What to Expect the Toddler Years (123 page)

Once he’s calm, try a little logic. Your toddler isn’t likely to be able to concentrate on your reasoning when he’s wired, but he might be able to once his circuits are clearer. Before returning him to the stimulating situation, ask him to do his best to slow down. But remember that’s a lot to ask of someone his age; don’t follow your request with threats or a list of demands.

Be ready to repeat. If, on returning to the stimulating scene, your toddler again loses control, promptly remove him again. If he remains out-of-control after several time-outs, consider taking him home. With any luck, he’ll get the message before you have to resort to this step.

“Our daughter has recently started picking her nose, a habit I really can’t stand. How do I get her to stop?”

Nose picking ranks high on the list of children’s habits that irritate parents. And, as with other irksome pursuits, such as thumb sucking and nail biting, parental attempts to nip nose picking in the bud usually succeed only in intensifying the child’s passion for the practice.

Toddlers may pick their nose out of curiosity, to relieve stress, to pass the time when bored, or just out of sheer force of habit. But the most zealous nose-pickers are often children with nasal allergies; because of mucus and crusting, they experience a constant feeling of “something” in the nose, which leads them to attempt to get rid of the feeling by clearing their nostrils the only way they know how. (Of course, the discovery of a wonderfully sticky substance, fun to squish between the fingers, often prompts them
to continue their excavations long after the discomfort has been relieved.)

Showing your displeasure by scolding, nagging, casting disgusted looks, and yanking your toddler’s fingers from her nose will only give her another reason to pick: the satisfaction of defying you. It may also make her feel guilty and “bad” for doing something that’s out of her control. Left to pick in peace, she’ll eventually find other pursuits for her fingers, though the habit of public picking may continue off and on through the early school years—or at least until she starts to care more about appearances and social form.

In the meantime, it may be possible to reduce the behavior without showing your disapproval by offering her something else to do with her hands or distracting her with a hug or an activity that requires two hands. If her picking is vigorous enough to damage the lining of the nose, and bleeding and scabbing occur, explain to her that picking is causing “boo-boos” in her nose and that she should try to stop (this may or may not work). A visit to the doctor to give the same warning may be more effective. If allergy seems to be at the root of her problem, consultation with her doctor to discuss taking steps to treat the allergy may also be in order.

“My son eats the same things day in and day out, and refuses to try anything even the slightest bit different. How can I get him to be more adventurous?”

Even adults vary widely in gastronomic daring: There are those who will gobble down practically anything that isn’t moving (and occasionally, a few things that still are) and those who stick stubbornly to their steak and potatoes and ham and eggs. Yet even the most finicky adults have made some strides at the table since toddlerhood. After all, how many grown-ups do you know who still subsist on peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches?

So, as hard as it is to believe now, the time will come when your child will expand his gustatory horizons, and begin to be more open to opening wide for new foods. Chances are, though, that the time will come more quickly if you follow the tips for feeding children with a limited dietary repertoire on page 522. And remember, too, that most toddlers are extremely resistant to change. Whether it’s a new caregiver at day care, a new hairdo on Mommy, a new sofa in the living room, or a new food on his plate, they’re liable to reject it just because it isn’t what they’re used to. Allow your toddler his inflexibility rather than trying to force him out of it, and he’ll gradually become more adaptable. If your toddler is one who has more trouble than most accepting
anything
new (see page 524), introduce unfamiliar foods gradually; once he’s seen a food every day for two weeks or so, it won’t be as new to him any more and he may be ready to accept it.

Until your toddler becomes more gastronomically daring, don’t worry. He won’t starve. Most toddlers go through a picky eating stage at one time or another—some eating just a few foods exclusively, others seeming to eat practically nothing at all. But as long as they are presented with only healthy choices, they usually fare pretty well nutritionally. Even a toddler diet that includes nothing but whole-grain cereal, milk, banana, orange juice, peanut-butter-and-jelly on whole wheat, and cantaloupe or carrot sticks, can, with the addition of a vitamin supplement, fulfill the requirements of the Toddler Diet (see page 504).

“Our son recently had a stomach virus. He’s fine now, but he has started getting stomachaches after drinking his milk. He never had a problem with milk before and always drank lots of it. Could he have suddenly become allergic?”

It’s more likely that he’s become intolerant—that is, lactose intolerant. After a bout with a gastrointestinal illness, many young children become temporarily deficient in the enzyme lactase needed to digest the milk sugar lactose. When these children drink milk or eat dairy products they experience such symptoms as bloating, gas, cramps, and diarrhea. (A milk allergic child, on the other hand, may experience eczema, diarrhea, constipation, asthma, runny nose, irritability, poor appetite, and fatigue; see page 15 for more on milk allergy.) Often, the discomfort can induce an avid milk drinker—like your child—to develop an aversion to the beverage.

Though an occasional child is born without the ability to digest lactose, it’s rare for permanent lactose intolerance to develop in children under age four. So it’s unlikely that your child’s difficulties with milk will last more than a few weeks. In the meantime, check with the doctor about temporarily altering your child’s diet to reduce the amount of lactose in it. Regular milk, ice cream, ice milk, and such soft cheeses as cottage cheese will probably be the most difficult for your toddler to handle. Switching to lactose-reduced milk (the calcium-fortified type will offer more calcium with less lactose) and cottage cheese may do the trick without taking a nutritional toll. Your child may also be able to tolerate small amounts of hard cheeses (such as Swiss and Cheddar) and yogurt with active cultures (certain brands may be easier to handle, particularly those with bulgaricus cultures). Limiting dairy products to mealtimes (rather than serving them as snacks) will make them easier to digest.

Lactase in tablet or liquid form may also be helpful. Ask your child’s doctor about using the tablets (they can be mashed and added to a bit of apple-sauce or other soft food and eaten before your child consumes a dairy product) or liquids (which can be added to food or drink).

If your child seems not to be able to handle any dairy products at all, not even those that are lactose reduced, or if the discomfort continues even after you’ve removed dairy from his diet, or if it doesn’t disappear entirely in several weeks, check with the doctor to see if there is another problem in the equation.

And remember that your child still needs the nutrients that milk provides. If he can’t handle dairy at all, he may temporarily be able to get his calcium from a soy milk that is fortified with calcium (not all soy milk is) or from calcium-fortified orange juice. Be aware that “non-dairy” beverages are usually concoctions of fat and sugar and are
not
nutritious substitutes for milk. Discuss the options with his doctor so that together you can make certain that your toddler’s diet isn’t lacking in milk’s other major nutrients, including protein, phosphorus, vitamin D, and riboflavin.

“We never had a problem getting our daughter to drink milk, until now. She won’t touch it. I’m afraid she won’t get enough calcium without it.”

Milk is the most popular source of calcium in the American diet,
but it’s certainly not the only one. An 8-ounce glass of milk contains about 300 milligrams of calcium, but so does 1 ounce of hard cheese, ¼ cup of grated Parmesan cheese, 1 cup of yogurt,
¹
/
₃
cup of powdered milk, and ½ cup evaporated milk (the last two of which can be blended into a soup, a pudding, or a shake). There are even a wide variety of non-dairy calcium sources available, including green leafy vegetables, canned salmon and sardines (with the bones), and tofu coagulated with calcium (although, with the exception of the tofu, which is often well accepted when cubed, breaded, baked or browned in a skillet, and served with a sauce, most non-dairy sources of calcium are not popular with the typical toddler). A toddler who doesn’t take any milk should probably also be taking a vitamin-mineral supplement that contains the toddler RDA for vitamin D.

So don’t insist that your daughter drink her milk; without pressure now, milk may well become a favorite again in the future. Instead, experiment with several other calcium sources until you find some that she’ll take without a fight.

Once in a while, a sudden aversion to milk is triggered by lactose intolerance—the child feels unwell after drinking milk, and not surprisingly takes a dislike to it; see the previous question.

“I’ve heard that milk isn’t a good food for anyone, children included. Is this true?”

For those of us raised to refrains of “drink your milk or you won’t get dessert!” and “drink your milk or you won’t grow!” it seems unthinkable that milk might actually be bad for children. But that’s precisely what a small contingent in the medical community has been telling an increasingly confused public. Their main arguments: Drinking milk is linked to diabetes in children, and to high blood cholesterol levels, cataracts, and ovarian cancer in adults.

Though these maligners of milk may be vocal enough to prompt a panic among the millions of parents who, like their parents before them, urge their own children to drain their milk glasses, the data this group has put forth to support their claims have not been convincing enough to alter mainstream medical opinion. While a small body of research has associated milk consumption in infancy with diabetes in children who have an inborn susceptibility to the disease, this work has not been replicated by others. Concern that milk contributes to cholesterol problems is also unwar-ranted, since children over the age of two can, and
should
, drink skim milk and eat mainly low-fat dairy products. Finally, the evidence for a link between milk and either cataracts or ovarian cancer—both diseases of adults—is lacking.

While the evidence against milk drinking is meager at most, the evidence
for
it is strong. Milk is a bountiful source of many essential nutrients, including calcium, protein, vitamin D, phosphorus, and riboflavin. It’s pleasantly palatable (even those children who won’t touch plain milk relish a shake; even those who won’t drink a drop often eat it in the form of cheese) and far easier to get into a two-year-old than the substitutes milk opponents have proposed. Anyone who has tried to maneuver a few teaspoons of broccoli into the average tyke can only imagine what it would be like to try to maneuver in the 1½ to 2 cups of the green stuff it would take to equal the calcium in just 1 cup of milk. Besides which, these suggested substitutes, while rich in calcium and other nutrients, are lacking many of milk’s other vitamins and minerals.

From all that’s known, the only children who shouldn’t be encouraged to drink their milk are those with a lactose intolerance (although these children can usually tolerate lactose-reduced milk) and those with a true milk allergy (fairly rare). Vegan parents who are philosophically opposed to eating all animal products (including dairy) and wish to raise milk-free children will need to provide essential nutrients in other ways; see the facing page. If you’re concerned about the chemicals that might be contaminating the milk supply, see page 534.