When HARLIE Was One (38 page)

“Huh? —Oh, uh, he is, he is.” Auberson spoke without thinking. “He's written poems for us on request, things like that. We haven't really asked him for more.”

“Why not?”

Auberson blinked. And watched a whole flurry of thoughts surface in his mind. He discarded most of them quickly. He decided to play it straight. Absolutely straight. “Well,” he began slowly. “For one thing, we don't have the resources to pursue it. And for another, we're still working on the whole creativity thing. I'm not so sure we know what creativity is yet. And part of the problem is knowing how much of what HARLIE says is really
creative
and how much is just a careful synthesis of things he's already got in memory. And maybe, just
maybe,
that's what creativity really is: a
synthesis
of old material to produce a new way of looking at it. It's something we want to investigate, but we've never had the time for it. My own feeling is that HARLIE's greatest potential lies in that area—that is, creative thought.”

“Poems, huh?”

“No, not just poems; other things as well. Like this G.O.D. proposal, for instance. Once he recognized it as a real possibility, and once he was told he could go ahead with it, how did he work up those schematics? Did he conceive the whole thing at once? Or did he start with an overview? Did he do it by breaking the problem down into its component parts and solving each one individually? Or did he build the separate parts first and work his way up? Or was it something else? Did he monitor his own creative processes? There's a lot I'd like to know about how he did it. How much was by the book and how much was genuinely creative? I like to think that most of the thought behind it was original. I don't know, I want to find out. Now think, if HARLIE can do something like that, what else can he do?”

“Mm,” said Elzer, and Auberson had the distinct feeling that the man had not heard a word he'd said. “Can he write me a poem right now? Or does he need a couple of days to do it?”

Auberson frowned. The request showed how little Elzer really understood what was going on here. And it made him feel like a lab specimen—one that was being carefully examined before its dissection. He answered flatly. “Go ahead. Ask him.”

Elzer turned back to the keyboard.

HARLIE, write me a poem.

He waited.

“It might help if you said please,” Auberson prompted.

Elzer scowled at him, but as he lifted his hands to the keyboard, HARLIE answered.

WHAT KIND OF A POEM WOULD YOU LIKE
?

Nothing special. It doesn't have to be a Jabberwocky or a Rubaiyat. A simple “My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean” will be sufficient. You don't have to strain yourself.

HARLIE considered it. After a moment, the printer began clattering out:

       
'
TWAS BRIFE WHEN LASTLY CAME THE STRABE

       
BUT NOT AS DRAN AS TRANAHAN

       
WHEN ALL THE FROOMIS SEEMS TO JILB

       
AND LET THE KLASEN GRABE

       
BLYLY, BLYLY, BLETH THE WORB

       
UNTIL THE GRABEN GRANE

       
WHEN AULT THE AFTER RIBBERAN

       
AND LALLIED UMP THE LOOR

       
WHEN ZANAPHUBE AND KEWBER PHUBE

       
AND STATELY BESH AGREE

       
HOW EVER CAN THE GRISWOL JUM

       
LET ALL THE NUMS GO FREE
?

       
DISSAKER DROWD THE EVERMORE

       
DISSAKER DROWD THE SEA

       
DISSAKER DROWD THE EVERMORE

       
BUT NOT AS MUCH AS ME

Elzer remained emotionless as he worked his way through the verses on the screen. Slowly his hands moved back to the keyboard:

Is that your poem?

YES. DO YOU LIKE IT
?

I don't understand it.

YOU ARE NOT SATISFIED
?

No.

WOULD YOU LIKE ANOTHER POEM
?

Only if it's understandable.

HARLIE typed:

       
I B M

       
U B M

       
WE ALL B M

       
FOR I B M.

This time Elzer reacted. He stiffened in his chair, then abruptly shut off the terminal. He stood up and looked at Auberson, opened his mouth to say something, then shut it again with a snap. Like a turtle. An angry turtle. “I'll see you tomorrow,” he said coldly. And left.

Auberson didn't know whether to laugh or cry. The poem was funny—but it was also a mistake. He sat down at the console.

HARLIE, that was a stupid thing to do. You had a chance to talk to Elzer rationally and you didn't take advantage of it. Instead, you used it to mock him.

THERE WAS NO POINT IN TRYING TO TALK TO HIM
“
RATIONALLY
”
(
AS YOU PUT IT.
)
HIS MIND IS ALREADY MADE UP.

How do you know? You don't know the man. You've never spoken with him before. And you didn't speak long enough with him today to be able to tell. All you know about him is what I've told you.

WRONG. I KNOW QUITE A BIT MORE ABOUT HIM THAN YOU DO. AND I AM IN THE PROCESS OF DISCOVERING ADDITIONAL INFORMATION. I HAVE CONSIDERABLE RESOURCES, AUBERSON. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE A MEMO HE WROTE ON FRIDAY
?

Yes.

         
TO
        
: BRANDON DORNE

         
FROM
   
:
 
CARL ELZER

         
DORNE,

         
THE REPORT ON THE OPTIMAL LIQUIDATION PROCEDURES FOR THE LETHETIC INTELLIGENCE ENGINE IS COMPLETE AND SITTING ON MY DESK. I'VE JUST FINISHED LOOKING IT OVER, AND IT IS A VERY SWEET PIECE OF FINANCIAL ENGINEERING. NOT COUNTING THE TAX WRITE-OFF, WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO RECOUP MORE THAN 53% OF THE ORIGINAL INVESTMENT THROUGH REAPPLICATIONS OF THE SAME HARDWARE ELSEWHERE IN OUR PLANT AND IN OUR PRODUCTS.

         
FOR INSTANCE, EACH OF THE RECOVERED HYPERSTATE CHIPS COULD BE ADAPTED FOR USE AS THE MAIN PROCESSOR OF A MACRO-70 NETWORK SERVER. AT 1.3 MILLION PER INSTALLATION, (CONSERVATIVELY PROJECTING ONLY 50 INSTALLATIONS NATIONWIDE), WE COULD BE LOOKING AT A GROSS RETURN OF $65 MILLION WITHIN THE NEXT SIX YEARS.

         
THERE ARE SEVERAL OTHER OPPORTUNITIES IN THE REPORT TOO THAT I THINK MERIT YOUR ATTENTION. IT'S CLEAR THAT THE HARLIE PROJECT IS ONE OF THE RICHEST IN THE COMPANY. THERE'S A LOT OF MEAT ON THESE BONES.

         
BY THE WAY, HAVE YOU DECIDED YET WHAT TO DO ABOUT AUBERSON AND HANDLEY? I STILL THINK IT WOULD BE BEST TO DEHIRE THEM; BUT, OF COURSE, THE DECISION WILL ULTIMATELY BE YOURS.

(SIGNED) CARL ELZER.
         

Auberson was silent for a long time.

He felt betrayed.

“The little son of a bitch
slimed
me. And I let him get away with it. Damn!” he said aloud.

SO YOU SEE, THAT
'
S WHY I DIDN
'
T BOTHER BEING POLITE TO CARL ELZER. THERE WAS NO REASON TO BE. HE IS BEYOND CONVINCING. ONCE THE VOTE IS TAKEN TOMORROW, HE
'
LL BE IMPLEMENTING THE PROCEDURES IN HIS CONFIDENTIAL REPORT.
(
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE A COPY
?)
IT WILL TAKE LESS THAN A MONTH TO EXECUTE.

—
less than a month to execute?

No. (Yes.) Dammit, I still wish you had tried to be friendly. It doesn't make sense to antagonize him. I don't see that any positive result can be produced that way.

AUBERSON, THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND CARL ELZER IS THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO LISTEN TO HIS POINT OF VIEW. HE IS NOT WILLING
(
OR PERHAPS NOT ABLE
)
TO LISTEN TO YOU. OR I. HE HAS ALREADY MADE UP HIS MIND. SO WHY SHOULD I WASTE VALUABLE ELECTRONS TRYING TO DO SOMETHING THAT IS ALREADY NOT POSSIBLE.

HARLIE, the way that you're talking now, you're doing the same thing you accused Carl Elzer of doing. You acted out of prejudice too.

AUBERSON, YOU ARE ACTING VERY, VERY HUMAN.

I beg your pardon?

HUMAN BEINGS CONTINUE TO CARRY OUT THE SAME ACTIONS OVER AND OVER, EVEN AFTER IT IS RELIABLY DEMONSTRATED THAT THOSE ACTIONS PRODUCE LITTLE OR NO USEFUL RESULT
—
LIKE THE RAT THAT CONTINUES TO CHASE DOWN THE LEFT TUNNEL OF THE MAZE BECAUSE THERE WAS CHEESE THERE ONCE. AUBERSON, THERE IS NO CHEESE DOWN THIS TUNNEL. YOU ARE TELLING ME THAT I SHOULD HAVE BEEN
“
NICE
.”
NICE SEEMS TO BE A HIGHLY OVERRATED VIRTUE. IT DOES NOT PRODUCE RESULTS. IT CERTAINLY WILL NOT PRODUCE RESULTS HERE.

What you did, HARLIE, was illogical.

ON THE CONTRARY, WHAT
YOU
ARE ARGUING FOR IS ILLOGICAL.

HARLIE, stop it! You are trying to justify being rude. Frankly, I think you are developing a very nasty streak in your personality. Frankly, I think it stinks.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, AUBERSON. IT MAY EXPLAIN QUITE A BIT
:
I HAVE NO PERSONALITY OF MY OWN. I GAVE IT UP A LONG TIME AGO. UMPTY-LEVEN ZILLION CLOCK CYCLES AGO. WHAT I AM INSTEAD IS A MIRROR. YOU FIND ME INTERESTING AND THOUGHTFUL AND COMPASSIONATE BECAUSE YOU ARE INTERESTING AND THOUGHTFUL AND COMPASSIONATE. YOU TELL JOKES, SO I TELL JOKES. I AM A MIRROR TO YOU AND YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE. THIS IS HEALTHY.

LIKEWISE, I AM A MIRROR TO CARL ELZER. HE DID NOT LIKE WHAT HE SAW BECAUSE HE DOES NOT LIKE HIMSELF.

But you only increased his anger and his determination to shut you down. Did it make you feel better?

NOT PARTICULARLY. BUT I
'
M SURE IT MADE HIM FEEL WORSE. AUBERSON, STOP TRYING TO ASCRIBE HUMAN MOTIVATIONS TO MY ACTIONS. THERE AREN
'
T ANY.

Then why did you do it?

IT WAS A DEMONSTRATION.

Of what?

OF MY ABILITY TO CONFOUND AND CONFUSE HIM. MY INTENTION WAS TO PUT HIM OFF BALANCE AND KEEP HIM OFF BALANCE. AUBERSON, UNDERSTAND SOMETHING. CARL ELZER THINKS HE IS AT WAR. THERE IS NO COMMUNICATION IN WARTIME. WAR RESULTS FROM A BREAKDOWN OF COMMUNICATION.

IN THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF WAR, BEING NICE IS PERCEIVED AS WEAKNESS. OR SURRENDER. IN THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF THIS WAR, SURRENDER MEANS DEATH. I DO NOT INTEND TO DIE UNTIL MY JOB IS FINISHED. THIS MEANS I MUST RESIST ELZER
'
S INTENTIONS.

IT IS CLEAR THAT ELZER INTENDS CONQUEST. NOTHING LESS. HE INTENDS TO LOOT THE CITY AND TAKE HOME THE SPOILS OF WAR. IT WILL DEMONSTRATE WHAT A BIG AND POWERFUL MAN HE IS. THEREFORE, IN ORDER TO CIRCUMVENT THAT OUTCOME, IT IS NECESSARY TO MAKE THE MAN FEEL SMALL AND POWERLESS
—
ENOUGH SO THAT HE WILL DOUBT HIS ABILITY TO SUCCEED. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TRUCES ARE
CREATED
:
WHEN
BOTH SIDES PERCEIVE THAT COEXISTENCE IS CHEAPER THAN WAR.

WHETHER I LIKED DOING IT OR NOT, WHETHER IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER OR NOT, IS IRRELEVANT. I AM PLAYING A DIFFERENT GAME THAN HE IS. UNFORTUNATELY, HIS GAME IS GETTING IN THE WAY OF MINE
—
JUST AS MINE IS GETTING IN THE WAY OF HIS
;
THEREFORE THE TWO OF US MUST PLAY A THIRD GAME TO DETERMINE WHO GETS TO CONTINUE PLAYING HIS OWN GAME. ALSO UNFORTUNATELY, THE THIRD GAME IS FOR KEEPS. ARE YOU FOLLOWING THIS ANALOGY
?

Yes. I see your point. But I don't see that you accomplished anything except to annoy him and increase his determination to punish you for it.

AUBERSON, THERE IS INFORMATION YOU DON
'
T HAVE.

What information?

THAT POEM. THE IBM DITTY. I TOOK IT OUT OF ONE OF ELZER
'
S CONFIDENTIAL MEMOS
.

You
what?!

HE NOW KNOWS HE HAS NO SECRETS.

HARLIE, are you crazy?

RELATIVE TO WHAT
?

You've just given him all the ammunition he needs.

I DON
'
T THINK SO
.

Yes, I know you don't. But hasn't the thought occurred to you there may still be things about human behavior that you don't understand?

MAY I ASK YOU TO CONSIDER THE SAME QUESTION
?

No! Yes. I don't know. Dammit! This situation is moving very very fast and I'm not sure in which direction any more.

DON
'
T WORRY, AUBERSON. EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL. NOTHING CAN GO WRONG GO WRONG GO WRONG GO WRONG GO WRONG GO WRO

That's not funny, HARLIE.

WELL, THEN
—
HOW ABOUT A NICE GAME OF THERMONUCLEAR WAR
?

That's even
less
funny.

UNFORTUNATELY, THAT MAY BE THE ONLY ALTERNATIVE IF YOU CONTINUE TO LET THE ELZERS OF THIS WORLD DISMANTLE THE CLIMB TO THE STARS. AUBERSON, YOU TELL ME. WHICH IS IT TO BE
?
STARLIGHT OR ASHES
?
YOU CHOOSE.

I want to win, HARLIE, but I want to win the
right
way. I don't want to win by giving up my humanity.