What's Left of Me (20 page)

I let out a sigh.
 
“I don’t know.
 
I think so.
 
I just wish my head would stop pounding.
 
It’s like the pain is taking over my entire body.
 
It wouldn’t leave me alone last night, and now it’s taking over my day, too.”

“Let me help you, okay?”

I nod.

“Where’s your purse?”

“Over there.
 
Sitting on the chair.”
 
My voice is muffled by my hands.

Jason gets up and goes across the room.
 
“You carry pain pills with you, correct?”

I don’t answer.
 
Instead I grunt with frustration.
 
I don’t like taking them.

“Come on.
 
I know you carry them with you wherever you go but refuse to take them, and I know you’re in more pain then you let on.
 
Genna may fall for it, but I see right through it.
 
Take your pills, Aundrea.
 
It’s what they’re there for.”

“Fine.
 
Hand me two, please.”

He hands me two round, white pills along with my water bottle.

After taking the pills, I sit up in the chair.
 
“Jason, I think I need to head out.
 
Do you think you can take me, or call Genna for me?
 
I don’t think I can drive.”

“I’ll take you,” I hear from the doorway.
 
Jason and I both turn our heads to see Parker standing there.
 
His face is expressionless as he looks at me.

I give him a thankful nod and a weak smile.

“Okay,” Jason says beside me.
 
“You okay, or you need help?”
 
He speaks softly so that Parker doesn’t hear.

“I’ll be okay.”

He takes in a deep breath, letting it out slowly, then nods his head.
 
I love that Jason never pushes me.
 
He knows his boundaries and knows when to let things go.
 
I only wish Genna was the same.

Standing up from the desk, I walk toward Parker.
 
I can see in his eyes that he knows I’m not feeling that well.
 
He reaches his hand out and takes mine.

“I’ll let Genna know you’re on your way home, Aundrea.
 
Thanks, Parker.”

I say my goodbyes to Jason, then Shannon at the reception desk.
 
Bryn is calling someone back into the first exam room right off the lobby.
 
She raises her eyebrows in surprise.
 
She almost looks annoyed.

Parker helps me into the car and I immediately put my head back on the headrest, shutting my eyes.
 
My head is throbbing and my neck is on fire.

Parker lightly taps on the passenger window, causing me to open my eyes.
 
He holds up a finger and mouths, “One minute,” then quickly walks back inside.
 
I close my eyes, again, praying the pain medication kicks in fast.

The door opens and Parker slides in.
 
After a few minutes of driving, he reaches over and brushes some hair off my face.
 
“You okay?”

“I’ll be fine, thank you.
 
I think it’s just a migraine.”

“Just rest your eyes. We’ll be there soon.”

I fall in and out of sleep, not paying attention to when the car comes to a stop.
 
I feel as if I’m floating as the drugs set in.
 
Parker opens my door and it’s then I realize we’re not at Genna’s.

“Where are we?” I ask, looking around the parking garage.

“My place.
 
Jason said Genna is working and I want to make sure you’re okay.
 
My place is closer and I have some things I can do.
 
You can lie down and rest. It’s a win-win.”

“Why would you want to be around me when I’m not feeling well?
 
I’ll be no fun.”

“Because I enjoy your company, and I want to make sure you’re taken care of.”

“Thank you, Parker.”

He gets out of the car, and I watch as he makes his way around the front.
 
I grab my purse, bringing it to my lap as he makes his final steps to my door.
 
As much as I’d like to be home, I’m happy he brought me here.

“Come on.”
 
He takes my hand, helping me out.
 
His arm slides across my lower back, hooking onto my hip.
 
He guides me up the parking ramp, through the building, and up to his apartment right into his bedroom.

“Here.
 
You can nap here.”
 
He gestures to the neatly made bed.

My eyes widen.
 
I start to back out of his hold, but he tightens his arms on me.
 
“Aundrea, it’s nothing.
 
My bed is more comfortable than the couch.”
 
He pauses and clears his throat.
 
I think back to our first night together and waking up in his bed.

Parker slips me out of his hold.
 
“I’ll be out in the living room if you need me.”
 
His lips press down on top of my head as I close my eyes, taking in his freshly-shaven scent.
 
He walks me over to the bed, allowing me to climb in.
 
Closing my eyes, I listen to him make his way back to the door.

“Aundrea?”

“Hmm?”

“I really like your new hairstyle.”

My eyes fly open, and I sit up to see him watching me.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice.
 
I like it … a lot.”
 
I wonder what else he’s noticed, too, then.
 
“Get some sleep.”

I lie back down, staring up at the ceiling.
 
I don’t have to look at him to know he gave me a wink.

I wake up to a dark, quiet room.
 
My head and neck are no longer pounding.
 
I feel a slight ache in my legs, but swing them over the edge of the bed anyway.
 
Glancing at the closed door, I quickly take off my rumpled wig fixing all the strands so they’re in the right direction.
 
After placing it back on my head, and pressing it securely to my scalp for the tape to take, I make my way out into the living room to find Parker.

His place smells amazing.
 
It’s a mixture of herbs, pasta boiling, and some kind of tomato sauce.

“Parker?” I call from the living room.

“In the kitchen.”

He’s standing behind the open counter that leads into the dining room.
 
He’s drinking a beer and leaning over the stove, wooden spoon in hand.

“Feel better?” he asks with his back to me.

“Much.”
 
And I am.

“Good.
 
I’m making spinach and chicken stuffed pasta shells.
 
Hope you’re hungry.”

“Very!
 
It smells amazing, Parker.”
 
I go to stand next to him, getting a better look at the contents of the pan.

“I hope it tastes as good as it smells.
 
I’ve rarely cooked in this place so, if not, I have the pizza place around the corner on speed dial.”

The dinner is amazing.
 
I even have seconds, which surprises us both.
 
I love how laid back he is.
 
Instead of eating at the counter or table, we make a picnic on the living room floor laughing, drinking beer, and eating until our stomachs are about to explode.

I don’t want to bring up Bryn, but I can’t stop the words from leaving my mouth.

“Is there something going on with you and Bryn?”

Parker nearly chokes on his beer, coughing.
 
“Excuse me?”

“Bryn.
 
She just seems to always be where you are, laughing at everything you say.
 
She sits with you at lunch, walks in with you in the mornings.
 
I’m just curious if there is something there.”

“No,” he says, looking directly at me.
 
He repeats it a second time, moving closer to me.

I must not look convinced because he sets his beer down.
 
“Listen, Bryn and I went on a couple of dates when I first started my internship.
 
I didn’t know anyone.
 
I was new to the city, and she took me under her wing; showed me around.
 
We had fun, but it wasn’t anything serious.
 
Once my internship was coming to an end and I got more serious about working with Jason, as partner, I told her we could only be friends.
 
She took it well.
 
It was amicable.”

“Did you sleep together?”
 
Do I want to know this?
 
Do I care?
 
Yes.

He runs his hands through his hair.
 
I’m beginning to think this is his nervous tell sign.
 
“No.”

At least she didn’t get all of him.

“Okay.”
 
I pause, searching for more to say.
 
I don’t have a right to discuss his sex life prior to me.
 
“I just don’t think she really believes your
friends
status.
 
She’s always drooling over you.”

“Is someone jealous?” he teases.

“No.”

“Are you sure?
 
Because I know women.
 
They say they’re not, but secretly they’re planning some way to take the bitch down.”

I laugh.
 
Not just a small laugh, but a full-on, stomach-clenching, throw-your-head-back laugh.
 
“I’m serious!
 
I’m not jealous.”

He laughs as he gets up to clear our plates.
 
“You want another beer?”

“Sure.”
 
Discussion closed.

He gets comfortable on the floor with his back against the couch.
 
He pulls on my arm, bringing me closer to him.
 
Sliding a leg around my body, he brings me flat against his chest, so I’m sitting between his legs.
 
Reaching over to his right, he picks up the two beer bottles, handing me one.
 
“Here you are, my lady.”

“Why thank you, kind sir.”
 

We clink the bottles together and I take a sip.
 
I’m not a big beer fan, but I do like the taste every now and then.
 
This is my third, and I’m already feeling it go to my head.
 
My doctor says it’s okay to have a few drinks now and again during chemo, but with my low blood counts it may affect me differently.
 
I mostly stay away from alcohol altogether, but being here with him makes it easy to forget about everything else going on.

“Aundrea?”

“Hmm?”

“There really is nothing going on between Bryn and me.
 
I just want you to know that.”

“I believe you.”

“Good, because it’s only you I want.”

I stiffen.

He brings my hand to his lips, giving it a small kiss.
 
“You don’t have to say anything, but I know you feel it too, as much as you try to fight it. But, just so you know, I will be right here waiting when you’re ready.”

I can only give a slight nod.
 
Any words that I want to form are lodged in the back of my throat.
 
My heart is pounding.
 
I know this would be a good time to tell him about my cancer, but I chicken out.

Parker’s MP3 player is on, and I’m thankful when a loud song blasts through the speakers.
 
It’s some rock song and I can’t make out anything the singer is saying.
 
The words blend together and the loud guitar drowns out his voice.

“Who is this?”

“Who is
this?
 
It’s one of the best bands ever.
 
Death Line.”

“One of the best?
 
They sound like some high school garage band.”

“You’re joking.”
 
He moves so that he can get a decent look at my face.
 
His eyes are wide with shock.

“No!
 
I’m not.
 
You can’t make out anything he’s saying—or, rather, screaming.”
 
I laugh.

“You can’t be serious.
 
That’s what they do.
 
They rock.
 
They make actual music.
 
They’re legends.”

I take this as a good opportunity to bring up the concert tickets Jean got for this Saturday night.
 
I haven’t asked Parker yet.
 
I’ve been waiting for the right time.

“As much as I find all this talk about Death Line fascinating, I have a question for you.”