What You Become (11 page)

‘It was my fault,’ she said. ‘I talked her dad into letting her come out. I needed help with something. She really was supposed to stay in.’

‘So your dad didn’t want you to come?’ Ti said quietly, without acknowledging Ava or anyone, only me, and Alisha was right – it was weird how she did that. She was so intense, that was the problem. She never skated over things or made them easy. Alisha or Ava would probably just have walked by the shop, pretended they hadn’t noticed me, that they weren’t hurt. But Ti always had to confront everything.

‘It wasn’t like that,’ I lied, and the way Ti looked at me then, like I was even more pathetic than she’d thought, because I was caught and still lying, made me want to blend my head in the shake-maker.

‘
There
you are!’ Ophelia shouted, stepping into the shop. She had her headphones on as usual, and was holding two carrier bags full of ciabattas. ‘Where the hell’s the squid?’

‘I didn’t get it yet.’

Ophelia noticed me, and then Kiaru, Ava and Alisha. ‘These your new mates then? Sacked off Ti, have you?’ she asked, and I felt my cheeks combusting.

Ava frowned at Ophelia, like she was ridiculous, and I wanted to reach over and uncrease her face.

‘We’re just getting a milkshake,’ I said.

‘
Cool
,’ Ophelia said, like it was the most deeply tragic endeavour in the world.

‘I’ll call into the café later,’ I said to Ti. ‘I was going to come and say hi anyway. After . . .’

‘Lunch is over,’ Ti said. ‘Don’t worry about it.’

For some reason Ava and Alisha had got an attack of the giggles, and were doing a terrible job of hiding it. They covered their mouths, shoulders shaking, the way Ti and me used to just before Ms Chase had enough and kicked one or other of us out of Drama.

Ophelia stepped forward fast.

‘Are you a clown?’ she said, and Ava took a step back, pressing against the wall, face suddenly serious beneath her short purple hair. ‘Because you look like a clown.’

After a few seconds, Ophelia stepped back, and walked casually to the door and I wondered if her heart was racing like mine, but she looked perfectly unruffled. Ti’s face as she looked around at all of us was unreadable, the way she made it for teachers and customers she didn’t like.

‘Don’t come by the café again,’ Ophelia said, pointing at me. ‘You’re not welcome. Come on, Ti.’

Ti followed her sister out of the shop, without looking back at me, and my hands were shaking. Kiaru put his hand on my back, and Alisha put her arm round Ava who looked bewildered.

It was the kid with the boater who broke the silence.

‘Ophelia De Furia is
hot
.’

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Sent: Saturday, 24 March, 13:32:11

Subject: SORRY

Ti, I’m so sorry about today. It wasn’t as bad as it looked. Please let me try to explain. I should have said more in the shop, but I couldn’t think. My mind went blank because I felt so bad . . .

Today really was The Big Clean, but Ava and Alisha turned up and convinced my dad to let me out, and I was going to come to the café, I’ve been missing you so much, and I really wanted to see you, and then Kiaru turned up, and I know it’s pathetic but I just sort of went along with them because he was there, and you were right, I do like him, I like him so much, and I haven’t seen your mum and dad since everything happened, and, God, I’m the worst. I know it. You can’t make me feel any worse about myself than I already do. Your sister’s right to hate me.

I really want to make it up to you, Ti. To show you what a good friend I can be. Please. Everything’s got so weird lately, and all I want is for us to get back to normal.

Please, please, please forgive me. You’re my best friend in the world, and I love you. : (

R xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Sent: Saturday, 24 March, 14:04:19

Subject: PLEASE TALK TO ME

Please talk to me, Ti. I know I don’t deserve it, but I’m miserable.

I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.

: (

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Sent: Saturday, 24 March, 15:05:59

Subject: PLEEEEEEEAAAASSSE

Ti, I mean it, I’m so sorry. At least just let me know you got my email. I rang, but Ophelia keeps hanging up. Tell me what I can do to make it up to you.

Please reply. I need to hear from you. I couldn’t face it if we weren’t best friends any more.

Can you sneak a phone call? Or sneak out? Or just reply on here? Please.

PLEASE.

Just reply saying you’ve got these, even if you’re not ready to talk, and I’ll leave you alone.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx <3 <3 <3 : ( <3 <3 <3 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Sent: Saturday, 24 March, 16:01:08

Subject: ; _ ;

I’m really sorry for any times I took ages getting back. It feels horrible. It must have been rubbish moving to a new school and then having me abandon you too. You must hate me. You must be feeling really sad and cross. I can’t explain it, but I feel horrible. Sad face and soul.

You will always be my best friend, even if I’m not yours.

Love,

Rosie x

Twenty

Saturday night, after hours of punishing myself for being so selfish, Ti solved my problem for me. There was a banging noise while I was relistening to Mum’s new music on my bed, but I thought it was the drums, then a different song came on, and I could still hear it.

Thunk.

I took my headphones off, and went to my side window. Standing on the drive, with her hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun: Titania.

Beside her, pushing sleek dark hair back from her face, smoking a cigarette: Ophelia.

Both were dressed head to toe in black, and I knew they were going nightwandering.

I ducked out of the way of the window feeling like I was going to puke from nerves. I was desperate to talk to Ti, but I wasn’t prepared for her sister. How could I explain what had happened in town with her waving her cigarette around and judging me?

Live true
, I reminded myself.

Wimping out of confrontation was what had got me and Ti to this point in the first place.

Downstairs, the living room glowed green from the light of the DVD player. 00:31. This was a second chance, and I wouldn’t desert Ti again, no matter what Ophelia said or how poisonous her eyes turned.

‘Ti,’ I said, opening the door, my voice full of relief.

‘Hi,’ she said, and she sounded cold and unlike herself.

‘I didn’t think you’d want to see me.’ I spoke quietly, but Ophelia was close enough to hear everything.

‘She didn’t, but she needs a favour,’ she said, chucking her cigarette end on the drive. How could Ti stand to spend so much time with her? She had no manners at all, that was the problem. Getting to know Kiaru and Alisha had made that evident.

‘Can I borrow your camera?’ Ti said. No please at the end of her request. She seemed tense, not like herself.

‘What’s going on?’

‘Don’t pretend you don’t know,’ Ophelia said, like a psychotic, paranoid person. Her hair was down and she wouldn’t leave it alone, pulling it first over one shoulder, and then flicking it to rest across her back. She wiped at the strands that the breeze blew across her forehead, and fixed me with a death stare. ‘
Everyone
knows.’

I looked to Ti.

‘
Chase and Will
,’ she whispered. ‘Someone told Phe they meet on Saturday nights. She wants evidence.’

‘I want to send her to prison,’ Ophelia corrected, twisting her hair into a rope. She had begun circling the drive, and it was unnerving. Her attention when it came, was intense, like a spotlight, and I shook my head automatically when she asked if I’d noticed anything at school, relieved that Ti hadn’t mentioned what I’d written in my email. I didn’t want to be responsible for whatever this was.

‘I don’t believe you,’ Ophelia said. ‘You’re just too weak to speak up. It makes perfect sense. Getting me out of school. Lying about Ti. She’s hiding something. Something big . . .’

Ti looked nervous, and it was clear she wasn’t comfortable with this either.

‘Is she okay?’ I whispered as Ophelia circled to the far end of the drive.

‘What do you think?’ Ti said, irritated, but with me or Ophelia I couldn’t tell.

‘Listen Ti, I’m so sorry about today – did you read my emails? I want to make it up to you, I—’

‘Rosie, I don’t care about that. I just need your camera.
Please
. She’s driving me insane.’

She stuck her hand out like she was waiting for change from a shop assistant that had accused her of stealing, and in this stance, with only the distant street light, she looked so like her sister it was uncanny.

‘Ti, you’ve got to be careful.’

‘I’m just helping Phe out. We’re not going to get caught.’

I looked towards her sister, who had taken a break from circling, to kick the wall at the end of my drive and light a fresh cigarette.

‘Can’t you just—’

‘You said you wanted to make it up to me.’

So she had read the emails!

‘And I do, but this is a stupid idea. Ophelia could go to prison.’

‘She won’t even be in the garden.’

‘Oh.’

‘She’s gonna wait somewhere else.’

‘Please, Ti. I’m so sorry about earlier. It wasn’t how it looked.’

‘Rosie! I haven’t got time for all that now. I need to prove her wrong or she’s never going to stop.
Seriously
. Can you just get your camera?’

‘Only if I can come with you,’ I said, surprising myself. I couldn’t bear the way she was cold-shouldering me, though I knew I deserved it.

‘What, don’t you trust me with it?’

‘Course. But I know it better than you. It’ll be hard to get a shot in the dark; you’ll need a long exposure, so it’ll have to be somewhere steady—’

‘I’ll put it on automatic.’

‘It’s not as reliable at night. You don’t want to mess it up.’

‘Can I not just borrow it?’

‘Yeah, you
can
. Course you can, but you’ll have a better chance if I take the photo. She wants proof, right?’

Ti rolled her eyes, and taking that as permission I crept upstairs to put on my blacks.

Twenty-one

The thrill of roaming empty streets in the dark was absent with Ti ignoring me the way she was. I’d killed the nightwanderers. I’d ruined our only way of escaping the world, and I’d ruined it for both of us. I wanted us to slip into our old ways, for her to make me laugh, and tell me secrets. I wanted her to bring out my brave side, and make me feel like rules didn’t matter, but she only walked beside me, refusing to talk. Ophelia strutted ahead.

‘Don’t pretend you care about my sister,’ she said when I asked who had said Chase and Will met like this, and I stopped walking.

‘It isn’t that I don’t
care
. Ti, come on. You must know it isn’t that.’

Ti kept on, and I had to run a few steps to catch up with her.

‘You don’t need to explain anything, Rosie, it doesn’t matter. We’ve grown apart – it happens – don’t worry so much.’

‘It
does
matter. And I
want
to explain . . . I feel terrible about how I’ve neglected you.’

‘I’m not an effing dog.’

‘No, but—’

‘Seriously, Rosie, don’t worry about it. We used to have stuff in common and now we don’t. You’ve found new people, it’s fine. I’m sure I’ll make some friends too soon enough. Anyway, I’ve got Ophelia. It’s
fine
.’

‘I just want to explain properly, that’s all, I’ve been feeling so bad—’

‘Oh, Rosie, you’re so self-involved,’ Ti said, and she sounded sad, which surprised me so much that I shut up. But I couldn’t walk beside her silent. I didn’t know how.

‘So much has been happening, Ti, and I’ve got a lot of things wrong, but you’re my best friend.’

Ti snorted.

‘You are!’

I’d have to show that I meant what I said. My words had stopped meaning anything to her.

I took photos of Ophelia up ahead in her jeggings and hoody to distract myself from the wretched feeling. She moved like she was famous – the way she held her cigarette, the way she used her hips – I turned to snap Ti against the backdrop of the little bungalows we were passing, and she curled her lip at me.

‘You know I hate having my picture taken,’ she said, and I turned the camera on myself, stared at the lens gloomily, wondering if a human face was even capable of expressing the misery I felt.

Ophelia was in such a foul mood I wondered why she’d bothered coming with us, and then she left us at the end of Castle Road.

‘She’s going to check on Will. She’s already called the house about eight times. I hope he
is
over at Chase’s house. At least she’ll snap out of it.’

It was a bit better with only the two of us, and Ti relaxed a little. I told her more about Mum’s diagnosis, and how Joey was.

‘I miss him,’ she admitted.

‘He misses you too. You were in one of his pictures the other day. In a spaceship, I think. No, a submarine.’

Ti smiled, and for the billionth time in my life I thanked the universe for my little brother.

Chase’s house was almost upon us, and I couldn’t believe I was here again. As I held the loose fence panel open for Ti, I saw her teeth gleam in the moonlight. She was smiling wide.

The fence smelled of that varnish men cover it with in the summer, and I realized I’d never seen a woman painting a fence, and swore to paint one when I was older. Wood splintered off as we scraped through into Chase’s garden, and it was so easy that I began to relax.

Ti would be careful this time; she had too much to lose. And I would wait with her until the very end. No matter what.

The grass was long and wet underfoot, and I wondered if that meant Chase lived on her own or if she was just too obsessed with rehearsals to maintain the lawn right now. I pushed thoughts of expulsion to the back of my mind. Ti wouldn’t go so close to the house again. She wasn’t stupid.