When Angels Fall (Fallen Angels) (36 page)

“I don’t want to mess around if it means we have to go there anymore,” she confessed to him. She wanted to be away from the emptiness the house made her feel.

“Baby, they aren’t there and I just want to be close to you again, like the other night. I need you.” He tried to kiss her and again, she pushed him away.

“I want that, too, just not there. I thought you would understand that.” She was hurt that he kept pushing this.

“Where do you suggest we go then? Your house is the only place we won’t be bothered. Come on, Chloe. It’s cold and I miss you,” he said, trying hard to convince her.

“I said no. I’m not going there when I’m staying with you. We have to find someplace else.” She was so angry that he couldn’t understand that right now, why she didn’t want to go there.

“Fine, let’s just go back to my house.” Nick started back to the car.

“Why did you have to suggest that and ruin this perfect night?” Chloe asked as she followed him.

Nick stopped at that and looked at her. “How did I ruin a perfect night by suggesting I wanted to be alone with you somewhere warm?”

“Forget it,” she shot at him and kept walking.

“I don’t get you sometimes. Every time I think we’re getting closer, it’s like you put up a wall. Something happens that triggers something in that messed-up head of yours and you take it out on me!” he yelled at her.

Chloe halted and turned to look at him. “Why? Because I hate my house?”
 
She threw her arms up, as she yelled at him, “You may not see it, but it is a cold, dark place. But, hey, if you want to go there and try to see how far you can get tonight, let’s just go see. If that’s what you really want!”

“Don’t go there. I have never pressured you into doing anything,” he yelled back as they got to the car.

“No, you just try to see how far it will go. And then when I say no, you change suddenly and say, ‘I know I’m not ready yet, either.’ Bull. Then, why even try in the first place?” She got in the car and crossed her arms.

“I didn’t hear you saying
no
the other night. It was more like ‘Oh God, Nick, don’t stop.’” he stated.

“Fuck you!” she yelled and got out of the car.

*
   
*
   
*
   
*

“Yeah, like ten minutes ago I was thinking that was what I wanted. Not that I was going to try tonight. Where are you going?” Nick suddenly felt like an ass while watching her walk away.

“I’m walking back to your house!” she yelled back at him.

Nick could see his breath in the cold night air as he sat on the steps waiting for her to come back. She took back trails, so that it would be hard for him to follow in the car. She came walking up the driveway and he went to her. “Chlo, can we just talk?” He put his hands on her arms.

She pushed past him and kept going for the door. “I don’t want to talk. We said enough to each other tonight.”

“We said a lot of stuff both of us didn’t mean.” He was trying to reason with her.

“Really? What didn’t you mean? You didn’t want to go back to my house and mess around?” she questioned him.

“Stop, okay. I don’t want to fight any more about this.” He was trying to make her see that. The ride home was horrible and he just wanted to end this and make up.

“How can you say you love someone one minute and, in the heat of an argument, mock her?” she asked him.

He looked at her in shock. “You did the same thing.”

“Yeah, when you act like a jerk about the things we’ve done. And, yeah, I may be messed up because of my past, but at least I’m really trying not to go back there. I would never suggest to you that we go and see Kelly. And if I’m so messed up, then you need to really think about why you’re with me!” she yelled at him.

“Yeah, suddenly, I’m beginning to wonder myself. You know what? I would have no problem going to see Kelly. Maybe if I left you two alone for a little bit, she could teach you something. But reality check, that’s never going to happen. And what’s worse, for some fucked-up reason, the person I want to be with suddenly turned into a coldhearted…” He stopped himself before he said something to really hurt her.

“What, Nick? A coldhearted what?”

“Nothing. Let’s just go inside and call it a night,” he replied, hoping it would end there.

Chloe walked in and went right up the steps.

Nick went into the den and found his brothers watching a movie. He didn’t know if he wanted to yell or punch something, and since Kevin was still up, he was the likely candidate.

“What the hell is your problem?” Mark asked, noticing him standing there.

“Why are girls so complicated?” Nick asked him. If anyone could answer that, Mark could.

“She doesn’t like your car, does she?” Kevin laughed.

“No, she didn’t say that,” Nick muttered.

“She didn’t say anything about your car.” Kevin continued laughing.

“Kev, shut up. What did you do now?” Mark asked, turning to Nick.

“Okay, why does it have to be something I did? What makes you automatically think it’s me?” He hated that getting the advice from him would make it his fault.

“Because the fight at the mall was you being spoiled and childish. Wait, was that the word she used?” Mark looked like he was contemplating.

“I just wonder sometimes if it’s worth all this aggravation. All I suggested was to go back to her house for a little while—”

“You did what?” Mark hit him in the arm.

“Oh, you are in for it. Its big bro time.” Kevin laughed.

“What the hell is wrong with you? You’re acting really weird,” Nick said. It was almost like he was high or something.

“His arm was bothering him and Mom gave him something. Don’t change the subject. Why did you want to go to her house?” Mark questioned him.

“We were making out at the gazebo and it was getting really cold, so I suggested going to her house and messing around a little. Don’t look at me that way.” Nick saw the look he was getting from Mark and knew what he was thinking.

“Oh, I’m not looking at you in any way. I’m just wondering what the hell is going on in your head to even suggest that,” Mark said. His arms were crossed as if he already knew what was going through Nick’s head.

“You’re so screwed,” Kevin said and laughed.

“Hey, Kev, go to sleep! Nick, sunroom!” Mark yelled and walked out of the room.

 
When Nick joined him, he was met with an older brother who looked really ticked off.

 
“Okay, explain this to me, so I can try to understand what happened. Because you have a really good thing going with her, and if you screw it up, you’re going to be so sorry,” Mark stated as he leaned on the table, waiting for Nick’s explanation.

“I don’t even understand what happened. She started freaking out about going back to her house. She said that she hated that place and didn’t want to go there to mess around. I mean, any other time it’s fine,” Nick started.

“Okay, so how far have you messed around? Wait—don’t answer that.” Mark shook his head. “No, really, how far?”

“I’m not going to tell you that,” Nick replied.

“Just please tell me you two haven’t had sex.” Mark covered his eyes and let his hand run down to his mouth.

“Why would it matter to you if we did or not?” Nick wasn’t sure why them having sex would matter.

“Because, you’re my brother and I love you, but you have done some really stupid things in your life. It would be just like you to mess up here, too. You two are both really smart and you don’t need to screw up your life like that,” Mark said, trying to explain to him.

“I just can’t understand why she got so pissed off tonight. It’s like every time something is going good, the walls go up. Something sparks a bad memory and she won’t let me any closer. Most of what we said to each other tonight was just to hurt each other,” Nick defended.

Mark put his hands on Nick shoulders. “Nicholas, what did you say? Because whatever you say, it comes back to hurt you, too.”

Nick thought about the whole night and what was said. “I said some pretty mean things. She asked a couple of times to drop the subject of her family and her house, and I kept it up. I guess I was pressuring her a little.”

Mark hit him in the head. “Stop thinking with your dick and use your damn head. Nick, I’ve heard you tell her you love her. If you really love her, start listening to her. I mean really listen to her. That’s the only way she will let those walls down and keep them down. I’ve heard Mom and Dad talking about her family, and from what you have said, too, you have to understand, her norm is not like our norm. I’m telling you this from experience, Man. I’ve been there. I think I got lucky because I got another chance,” Mark explained.

“You did this to Claire? I thought it was her just being bossy,” Nick said and laughed.

“Something like that. But don’t think that if you screw up and lose her you’re going to get another chance. What you need to do is talk to her tomorrow before she goes with Mom. Or else, it is going to be a really quiet car ride,” Mark finished.

Nick knew he was right. “Thanks. You’re okay for a big bro.” Nick punched his arm.

“Yeah, well, I’m just telling you this stuff, so you can pass it down to Max. God knows Kevin won’t,” he said and hugged him.

As they started up the steps, Mark noticed Chloe sitting in front of the tree. He flicked Nick’s arm and pointed to her. “I’ll see you upstairs.”

Nick walked over to Chloe and sat on the couch next to her. She was sketching the tree and was trying to ignore him. “Chloe?”

“Nick, you said you didn’t want to fight anymore tonight and you were right. So, don’t say anything.” She continued to draw and ignore him.

He wasn’t going to go to bed and leave things like this. “Can we please, please, just talk? Chlo, I don’t want to go to bed mad at each other.”

“Just say it and get it over with. I will leave tomorrow morning and go home. Unless you want me to go now?” she stated as she put down the pencil.

He slid down onto the floor and sat across from her. “I don’t want you to leave at all. What I’m trying to say is that I didn’t listen to you tonight. My only thought was of going back to your house and being alone. I’m really sorry.” He hoped this time she would listen.

“I know I’m screwed up. And you’re right. Things trigger stuff that makes me fly off the handle. But I was having such a nice time tonight. I didn’t want to lose that feeling by going there and letting all that darkness in. I’m really trying, Nick, honest. Sometimes, it’s just so hard to let go.” She had put down her sketch pad and looked him in the eyes.

“I know how cold it is there. And the only warmth is from your room. When we are there, no matter what we’re doing, it just has a sense of peace about it. And if you feel like I’m pressuring you—”

“I don’t feel like you are. There are times I just get so frustrated because I really want for us to go further or even take that next step and make love. I’m just scared.”

“What are you scared of?” he asked, taking her hand.

“I’m afraid of giving over that last part of myself to you and of losing that control,” she confessed.

“I won’t let that happen. Is it that you don’t trust me yet? Because whatever it is, Chlo, we can work on it.”

“I don’t know what it is. I love you, I really do. And I want so much to make you happy that I feel like I’m trying too hard half the time. Tonight was about my house, though. I know when we’re here, we can’t really be alone. And that my house is the next best thing, but when I’m here, I try to forget the emptiness that place gives off. It’s like I’m a different person here. I don’t want to lose myself to that place again,” she explained, squeezing his hand as she did.