What to expect when you're expecting (84 page)

Not only is the prenatal ambivalence you’re confronting completely understandable and extremely common, it’s really pretty healthy. Facing it now gives you a chance to work out these feelings—and adjust to these major life changes—before baby arrives. The best way to do this is to talk it all out, both with each other and with friends who’ve already made the transition to parenthood (and will be able to offer you a reassuring perspective).

Without a doubt, becoming a parent is a life-changing experience—in other words, your life will never be the same. But as any parent will tell you—and as you’ll soon find out for yourselves—it’s a life-changing experience that’s likely to bring a change for the better. Or even more likely, the best.

“Now that it’s obvious I’m expecting, everyone—from my mother-in-law to strangers on the elevator—has advice for me. It drives me crazy.”

There’s just something about a bulging belly that brings out the so-called expert in everyone, and that brings down social barriers that usually keep strangers minding their own business. Take your morning jog around the park and someone is sure to chide, “You shouldn’t be running in your condition!” Lug home two bags of groceries from the supermarket and you’re bound to hear, “Do you think you ought to be carrying that?” Double dip at the ice cream parlor, and expect the fingers to start wagging: “That baby fat’s not going to be easy to lose, honey.”

Between the pregnancy police, the gratuitous advice-givers, and all those inevitable predictions about the sex of the baby, what’s an expectant mother to do? First of all, keep in mind that most of what you hear is probably nonsense. Old wives’ tales that do have foundation in fact have been scientifically substantiated and have become part of standard medical practice. Those that do not might still be tightly woven into pregnancy mythology but can be confidently dismissed. Those recommendations that leave you with a nagging doubt (“What if they’re right?”) are best checked out with your doctor, midwife, or childbirth educator.

Whether it’s possibly plausible or obviously ridiculous, however, don’t let unwanted advice get you going—who needs the added stress anyway? Instead, keep your sense of humor handy and take one of two approaches: Politely inform the well-meaning stranger, friend, or relative that you have a trusted practitioner who counsels you on your pregnancy and that, even though you appreciate the thought, you can’t accept advice from anyone else. Or, just as politely, smile, say thank you, and go on your way, letting their comments go in one ear and out the other—without making any stops in between.

But no matter how you choose to handle unwanted advice, you might also want to get used to it. If there’s anyone who attracts a crowd of advice-givers faster than a woman with a belly, it’s a woman with a new baby.

“Now that my pregnant belly is showing, friends, colleagues, even strangers come up to me and touch it—without even asking. I’m uncomfortable with that.”

They’re round, they’re cute, and they’re filled with something even cuter. Let’s face it, pregnant bellies just scream out to be touched. Still, touching a pregnant belly may be an irresistible impulse, but it’s also an inappropriate one—particularly without the owner’s permission.

Some women don’t mind being the center of so much touching attention; others actually enjoy it. But if all this uninvited rubbing is rubbing you the wrong way, don’t hesitate to say so. You can do this bluntly (though politely): “I know you find my belly tempting to touch, but I’d really rather you didn’t.” Or a playful “No touching, please—the baby’s sleeping!” can discourage those uninvited advances. Or you can try a little belly turning, rubbing the rubber right back (patting someone’s potbelly might make him or her think twice next time before reaching out and touching another pregnant belly without permission). Or make your statement without saying a word: Cross your arms protectively over your belly, or take the rubber’s hand off your midsection and place it somewhere else (like on his or her own belly).

“Last week I left the house without my wallet; this morning I completely forgot an important business meeting. I can’t focus on anything, and I’m beginning to think I’m losing my mind.”

You’re in good (forgetful) company. Many pregnant women begin to feel that as they’re gaining pounds, they’re losing brain cells. Even women who pride themselves on their organizational skills, their capacity to cope with complicated issues, and their ability to maintain their composure suddenly find themselves forgetting appointments, having trouble concentrating, and losing their cool (along with their wallets and cell phones). And it’s not in their heads—it’s in their brains. Researchers have found that a woman’s brain-cell volume actually decreases during pregnancy (which could explain why you won’t remember what you just read about in that last paragraph). And—for reasons unknown—women pregnant with girls are more forgetful, on average, than those carrying boys (who would have guessed?). Fortunately, the pregnancy brain fog (similar to what many women experience premenstrually, only thicker) is only temporary. Your brain
will plump back up a few months after delivery.

Like numerous other symptoms, forgetfulness is caused by the hormonal changes of pregnancy. Sleep deprivation can also play a role (the less you sleep, the less you remember), as can the fact that you’re constantly zapped of energy—energy your brain needs to stay focused. Also contributing to your scatterbrained self: the mother-to-be mind overload that’s keeping all brain circuits busy contemplating nursery colors and negotiating baby names.

Feeling stressed about this intellectual fogginess will only make it worse (stress also compounds forgetfulness). Recognizing that it is normal (and not imagined), even accepting it with a sense of humor, may help to ease it—or, at least, make you feel better about it. Realistically, it might just not be possible to be as efficient as you were before you took on the added job of baby making. Keeping written checklists at home and at work can help contain the mental chaos. So can setting reminders (to show up for that meeting, to call your dad on his birthday) on your phone and computer, and recording important information on a PDA, if you have one (and can remember where you put it). Strategically placed Post-its (one on the front door to remind you to take your keys so you don’t lock yourself out, for instance) can also help keep you on track.

Although ginkgo biloba has been touted for its memory-boosting properties, it is not considered safe for use during pregnancy, so you’ll have to forget about using this and any other herbal preparation in your battle against pregnancy-induced forgetfulness.

And you might as well get used to working at a little below peak efficiency. The fog may well continue after your baby’s arrival (due to fatigue, not hormones) and perhaps may not lift completely until baby (and you) start sleeping through the night.

Exercise During Pregnancy

You’re aching and you can’t sleep and your back is killing you and your ankles are swelling and you’re constipated and bloated and you’re passing more gas than a busload of high school football players. In other words, you’re pregnant. Now if only there were something you could do that might minimize the aches and pains and unpleasant side effects of pregnancy.

Actually, there is, and it’ll take just minutes (make that 30 minutes) a day: exercise. Thought pregnancy was a time to take it easy? Not anymore. Lucky for you (or unlucky, if you’re a member of the couch potato club), the official advice of ACOG reads like a personal trainer’s pep talk: Women with normal pregnancies should get 30 minutes or more a day of moderate exercise on most (if not all) days.

More women than ever are taking that advice, making fitness a part of their daily—or almost daily—routine. And barring any red light from your practitioner, you can, too. It doesn’t matter whether you started out as an iron woman in peak physical condition or a sofa slacker who hasn’t laced up sneakers since your last high school gym class
(except as a fashion statement). There are plenty of health perks to exercising for two.

So what’s in it for you? Regular exercise can help:

Your stamina. It seems paradoxical, but sometimes getting too much rest can actually make you feel more tired. A little exercise can go a long way when it comes to giving your energy level the boost it needs.

Your sleep. Many pregnant women have a hard time falling asleep (not to mention staying asleep), but those who exercise consistently often sleep better and wake up feeling more rested.

Your health. Exercise may prevent gestational diabetes, a growing problem among pregnant women.

Your mood. Exercise causes your brain to release endorphins, those feel-good chemicals that give you a
natural high—improving your mood, diminishing stress and anxiety.

Working in Workouts

Your mission when it comes to exercise during pregnancy, should you choose to accept it (and there are lots of reasons why you should), is to work your way up to 30 minutes of some sort of activity a day. And if that sounds daunting, keep in mind that three 10-minute walks sprinkled throughout the day are just as beneficial as 30 minutes on the treadmill. And even nonexercise activity—like 15 minutes of vacuuming and 15 minutes of light yard work—counts toward your daily goal. (See, it’s not as hard as it sounds.)