal buffet table. Clearly she doesn't consider what germs her cracker may have picked up on the floor before she munches—and clearly she doesn't care. And neither should you, at least not most of the time. Sure, there are germs on the floor at home—no matter how hygienically hyper you are—but not in significant numbers. And for the most part, they're germs your baby has been exposed to before, particularly if she
frequently plays on the floor, which she should. That means they're usually not harmful, and in fact by challenging her immune system to flex its muscles, routine germ exposure may help beef up her resistance. Even germs that she picks up (literally) from the floor of your neighbor's house or at the daycare center can help on this front. So stay calm and carry on when you catch her eating off the floor (even if it's obviously not clean enough to eat off of). No need to launch germ warfare with antibacterial rinses or wipes, or leap over the sofa to confiscate the cracker in question if it has overstayed the 5-second rule.

Speaking of that 5-second rule, it's time to debunk it. Germs will win the race, no matter how quickly you're able to retrieve the dropped item. Bacteria can attach itself to dropped food within milliseconds (though the longer the food in question stays on the floor or other bacteria-laden surface, the higher the transfer of germs). So the question then is not how long the cracker has spent on the floor (face it, it'll have bacteria on it), but rather will that bacteria make your baby sick. And that depends on the condition of the surface (where it is, if it's wet, what's been there before, and so on).

So leap if you must to intercept a damp object that she's picked up off the floor and is about to munch on—that day-old cracker she sucked on for hours, the pacifier soaking in a puddle of juice, or the banana chunk that's been decomposing under the high chair since last week—because bacteria multiply rapidly on wet surfaces. Also unhealthy (and unsuitable for consumption, 5 seconds or not) are objects picked up from the ground outdoors, where less-benign germs (those from dog poop, for instance) make their unwholesome home. Before letting your baby pop a dropped pacifier, bottle, or teether back into her mouth when you're outside, wash it with soap and water, or clean it with a paci wipe.

Floor picnics won't be safe, however, if there is lead paint in your home, since it can be ingested by your baby along with anything else she eats (or mouths) off the floor. If you have lead paint in your home (possible in homes built before 1978, when lead paint was outlawed) and it hasn't been abated yet, make sure you have it professionally taken care of now. In the meantime, intercept those dropped crackers before they reach her mouth.
Click here
for more on lead exposure.

“My son puts everything in his mouth. Now that he plays on the floor so much, I have less control over what goes in. Should I be concerned?”

Into the mouths of babes goes anything and everything that fits: dirt, sand, dog food, insects, dust balls, rotten food, even the contents of a dirty diaper. Though it's obviously best to avoid his sampling from such an unsavory selection, it's not always possible. Few babies get through the creepy-crawly stage without at least one oral encounter with something his parents consider creepy (or even crawly). Some can't even get through a single morning.

But you've got a lot less to fear from what's unsanitary than from what's used to sanitize. A mouthful of dirt isn't likely to hurt anyone, but even a lick of some cleansers can cause serious damage. You can't keep everything out of baby's inquisitive grasp, so don't worry about the occasional
bug or clump of dog hair that finds its way into his mouth (if you catch him with the cat-about-to-swallow-a-canary look, squeeze his cheeks to open his mouth and sweep the object out with a hooked finger). Concentrate instead on keeping toxic substances away from your curious cutie.

You should also be very careful not to let your baby mouth items small enough to swallow or choke on—buttons, bottle caps, paper clips, safety pins, pet kibble, coins, and so on (
click here
). Before you put your baby down to play, survey the floor for anything that's less than 1⅜ inches in diameter (about the diameter of a toilet paper tube) and remove it.

“My daughter would love to crawl around at the playground if I let her. But the ground is so dirty, I'm not sure I should.”

Break out the stain remover, and break down your resistance to letting your baby get down and dirty. Babies who are forced to watch from the sidelines when they'd really like to be in the scrimmage are likely to stay spotless but unsatisfied. Besides, little ones are thoroughly washable. The most obvious dirt can be washed off with diaper wipes while you're still at the playground or in the backyard, and ground-in dirt will come off later in the bath. So steel your sensitive sensibilities and, checking first to be sure there's no broken glass or dog droppings in her path, allow your little sport a carefully supervised crawl around. If she gets into something really dirty, give her hands a once-over with a diaper wipe and send her on her way again. And of course, always tote an extra outfit in the diaper bag—just in case you really need to clean up her act.

“My baby has recently started touching her vagina whenever her diaper is off. Should I try to stop her?”

Your baby is only doing what comes naturally (touching something that feels good to touch), so there's no need to stop her. This interest in girl or boy parts is as inevitable and healthy a phase of a baby's development as was her earlier fascination with her mouth, fingers, and toes—or as ears and nose will be later (if they aren't already). Some babies start these down-south explorations by midway through the first year, others not until year's end—while still others may not appear as interested, and that's just as normal. Keep in mind that though the vagina (or penis) is technically a sexual organ, there's absolutely nothing sexual about this kind of self-touching. It's as innocent as your baby is.

But what about when she touches her vaginal area and then those same fingers head right to her mouth? Is that unsanitary? No need to worry. All the germs that are in a baby's genital area are her own and pose no threat. But definitely intercept before hands that have touched a poopy diaper area head toward the mouth. The fecal-oral route is something you want to derail, since serious infections can result. Another hand-genital action you should stop in its tracks: your little girl probing her girl parts with very dirty … and germy … hands. Those germs could cause a vaginal infection, so be sure to wash your little one's hands often to keep them clean. Boy parts are not susceptible in the same way, but clean hands are always a good idea, for boys or girls.

When your little one gets old enough to understand, you'll be able to explain that this part of her body is
private, and that though it's okay for her to touch it, it's best if she touches herself in private—and that it's not okay to let anyone else touch it (except a doctor).

“When I'm diapering my baby, he sometimes gets an erection—and I'm wondering if that's normal at his age.”

Erections come with the territory when you have a penis—in fact, boy fetuses even have them in utero. Though they're definitely not sexual yet, they're the normal reaction to touch of that sensitive sexual organ—as are a little girl's clitoral erections, which are less noticeable but probably as common. A baby may also have an erection when his diaper rubs against his penis, when he's nursing, when you're washing him in the bathtub, in response to air—or just randomly. All baby boys have erections, and some have them more often than others. In other words, it's boy business as usual—and absolutely nothing to worry about.