What You Become (7 page)

As we walked out the back of the school, seeds and grass stuck to my tights, which still smelled of gravy, and the long grass at the edge of the common whipped my legs. Alisha’s breathing was heavy as we marched, but that didn’t stop her talking. She laughed at her own jokes, without waiting to see if anyone else found them funny, and I wondered if she didn’t notice our lack of response, or didn’t care.

Kiaru didn’t laugh out loud once, and I realized I hadn’t ever seen him do that. Maybe laughing out loud was deeply uncool. I’d have to keep a check on it.

When Alisha ran out of chatter, she sang. She was so uninhibited she reminded me of Ti, except her voice was husky and lovely, while Ti sounded like a punk who’d smoked too many cigarettes. Alisha sang a melancholy Pulp song that Mum played to death up in the attic, and I felt sad, but I didn’t want her to stop. Not that she would have, the impression I was getting.

We walked out of town to Castle Road, to where Kiaru, it turned out, lived in the huge white pillared house next door to Charlie Fielding’s. I wondered when he’d moved in, and if they bumped into each other a lot, and what he thought of her. He didn’t like her enough to give her his granny tissue at least. It was still balled up in my bag, like a memento from a concert, which even I knew was embarrassing.

He led us from the drive round to the back of his house to a huge sloped garden edged with a row of tall Scots pines, through which you could see the ocean. His gate opened out near the cliff path down to Durgan, the same as Charlie’s did, and I felt a pang of envy.

Ti thought the Castle Roaders believed the beach belonged more to them than it did to the rest of us because of their gates, and if you saw the Fieldings’ summer set-up with deckchairs, Dalmatians, inflatables and barbecues, you might agree. Mum said Ti was jealous, but I’d heard her call Sophie obnoxious when she’d complained about how much money they had to spend maintaining their vintage speedboat.

In the bottom right-hand corner of the lawn, adjacent to the boundary of Charlie’s garden, a shed with a glass front overlooked the sea.

‘Summer house,’ Kiaru said, standing aside so we could enter.

‘Can we not just go in the house? It’s cold,’ Alisha said, but Kiaru ignored her. He put his hair behind his ears.

‘Welcome,’ he said stiffly when we were all crammed inside.

The walls were covered in drawings of mountains, all peeling at the edges and sun bleached like they’d been up for a hundred years, and the sofa was red faded gingham with patches on the arms, and a patchwork quilt draped over the back. Lowering herself to sit on it, Alisha sent up a puff of dust.

Kiaru gestured for me to take the other side of the sofa, and pulled a beanbag from a corner. It took a while for him to find a dignified position – his legs were too long, and he seemed spiderish in his tight black school trousers and baggy white shirt – and he adjusted the colourful woven bracelets on his left wrist as Alisha teased him for his longness.

Laughing beside me, she was hot as a radiator, and I tried to relax and join in, but I was worried that as soon as she asked me her question my face would go bright red. Her sweet perfume smelt musty from being sprayed and resprayed on to her coat and scarf, and it joined the dust to make my nose itch, and I hoped my first impression wouldn’t be blowing snot everywhere in an unprecedentedly powerful sneeze.

‘So, Rosie,’ Alisha said finally, ‘Did your girlfriend really try to kill Ms Chase? And is she due in court for breaking the rules of her injunction?’

My mood sank. They wanted gossip.

‘My
friend
.’

They looked at each other, communicating something important, and I missed that so much, knowing someone well enough you could tell each other things with your eyebrows.

‘It’s a long story,’ I said, and it would have been much easier to make an excuse and head home, but I owed it to Ti to at least try to clear up some of the rumours flying around. Besides, Alisha’s black eyes were kind, and still half impressed, and I didn’t want to disappoint her.

‘That is the weirdest thing I ever heard!’ Alisha announced when I got to the revenge poo, and I wondered if I had made an error, but then she started laughing, and Kiaru joined in, and so I carried on, growing more enthusiastic. I told her about our purple balaclava, and Ti using a trampoline to get into Chase’s garden, then stepping in the metal dog bowl.

‘So
that’s
what you do at the weekends,’ she said, as though it had been bothering her for a while.

‘Used to, we’re not allowed to see each other any more.’

Alisha pulled a sad face for one second, but her smile couldn’t be suppressed for two. ‘So what did you see? Did you discover anything juicy about the secret life of Chase?’ Her eyes glittered in anticipation, and I told her about the shadow Ti had seen, and the romantic music, and how that was what had drawn her too close to the house.

‘Chase lied about Ti after. She said she threatened her, when she didn’t, so I don’t know . . . Maybe she did have something to hide . . .’

‘How do you know Ti didn’t threaten her?’ Alisha said.

‘Because I was just next door. I heard everything, and Ti would never threaten anyone.’ I was lying again – I hadn’t heard what happened at all, but I meant it just the same.

‘Didn’t she punch Charlie Fielding a few weeks ago?’ Kiaru said.

‘That was Ophelia. And no, she didn’t
punch
her. They were practising a routine, and she fell—’

Alisha hooted.

‘It’s true!’ I said automatically, though I wasn’t certain myself, in spite of Ti’s best efforts to convince me.

‘Ti says Chase was stupid, casting like she did,’ I said. ‘Something was bound to happen.’

‘She likes to use natural emotion to get the best performance,’ Alisha said. ‘That’s all.’

‘Ophelia ended up getting chucked out of school!’

‘That’s hardly Ms Chase’s fault though, is it? Ophelia needs to learn to hold onto her temper.’

‘Ti says Charlie and Mia wound her up.’

‘They probably did, but that just makes what Ophelia did even more daft. You can’t react to girls like that, it’s what they live for . . . Not that Ophelia’s much better. It’s a shame though, ‘cause she’s a good actress. She would have been perfect as Rizzo. Much better than that wet lettuce, Mia.’

‘As if she’d ever be the leader of a gang!’

‘I know. It worked with
West Side Story
, though, didn’t it? Chase’s approach. Will and Ophelia were dreamy in that.’

‘I still don’t think it’s right, using people’s emotions against them, and then throwing them out like pieces of rubbish.’ I sounded exactly like Ti.

‘That’s show business,’ Alisha said, and I thought I saw Kiaru rolling his eyes. Was he losing interest in her? Or was it me he found boring?

‘She never talks to anyone except for you, you know – Ti,’ Alisha said. ‘I was her partner in PE once, and she never said a word. I think she’s in love with you.’

‘She’s shy, that’s all, and she thinks that—’

‘Are Titania and Ophelia
really
their names?’ Kiaru interrupted, and something in his voice made me defensive on Ti’s behalf.

‘Her dad loves Shakespeare,’ I said. ‘What, d’you think people up the Beacon don’t know about him?’ Another old line of Ti’s.

Kiaru looked annoyed, but Alisha put her hand on his arm. ‘Finish telling us what happened at Chase’s. You said Ti didn’t threaten her?’

‘No, she didn’t, but I ran off, and left her to take all the blame, and then I promised to confess because I felt so guilty, and I thought they might let her back in, if they knew there were two of us, that we were just messing around, but Kes said it wasn’t the threat so much as the kind of student she was, and made me think of my family, and told me I should be getting As—’

‘He thinks you could get As?’ Kiaru said at the same time that Alisha said: ‘You realized it was a waste of time.’

‘Maybe. Or maybe I just wimped out.’

‘You’re a good friend to have tried,’ she said.

I shook my head. ‘A good friend would have confessed.’

‘A good friend wouldn’t want you to get expelled because they did something asinine,’ Kiaru said.

Alisha shrugged, like,
maybe that isn’t a bad point,
and I felt worn out all of a sudden, because I had no idea what asinine meant, only that it was something horrible he was assigning to Ti, and as they examined me with intelligent eyes through their tortoiseshell-rimmed glasses, the frames so similar I wondered if they had picked them out together, I felt lonelier and more confused than ever.

Because for so long I’d sworn it was everyone else that was wrong about Ti, but what if it was me?

Fifteen

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Sent: Friday, 16 March, 16:21:44

Subject: Send help

The Bridge is the worst. The boys are horrible. They run around punching each other in the back of the head and think it’s hilarious.

I’m considering shaving my head just to fit in. Do you think I could pull off a skinhead with my gigantic peanut skull? Actually, I could probably cut off my head and nobody would notice. I could drip blood from class to class, neck stump showing, and no one would comment.

What’s happening at school? Do you see much of Will? Ophelia thinks he’s cheating on her, and asked me to ask you if you’d seen him flirting with other girls. She caught him lying about something and now she doesn’t trust him. Around Mia, especially, but also just anyone. She thinks he’s irresistible, even to Chase. She’s such a bunny boiler, it’s embarrassing.

Dad found a love letter when he was washing her jeans. There was no date on it, but he’s not convinced it’s an old one, and so he’s keeping her under even stricter observation. Sometimes I wish she would just get on with it and run away, just to have some peace. She’s mean to Mum, and then Dad goes crazy or she’s mean to Dad and Mum gets upset. She winds him up on purpose.

Send me a long one back, I miss you. Tell me how your mum is, and how school is, who you are grooming to replace me, any suspicious Chase/Mia/Will behaviour, any bad things that have happened to Charlie Fielding, how much you miss me, how school isn’t the same without me, what exactly the importance of getting GCSEs is, and why I shouldn’t just top myself now and get this all over with.

Oh, and also AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

MISS YOU. Let’s make a plan to see each other. Ophelia thinks she knows where Mum hides the key, so I should be able to get out for a spot of nightwandering soooooon.

Write back.

PS Hug Joey for me

Ti x

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Sent: Friday, 16 March, 23:55:06

Subject: Re: Send Help

Okay, you asked for it. There have been developments. First the bad news: I fell down Chair’s stairs in the school hall. I know, and it was even more embarrassing, because I had a bowl of chips that I’d filled to the brim with gravy, which spilled everywhere, and everyone laughed at me, and then Alex started the ‘bloom’ call and I honestly thought my head might come off and blood just spout from my neck like a red fountain.

But the good news: my head didn’t come off, and I saved the day by pulling Charlie Fielding down with me. She was laughing at the top of the stairs, and I just grabbed her hands, so she could join me sliding around in the soup.

It was pretty much the best thing I’ve ever done, and I wish I could have videoed it for you and the world. It could be a YouTube sensation.

The next thing, which is more like medium news, is that Alisha Patel and Kiaru Aki helped me in my time of need. (He handed me this ancient bit of loo roll, like my nan used to have, from his sleeve; it was so cute.)

They asked me to join their group for the Drama project so I don’t have to do a monologue after all. Hurray! They take schoolwork really seriously. I don’t think anyone’s told them it doesn’t matter until exams.

Also newsflash: they might not be a couple. Think about it. Have you ever seen them kiss or hold hands or even touch? If they are a couple, I don’t think they’re into it any more. Kiaru isn’t anyway. Alisha might be. She looks at him like she loves him, but he doesn’t seem to notice. They’re nothing like Ophelia and Will used to be. They’re more like my mum and dad or even you and me. Hubba hubba.

Please don’t let Ophelia convince you to do anything crazy on her behalf. Honestly, I don’t know about Will. He’s less cocky since Chase made him director. He walks along beside her with a clipboard, nodding his head and taking notes, with this massive quiff like a Mr Whippy. I see him with Mia quite a lot, but I think it’s just for the play. He would flirt with a dustpan and brush (Ophelia does know this, right?) but I’ll keep an eye on him, and let you know . . .

Has your dad forgiven you a bit now Ophelia’s in trouble again? What happens if you both do something bad at the same time? Don’t try it.

I’m sorry that The Bridge sucks. Keep your head down, and you’ll be back in a proper school in no time. Maybe even Fairfields? Dream of dreams.

Mum’s not good, worse if anything. Her aching is constant, and she’s not getting any sleep. Dad’s moved to the front room, because of his snoring they say, but I’m scared it’s more than that. I heard them arguing last night. Mum thinks Dad doesn’t believe that she’s ill. It’s hard, though. I mean, she looks fine, but she can’t
do
anything. Me and Dad never get any rest because we’re looking after everyone, and all Mum can talk about is how tired she is.

The house is a tip and Dad only ever gets on at me about it. Joey gets away with everything, because he’s little, and everyone feels sorry for him because he’s missing his mum. As if I don’t miss her too!

Anyway, I’d better go because it’s my turn to make the tea. Doctors again Wednesday, hopefully they’ll have more of a clue . . .

Keep me posted on the key situation. I want to nightwander with you.

R x

PS Joey has drawn a lion’s mane jellyfish for you. Whatever that is.